RE: Bitter much? (Full Version)

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 8:39:47 PM)

LP, you get all kinds of unsolicited advice, don't you?  [&:]



LadyPact -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 8:39:54 PM)

Hon, for Me, it's always fun.


To LH, and these weren't even lifestyle people!



Lynnxz -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 8:41:31 PM)

My pro domme friend got a Wii from one of her clients.... [>:] No joke, he got the Wii-fit and everything too.

Then again, she's absolutely wonderful at what she does. [:D]



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 8:41:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hon, for Me, it's always fun.


To LH, and these weren't even lifestyle people!



Ah, then they think its easy money!  Silly folkses!

My parrot calls me, nighters all! 



chiaThePet -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:01:11 PM)

 
I will admit that it just fries my bojangles when they advertise
that they have a spectacular cameltoe. Then you meet em
and they actually do have camel toes. What's up with that?

"Let's skip off to a sand dune real soon"

Clop....clop......clop.....

chia* (the pet)



CdnExplorer -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:03:27 PM)

Just to offer a little perspective - I know I've felt a bit bitter in the past, though I never wrote about it. I don't see it so much as being unable to manipulate a situation, but a loss of hope. The problem is that what I want is a relationship...to be with someone who were we not kinky, we would still be together. Then take that, and make it a D/s relationship. So guys like me come into site like this looking for someone we can love, start looking around and suddenly get the feeling that what we want is an impossible dream. After getting hundreds of spams from Nigeria, messages from people interested only in money and then finding few if any people who seem "real" it's easy to imagine a guy getting really discouraged. After spending enough time feeling like they'll always be alone is it any wonder that they turn bitter?

How to deal with it? I'm honestly not sure. If a guy assumes from the start that he isn't going to be treated like a person with needs, fears, desires and deserving of love, then he isn't going to really be open to that either.

ps: This is not to say that none of these guys actually hate women or want nothing more than to get their rocks off without a relationship (or despite an existing one). I just get the feeling that some of those guys are actually like me, and would "look" more like me were it not for the years of disappointment and loneliness.



LadyPact -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:12:14 PM)

Honestly, that I find legitimate.  I wouldn't agree that feeling discouraged necessarily  leads to being bitter, but I can see your point. 

I think that's why I so often tell people not to rely on sites like this and to go out to local events.  Yes, the information exchange here is great and you can get views from people all over the world.  The thing is, if you're looking for what your profile says you're looking for (I enjoyed that, btw) then the best place to look is at real time events.



Lockit -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:13:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CdnExplorer

Just to offer a little perspective - I know I've felt a bit bitter in the past, though I never wrote about it. I don't see it so much as being unable to manipulate a situation, but a loss of hope. The problem is that what I want is a relationship...to be with someone who were we not kinky, we would still be together. Then take that, and make it a D/s relationship. So guys like me come into site like this looking for someone we can love, start looking around and suddenly get the feeling that what we want is an impossible dream. After getting hundreds of spams from Nigeria, messages from people interested only in money and then finding few if any people who seem "real" it's easy to imagine a guy getting really discouraged. After spending enough time feeling like they'll always be alone is it any wonder that they turn bitter?

How to deal with it? I'm honestly not sure. If a guy assumes from the start that he isn't going to be treated like a person with needs, fears, desires and deserving of love, then he isn't going to really be open to that either.

ps: This is not to say that none of these guys actually hate women or want nothing more than to get their rocks off without a relationship (or despite an existing one). I just get the feeling that some of those guys are actually like me, and would "look" more like me were it not for the years of disappointment and loneliness.


This is what I was talking about when I felt that there was some valid points that some had.  I had a different profile up and got into some of this in it and man... the emails were heavy then because many opened up to me about how difficult it was.  None of them were angry, although I knew they were discouraged and suffering in ways.

I guess the difference is found in the answer to one question for me... If you had a dominant you could talk about this with, would you be angry and lashing out or would you be talking about a painful situation?  The answer to that determines a lot in my opinion and one I can fully understand and deal with.  The other.. no thanks, I am sure I need to wash my hair.



CdnExplorer -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:18:00 PM)

Thanks! I agree, I've met some wonderful people at realtime events who I've come to feel quite close to. Submissive friends, and a certain Domme heh. The difference between looking online and meeting people at events is enough for me to almost consider sites like these a waste of time. Of course I'm a few hundred kilometers away from the closest "large" city, so I might be a bit biased with that.



CdnExplorer -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:37:06 PM)

I think the issue there Lockit is that talking about the kind of pain involved here puts someone into a very vulnerable position. That's can be hard enough for a guy to do in the first place, even more so when he can't be sure that he can trust the other person to be receptive to it. I knew I was this way when I was 16 or so, but I never talked to anybody about it until I was almost 27. The reason being that every time I went online and tried to find information about what I am, and women who wanted guys like me...everything I saw was threatening. For the longest time I simply couldn't feel safe being myself.

It took running into a couple of Dommes online who talked to me like I was a real person to change that, which prompted my appearance in the local scene. There I eventually met a few people I could really talk to and...the rest is history.



Lockit -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 9:52:54 PM)

I am glad you were able to finally find some understanding and get to where you are now!  I heard so many men's stories and some of them just broke my heart.  Very sincere and yet unable to find a dominant because of age or location or being shy.  I so love hearing back from some of them as they find their way and some even finding a dominant!

I do hope you will find the one you seek!  Personally I love reading your post and you seem very comfortable.  Thanks for sharing your story...



OttersSwim -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 10:03:40 PM)

*runs off with the idea for a wii BDSM game:  "Whips-N-Chains" coming in 2010 for the wii!*

I wonder if those "virtual subs" will complain like the "real subs" do?  [;)]



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 10:20:59 PM)

Finding someone is just hard. I just had an initial play experience with a sub I met here that is good enough that....well, I changed my profile to "no longer accepting applications from males." Cause that's where I'm at. And I've been out as a dom on this site for less than a year. It's not settled yet, but I think maybe could be.

But I think the guys who bitch about how hard it is to find a real woman are then the ones who bitch, when they do find a relationship, about the work of maintaining one. These are purely my observations.

I think once this initial giddiness/possessiveness/urge to do mean nasty things to him and eat him up passes (laughs) I'll be able to open myself up to talking to guys who want to know how this works, and to be someone sane and reasonably sensible to talk to about TTWD.  Right now I'm twitterpated.



LadyPact -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 10:29:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

*runs off with the idea for a wii BDSM game:  "Whips-N-Chains" coming in 2010 for the wii!*

I wonder if those "virtual subs" will complain like the "real subs" do?  [;)]


Actually, that wouldn't be a bad way for a Top to learn certain types of flogging without having to practice on a human target.



azjojoba -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 11:08:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz


(am I doin it right?)

On a serious note, I think many times the guy just has completely unrealistic expectations. You can't join a dating site, even if it is BDSM related, and expect to have hordes of women clamoring to get into your pants.



Why is that an unrealistic expectation?



LadyPact -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 11:13:20 PM)

Hon, it's because we can get laid anywhere.  Every male on the planet has a dick in his pants.



azjojoba -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 11:22:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hon, it's because we can get laid anywhere.  Every male on the planet has a dick in his pants.


Lady Dear, every female has a pussy in her panties, and many of them have a paddle that is not getting used. Seems to me it should be tit-for-tat.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 11:29:16 PM)

quote:

Lady Dear, every female has a pussy in her panties, and many of them have a paddle that is not getting used. Seems to me it should be tit-for-tat
If you or most submissive men believed that, and it were true, than why the anger and bitterness?   Why pay for it? 
I wouldn't touch a man who thought it was tit for tat at all...  It would so happen that a man who enjoys what I do may get it that way because it's fun for me, but not because he shows up and I deliver.   And yes I am among the slightly over 40 folks who want more than a dick to show up, and I get it.   M



LadyPact -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 11:29:17 PM)

Actually, I don't believe it is.  If a female goes out, specifically with the idea of getting laid in mind, she will.  A male on the other hand may not be successful. 

ETA.  The comment did make Me curious.  If it's all the same, why not just have your wife and be satisfied?  Dominance isn't about pussy anymore than submission is about dick.



azjojoba -> RE: Bitter much? (11/30/2008 11:52:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Actually, I don't believe it is.  If a female goes out, specifically with the idea of getting laid in mind, she will.  A male on the other hand may not be successful. 

ETA.  The comment did make Me curious.  If it's all the same, why not just have your wife and be satisfied?  Dominance isn't about pussy anymore than submission is about dick.



Lady Dear, I'll have to concede you are right -- females always have the advantage. My use of "tit-for-tat" was clearly out of line and factually wrong.

Sorry I cannot satisfy your curiosity!




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