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Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:17:48 AM

scottjk

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Currently, I'm having discussions with some one about virginity and sex in general. (She's 28, believe it or not.) She looks at it as something to cope with.

As a woman, how did you deal with your virginity, how did you feel about it? After you lost it, how did you feel about THAT?

Scott

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:19:20 AM

GreedyTop

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I never placed much importance on it.. when I was ready, I got rid of it. How did I feel after? Glad it was over (in more ways than one..LOL)

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:50:24 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I, too, never put that much on my virginity. It meant I wasn't as experienced as I felt I wanted to be.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:52:37 AM

mistoferin

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I wasn't ever attached to my virginity so there was nothing to cope with.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:53:52 AM

sirsholly

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ditto

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:55:37 AM

Daes

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My first time happened to be in a mall in one of the changing stalls. Go figure.

I never placed much importance on my virginity. At the time I was with my boyfriend of two years and though it was pretty open, he wanted to be my first, that was what he requested, that I wait until we could have sex with each other before taking on any other partners. It wasnt much more than something to share with someone I cared for in a new way. So it happened just before my seventeenth birthday and I can admit to getting carried away and took on two partners who were closet bisexuals when I got home.

*shrugs*

When I think of it now, I think I did it much too early. But at the same time, I'm glad that I was never ashamed of my sexuality, it was a part of me after all and sex was in a way, part of that expression. When my best friend Katie (evangelical christian) learned that Id slept with my boyfriend, she literally broke down into tears. More power to her if she could a man that valued her virginity as much as she did but quite frankly it wasnt for me.

< Message edited by Daes -- 11/30/2008 9:58:10 AM >

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 9:59:18 AM

kiwisub12

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I didn't want my first sexual experience to not be with someone i loved. So i waited a little while.
The complete lack of thunderclaps, waves rushing, volcanoes erupting and birds screaming was resounding. It was fun, and i bleed a little, but it certainly didn't change my life.

I didn't turn into a nympho, i still wanted sex to be with someone i cared about, and liked. Other than that - nada. It was one of those things that society and parental mores had made into more than it was. Oh well.

Just put down a towel or puppy pad.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 10:01:54 AM

aravain

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Funny, I lost mine at 18 and felt like I had waited too long.

I may not be a woman, but...

I placed a small amount of value on my virginity. That is, I only wanted to lose it in one of two ways. A) To someone I hardly knew or would know after (no emotional attachment) or B) To someone I loved (a pretty gnarly gift. I lost it on Valentines day too XD)

Beyond that, though there was little value. There was no real need to 'cope' to life without virginity... I didn't change. I was exactly the same. The only difference is that I was entirely more comfortable in my own desires.

Or at least, I think so. I could ask some of my friends too...

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 10:56:20 AM

ExKat

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I felt like it was arbitrary status without value, like my skydiving-virginity and my sake-drinking-virginity. I made sure when I got rid of it, I wouldn't regret it, but it wasn't some shiny chalice of maidenhood that I cherished or worried overmuch about.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:18:18 AM

Aynne88

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Yep. No big deal really. I think sometimes men tend to over-romanticize it more then women do. I have had far more intense and intimate moments than getting rid of that pesky thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I never placed much importance on it.. when I was ready, I got rid of it. How did I feel after? Glad it was over (in more ways than one..LOL)

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:27:25 AM

littleone35

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I waited to me i was a big deal. I viewed it as a gift i could only give to one man. I waited until i was 22 and fell in love and i gave it to that man. We did not last but i don't for a moment regret waiting or giving it to that man.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:29:52 AM

cravesdom

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My virginity was taken from me at such a young age that I didn't get to be overly romantic about it or concerned with who would be my first. However, when I finally had sex for the first time consensually, it was a huge thing to me. I had talked to enough friends to know that sex did not have to be a scary thing and I was very lucky to fall in love with someone who let me take it at my own pace. When I think about the scared young girl I was at 18 and the woman I am now, it amazes me that I was ever that unsure or scared of sex!

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:38:29 AM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I wasn't ever attached to my virginity so there was nothing to cope with.

Same here. I always thought you should test drive a few cars before deciding on the final choice.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:40:48 AM

NuevaVida

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I grew up in a fairly strict Catholic household and a huge importance was placed on virginity. Particularly since I was the third daughter and the other two had lost there's, I had a certain pressure on me to be my mom's last hope in having a daughter wear white down the isle...Ugh.

At 16 I was flutter-eyed and in love, and wanted to express it sexually. I talked to my boyfriend about it, who was 18 and more than happy to allow such an expression, lol. But I had so many mixed feelings about it because of my upbringing. I talked to my sisters and friends, and journaled, and ultimately decided it was what I wanted. I made myself an appointment at Planned Parenthood, had my first pap smear, got on the pill, and about 6 weeks later, we had sex.

It was blah and uneventful and no big deal. I remember being surprised at how much whooplah was placed on sex, and I remember as soon as it was over thinking I understood why prostitutes did this for money - easy peasy! Since I had made an informed decision to have sex, I had no regrets. I didn't become totally promiscuous (until later in life, heh) and it wasn't until I was 18 and had a really passionate boyfriend of 26 that I actually enjoyed sex.

Since I had been molested (no penetration) at a very early age in life, I liked being able to control when I would actually have intercourse. It was a way of me taking my body back. I was with that particular boyfriend for 2 years and there wasn't a lot of dramatics around our breakup, particularly about the loss of virginity. All in all, the way I "lost" it was a good experience for me.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:44:49 AM

porcelain26

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Yeah...I'm like most everyone else who's replied. I wasn't ever very attached to my virginity and lost it at the first opportunity....though I did wait til I was 18. After I wished I'd been with someone else, but that was my only regret. Every great once in a while, I'll get some sort of romantic pang and wish I was still virginal, but...if I go a couple of weeks without having sex, it's a lot like starting over from scratch, so it works out *laughing*

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:50:10 AM

persephonee

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i joke about being "tricked" into being a slut...but the truth is, i was sortof "duped" into losing my virginity the way that i did...ya see, there were these girls in high school, bragging about all the things they "did" over the summer...and i had no such stories to tell...so i went about creating change in my world...which is what i have always done if i dont like how things are, i change things up...
When i came back later to report my activities, the biggest bully out of the girls (head cheerleader...later contracted herpes, poor dear~weg~)...came up to me and looked me up and down..."we were just kidding....wow, youre a slut."
i was momentarily shamed by that word...but by the end of the day, i figured out that she was just mad that one of the activities i had chosen to do...was her ex bf...once that hit me, i adopted the word slut...internalized it, made it my own, and its done nothing but empower me since.
Looking back on it now, i realize that the virginity they had been discussing in the locker room wasnt nearly as hot as the fact that up til then, the reason i was still a "virgin" was because i had been sexually involved with my best girlfriend for almost a year...hadnt really identified as lesbian at that point, so i didnt think to mention it in that initial conversation.
See, im not always the brightest bulb on the tree as far as analyzing things...i thought everyone had really good girlfriends...same with kink...i just assumed that everyone got off on spankings and such...never occurred to me to name any of the things that i have literally been doing as long as i had been doing anything....

As for the OP's girl...i think she should just go get er done...i dont know for certain how it would be to be inexperienced as an adult...but i would think that it could potentially go better for her if she were with someone who was really in tuned to her...
my first time with a boy was pretty great, i didnt use one of the highschool boys for the very first time...he was all of 23 and had at least fucked around a bit...so i had all in all a pretty great first time...but the rest of the boys were just chosen to increase my conquest average before reporting back to those girls...so they were my age and not experienced...<shrugs>

Thanks for the tour of days gone by, i guess...

perse, slut extraordinaire...

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 11:56:06 AM

PrincessJ77

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I was 19 and engaged when I lost mine. He took his time and made sure I enjoyed it. I feel like a rare breed as I've only been with 2 men in my life.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 12:31:33 PM

CalifChick

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I was very young in years, mature in attitude. I read about it, wanted to do it, did it. Even orgasmed the first time. I wasn't emotionally attached to it. For ME, I can't imagine waiting and giving up all the experiences that I had.

My friend's mom, who was a very strict catholic, was mortified when I corrected her on wearing white for purity. I told her that in fact, she could check with Emily Post if she wanted, but white symbolized JOY, and the VEIL over the face was for purity... and I looked much better without gauze over my face. I wasn't allowed at their house anymore after that.

Cali

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 2:10:20 PM

littlewonder

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I lost my virginity at a very young age and it was never really a big deal for me. I fell in love with my childhood sweetheart who I went on to marry. He was older than me and experienced. He reassured me, calmed me because he knew it was going to be painful but it was one helluva fun time and I never regret for a moment losing it.

I would never ever want to go through that much pain ever again though so I'm glad I lost it young.

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RE: Concerns about virginity - 11/30/2008 2:12:20 PM

IvyMorgan

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The first time I chose to have sex it was a bit of a disaster. I was 22 (something about having to get used to the idea of wanting things that had previously hurt me) and on day release from an acute ward and went to see a guy who basically used me with no regard for me. In all fairness, it might have been a decent way to start, all things considered. Now two ish weeks later my *second* go, that was a world of different and a whole lot better. Bless him, when he discovered a while later I'd still never done vaginal sex, he was very nice and introduced me to it. It was only a month and a half or so after I first had sex that I started working, and that was a whole lot about reclaiming my body as well as getting kicks and putting my head in a place I needed to be.

I'd never considered myself a virgin, got annoyed at people who had been raped/abused that I counselled for being obsessive about the issue (it was more complicated, tied into a lot of feminist sexual politics that I had floating about my head, that I still agree with, I don't think virginity has any value and the idea is used to control).

I still very rarely want to have sex, but, yanno, things change. Sex is a thing that happens, and there's no need for emotional stuff to get mixed up in it.

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Post #: 20

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