RE: Bitter much? (Full Version)

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hardbodysub -> RE: Bitter much? (12/2/2008 8:47:14 AM)

Wow. Talk about different perspectives! I don't see it like the OP at all. Yes, there are whines and complaints from sub males on the message boards. However, I see a LOT more of it from dominant females; something on the order of 5 to 1, maybe even 10 to 1.

Maybe it's largely a matter of which threads we tend to read. I ignore a lot of threads that have titles that don't grab my attention. and maybe those contain a lot of the bitter sub stuff, I don't know. However, I'd bet that a lot of the difference in our perspectives has to do with preconceived notions, and a tendency to look for clues that validate them.



BoiJen -> RE: Bitter much? (12/2/2008 12:29:38 PM)

With the expection of the last three days...I haven't been on much...and like you..I only read the threads that catch my attention....which, I admit, may contain an adverse amount of bitter s-type comlints, in my opinion.

Got anything else o add? Maybe like a little insight into what this thread's topic might pretain to you or answer some of the feelings questions?

I've noticed so far not much in the way of s-types talk about how they feel in these situations has actually come up. I didn't state nothing has come up in that way...just not much. Is this an indcator that the majority of s-types on this board aren't willing to talk too touchy on feelings?



hardbodysub -> RE: Bitter much? (12/2/2008 1:26:20 PM)

quote:

These guys KNOW they won't get anywhere if they walk up to a woman in public and say "Wanna fuck?" I am not sure why they try it on here.


A few potential reasons to ponder:

1. For the same reason people are more likely to swear or give the finger to somebody when they're cut off when driving in a car than if they're walking on a sidewalk. The psychological insulation created by the car or the internet being between the two makes it easier to act in ways that you wouldn't if you were face to face.

2. The very nature of this site makes many people feel that they don't have to go through all the preliminaries that they would in the vanilla world. They assume that if you're here, you must be open to direct approaches. Certainly we discuss things in this forum that we wouldn't discuss in public. It's not such a large leap of logic to use similar reasoning in CM private emails.

I'm not saying they're right, just that it's not so hard to understand.

3. The jerks who send such emails might just be the type to walk up to a woman in public and say "wanna fuck?"

Edited for a little typo



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Bitter much? (12/2/2008 3:39:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
You mean like pathetic passive-aggressive creeps whose main claim to superiority is that they married someone they had no business marrying because they were too weak and lazy to make themselves worthy and fight for the kind of relationship that would actually give them some pleasure and joy in life?


Claim to *superiority*? [&:]  Wha?

You have no idea of how hard I've worked, and your unprovoked hostility says volumes about what a wonderful person you must be. Save your weak-ass flames for the verbal humiliation guys.



stella41b -> RE: Bitter much? (12/2/2008 6:20:13 PM)

I've just come back to open a branch of Burger King on this thread for people into flaming and Whoppers.

Edited: my English is bad tonight.



cloudboy -> RE: Bitter much? (12/4/2008 9:59:37 PM)

I'm sure a high percentage of those people have legitimate grievances. The trick is not creating a Marley's Chain out of them.

When things get bad, I like to listen to Every Day is Like Sunday.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bitter much? (12/5/2008 8:22:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I'm sure a high percentage of those people have legitimate grievances. The trick is not creating a Marley's Chain out of them.

When things get bad, I like to listen to Every Day is Like Sunday.


Morissey wrote the soundtrack to my life.  I do This Is How People Grow Up.



ShaktiSama -> RE: Bitter much? (12/5/2008 8:31:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

Claim to *superiority*? [&:]  Wha?


Your previous post was a smug statement of superiority, about how some people on this site "have it coming"--the implication is that you are worthy to judge who has it coming and deliver the Twolling of Twue Wighteousness.

You aren't.  And there is no such thing.

quote:

You have no idea of how hard I've worked, and your unprovoked hostility says volumes about what a wonderful person you must be. Save your weak-ass flames for the verbal humiliation guys.


Oh, I know how hard you work.  It takes real labor to construct the pyramid of lies that men like you choose to live in.  But don't expect me to pity you--you've constructed that prison with your own hands and probably hurt a lot of people other than yourself in the process.  Moreover, you seem to have learned nothing from the self-inflicted pain of your Life of Lies but to keep hiding, keep lying, and keep blaming and judging everyone but yourself.

My hostility to you is not unprovoked.  You're a self-acknowledged troll in this thread, and in your profile, a self-acknowledged coward.  Trying to make this about me, and whether I am a "wonderful person" or not, is irrelevant; wonderful or not, the fact of the matter is that I've suffered and sacrificed for the right to be the person I am. 

When you can say the same, you won't need to hide what you really think behind fake profiles and hide what you really feel behind vanilla beards, and possibly your opinions and judgments may hold some weight.  Until then, don't flatter yourself that this is D/S play of any kind.  I genuinely loathe trolls and cowards.  There's nothing playful about it.



BoiJen -> RE: Bitter much? (12/5/2008 8:41:03 AM)

Fake profiles don't work when you live with someone. The last guy I know who went around with a fake profile and lied bout ended up in a world of trouble not only with the Woman he was with...but with his family as they loved Her in his life. Fake profiles can leave a woan feeling "cheated" on...and there's no quicker way to lose a relationship...or potential relationship...as the Women he had been concting learned a grim truth pretty quickly too.

Lessons of Life.




MistressDolly -> RE: Bitter much? (12/5/2008 1:12:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Realizing I had not specifically answered the questions that were asked in the beginning:

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Ladies, when approachng, or being approached, by these types of individuals, how do you feel?


Honest truth? I'm repulsed and disgusted. Having a generally bad attitude and laying it on a person you've never met is the emotional equivalent of having B.O. or horribly putrid breath. It's a sign that you do not have enough self-respect to take care of your mental hygiene on your own and you do not have enough respect for ME to spare me the stench.

quote:

What would a positive encounter by someone who has a legit complaint look like?


I have met some abused people in my life and known many subs, both male and female, who had genuine horror stories to tell. Sometimes its pretty obvious when a bad attitude is just a thin layer of bravado over an ocean of hurt. Such people are easy to spot, and their "bitterness" tends to vanish in a heartbeat when you offer even a shred of real human sympathy.

quote:

Does this type of complint make you wonder about your approach at all? Is there any legitimacy behind these complaints?


People who know me and are very close to me could probably make some legitimate criticisms or have respect-worthy complaints about me. Total strangers who seem to have mistaken me for the every other dominant woman on the face of earth, because they think that everything with ovaries and a mean streak on this planet is interchangeable? Uh...No.

Men like this make me more inclined to doubt the value of D/S relationships than anything else.


I agree. And to add to the bolded text: Which is why having an open and empathetic mind is important. Most people are good inside and just want to be valued, appreciated and loved, though on the surface it would not appear so.



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Bitter much? (12/5/2008 4:57:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
Oh, I know how hard you work.  It takes real labor to construct the pyramid of lies that men like you choose to live in.  But don't expect me to pity you--you've constructed that prison with your own hands and probably hurt a lot of people other than yourself in the process.  Moreover, you seem to have learned nothing from the self-inflicted pain of your Life of Lies but to keep hiding, keep lying, and keep blaming and judging everyone but yourself.


Wow, you sure do know a lot about me! Do you remember where I put the key to the riding mower? [:-] I've looked *everywhere* for that sumbitch.



ShaktiSama -> RE: Bitter much? (12/5/2008 5:34:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

Wow, you sure do know a lot about me!


Yep.  Profiles, journal entries and posts can teach you a lot about a person.  Kind of you to provide them so freely.  It makes getting to know you a snap.



azjojoba -> RE: Bitter much? (12/6/2008 1:19:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Wow. Talk about different perspectives! I don't see it like the OP at all. Yes, there are whines and complaints from sub males on the message boards. However, I see a LOT more of it from dominant females; something on the order of 5 to 1, maybe even 10 to 1.

Maybe it's largely a matter of which threads we tend to read. I ignore a lot of threads that have titles that don't grab my attention. and maybe those contain a lot of the bitter sub stuff, I don't know. However, I'd bet that a lot of the difference in our perspectives has to do with preconceived notions, and a tendency to look for clues that validate them.


The dommes on this site are quite vicious -- they attack and whine. Perhaps that comes with being a female dominant, or perhaps that's their way of doing armchair dominating. They can flog some of us guys without actually having to meet them. Maybe we should call them vdommes (v for virtual).



CatdeMedici -> RE: Bitter much? (12/6/2008 4:59:14 AM)

I am sure much of what I am going to say has been said, but here is My humble .02:
 
first, I think it is the nature of Americans today to bitch, whine and complain-about something--if its raining they want sun, if its sunny ots too hot---they just gripe about something. It takes real effort to have just one day with out a gripe--so that I believe is a starting point--when there is nothing or no place to let out a gripe, people come here.
 
Now given that--I think males come here thinking if they say they are submissive, Dominas will just roll over, run right to them, collar them and winkies are all satisfied. To realize that building a relationship takes the same sort of work in this life as it does out there is a rude awakening ( and that goes for any D/s mix here).
 
I believe Lady P made a very good point too that again crosses M/f, F/m--this lifestyle for many does not equate to loose or no morals or values--a good flogging for Me does not equate to anyone getting laid let alone any type of sexual intimation.
 
People today are looking for a quick fix, a quick cure, a shortcut to some kind of nirvana or an escape from responsibilities. It's no different when they walk through our hallowed doors.  And I don't think that practice is limited only to F/m but runs the spectrum as well.
 
I personally read posts from people I can learn from or from those who I have watched face adversity head on and succeed--THOSE people had the right to whine and never did and I can assure you they don't out there.  Just because this is not the norm does not mean that when they get sprinkled with the fairy dust of Ds they are going to be any different--and as long as people allow it to happen it will.
 
PT Barnum said there is a fool born every minute, sometimes in here, I think its every milisecond!



RedMagic1 -> RE: Bitter much? (12/6/2008 1:46:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
People today are looking for a quick fix, a quick cure, a shortcut to some kind of nirvana or an escape from responsibilities. It's no different when they walk through our hallowed doors.  And I don't think that practice is limited only to F/m but runs the spectrum as well.

OMFG that is soooo true of female submissives I have talked with... and dated!  The ones who are actually mature adults are still my friends, but holy hell.  Most women I've talked to on this site are motivated by getting away from something, instead of building toward something.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bitter much? (12/6/2008 1:48:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
People today are looking for a quick fix, a quick cure, a shortcut to some kind of nirvana or an escape from responsibilities. It's no different when they walk through our hallowed doors.  And I don't think that practice is limited only to F/m but runs the spectrum as well.

OMFG that is soooo true of female submissives I have talked with... and dated!  The ones who are actually mature adults are still my friends, but holy hell.  Most women I've talked to on this site are motivated by getting away from something, instead of building toward something.



You mean  I could have been doing this as an ESCAPE?  Shoot!

Hib, doing it rong, as usual... [8|]



MissEnchanted -> RE: Bitter much? (12/7/2008 1:35:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
People today are looking for a quick fix, a quick cure, a shortcut to some kind of nirvana or an escape from responsibilities. It's no different when they walk through our hallowed doors.  And I don't think that practice is limited only to F/m but runs the spectrum as well.

OMFG that is soooo true of female submissives I have talked with... and dated!  The ones who are actually mature adults are still my friends, but holy hell.  Most women I've talked to on this site are motivated by getting away from something, instead of building toward something.


I am agreeing with what was said above:
Building anything worthwhile takes time and energy.
There is no bullet-quick-fix.

We face the fears, get out there and create things to be happy about.

Effective communication takes good listening and expressing skills to be effective.

Thanks to the OP for this topic.








boytoyinatlanta -> RE: Bitter much? (12/21/2008 2:58:44 AM)

the dommes of today expect way too much...but most normal women are like that too.....i wouldn't say i am bitter but very experienced and know what to expect in the terrain...half the damn time i don't take women seriously because of their nature to be indecisive and foot-dragging



hardbodysub -> RE: Bitter much? (12/21/2008 10:26:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

I've just come back to open a branch of Burger King on this thread for people into flaming and Whoppers.

Edited: my English is bad tonight.


The English isn't all that's bad.



Lockit -> RE: Bitter much? (12/21/2008 12:12:19 PM)

Oh come on... they weren't dragging their feet and indecisive... they just didn't feel like being so mean as to say they wouldn't fuck you the way you wanted!  My Holiday wish for you... that you get laid... so you will lay off the dominant's and women on this board.  I guess it would be stupid to ask if you had anything better to do... but come on... maybe you forgot a gift for a family member and need to shop some more... you are getting tedious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: boytoyinatlanta

the dommes of today expect way too much...but most normal women are like that too.....i wouldn't say i am bitter but very experienced and know what to expect in the terrain...half the damn time i don't take women seriously because of their nature to be indecisive and foot-dragging



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