RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/1/2006 12:17:17 PM

clover

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

I was curious about exploring my "Domme side" a couple of years ago. I started out co-topping (to borrow kiale's word) with my Mistress until I got the hang of things and then scened with several male subs by myself.
It had to be something I was sort of in the mood for, but it was enjoyable enough. Not fulfilling in the same way as submitting, but enjoyable. The odd thing about it was that even while topping, I still felt submissive in a way. The enjoyment I felt was a direct result of knowing that I had met someone's needs or desires. Everything I did was calculated to satisfy those needs and desires. If I acted harsh or demanding, it was because I knew the sub needed me to be. I reveled in being able to accurately perceive someone's desires and to meet them.
I became fairly adept (for a novice top, at least) in the mechanics and techniques - the bondage, flogging, electric play, etc. - but was never able to actually let MY desires be the focus.
It's something I do very rarely now. It's exhausting!

(in reply to slavejali)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/2/2006 3:54:21 AM

markmjs

Posts: 18
Joined: 12/30/2005
From: Coventry, England
Status: offline

i agree, being dominant just doesnt do it for me, i thought i was until recently, untill i found my true self, & ive realised im happiest being submissive

Mark:)

(in reply to fp2012)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/2/2006 6:52:44 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Have any other subs tried taking the reigns before and switching roles (I mean subs here more than switches)?

It definitely opened my eyes to how difficult it is to come up with stuff to do, and made me realize just how indecisive I am lol. What are your thoughts on it? I actually think it's a good idea if you've never tried it before... sure made me appreciate my Master's talent more than ever!
Cheers,
~fp

Yes. Did this once with a vanilla partner. Loved it. Was surprised and taken aback by how much I enjoyed it actually. Was even *more* taken aback when the vanilla partner decided she wanted to drive for a while. Maybe we were both just closeted switches

I had no problem coming up with things to do (we lived about an hour apart so we had a pretty healthy cyber/virtual component to it, and I think that helped rather than hurt). I actually had the opposite problem. I tended to overwhelm her a little bit and let my diabolical schemes get too far ahead of where we were.

I've posted before that I think it's a good cross-training strategy for malesubs, if they have a partner. Experiment with topping. I think it's a good way to discover more about yourself, and work on those traits -- like indecisiveness, lack of confidence, etc. that might be getting in the way of either your own development or your ability to attract a partner.

I know there are some high-profile pro Dommes who agree with this philosophy as well.

(in reply to fp2012)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/2/2006 8:23:56 AM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

I identify as a slave, but Master and i do trade roles from time to time. I think it is a wonderful way to appreciate the benefits and problems associated with the "other end of the leash". I don't see myself as a switch. I do enjoy trading places with Master, but mainly it's something i do to please Him when the mood strikes. It's not something that everyone would enjoy, but i do think everyone should at least attempt it once, for that appreciation factor, lol.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."

(in reply to pollux)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/2/2006 3:29:12 PM

mitsu

Posts: 67
Joined: 9/7/2005
From: New York
Status: offline

I have a confession: I am a sub. My profile says dom because I am a professional dom, and although I do have professional submissive sessions also, I actually enjoy the dom ones more - perhaps because I can take on a sort of alter-ego and separate myself from the sort of danger I feel sometimes comes with intimacy of being submissive.
jali, when you say that you "couldn't appreciate the male bottom's enjoyment of it," you express the exact opposite of what I feel when I switch. I find that the reason I love playing the dom so much is that I can completely empathize with the submissive - I feel very capable of understanding what they're going through, and I can get off on that. I guess this is the opposite of the Freudian idea that the submissive transfers his emotional identity to the dominant.

(in reply to slavejali)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/3/2006 2:14:38 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Ive enjoyed topping others, but its not worth bothering with if the person your with is not submitting, and that's what my Dom cant do, so why bother?
We are a monogamous couple who do not play publicly. If we were not in this arrangement, id top someone again. But im not. So i dont.

(in reply to slavejali)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: subs who've ever tried to be Dominant? - 1/3/2006 3:04:01 AM

markmjs

Posts: 18
Joined: 12/30/2005
From: Coventry, England
Status: offline

im with Sirandlittle1, ive made the decision to be sub totally, as it says on my profile, like i said in my previous post, being the Dom dosent do it for me, as im responsible for a service user at work, its nice to be oblivious some times, & have somebody incharge of me, any way, its not my personality to be dominant.

_____________________________

Mark :)

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Profile

Post #: 27