My Dom is avoiding me

My Dom is avoiding me (Full Version)

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pnut8377 -> My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:12:18 PM)
Hello everyone, I need a little advice from some other submissives. My Dom and I communicate mostly online. Sometimes phone but I was having issues with my phone in the last week so our only communication has been online. We meet almost every morning online. Well in the last week my Dom (we have AOL) has had me blocked every morning. I know this because He is on my daughters buddy list and she would go on and He would be there but I would go on my screen name and He wouldn't be. Now I let it go all last week until today. I talked to him breifly for the first time in a week this morning. He was acting different so I asked Him what was wrong and He said He didn't want to talk about right now. I said ok but when your ready to talk I am here. We talked a little more and then He left and said He had work to do, I was ok with that I was watching a movie online anyway. So much much later today my daughter is on and I see He is on so I boot her off the computer so I can talk to Him because I talked to Him once all week. Well once again, I was blocked. I was pissed and sent Him an email telling Him that if He didnt want to talk to me then just tell me, He doesnt need to block me because if I didnt want to talk to him, i would tell him and that is not a lie, if I am busy or tired I do tell Him. He sent me an email yelling and cursing at me telling me I was being disrespectful that if He didnt want to talk to me that He would tell me and He was working today and thats why He had me blocked, and then continued to tell me I was punished for being disrespectful and listed the punishments. He also said He waited for me every morning but I never showed up. I think He forgot He blocked me because I was here every morning and so was He but I was blocked (I checked). My point is if you are busy or whatever than just tell me, dont avoid me altogether. I have never blocked him and wouldn't, he is my Dom, am I wrong as a sub to feel that I deserve the same respect? I also don't think I deserved to be yelled and cursed at just because I expressed how I felt. I e-mailed him back telling him that and also that I thought maybe he got so mad because I was right and that He was really avoiding me. It's been my experience with people that when you call them out on something and it is true that they get extremelly defensive and try to turn it around on you instead of admitting the truth. I felt like that is what He did here. Any opinions appreciated. Oh and one more thing, I am a collared sub, he has a collar that he bought for me and for weeks keeps saying he is going to send it but doesn't.

kristileigh -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:23:32 PM)
is this an online Dom/sub relationship?

pnut8377 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:28:16 PM)
Yes it is online but will be real time as well very soon. We have been planning a meeting.

jennifer819 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:32:50 PM)
Are you happy in this relationship?Is it fulfilling?Are you ok with being online only and blocked when he doesnt feel like talking to you?Are you happy being his collared sub he hasnt even sent the collar to?Is he there for you when you need him?You can take him for what he is or walk away i wouldnt hold out any hope for him to change.

kristileigh -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:34:43 PM)
Push the face to face meeting. Find out if the compatibility is there. He maybe wanting RT and getting bored of the online thing. Good luck i really hope it works out for you. slave kristi(RT)

camille65 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:44:54 PM)
Online relationships can be tough. Its always easy to let the imagination go or to assume things when contact goes awry. Misunderstandings often happen. This doesn't sound like a misunderstanding to me, it sounds like he is avoiding you and pulling out the domly-knows-all card when you question his actions. If he is refusing to tell you whats going on, you have to decide how much to keep putting into this. Its okay to draw the line or walk away if he won't communicate with you if thats a priority for you (and it would be for me). Online things can feel very intense and real, its easy to get that emotional fix without the real life bits to get in the way. They can be wonderful even if they don't lead to offline but you have to know where it ends, if games are played or deadlines missed then I think its important to take a close look and see if you are happy with how you feel. It isn't wrong to feel you deserve respect but that doesn't mean he is going to respect you. If you want someone who respects you then this relationship is a problem if you can't tell him you feel its going wrong.

lovingpet -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:52:36 PM)
I have a tendancy to be antsy about communication. When I am not able to talk when we normally do or if response is delayed on an important matter I can feel the tension flood in right away. At first it is just me being grumpy, but resigned that there is a good reason and to just let it be. Then the silence gets to me and I wonder what I did or how I've upset someone. Then begins the annoying barage of paniced messages. I will leave a message anywhere I can and will continue until something finally breaks. It is something I am working on, but it is how I am. Gently explain that you have waited for him every morning, but you have been blocked. Suggest just as gently that perhaps he accidentally left the block feature on all this time. Go ahead and apologize if you are wrong in advance. He may need reassurance as much as you do. I would also encourage you to get on with meeting each other in person as soon as possible. Even good relationships can struggle from a lack of face to face contact. I wouldn't worry about a collar until there are faces and smells and touches to go with the screen names. Best wishes! lovingpet

Aileen1968 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 6:59:42 PM)
I'm thinking he's in the process of dumping you and has never had any intention of meeting in real time. You were most likely online fantasy for him and now he's putting all of the blame on you so he can walk away guilt free.

pnut8377 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:04:20 PM)
Thanks to all who have responded so far, lovingpet as far as the collar is concerned my thing is don't say your going to do something and not do it, especially after weeks. If he doesn't want to send it and wait till we have some real time then that is fine but don't keep saying your sending it and having me looking for it when you never did. And camille I agree that he did pull the domly-knows-all card when i questioned him. I have a lot to think about. What scared me was the way he reacted. He has never cursed at me and yelled at me the way he did today, I was starting to think "red flag"?

barelynangel -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:06:42 PM)
First of all, are you sure you were blocked or did he simply have you on stealth setting so you couldn't see he was on? There is a HUGE difference. Did you contact him where he ignored your messages or did he simply not contact you. Others may see it differently but i personally don't get the online thing, so i will put this in an offline perspective. Your Dom is having some things he is trying to deal with, and he decides he needs time alone -- which he actually told you when he said "i don't want to talk about it or something to that effect." So he goes off to another room and pretty much acts like his slave doesn't exist for a while. He needs some space. Perhaps instead of making this all about you -- you could simply offer what you did -- you are there when he is ready -- instead of bringing more drama into a situation you know nothing about with regard to him. Is it hard to be kept in the dark, yes it is. But he pretty much told you to give him some space, but instead of letting him decide when that space was ended, you decided to go pounding on the door demanding to be addressed because he closed the door instead of leaving it open. Yeah being "ignored" when someone in your life needs some space and when they don't make it all about you by thinking of you when they may be dealing with something that has nothing to do with you is hard. Its hard when you watch a door close and you can't have access to him even though you want it and need it. But sometimes, you just simply have to let the person deal with whatever they are dealing with and when things are back on track THEN perhaps try and talk about it afterwards. So pretty much, its not always about you, your wants, your demands, and your decision of what he should be doing with you, sometimes they will close the door (or block you) as a way of stating they don't want to talk, instead of leaving the door open (or you able to see they are on). However, it seems some miscommunication may be going on but all in all, before starting drama and emotional effort of this magnitude, i would meet before investing to much more into a relationship wherein you have no clue if the compatibility and chemistry is enough to fortify the rest of the relationship. Just a thought, angel

AngelGeena -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:13:01 PM)
I'm the same was as lovingpet. When I don't hear something, I start getting anxious, which isn't a good thing. It's hard not to start sending alot of messages or texts or getting myself all bent out of shape. I've had to learn alot of self control and still have a long way to go. I sense some red flags with this particular situation. I don't blame you for questioning it. I agree with pushing with the meeting.

lovingpet -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:14:38 PM)
I agree no one should be making promises he/she can't keep. I will say there seems to be a lot more going on in his life that he is not sharing. He really doesn't have to share it, although I think it would go a long way to helping you understand his behavior and make more informed decisions. My partner disappeared for a week one time. I did my usual paniky thing until he finally responded that he had been extremely ill. I felt like an ass. If this is not his usual behavior, I would tend to think he is going through something. No, he should not be directing his frustrations toward you. You are also not helping put him at ease and help him out either. A lot more notes to the effect of Hope you had a good day or Is there anything I can do for you may be better for defusing the situation. He may be more willing to open up if he doesn't feel you are hostile toward him. This is a limited time fix though. Eventually, you have to decide if it is worth it. Further, it can't be something that occurs over and over again. Everyone needs a little tlc from time to time, but consistently having folks walking on eggshells is not a good thing. lovingpet

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:17:28 PM)
Big red flag. Was your email to him disrespectful? If not, his anger is pretty aggressive don't you think? If he is that way online, what will his anger be like in front of your um and in person? Heaven forbid something really serious happening and then what would he do? I am rather jaded at times, but I would think anyone that didn't talk to me, who talked to me daily... would follow things up somehow and make a way to talk to me. He didn't. For whatever reasons, I don't see an impulsive guy who gets angry like that as one who would patiently wait and not hear from you and not say something about it. Which leads me to think you may be on to something on that avoidance thing... but also that there is more of a secret reason for that avoidance. Call me jaded, unfair and say I assume, but one tends to do that when someone isn't communicating and when they do, they do so with such aggression! I would be uncollared and down the cyber highway if I were you. Why put up with the game when there are great dominant's out there... not to mention patient men who actually communicate!

pnut8377 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:20:33 PM)
I understand your point barelynangel but about a month ago I hurt my back at work and it limited my time online, i couldnt go on for a couple of days, He immediately asked me if there was an issue and basically thought I was just trying to avoid him (even after I told him the reason I wasn't online was because of my back), I certainly didn't curse and yell at him over it.

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:23:39 PM)
No...no... no.... Think about this... he said he was there waiting for you. You saw him... he wasn't needing a time out and you weren't pushing for him to act in any way. He lied. That isn't someone trying to get a break and needing some domly time. No way, no how.. not going to believe that one. He not only lied... but then accussed her and got mean. Bullies come in all forms and typically become more of a bully when caught being bad. I believe he lied because he said if he didn't want to talk to her, he would tell her and if I was waiting for someone and they didn't show up... and I had blocked them... I would figure it out in a weeks time. So he either lied or is really not the brightest bulb.

ExKat -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:26:49 PM)
I'm a big fan of open communications always, with no excuses for someone being Dom, sub, or whatever. If he's not being open, something is wrong-if he had to work, he could simply tell you and then sign off AIM or YIM completely. The fact that he's denying it and getting defensive and pushing you off suggests that something is wrong...for me this would be a HUGE red flag. It smells to me that he's an "online only" type of Dom, and now that things are getting real, he's no longer interested in playing. I suggest that you call him-if you have to find the one payphone left in your county, do it. It's harder to lie on the phone.

xxblushesxx -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:29:35 PM)
Ugh. Never make someone a priority, who treats you as an option. It is probably time to start meeting someone who lives a bit closer to you; someone who will give you a collar with excitement, and can't wait to talk to you and see you when they have time, not have to be nagged into it. Someone who tells you what is going on and gives you the opportunity to be the understanding person you can be.

JessieMe -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:30:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barelynangel First of all, are you sure you were blocked or did he simply have you on stealth setting so you couldn't see he was on? There is a HUGE difference. Did you contact him where he ignored your messages or did he simply not contact you. Others may see it differently but i personally don't get the online thing, so i will put this in an offline perspective. Your Dom is having some things he is trying to deal with, and he decides he needs time alone -- which he actually told you when he said "i don't want to talk about it or something to that effect." So he goes off to another room and pretty much acts like his slave doesn't exist for a while. He needs some space. Perhaps instead of making this all about you -- you could simply offer what you did -- you are there when he is ready -- instead of bringing more drama into a situation you know nothing about with regard to him. Is it hard to be kept in the dark, yes it is. But he pretty much told you to give him some space, but instead of letting him decide when that space was ended, you decided to go pounding on the door demanding to be addressed because he closed the door instead of leaving it open. Yeah being "ignored" when someone in your life needs some space and when they don't make it all about you by thinking of you when they may be dealing with something that has nothing to do with you is hard. Its hard when you watch a door close and you can't have access to him even though you want it and need it. But sometimes, you just simply have to let the person deal with whatever they are dealing with and when things are back on track THEN perhaps try and talk about it afterwards. So pretty much, its not always about you, your wants, your demands, and your decision of what he should be doing with you, sometimes they will close the door (or block you) as a way of stating they don't want to talk, instead of leaving the door open (or you able to see they are on). However, it seems some miscommunication may be going on but all in all, before starting drama and emotional effort of this magnitude, i would meet before investing to much more into a relationship wherein you have no clue if the compatibility and chemistry is enough to fortify the rest of the relationship. Just a thought, angel [sm=goodpost.gif] [sm=onphone.gif]

littlewonder -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:31:27 PM)
Personally for me if the guy I was into had suddenly started ignoring me and then blocking me..the first time would have been the last time. I would have already moved on without even telling him. Sorry but if someone is into you they won't block you. They actually WANT to talk to you probably as much as they possibly can and if they're busy they'll send you a msg saying "hey can we talk later? I'm working/busy/whatever". Sounds to me like he's already bored with you and is now making excuses so he doesn't have to actually talk to you anymore. Move on..he has.

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:36:45 PM)
If you find your head spinning and you are confused. If you find that someone is not making sense and they blame it on you... Run... Run... Run... it never gets better, but always worse and sometimes, you lose parts of yourself you thought you owned. Expect more... unless you are happy with less, being less and constant drama.

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