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RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/1/2008 9:18:01 PM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

The part of this that bugs me is that he flipped his lid when you questioned him about ignoring you. That to me is a red flag.

There are times when I'll go weeks without hearing from my Owner...but, this isn't anything unusual and I've gotten fairly used to it over the past decade or so. He has a family that is His first priority and He works god awful, crazy hours....and I'm like 900 miles away right now so that makes thing even tougher. I know there are a lot of times when He's online and doesn't talk to me, simply because there is no such thing as a 'simple, concise' conversation when it comes to talking to me. When we get a chance to talk, it's for hours. He simply can't cut out the middle of His day like that. Sure, He could say "Hi, I'm working. Bye." but He and I both know that would do nothing but make me more nuts, so *shrug*

However, when I finally loose it and send Him 20K emails about missing Him and being scared and lonely, He always responds immediately and is always supportive and reassuring. He never belittles me. He never yells or cusses me out. He understands it's extremely difficult for me and He's always careful to remind me that I'm His no matter what. And, for me, that's what I need.

I am NOT saying, by any means, that this behavior is okay for everyone, or that you shouldn't expect more from your dominant. I'm just saying this is what my situation is and that I'm okay with it. But I've been with my Owner r/t and we have an extremely strong connection and relationship, and we've been together for a very long time.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 41

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/1/2008 9:20:29 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I dont think that just because someone is a dom that they are exempt from proper behavior. I see red flags all over the place here. Some here just get off on being the antagonist view, I think.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 42

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/1/2008 9:22:24 PM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

By the way, barelynangel, I was only doing what I was told, I should have mentioned this earlier. I have issues with expressing how I am feeling. I have a tendency to bottle things up. He has told me that he wants me to express to him how I am feeling more than once because of this issue I have. You can not make a request like that and then get mad because you don't like how I am feeling and then punish me for it.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 43

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/1/2008 9:28:59 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

You can not make a request like that and then get mad because you don't like how I am feeling and then punish me for it.

Perhaps pnut it wasn't the expressing of feelings you were punished for but the manner in which you expressed them to him? In this case from what is gathered your email came off immediately accusatory on his end but not knowing your exact words I'm only guessing.

In the end only you can and only you will decide to stop the interaction with him or continue to talk on these issues pushing for face to face and work for it. Nothing anything said here will change your decision, and shouldn't make up your mind for you.

Good Luck to you

starshine

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 44

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/1/2008 11:51:22 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

This guy's a bad combination: loser and asshole. Trust me on this- been there, done that. This is only the beginning of his bad treatment of you. If you continue with him, it won't get better. It will only get worse. So stop wasting your precious time on him. You won't get it back.

Don't wait, dump him now.

Cut off all contact and go and get some self- esteem so that you won't put up with being treated badly in the future. Spend some time just enjoying being single and getting to know yourself better. That will be time well spent.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 45

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 1:52:44 AM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline

Pnut8377 - Use this as a learning experience of what you won't tolerate. When I was hunting, one of my favorite sayings was, "NEXT!". Be thankful that he naturally disqualified himself, and move forward.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 46

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 4:17:58 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

I dont get how he collars you and you accept if you have never met the dude. Velcro is cheap. If you also phone with him, why the hell not pick it up and speak to him? Is he married? Attached? If he blocks you, stealth or not, he doesnt want to talk with you. Period. The communication here is just silly and high schoolish. My Sir and I spoke very frankly with each other on the phone the other night and he didnt get mad, frustrated maybe but no anger.In fact, he said he was proud of the way I was sharing and being honest and open. Yes, many times it is the way you say it, not the words. If this man is like this now..... what do you know and realize about him?? Would you want your daughter to meet this man who disrespects you?Of course we have not heard the other side of the story..... and that would cause a brand new shade of brightness. If your half is totally correct and there is no other truth, flip the velcro off and get on with real life. Esp since you dont talk on the phone. Imperative to talk on phone. At any time of the day (when not working) ~~ sure sign of wife and cheating dude.

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 47

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 4:31:32 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babylette97

my current dom and i agree that this sort of relationship is about mutual respect and trust; its not that he "owes you" an explanation but just as much as you need to respect his authority over you he needs to respect that he only has that authority because you gave it to him; if your dom does not take your emotions into account it could be an extremely dangerous situation for you; be careful

I am sorry to tell you, your pat answer doesn't qualify here. The is NO "sort of relationship." Plus a collar made of cheap velcro when they have NEVER met? What authority is he exerting? Is authority being elusive and angry?The dude has not demonstrated authority.She might have given him something but not the right to be angry and elusive. Authority has to do with respect and honor.Where is that?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The phone? Why the hell can't you call him?Is he married??

(in reply to babylette97)

Post #: 48

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 8:45:46 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I was originally collared online by him, and yup it was before we met in the flesh.
Eventually we did meet in that wonderful delicious fleshiness (

) but they were sporadic meetings that spanned a couple of years so our relationship was primarily online. That doesn't mean it wasn't a relationship, that he wasn't my owner. It just meant that it was a different sort of relationship for a long time.

He even mailed my gold collar to me (I couldn't wait for our next flesh meeting.. I wanted it now now now hehe so he sent it to me).

So to claim that because it is online means it isn't real, is not always true.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 49

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 9:02:57 AM

urlittleprincess

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline

hello...i know this is a tough time...been there done that...my Dom and i were online for the first 2.5 months and while it was intense it was also frustrating for us both...we finally met and then because it was long distance i would travel to Him once a month to stay for a week...at time He would pull this same behavior...ignoring me for a while etc...He has been a bachelor all His life and likes His space...BUT at one point i 'felt' something was different and begged and pleaded for Him to tell me...and He was indeed 'hanging out' with a local submissive...i freaked right out and couldn't deal with it. it almost ended us but He ended it with her instead. from that point on the communication has been very open even when He needs His space. He hides nothing, even down to answering His phone calls on speaker phone always so i know who it is...i guess He knows He needs to rebuild my trust in Him. it destroyed my trust because He didn't tell me about her, i had to ask to know. we made it through a lot of ups and downs and now live together but it wasn't easy at all...and my trust still has not completely returned...

of course im not saying this is the case with you and your Dom...but to be aware of all possibilities is keeping your eyes open to bigger possible issues...

perhaps He is getting bored with the online thing...if you can't meet soon, perhaps get in more regular phone contact...it would make a better connection than seeing some words on email, chat or text...i know i need to feel connected and so does He...

best wishes to you...

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 50

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 11:27:28 AM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

So to claim that because it is online means it isn't real, is not always true.

I couldn't agree more. I was barely 17, completely naive, and half terrified when I met my Owner. Our relationship spanned 3 1/2 years online before I met Him in person, and I assure you, it was VERY real to me. It still is. Just because I don't talk to Him every day, or see Him on a regular basis doesn't make it any less real either. It's about the mind-frame of the people involved, not always about physical proximity.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 51

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 12:38:27 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't believe that online or off has much to do with determining whether a relationship is a relationship... however I do believe how people treat one another determines who is having a relationship and in this case it is a one sided relationship. Online situations can be just as painful as real time or they can be just as wonderful until you can get to that real time.

_____________________________

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(in reply to porcelain26)

Post #: 52

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 1:09:44 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

So to claim that because it is online means it isn't real, is not always true.

It depends on the people. I would be careful not to over commit before I met someone in real time and had some real time experiences with them. I can be infatuated with the thought of a person and how he may be, but I need to have different experiences over a span of time before I can consider it a relationship.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 53

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 1:19:58 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pnut8377

By the way, barelynangel, I was only doing what I was told, I should have mentioned this earlier. I have issues with expressing how I am feeling. I have a tendency to bottle things up. He has told me that he wants me to express to him how I am feeling more than once because of this issue I have. You can not make a request like that and then get mad because you don't like how I am feeling and then punish me for it.

Yeah, you can. Often when guys say *express how you're feeling* they don't ACTUALLY mean the things they do not wish to hear...lol. Be careful what you ask for, blah blah.

But aside from that..... It's not TOO difficult to say ...' Nah, nothing to worry about, no idea why I have YOU blocked and not the um. I'm pretty busy at the moment but don't worry , you're not forgotten.' It's quite an easy situation to diffuse when you're two reasonable people, surely?

Online or offline, precedent's tend to get set and expectations will develop......contact falls into a type of pattern that gets 'relied' on. That's the nature of developing consistancy. If he wants you to rely on him, then he has to be reliable and ditto, you.

If your communication is mostly online , then absences, blocking etc, will assume quite an importance.

agirl

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 54

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 2:53:03 PM

Hisfavinnocence

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/17/2008
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

RUN FOR ZEEE HILLZ!!!!

I don't get the online thing either -- but it would seem to me that any dom that doesn't show you respect isn't worth the time of day.

How can you be collared when you haven't experienced him? <That's another topic...>

_____________________________

--- Will Sub for Food

HFI

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 55

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/2/2008 6:32:20 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Has anything he told you have any validity to it? You said you are a collared sub, but he is holding on to the collar. He avoided you for a week, through some form of a block. Prior to this, was there any specific communication that occured, which might make you understand his reason for avoiding you? Did he say that he needed time alone, and wont be in contact as much for bit? Was he trying to get you to work through something on your own? How long have you known him? Through this time has this happen before but not maybe in this length of time? Is this a pattern for him? If you can't answer yes to the majority of these questions, then consider this a major red flag here.

oceanwynds

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 56

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/3/2008 11:07:25 AM

pnut8377

Posts: 33
Status: offline

I just want to thank everyone for their comments and opinions. After some discussion he and I decided to stop the D/s part of relatioship and just remain friends. The situation just wasn't working. With the blocking situation I think he had another sub or some other relationship that he didnt want to tell me about. Well you live and learn. Have a Happy and safe Holiday everyone.

_____________________________

Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize you've lost a diamond
while you were to busy collecting stones....

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 57

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/3/2008 12:09:17 PM

frenchbitchchris

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

This sounds like an awful relationship. Someone would actually block you?

My Master gets mad at me all the time but he would never block me online or not answer my calls because he cares about me. Just because someone is mad does not give them the right to emotionally abuse and neglect you.

I think you should move on so he can spend his time ignoring someone else who will take it. Just because you are submissive doesn't mean you have to take his shit. Haha.

--french bitch

(in reply to pnut8377)

Post #: 58

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/3/2008 2:40:00 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Push the face to face meeting. Find out if the compatibility is there. He maybe wanting RT and getting bored of the online thing.

Good luck i really hope it works out for you.

slave kristi(RT)

Agreed...

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to kristileigh)

Post #: 59

RE: My Dom is avoiding me - 12/3/2008 3:26:19 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

When I was doing chat online, I saw it time and time again, when two people arranged to meet and suddenly their relationship crashed, basically because one of the parties had no intention of ever meeting in rl.

Guess, its a painful lesson learned for you, its really important, when communicating online to really assess whether rl can or will actually happen. "Words are cheap" as they say. Putting a time limit on meeting can work really well, and make that time limit duration only as long away as you can keep yourself grounded and not invest yourself too much in the relationship.(says the girl who was head over heals with master pretty pretty quickly but hey).

I'm totally cool with people hooking up online, I think in many ways its the modern way to meet, its how I met master and it all worked out for us. People who meet online first, as long as they are incredibly honest and realistic, really have the space to create an "arranged" partnership that has a good chance of working.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 60

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