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Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 12:23:24 AM   
JP10TX


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline 		Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?
Aside from the extreme Dom's who seek, "complete and total submission without limits, from a pussy bitch"...whom always seem to have had profiles for ages, does this lifeftyle just seem fleeting?

The goal for some might be love, but this love seems heavily based upon sexual gratification, and is a love with restrictions and stipulations.


< Message edited by JP10TX -- 12/4/2008 12:31:44 AM >

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Desnudo salí del vientre de mi madre
y desnudo volveré allá.
El Señor dio y el Señor quitó;
bendito sea el nombre del Señor!
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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 1:11:20 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My relationships are not based on sex, although sex sometimes happens. They are not based on restrictions either, but on an agreed upon structure. I have few stipulations as well, since it's my way or the highway (which actually isn't as harsh as it sounds).


Being a Master pervades my life. This is not something I DO, but it who I AM. Perhaps you only see the fleeting because your searches always lead you down that path?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to JP10TX)
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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 2:39:19 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		In my experience, an I assume many others, the entrance way into D/s is crowded with people looking for a kinky night, or exploring themselves, those unable to let go and be who their heart tells them to be, the inexperienced, the closed-minded.

I can appreciate how it has the feeling of a pick up bar, with spiked collars.

Eventually, if you want it, you'll find people who have an appreciation for power exchange, bondage, and other less sexually oriented behavior. Not that there's anything wrong with either viewpoint.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 3:22:05 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JP10TX

Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?
Aside from the extreme Dom's who seek, "complete and total submission without limits, from a pussy bitch"...whom always seem to have had profiles for ages, does this lifeftyle just seem fleeting?



If you believe this then your beliefs are more than shallow, they are onscenely naive. There are many here who would not only refute this but refute with many, many years of experience disproving this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JP10TX

The goal for some might be love, but this love seems heavily based upon sexual gratification, and is a love with restrictions and stipulations.



Refer to my earlier response. I wonder if you really belong here at all or if you wouldn't be better off with some right wing religious do gooder group. I may be wrong but that is how it seems to me at this time.




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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to JP10TX)
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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 6:46:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		People who base their lives on illusions and elaborate set ups, sure.

People who base their lives on well known dynamics and standards, not at all.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 6:52:43 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JP10TX

Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?
Aside from the extreme Dom's who seek, "complete and total submission without limits, from a pussy bitch"...whom always seem to have had profiles for ages, does this lifeftyle just seem fleeting?

The goal for some might be love, but this love seems heavily based upon sexual gratification, and is a love with restrictions and stipulations.



I think it certainly can seem that way and in plenty of cases, it is. I think for a lot of people, their involvement and interest in things related to bdsm or D/s IS fleeting, yes.

There are, by the same token, quite an amount of folk for whom it's not a passing interest.

I don't belong to this thing called 'the lifestyle'. I have a relationship with a structure in it. It's not any more magical than any other type of relationship.

I'm not sure that the 'love' that people seek is based in sexual gratification any more than anywhere else, though sexual stuff does get talked about and discussed a lot. I can understand how someone could gain that impression, frankly.

If you mean 'people playing with a bias on sex'..that's people for you...swingers, swappers and everything in between.

agirl











(in reply to JP10TX)
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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 6:56:53 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		You know, it really depends upon who you're hanging out with.  If most of your friends play basketball, it's going to seem as though everyone plays basketball.  Similarly, if most of the Leather folk you hang out with seem to be fantasy oriented, it's going to seem as though all of Leather is fantasy oriented.
 
And if that doesn't appeal to you, then maybe you need to find a new circle of friends.
 
As for the importance of sex, I would submit that sex is important in most all relationships, regardless of lifestyle.  Important for the vast majority, but foundational in relatively few.  Why would you expect anything different from Leather?
 
John

< Message edited by Rover -- 12/4/2008 6:57:30 AM >

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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 7:16:18 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Wow... where to start.  I guess I'm not really sure what "lifestyle" you are referring to.  My lifestyle, however, isn't fleeting.  My marriage is not based upon sexual gratification.  My love for my wife does not come with restrictions and stipulations attached.  And for all that, she obeys me in all things... go figure.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 7:21:18 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?

Lifestyles usually are.  They'd be pretty damn dull if they were all about reality.


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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 7:24:00 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Sex is the smallest part of this for me. This is not a game this is the way I live my life it and it is a framework for the relationship not an illusion.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 7:24:29 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JP10TX

Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?

The goal for some might be love, but this love seems heavily based upon sexual gratification, and is a love with restrictions and stipulations.


My relationship with Fox is no illusion. The ring on my finger is not fleeting and we are certainly not getting married for a relationshp based on sexual gratification. No more so, of course, than any marriage is.
Rules and restrictions, yes, but none like what youd consider fantasy... thinks like not leaving dishes or clothes in the living room...

You sound jaded, seems it itsnt the lifestyle thats a problem, its those you know in it. Or, you dont know anyone in it and you are basing you opinion on the profiles you see here. I that case your view is skewed.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 7:52:31 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sex is like bowel movements. As long as things go well it isn't of utmost importance. But contract food poisoning and spend all day on the toilet and it will be the most important thing.

Same with sex. If you are having good sex, it just fits into your life seamlessly. If you aren't getting any, or it isn't any good then it's all you can think about.

This is one of the reasons why those of us who are partnered seem so desirable. We're happy and can take things in stride. Those in a drought are going to sound a little desperate, hard not to.

Where you got the idea that everyone here is degrading, only does extremely edgy play I don't know. I wager we're just like everyone else. Work, home, watch a little tv, hope to fit play and sex in there a couple of times a week. And between times go to the grocery store, do laundry, visit family and friends.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 7:56:47 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sex is like bowel movements.


You folks must go through a lot of sheets.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 9:25:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		LOL
I read that line somewhere but it's true. If things go well you don't pay attention to them. Hell compare it to your car if you prefer. I get in, turn the key and go. I don't spend an hour thinking about it's needs. But heaven forbid I break down somewhere and the car repair is all I'm going to focus on.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 10:28:14 AM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		See the thing is, if you take the Dom/sub BDSM aspect out of it and just look at a normal "vanilla" relationship... you could say basically the same thing when it comes to sex. Lots of times relationships are based (incorrectly) on sex or sexual attraction. So it's just the nature of some people. In that respect lots of relationships are based on an "illusion" of what a relationship should be. People fantasize about the "perfect" partner and are seeking something that's a fantasy instead of reality. I don't think this "lifestyle" has much to do with it. It just proves that you're always going to run the gambit of relationship dynamics no matter what "style" of relationship it is.

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RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 12:49:16 PM   
JP10TX


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline 		That almost makes me pity you. 

If I found a man worthy, in my mind, of my submission, I would gladly oblige.

I hate the feeling of guilt I get when I read some profiles or responses that seem to condescend subs or slaves that have ambitions or goals in their lives, other than the sexual gratification of the other.

_____________________________

Desnudo salí del vientre de mi madre
y desnudo volveré allá.
El Señor dio y el Señor quitó;
bendito sea el nombre del Señor!

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 12:51:19 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JP10TX

Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?




I believe in many cases people really aren't looking for dominance and submission in a "way of life" context, even though they may profess so. I believe D/s is a means to an end for many; a psychological playground providing a number of diversions. Is that a "lifestyle"? I suppose it is.

I'm struck by how the phrases "way of life" and "lifestyle" differ in tone to me. The first feels more grave, the latter more like raiment to be tossed aside when one feels the need to reinvent.

As for love, that is a slippery word leaning toward hyprocrisy in all walks of life; a hyprocrisy from which no one is immune. That said, I feel D/s often allows for more direct expression of desires that would otherwise be inappropriate in more traditional relationship dynamics. The fact D/s does not need to be based on sex or even mutual love offers a certain freedom rather than a host of stipulations.

(in reply to JP10TX)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 1:01:07 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:


I don't belong to this thing called 'the lifestyle'. I have a relationship with a structure in it. It's not any more magical than any other type of relationship.



Thank you agirl for saying that. It meant a lot to me.

oceanwynds

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 1:12:32 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I don't belong to this thing called 'the lifestyle'. I have a relationship with a structure in it. It's not any more magical than any other type of relationship.




Well spake.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dominance as a way of life. - 12/4/2008 2:30:13 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Wow a new poster and you come up with this? Maybe you should read some of the archives and actually live some.

Dominant is a personality trait for me, and that is how I live in all aspects of my life. Glad I am not a Dom or you would consider me extreme. I own property, and there are no limits but what I set for my property. Some like it that way, and some do not. Each must find what they like in life, and then proceed to live it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: JP10TX

Doesn't this lifestyle just seem like an elaborate set of illusions?
Aside from the extreme Dom's who seek, "complete and total submission without limits, from a pussy bitch"...whom always seem to have had profiles for ages, does this lifeftyle just seem fleeting?

The goal for some might be love, but this love seems heavily based upon sexual gratification, and is a love with restrictions and stipulations.



_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to JP10TX)
Profile   Post #: 20
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