RE: My Dom is avoiding me

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barelynangel -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:42:47 PM)
So what does the way you reacted a month ago have to do with what he has reacted this time? This isn't a you do what i do or else you are wrong concept. If you start keeping score, your relationshio IS doomed. pnut, i know most people will tell you ohhh run run as fast as you can, but seriously, two people IN a relationship offline don't put on their running shoes just becaue someone loses their temper or does something unfair or is well hell just plain wrong in reaction or doing.. Its the easiest thing to do, run instead of commit, take off instead of working through issues. But all relationships take work, i would believe even online ones -- more so because you don't have all your senses helping you interpret things. I mean hell there would be no relationships if the commitment wasn't a concept of learning to accept each other faults and all and more so understanding the person. You don't even have a offline meeting to help you here, and you are falling apart because the guy wants some space and then yells at you in an email and now you are keeping score as to what you did versus what he is doing? pnut, if you want your relationship over before it gets started, keep posting your issues on here. If you want this to BE a relationship then give it the respect of a relationship and work through it with the parties involved -- you and him. I am not saying his taking his anger out on you, if that's what he did -- he may actually perceived your email in a way you never intended and is actually pissed off about it -- is right, but hell, people lose their tempers at times. If you want a saint then yeah - hit the road girl and make sure you have a good pair of running shoes because you will always be able to find fault with someone. He yelled at you, you admitted you were NOT happy when you sent that email, perhaps he knew it or he reacted in anger based on a lot of different things. If this is the worst thing that happens in your relationship from now through meeting and more -- count yourself lucky. You will have fights and i can guarantee you if you spend any years together offline, he will probably yell at you again and curse at you and you will get pissed off at him again. Relationships aren't always fair, i would be cautious as to investing too much into an online relationship as you nor he really have control over compatibility and chemisty in meeting, but meet the Man, and realize no relationship is perfect and people sometimes yell and curse irrationally, or get angry when you don't think its fair of them too. I would give him space, and then deal with this when you both are in a more receptive frame of mind, because you weren't and still aren't, and from what it sounds neither is he. Then make a decision when to meet and confirm because until you meet, you will never know where its going. Yeah in the end, this guy may break your heart --- but what if he doesn't? angel

faithbunny -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:46:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet My partner disappeared for a week one time. I did my usual paniky thing until he finally responded that he had been extremely ill. I felt like an ass. I actually think disappearing for a week is unacceptable, unless it's the norm for your relationship. Unless he was in ICU, he could have texted, IM'd, something. I worry about my beloved if he goes missing for a long period of time, and I would hope that he would be thoughtful enough to let me know that he was ok, just flu-y, or whatever. He certainly wouldn't put up with me disappearing without explaination. ~faith

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:51:59 PM)
In a real life relationship and not based online, one shouldn't put running shoes on too fast. But an online relationship where they have never met and one where there is clearly some questionable things going on... and a um... I don't see any reason to hang around and check things out giving room for enabling someone or for arugment, accusations, punishment, etc. I think this community alone proves there are much better in the dominant realm and why waste time on a guy that needs time outs without communicating he needs them... says he is there and waiting for her... yet hasn't checked his lil messenger program to uncheck the thing he clicked on to block her in the first place and doesn't take the time to figure out what the problem is when she doesn't show up for a week. Then to top off the brillance... he can't understand why she felt as she did and can't be loving enough to figure out why she might be a lil upset and yells, cusses and punishes. This is not the typical relationship that deserves all that consideration.

lovingpet -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:52:36 PM)
He was too ill to sit up and told me later that his roomate had to type that note for him. He just kept thinking he would feel just a little better the next day, but he didn't. He decided he had to do something when I was falling apart like that. He really didn't need to be worrying about me when he was sick as a dog. It is the only time it has happened and he lets me know when he knows something is coming up that may impede communication (feeling sick, work schedule, prior obligations, etc). We worked through the issue. lovingpet

MsLadySue -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 7:55:30 PM)
I get a sense that not only is he bored (possibly does not intend to become real time), but he has another online person he is interested in and that's why he was online and had pnut blocked. That would explain his nasty email and outburst, he is feeling guilty but not man enough to own up.

faithbunny -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:04:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit In a real life relationship and not based online, one shouldn't put running shoes on too fast. But an online relationship where they have never met and one where there is clearly some questionable things going on... and a um... I don't see any reason to hang around and check things out giving room for enabling someone or for arugment, accusations, punishment, etc. I think this community alone proves there are much better in the dominant realm and why waste time on a guy that needs time outs without communicating he needs them... says he is there and waiting for her... yet hasn't checked his lil messenger program to uncheck the thing he clicked on to block her in the first place and doesn't take the time to figure out what the problem is when she doesn't show up for a week. Then to top off the brillance... he can't understand why she felt as she did and can't be loving enough to figure out why she might be a lil upset and yells, cusses and punishes. This is not the typical relationship that deserves all that consideration. Bingo. His behavior is childish and douche-y. In a real-life relationship, where you wake up beside him any buy his favorite beer and cook him dinner, and he brings you roses and feeds your guinea pig and steals the covers, I'd say to give the man a freebie before you washed your hands of him, but frankly, you've never met the man and who knows who he really is and whether you really have anything between you? If he's being dickish already, in a low-pressure, LD-as-hell relationship, how's he gonna act when you break a dish or want to hang out with your friends? He is SO easily replaceable at this stage... ~faith

barelynangel -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:06:55 PM)
Lockit, how do you know? You may be telling this girl to give up on what could have the potential to be one of the happiest relationships in her life. You can't say its won't be. Many many relationships have started online and have had to work a little bit in the beginning to become an offline relationsbip. But noooooo, she should run cause god forbid the guy typed a few cuss words and probably capped letters to her. After she sent him an email where she admits she was a little pissed herself. And there were perceived slights and guessing games happening. But for all you really know, is they could actually make this into an OFFLINE relationship that is based on many HAPPY YEARS together. Yes, if she feels it is important enough to try and meet the guy and they are working on that then yes it COULD very well be worth the effort instead of starting all over with some other online nickname. Running from a relationship is not always the answer no matter if its new and just beginning or old and a little worn. As i said, sure this guy may break her heart -- but what if he doesn't. pnut, you will do what you feel is best. Good luck. angel Its very sad when the first solution people have to other people's problems in a relationship is to tell them to leave the relationship and run.

babylette97 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:10:37 PM)
my current dom and i agree that this sort of relationship is about mutual respect and trust; its not that he "owes you" an explanation but just as much as you need to respect his authority over you he needs to respect that he only has that authority because you gave it to him; if your dom does not take your emotions into account it could be an extremely dangerous situation for you; be careful

lusciouslips19 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:14:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pnut8377 Yes it is online but will be real time as well very soon. We have been planning a meeting. Ahhhh no, it wont.

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:14:58 PM)
I don't know. But... I am looking at everything she said and not just paying attention to how he cussed and all that. Bottom line... his actions are questionable, then aggressive. Not the best thing to see in a budding relationship, nor the best things to work through. I look at the whole picture and in this case the whole picture presented and it looks like he lied... is rather on the dim side (or he would have figured out he had blocked her and why she didn't show up for a week) and then with a mild upset gets rather angry. Maybe he is a mini god and has special powers, but most men online or off that act like that, typically have something to hide.. are not the best match to bring into an already made home (um) and not worth the risk. There are plenty of men out there that would handle things differently. As one who counseled many, many young women in abusive or dysfunctional relationships where they enabled the men and disabiled themselves... I tend to get right to the point and any red flag early on is worth risking losing the love of your life even if he is a mini god with a few personal issues that dear darlings need to figure out and love them through. So I assume. I can live with that. She can do as she wishes. She doesn't have to listen to an old foggy, opinionated, judgmental and jaded and of course most likely man hating domme... but I hope she does.

barelynangel -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:25:48 PM)
Lockit, honestly, you make me sad. I don't mean that in a mean way, but to me, it just is sad when someone reads a couple posts about one incident of a relationship on an anonymous message board and their automatic opinion is to recommend the breaking of the relationship. And no Lockit, i did focus on everything but it seemed to me that most of it was they both were acting in a not cool way. I don't believe he was completely at fault and do believe she could have reacted differently. I just guess to me, its sad when people are more concerned about ending relationships they pretty much know nothing about than they are in advocating people working through relationships to make them stronger -- even online could become offline -- as she stated THEY are working on. angel

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:27:17 PM)
What relationship?

lusciouslips19 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:27:18 PM)
There are alot of games people play online. For instance i was chatting with someone on Messanger when after a week i realized that he talked to me ,but only when I initiated contact. It finally dawned on me that it is possible to put someone on your list and then delete them right away. But then the person can still get messages and chat with you. Why would this be a big deal? Why would someone do this? Well, if they had someone with access to the computer that they didn't want seeing names on yahoo, your name would not be on a list. You following me? So why am i mentioning this? People pretend many things online. They often make up stories and have no intention of meeting you and when you start to push they will find a reason to back away or they will slowly drift away because they found another online piece of new.

barelynangel -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:32:29 PM)
The relationship where she calls him HER DOM, the relationship wherein she has this emotional meltdown because he stops talking to her for a while, the relationship wherein he feels he has the authority to punish her. See Lockit, according to THESE TWO PEOPLE, they have a relationship, one they are working on taking OFFLINE. You may not agree with it, and i agree they should meet before investing too much more emotional effort into it. So perhaps its you who are refusing to see what she said they have. Because even you believe there is a relationship, because if you didn't, you wouldn't be so desperate to tell her to end it and run and move on. IF it didn't exist to you that she believes there is one, you would have nothing to tell her to run from, but the very nature you are telling her RED FLAG and run, even you believe there is a relationship. Just not one you think should be important enough to invest effort into. MANY offline long term relationships have started with online relationships. She has indicated by saying HER dom etc that she and he both believe they have some kind of relationship and one they believe can become offline. angel

Maya2001 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:35:02 PM)
If he needed space he should not have just left you hanging without explanation...if he really meant for you to have the collar he would have sent it.....Do you really want a Dom that has so little consideration, respect for you to just up and ignore you for a week without explanation ....do you want a Dom that is not true to his word?? or does not make you a priority in his life? In this day and age there really is no excuse with all the possible means of communicating no matter how busy you are not to at least leave a brief message to explain an absence unless you are confined to a hospital bed and even then most hospitals stays these days are only for a couple days.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:35:34 PM)
She has never met him and he keeps talking about a collar but never sends it and blocks her from showing up online on his messanger. He makes up excuses as to why. Thats a relationship you would want? I would bet you with 85% certainty that this will never be a face to face meet.

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:42:27 PM)
Okay... I considered that. If I asked most around here... is it the submissive's responsibility to always be understanding and not expect to be told when their dom needs a time out... that they carry the burden of being ever so understanding to the point of enabling their dominant... what would most answer? I do not believe this man is caring for his investment of time, emotion and future and she doesn't feel so either. To condemn her for not understanding and being demanding is about as enabling as I can think of. Let's put some of this in his ball park. First of all... domly dom wants a break so he makes it so she can't see him online. He doesn't tell her he needs a break, just hides. (You assumed he needed a break) So he is there, doesn't communicate and she gets upset, even if she was wrong in how she reacted, she goes in email to declair how upset she is with him and how he should have told her if he didn't want to talk to her. He then emails and claims he waited for her every day and she didn't show up. He didn't try to message or email or even contact her um who he had on his messenger. No... he very patiently waited... or he was lying! Then he gets very angry and even in his anger decides her punishment. Now.. if we are going to blast her for what she did.. this darling domly type who could be the love of her life... has some things he needs to be understanding about and also accountable for. This romantic notion that we can ignore red flags has provided the need for shelters all over the states and for a death about every seven minutes. I can live with advising she walk... can you live with it if you are wrong, she enables him and believes him and he isn't the best love of her life and might do harm? I would rather this early on be safe than sorry.

xxblushesxx -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:51:15 PM)
If you were a dom, and you had met someone you wanted to live to serve you, and you bought them a collar (to send through the mail[:-]) wouldn't you hurry off and mail it without delay? Wouldn't you be talking or at least getting messages to the one who was going to serve you? Or, for heaven's sake, at least let them know what's going on?!! If someone makes it obvious, at the beginning of a relationship, that they do not keep their word, and that you are not a priority, I say run before you get more emotionally involved. It's much easier at the beginning. And remember, this is when he should be trying to make a good impression. Think about how he'll be when this relationship has "matured" for a few years.

barelynangel -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:56:43 PM)
I don't see it as enabling, i see it as she is the sub and he is the Dom. She doesn't have the control in the relationship and when he didn't do as she wanted him too she got mad and then got her feelings hurt when he snapped back at her. This isn't an equality based relationship, perhaps he simply doesn't want to talk to her right now. What she didn't get that from "I don't want to talk about it" and the fact he blocked her from seeing him online. So she is upset so he should just give her his balls and fall to his knees and grovel to her NEEDS and DEMANDS for attention. Yeah. While as i have stated, he may not be handling the situation correctly --- yeah Lockit, i said that before -- she as a sub in my opinion is handling it even worse by attempting to force him to do as she wants him too. TOGETHER THEY ARE BOTH MAKING MISTAKES. So maybe they need to WORK THROUGH THESE and get to a meeting before throwing in a towel and saying fuck it. Sorry to deprive you of your romantic notion concept Lockit, but to me, your notion is a more of a romantic notion because the way you advocate is that there is a saint out there and people should run at the first sign of trouble because well hell Prince Charming is right around the corner. Sorry but Cinderella would have lost out on Prince Charming if he had decided to just shrugged and chucked the shoe in the bushes. Lucky for her, he decided potential of the relationship meant he would have to put some work into making it happen. I do believe they do need to meet if actions are causing this much emotional upheaval. angel

Lockit -> RE: My Dom is avoiding me (12/1/2008 8:58:57 PM)
I see.. is that what I did? Interesting concept.

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