Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What do you want out of a D/s relationship.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What do you want out of a D/s relationship. Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 2:05:53 AM   
DogGoneBad


Posts: 40
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		I've noticed there are different things submissives look for in a D/s relationship.  Not all submissives have a burning desire to do housework or be a 1950's house wife.  I've noticed for some their interest is more sexual, others more towards S&M.   Some submissives strive for total power exchange while others do not.

My question to all the submissives out there, what are some of your reasons for wanting or needing a D/s relationship?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 2:15:36 AM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline 		When I began looking for a D/s relationship the main appeal was to have a relationship where I knew what was expected of me.  Something where the roles were not as vauge as they had been in all my previous relationships.  Beyond that I was willing to consider nearly anything for a Dom/me who I could trust enough to know I would be safe.


_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)


(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 2:16:05 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Although I wouldn't call myself the June Cleaver type, I tend to do better, feel better and feel more secure in a structured relationship.  No, I don't want to do housework, but I do for the satisfaction of a clean house and because it makes his life easier.  With that said, I don't function well in a real tight control where I have to ask for everything or where someone picks out my clothing (except on certain occasions), tells me what to eat, what I can buy, etc.  But I do like clearly defined roles if you will and expectations that are spelled out.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 2:20:05 AM   
porcelain26


Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		What I want depends on who I'm with.

With my Owner, I strive for a 24/7 total power exchange which focuses heavily on being pleasing to Him in whatever way, shape, or form that takes at any given moment. Whether that's writing Him an erotic story, giving Him an inventory of my daily food intake, or having someone take pictures while I suck their cock.

With my play partners, I strive to meet whatever need or craving they are currently having. Generally, one of my main focuses with my play partners is satisfying their sexual needs, but I also do my best to satisfy their need to control a woman to whatever degree they crave at the time.

Most of my focus is sexual simply because that's the 'nature of the beast'. But I'm a very service oriented submissive, meaning I'll serve however I need to serve in order to please the one I'm with.

It's almost 3:30am here, so I'm not sure if I answered your question or not....but there are as many different answers to this question as there are submissives out there *winks* This is simply mine

*edited for typos

< Message edited by porcelain26 -- 12/1/2008 2:21:36 AM >

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 2:39:37 AM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad
...what are some of your reasons for wanting or needing a D/s relationship?


- To provide a counter-balance to being way too in charge and in control of nearly every other aspect of my life
- I love a woman who knows what she wants, gets what she wants, and knowing that I'm on that list
- I rather fancy both women and BDSM, and life is dull without some kink
- Its nice to be able to be selfless on occasion and focus on someone else, and that whole concept be understood and accepted
- There are a few other more personal reasons that I would prefer not to go into on a public forum


_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 3:37:42 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

My question to all the submissives out there, what are some of your reasons for wanting or needing a D/s relationship?


I want to be happy, fulfilled, and have a lot of fun and laughter in my life.  A D/s relationship provides all that very well. 

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 5:09:28 AM   
swan70


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		I have a vivid memory of playing house with 3 friends.  My mom came in and watched.  Next thing I knew--my friends were sent home; I was spanked and sent to bed; and my mom gave away my house stuff.  Why?  She had heard me saying Yes Sir to the Daddy and obeying his every command.  I was playing Mommy. 

My nature is to be submissive.  It just feels right.  I have an incredibly strong desire to please other people. 

(My mom was a housewife--who was miserable and always wanted more.  She resented the role she was playing.  She was determined to raise a daughter who was strong, independent, a leader, courageous, and willing to fight for a cause.  NOT a bad desire--she just executed it poorly sometimes.)

**to have one place in my life that i do not control....i hate control, but do it well, in order to please people around me (kinda twisted huh)

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 5:39:59 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

**to have one place in my life that i do not control....i hate control, but do it well, in order to please people around me (kinda twisted huh)


I have a job and kids where i have to be mostly in
control of things all the time. I need a space to release all that control. period.

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to swan70)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 6:55:35 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		What I originally wanted was to be able to do things for a man and be appreciated in return.  I came into the lifestyle for the trust and the communication.  I started as a pleasure slave and then housework was added to it.  As more and varied tasks get added to the mix I find that I enjoy every one of them in their own way.  

My deepest need is to be appreciated and cared for.  Each new task has made me feel more this way.  I love the feeling of giving over my mind, body, heart and soul and truly belonging to someone.


_____________________________



(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 7:25:16 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
 
A common denominator of people not in relationships is that what they "want out" of them keeps them out of them. The only way for the cumulative value to exceed the individual total is to not have a 'zero sum' game in mind going of what you are getting out of it equal, or exceeding, what you bring into it. The only way to achieve that is to go into wanting and expecting nothing but a shared experience. Managing to get something good, with that neutral expectation, even a minor 'good' becomes a pleasant surprise. Going into the same experience with the focus on high expectations about what you want out of it and the same result could produce disappointment. 

Until in a relationship, it is all about you. Once in a relationship or attempting to get into one, it becomes all about the relationship; not what you can get out of it, but what you, and a partner, are willing to put in. Success, or failure, is a joint effort. What you "want out" of it better be referencing the plural form of 'you'.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 7:41:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		A safe place to relax and not have to be in control and emotional transparency. Great sex is always welcome.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 7:54:02 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
A common denominator of people not in relationships is that what they "want out" of them keeps them out of them. The only way for the cumulative value to exceed the individual total is to not have a 'zero sum' game in mind going of what you are getting out of it equal, or exceeding, what you bring into it. The only way to achieve that is to go into wanting and expecting nothing but a shared experience. Managing to get something good, with that neutral expectation, even a minor 'good' becomes a pleasant surprise. Going into the same experience with the focus on high expectations about what you want out of it and the same result could produce disappointment. 

Until in a relationship, it is all about you. Once in a relationship or attempting to get into one, it becomes all about the relationship; not what you can get out of it, but what you, and a partner, are willing to put in. Success, or failure, is a joint effort. What you "want out" of it better be referencing the plural form of 'you'.
Applause for this.  This post has gotta be the swiss-army knife of relationship advice... good for almost any problem.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 8:20:35 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

I needed a place to be who i really am.  It seemes in the vanilla  part of my life i have to wear masks.  Teacher, daughter, sister....  With Master i can be whio i really am.  What i wanted was a man who could accept me for who and what i am.  I can be the person i was born to be i don't have to put on a front for him.  Like the song he loves me just the way i am.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 9:56:43 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Okay, so off the top of my head these are my priorities..

1. the dominant needs, wants and desires what I have to offer.

2. the dominant accepts me for who I am as I am, understands, trusts, communicates and strives to develop a friendship and positive relationship.

3. openness and personal integrity on a similar level to my own, but especially with regard to needs, wants, desires, issues, problems, fears, hopes, dreams..

4. regular communication and contact

5. the opportunity for me to get to know them as a person and to understand them intimately enough to be able to serve them

6. opportunities for me to fulfill their needs, wants, desires, etc, to bring something to their lives, to make their lives easier, better, to provide support, understanding, encouragement, to share their problems and issues..

7. an implicit understanding that what I bring or give to the relationship is given freely without conditions or expectations

8. an acceptance that I am responsible for the choices I make, for my feelings, motives, thoughts and intentions, for my issues, etc

Personally I find that apart from essential needs I'm inclined to be openminded as to what else I seek but almost all of that can be found within the dominant with whom I'm considering any sort of relationship and comes out as the relationship develops.

ETA in most of the above the word 'dominant' can be replaced by 'person' as there's no difference in the way I seek to establish a friendship or relationship. The D/s element only comes after a successful relationship is established.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 12/1/2008 9:59:35 AM >

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 10:57:42 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		Exactly as Mercnbeth says.

I know what I've enjoyed within BDSM and a Dominant/Submissive (though not 24/7) experience... but I'll bite my tongue on trying to come up with any but one want:

I want a man who loves me as I love him in return.

That, in itself, is a tall order. Why complicate it further with adding in things that, really, aren't as important to me (though I know to others they may be)?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 11:04:51 AM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		That is hard to say.  I never had a true D/s relationship unless you count the ones where I was suppose to be Domme, but the guys topped me in an abuse of power.

In my relationship now, I am more Domme because I like the idea of controlling myself.  My sub LOVES babying me and trying to pick my spirits up (though at times, I do need to wallow in the deep pits of depression to better understand myself).

I am also a sub to my Master and Mistress very soon and I am willing to allow them to control me because at times I lack the willpower to insure that I am healthy and happy.  I find I am the happiest being who I am...a nuturer.

Theresa

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 11:47:22 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I used to think I knew the answer to this, but after a recent experience I am not at all sure I do.  I have to go back and re-evaluate myself.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 12:23:18 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

I've noticed there are different things submissives look for in a D/s relationship.  Not all submissives have a burning desire to do housework or be a 1950's house wife.  I've noticed for some their interest is more sexual, others more towards S&M.   Some submissives strive for total power exchange while others do not.

My question to all the submissives out there, what are some of your reasons for wanting or needing a D/s relationship?


Ohh awesome question! to be honest... i am looking for someone who i can support and who can grant me support. i like the idea of pushing through this world together and having someone who will listen without throwing too much poor judgment into the mix. i am the type that likes to put a positive spin on things... sometimes this is great other times not so great and it's good to have that person who can show me all the negitives but also admire my positive attitude. Is this always the case nooo... this is just my ideal.

The other thing i look for is a challenge... i get this almost gitty feeling when i know i did something absolutly right. When i don't do something right i get this kinda disappointed and get this well then i am gonna get it right feeling inside of me. i hate doing it wrong but i love the feeling when i get it right!

So, i guess i look for someone who can share everything with me as far as thoughts dreams fears past experainces and anything else you wanna throw in the melting pot as i can sit with them at their feet and share with them mine. It's just a nice feeling to have one person that i can really trust in the world with all of me.  

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 12:54:09 PM   
opensoul


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		Wow after reading all of the replys ,I am not sure if my will make since or not but here goes. In my previous relationships , they seemed to lack passion, power, love and communication. I set aside dating for a number of years to look at what I wanted and needed in my life. I faced that for all my life i wanted to be submissive to someone, but never found anyone i could trust or felt that I could let out my inner sexual desires to.Living a lie to myself and the world, so much was wrong. Then i began looking and found books and reading about Hot things I would like to try.
I feel safe to tell them now to My Master, YAY. I can tell him anything and he smiles, Yes I know you very well and it may or may not be coming soon. WOW, Master I think I am getting hot and devilish thoughts again 

(in reply to sexisubi)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What do you want out of a D/s relationship. - 12/1/2008 1:04:46 PM   
AngelGeena


Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		I go with the *to love and be loved* line of thinking.  The more I know He cares about me and who I am, the more I want to do for Him and be for Him.  There is a direct relationship in it all for me. 

(in reply to opensoul)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What do you want out of a D/s relationship. Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094