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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 9:14:05 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		What Cali said

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 9:17:22 AM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline 		Lowered expectations of herself?

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I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 11:05:43 AM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		   Maybe you should work on your insecurities about being with a woman more experienced than yourself before you try and play with those in a D/s sense?

  As far as the psychology: welcome to having a submissive. Wanting to be called names and degraded is frequently part of the package, and it has no particular bearing on the woman's past or actual sexual activities.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 11:43:36 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

She says she doesn't want me to share her, but she wants me to call her a slut, as if that's what she is. I'm sure there's some psychological reason she needs to feel like that...

The reason is this thing called "desire".

She wants it.  She wants you to call her "slut"--maybe she gets wet and wild because of it, maybe it makes her feel all small and submissive, maybe she just likes the sound of it.

Why worry about it?  She wants it, she wants you--if that's her most demanding "need" you are way ahead of the game.


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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 12:33:56 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n
She says she doesn't want me to share her, but she wants me to call her a slut, as if that's what she is. I'm sure there's some psychological reason she needs to feel like that...


Well... I suppose there is ... maybe you should ask her why she wants you to call her "slut"... also does this transcend to using her as a slut as well and not just calling her one?

Secondly.. .how do you feel about calling her as a slut and using her as one?

As far as the psychological reasons for her desire.. the answer is with her.. not here on the boards.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 1:07:34 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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quote:

I'm working on establishing as much D/S as possible under the radar so to speak.

I am not sure what you mean by this. Hopefully it does not mean you are going to try to put her into a full time submissive role without her prior consent (or knowledge). I can see some trust issues coming up from doing that.

To your original question calling her a slut gets her hot and she enjoys it, it does not mean she wants to be used by anyone other than you. It sounds like she is interested in some D/s in the bedroom, or being a bottom. You just need to discuss this all with her and to make sure the two of you are on the same page. There are lots of helpful books out there than can help you along if needed.

~Lashra


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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 1:21:14 PM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		What if she is also looking for that possession-- if she's a slut and "yours" and "worth keeping" then she must be good, no? Being called such things and yet restricted into knowing it's just for "you" can be a good thing... and a similar (but different) ego boost to being complimented...

Never would have seen it that way myself. I personally often degrade myself by talking terribly about being a horrible person for prior sexual experiences, so I think my master tiptoes around the subject of trying to call me that (I'm not sure, it's happened a couple of times but rarely). So, I personally find a very huge distinction in being called "a slut" in any other context, and being called "his slut" in the bedroom... and enjoy the latter.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 1:21:29 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		n0umen0n,

I actually have a very similar situation with you. My girl, before we started dating had a VERY active sex life with multiple partners and sex buddies etc. When we started together though, she stopped all of that and said she only wanted to be for me.  One day when we were talking, and she was mentioning some of the things she did in the past she said to me, "I hope you don't think I was slutty," and I smiled and said, "Slutty's not a bad thing" and she immediately was hurt asking me to to take it back and not to think of her as having been a slut. I tried to tell her that I liked the fact that she had an "active" libido and that's why I said that, but she continued to beg me not to think of her as having been a slut. 

Then after I calmed her down, she said, "it's okay if I'm YOUR slut. I can be a slut now, but only for you. I want to be your slut and I want you to call me your slut, but only yours." For her it was just a way of giving herself to me and being willing to do anything sexually that I asked of her. I think your girlfriend might be in the same boat, because of her past, being your slut is like a way of honoring you as the only one she wants to be with.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 1:48:15 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

She does have a history of sleeping with alot of people, but that was then.
I'm curious as to the psychology behind her needing for me to "use her like a slut" and "call her a slut". I'm hoping for some intelligent prospectives on this...


I think everyone is giving this poor guy advice way beyond what he is ready for.  In this country, sex is still a guilty pleasure and there is still the distinct prejudice that men should sleep around and women shouldn't.  SO, what happens when a woman enjoys sex and acts like man?  Society often ridicules those women but it goes deeper than that, those women sometimes also think less of themselves as well.  They feel shame for what should be something beautiful.

So, by having the man who loves them embrace them for being a shameful slut, it turns the "bad" on its head and it becomes "good".  She gets to be a slut AND be loved for it by the man who's opinion matters most to her.  It is about being accepted for the very thing society rejects her for.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 4:21:45 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I call my wife anything I like in play mode. That's fine, that's playing and it means nothing, it's just background, getting in character.
Needless, to say. although in the heat of a session I might call her a bitch or a slut, or even a whore,  she isn't. In fact, I think She's more of a Lady than most.
This is all about fun, it's not meant to be serious.
You want to hear what she calls her slaves, turn your hair grey.
She doesen't really mean it though, you know?

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 11/30/2008 6:12:19 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Some people get off on humiliation and degradation; I had an ex-bf who certainly did.  That's my simplest guess.  You could ask her what turns her on so much about it, you know.  :>
  Davan

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 12:12:13 AM   
NewnImproved


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		Alright.  heres my two cents as much as it is worth.
I find it very important to understand where these desires come from,especially if you are trying to understand your submissive/bottom/slave.   In my opinion, Being called a slut usually comes from the desire/need to be debased.  These desires/needs come from many different points, and vary in intensity.  However, these needs/desires are usually made stronger by the bottom having to spend a lot of time in a role of authority.
Now, for a little subjective thought (that means this is all just my opinion)
Slut is usually a purely sexual term.  Usually used by those who have the desire to be dominated purely sexually.  To feel who's in charge, and to feel that her body is there purely for your sexual enjoyment.  This particular term, I've found, has two different effects.  It not only debases, but also works like a compliment.  As most girls who enjoy the term, find it much like a more intense form of 'sexy'.  Other terms used like this can be "cumslut" and "fucktoy"
Whore is also purely sexual.  However, it is mostly used as debasement.  Hey, some girls like the feeling of being dirty.
Bitch, I find is a debasement on all levels, not just sexually.  Used with terms like "cunt" and sometimes even "worthless" Its usually for the girls that want to feel at the lowest of the low.

thats my lil 2 cents.  If you want my honest opinion.  if she wants to be called 'slut' then she just wants to be real naughty.  If she starts asking you to call her a worthless bitch, you should be wary.  As it is now.  just sit back and enjoy.  Sluts give great blowjobs


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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 12:21:24 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Just be honored, she is your slut, and your slut only. She is only submissive to you. It might not make sense now, but it will later.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 2:58:40 AM   
lexttalionis


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/14/2008
Status: offline 		I appreciate everyone who's cared to give their opinion.

-MistresseLotus: an "ahha!" moment for me there.

-ExKat: I love how you've come to the conclusion I'm insecure! you're claim is ooobviously supported. I actually preferd it when she still wanted me to share her, you're way off but thanks for posting.
and "As far as the psychology: welcome to having a submissive."? I've had plenty of good D/S relationships and am confident about this relationship, I'm only conserned here with her core reasoning behind EVERYTHING she is.

-celticlord2112: Totally, I appreciate what she's giving me and it's all great.

-Lashra: ofcourse I'm not trying to pull the woll over her eyes into 24/7 submission. What I meant was I have to have to play all my cards right to establish as much of what I want as possible. simply walking through doors first, asking her what she wants to eat at a restaurant and ordering for her, changing the tv station to something I want to watch... all establish a dominant persona. Submission only follows dominance.

-silkenfire: Thanks, you're right.

-trealeon: I identify with you on that. I realise she has to feel like she's mine as much as possible.

-KnightofMists: I pretty much want her to be as much of a sex object as possible.

-NewnImproved: Right on.


Bottom line I believe is: She wants to feel like she belongs to me as much as possible, she wants to be completely mine to take sexually.


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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 3:25:33 AM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n
...I'm curious as to the psychology behind her needing for me to "use her like a slut" and "call her a slut". I'm hoping for some intelligent prospectives on this...


Most likely, based on what you're saying it simply pushes her yummy buttons. Give it a shot, and if it works, it works... I wouldn't worry too much about it and just enjoy. Have fun, Life is short.


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"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 3:27:25 AM   
lexttalionis


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/14/2008
Status: offline 		Oops... sorry folks, it seems I have two seperate accounts...one for each of my computers. fuck. I'm the OP

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 3:33:23 AM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		It also might be that if you call her slut, it gives her permission to act out impulses she might not otherwise. That is sometimes part of the joy of being submission, the feeling that you are not responsible for the things you are ordered to do, giving the sub permission to explore things they might otherwise be scared of doing.

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 5:32:53 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

It also might be that if you call her slut, it gives her permission to act out impulses she might not otherwise. That is sometimes part of the joy of being submission, the feeling that you are not responsible for the things you are ordered to do, giving the sub permission to explore things they might otherwise be scared of doing.


Excellent point!!  "Good girls" don't (fill in the blank) but "sluts" do.
 
John

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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 6:34:37 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lexttalionis
-NewnImproved: Right on.


Coming from my submissive chickie viewpoint, wrong-on.  Maybe that's the way it is for some chicks, but anyone coming at me with that idea would be way off base.  Way off.

Cali


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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 7:01:52 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Once again, I agree with Cali

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polysnortatious
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