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RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 7:36:58 AM

Anarrus

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Joined: 11/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

It's basically clear with my girlfriend and I that we're not going to sleep with anyone else besides eachother, nor do we want to.

She does have a history of sleeping with alot of people, but that was then.
I'm curious as to the psychology behind her needing for me to "use her like a slut" and "call her a slut". I'm hoping for some intelligent prospectives on this...

She says she doesn't want me to share her, but she wants me to call her a slut, as if that's what she is. I'm sure there's some psychological reason she needs to feel like that...

It almost sounds to me like you feel uncomfortable and have an inhibition to calling her that and thinking of her as a slut, albeit "your" slut. Get over it and enjoy the opportunity presented. I think most on this side of the fence will agree that the taboo associated with the word slut in the polite and politcally correct vanilla society is pretty much non-existent. Call her slut and use her as one for your enjoyment as well as hers. Hopefully the relationship will be fuller for both of you.
Now..repeat after me......
S - L - U - T!!!! Let it role off your tongue.. slowly and seductively...then say it again , harshly and percussively, then again, softly and bitingly. Now as your saying it imagine in your minds's eye all the delicious possibilties associated with (your) SLUT.

Anarrus

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(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 41

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 5:40:12 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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OP, if you don't like the word slut then don't use it. Find a word or phrase you do like that also has those same connotations. Slut doesn't work for me, so he calls me his love slave. Try something like that.

More important than the word is that she wants you to feel free to do whatever you want to her sexually, whenever you want it. Inside of negotiated limits. You need to talk about what and when and where. And once you come up with a list of stuff you both want to try, go for it. If you're feeling insecure because she's had more experience than you, then it's time you start expanding your boundaries. Google BDSM checklists and find a comprehensive guide to possible activities. Research them and start with the stuff that attracts you the most.And enjoy.

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Post #: 42

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/1/2008 6:05:53 PM

MasterTslave

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Joined: 8/24/2005
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The psych behind it? Maybe calling her a "slut" makes her want to fuck you like a slut...she wants to be a dirty little whore for you...and you get to be her Master/Dom...lucky you...she will do what you tell her and she won't be upset when you bang the crap out of every one of her holes. That would be what the psych behind it is.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 43

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/2/2008 11:24:27 PM

ApathyRomance

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
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Quick reply.

I took the "slut test" on okcupid. Heh. It made me think about what made someone a slut. I would say that it doesn't have to be about the number of partners a person has or has had, but the attitude behind it.

(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 44

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/3/2008 2:26:52 AM

HeavansKeeper

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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<QR>

Perhaps I'm reading into it too much, but what else is psychology good for?

Sexually deviant behavior can play awful tricks on the mind. One common coping mechanism is controlled re-enactment. It allows for a sense of closure, and perhaps to change the course of the past, so to speak.

You mentioned she used to get around. That can be for a plethora of reasons, the most common to jump to is "collecting father figures." Honestly, it doesn't matter much WHY she slept around to understand THAT she did. In all that time she probably never had her guilt directly assessed. No one ever told her it was wrong. All those guys egged her on, no doubt.

Humiliation is very special to me, and I find it to be magical. To me, it is far more potent a force than pain or bondage (though the three can be intermingled for a wonderful Friday night.) Nothing fascinates me more than a girl with a history of sexual deviance (or maybe abuse, even though sexual abuse makes my blood boil) who deals with it by craving that experience.

Take, for example, the girl who got me thinking about D/s. She was a bigger girl, kinky in the bedroom, low self esteem. She desired men who would mistreat her, in play. She wanted to be called a "fat, ugly, hole who could only find a guy to pity fuck her by being a cheap bitch online and begging him to come over." Pretty specific? Makes some people cringe, others shudder.

Your girl, who instead is/was promiscuous, might want to be called out for it. "You easy slut! Sucking off men so you feel pretty? You feel pretty in your cum stained panties? How many, Sex Toy? How many cocks have you had in that face hole?" That is a direct focus on a part of her psyche she's never had before.

BUT!!!! That could be too much. Maybe she just wants to hear a dirty word in the bedroom because it reminds her of a hot porno she saw.

A word of advice. If you're going to dabble in semi-truthful, hurtful, accurate humiliation, you better be able to talk about it after. If you push it too far, the line between play and abuse gets crossed.

In short, my guess (just another guy with another opinion, don't make my words heavier because the SS. Internet let me aboard) is that she wants to be called out for her past.

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Post #: 45

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/3/2008 3:58:44 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

My girlfriend wants to be called a slut.

Ok mate, YOUR GIRL.FRIEND IS A SLUT!!!!!!!

Now can I have that $10?

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 46

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/6/2008 7:15:04 AM

kneelingrebel17

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/1/2008
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I had a Dom once when I was in college who told me being called "slut" was a compliment...to him it meant that I was sexually aware of myself and liberated. I guess it goes to the basic, what people (but I don't) find to be a contradiction: I'm a card-carrying feminist and love being submissive to a man. Have I had many partners in my life? Sure. By definition am I a slut? Sure. But why should that be a bad thing? Why can't I own that word and make it into a new thing, a great thing, something that turns me and my partner on?

Just be careful, make sure you are using it in a way that doesn't do more harm than good. Words have meaning, even if you redefine them for yourself. So long as she knows you value her and you aren't using it genuinely negatively, it'll be fine. But don't call her that in a disagreement or anything- that would really be bad form. But saying, "Hey, you are a beautiful slut and I'm so glad you're mine"...that's great.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 47

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/6/2008 2:10:20 PM

oceanwynds

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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The word slut was very humilating to me, when Sir started calling me that. The reasons for me feeling humilated stemmed from my past. One night, Sir made me say out loud i am submissive....my name..and i am a slut. He had me continue repeating this that night. This experience helped me and brought back the wild woman that has always been in me, but was shut down way back when. Psychologically it helped me to overcome a dark part of my past and made me a lot more healthier.

oceanwynds

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 48

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/6/2008 11:20:06 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Fast Reply

People get turned on by different words and the ideals behind different words. People understand words differently. For example, she is saying "hey treat me like a slut" and youre thinking "why the heck would I wanna do that?" (You've both got different ideas about what that means so the word itself makes you both feel differently). Sometimes that can be an issue, other times a non-issue in regards to how you relate to each other. Finding out what "words" actually mean to each other is part of building a relationship.

Conversation with Master one time:

"What you been doing?"
"Just messing/fucking around"
His understanding: Youve been fucking around?
My understanding: Just taking it easy, having fun.

(Granted there is a cultural difference with us but you get my drift).

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Post #: 49

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/7/2008 4:30:32 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

It's basically clear with my girlfriend and I that we're not going to sleep with anyone else besides eachother, nor do we want to.

She does have a history of sleeping with alot of people, but that was then.
I'm curious as to the psychology behind her needing for me to "use her like a slut" and "call her a slut". I'm hoping for some intelligent prospectives on this...

She says she doesn't want me to share her, but she wants me to call her a slut, as if that's what she is. I'm sure there's some psychological reason she needs to feel like that...

And then there were people who analyzed every gosh darn thing. Call her a slut damnit! What the hell? This is NOT rocket science. Or is the problem you? Do you like dislike sluts? If not just open your mouth and say "slut!" see how easy that was? No Freud, no couch, no dim lights (ok maybe some dim lights and a couch) but quit analyzing and get to fucking.

This prescription was brought to you by Dr. Nef

(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 50

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/7/2008 4:34:25 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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~FR~
Ever consider that the fact that being a slut is a taboo might be the turn on for her?
I call Fox my slut, my whore, among other names. He has never been with anyone but me, so there is no truth to the names. However, they are hot when used at the right moment, to remind him that for me and to me, he can be my sexual plaything. For me and to me, he is a slut for the taking whenever I want him.

Being a slut and a whore doesnt mean going out and being slutty or whoring around. It means using the implications and what you and you alone get to have, as a nudge.

DV

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(in reply to NefertariReborn)

Post #: 51

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/8/2008 8:00:53 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

She says she doesn't want me to share her, but she wants me to call her a slut, as if that's what she is. I'm sure there's some psychological reason she needs to feel like that...

The reason is this thing called "desire".

She wants it. She wants you to call her "slut"--maybe she gets wet and wild because of it, maybe it makes her feel all small and submissive, maybe she just likes the sound of it.

Why worry about it? She wants it, she wants you--if that's her most demanding "need" you are way ahead of the game.

The more of your insights I read... the more Insights I read.

OP.

Names are only that. Names. If being called a slut was a way to please EVERY woman in the world, it would quickly lose it's facination with the women it helped turned on.

Just a guess.

but you may want to consider yourself of the lucky few who it works for.

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(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 52

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/8/2008 8:22:53 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n
It is, I'm interested in the psychology of it.

I had a bf who enjoyed being called a slut, particularly when I was f*cking him. The whole slut piece, for him, had to do with humiliation, use, and, unfortunately, degradation.
I don't think everyone who wishes to be called a slut or everyone who calls someone a slut means it in a negative way; I surely didn't but I knew that it was a part of what got him off. :>
Davan

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(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 53

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/10/2008 5:57:32 PM

BLGirl

Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

It is, I'm interested in the psychology of it.

While I have no actual background or clinical notes on why she (your partner) would or would not want to be used.

That being said, she might want to feel used by you this might be a fundamental need for her to feel feminine. There might be some abuse issues in her past that would contribute to this need to have sex or be used. This idea of her having so many partners before you might give some credit to the idea that she needs to be used. This might be one aspect of where she gets her identity. She might feel like she deserves it. This could come from guilt from some aspect within her life. (granted I do not, nor do I pretend to know why). This also might be stemming from the fact that she wants you to be the man, wants you to be her night in shining armor. Yes I realize that this sounds odd, but in you using her however you see fit you are attending to her needs how she sees fit. She might be hoping that in the relationship that you will take charge of it and control certain aspects of her life.

Please note that I would never pretend to know what your partner is attempting to or not do. This would be fundamentally wrong and unethical. Please do not take what I have posted as a diagnosis as to why your partner would be willing to be called/or used as a slut.

Daddy of BLGirl

(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 54

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/11/2008 6:09:37 PM

porceline

Posts: 9
Status: offline

it seems like the real problem is not how she identifies herself, but how the word effects how OP identifies her. perhaps calling her a slut will change how he feels about her in a negative way? or perhaps it would be admitting his true feelings about her promiscuity, feelings which he hasn't reconciled with himself yet?

(in reply to BLGirl)

Post #: 55

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/12/2008 5:48:47 AM

zura

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

I'm sure there's some psychological reason she needs to feel like that...

There is. Oh, there is. Which is why it makes it all so delicious to ponder. But it will be a very personal reason(s). Just keep talking to her about it, listen to every word she says very carefully, and if you are insightful enough, you will learn why she needs to be that slut for you .

When you figure out the psychology behind the need, you will then be in the position to have her become "solely" yours.

(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 56

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/12/2008 10:47:54 AM

kdmfl

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

With my last girlfriend I would call her "my slut" and she liked it. Maybe it would be easier for you if you looked at it that way instead of her being a slut. It really shouldn't matter since shes with you and monogamous with you. It made my girlfriend feel good to belong to me and that I would and could treat her like a slut when I wanted to without it being degrading to her but more feeling owned.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 57

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/12/2008 10:51:55 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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The OP bloke stated that his girl wanted to be called a slut and I replied calling her a slut> I suppose that after all the hard work of actually calling the girl a slut it is reasonable for the piper/slut caller to be paid isn't it??

< Message edited by IronBear -- 12/12/2008 10:52:20 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to kdmfl)

Post #: 58

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/13/2008 5:39:03 AM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

It is, I'm interested in the psychology of it.

Maybe you'll learn quicker if you just dive in and do it, instead of thinking too much about it ...

(in reply to n0umen0n)

Post #: 59

RE: My girlfriend wants to be called a slut? - 12/14/2008 7:39:15 AM

angaothsi

Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: n0umen0n

myotherself, I see what you're saying.

our little conversation went like:

her:feel free to treat me like a slut
me:what does that mean?
her: it means I'm yours, and you can do whatever you want to me.

SO I think you're on to something here, myotherself.

I think her desire is pretty clear. If your looking for meaning behind it maybe she get off on being a "bad girl" maybe she like to be treated roughly. No one can really answer for HER though so, have you asked her what it means to her and why she wants to be treated like/called a slut?

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He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

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Post #: 60

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