quote:

ORIGINAL: TheVoiceofOne

My question was not originally about myself.... But, I got to typing and went too far. I simply wanted to know if you sadists had particular triggers in life, or urges, or if it was a constant need. Thank you for your input, you were only one of three who were actually useful.

PS. How do I edit my original post?

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ORIGINAL: TheVoiceofOne

Hello all, I have a question or ten, directed at the self-proclaimed sadists among us. What causes you to have sadistic urges? Is it the same trigger every time? Or, is it a constant need? Is it a combination of many differing factors, depending on your mood, the weather, how spicy dinner was, etc. or what? How do you know how far to take your urges? What is the line for you, between expressing your sadism in a "healthy" way, and abuse?

A bit about me, I am a lifelong dominant personality type of a guy. I have been involved in 3 D/s and 1 M/s relationships, totally about 12 years. I am more and more realizing that semi-regularly, I have strong urges to cause suffering, and that these urges are pleasurable to think about. What usually brings these urges on is a change in my brain, where I start getting irritable at the world and cranky feeling. Over a few days, it turns into a gnawing at my brain stem, like fingernails down a chalkboard... Then the sadistic thoughts and feelings begin and usually last for a few days... These feelings do not entail anything criminal, or anything that would make me the week's star on criminal minds... Just stuff some of you people do.


Am I odd, and in need of immediate help, or just new at realizing my sadistic self?

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

MR, I have a question about compatibility. See I want to know that I'm compatible sexually and playwise before I totally commit. If you need the commitment first, then what happens if she needs to know about the compatibility first, and also what happens if after commitment you discover you aren't compatible?

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ORIGINAL: TheVoiceofOne

What usually brings these urges on is a change in my brain, where I start getting irritable at the world and cranky feeling.

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ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

Very few bring it out of....me.
 
I have to know above all...I am in a safe enviorment to unleash that part of...me.
 
I am quite aware of that part of me and have a healthy fear of...*it*...
 
Or would you rather hear I get wood when hurting someone...

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ORIGINAL: MasterTslave

Master T thinks about it a lot.  When it gets to a point that he cannot ignore it, he will "express it".  I am always more than willing to have him ready to "express his sadistic desires", it makes me hot.  I know it is something for him that he has to be in the correct frame of mind and has to be ready or it just doesn't have the right release for him.  Maybe it isn't worded well, but you understand...maybe.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

After a lot of introspection, my desire of the enjoyment of suffering doesn't have to do with the suffering itself. I get very little enjoyment from beating someone I just casually met. It's intricately linked to the power aspect and therefore linked to my dominance. Hence, inflicting pain is a way of expressing my power and control over a submissive and in that context, becomes incredibly erotic and powerful for me.

So I only enjoy inflicting pain to someone who has an intimate connection with me and wears my collar.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
No one has actually worn my collar yet in the sense of a committed relationship.

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian



It's hard to pinpoint why one is a sadist. I would say sadism is something natural to the human condition, but I don't think a lot of us can openly admit it. Gentle society provides a vicarious avenue for it in one form or another through media. It's safe, accepted and relatively anonymous.

For the more overt among us, why we focus on specific traits and hone them is impossible to sum up neatly. I believe behaviors as well as physical traits can be genetically passed, though strongly feel they can be "encouraged", too, depending upon experiences. As for triggers, I can only speak for myself in that I don't seem to have any in particular; it's something that is always there waiting to be fed, to a lesser or greater degree. Perhaps vulnerability could be a trigger? It's difficult to encapsulate.

I guess it's important to note there are different forms of sadism, too. In the simplest sense, there is sexual and non-sexual sadism; they don't always live together in the same house and don't have to involve causing physical pain. The essence of forceful operant conditioning itself is a high, but dissecting only the physical nature of the machine isn't quite where the pleasure is at from my perspective, which is why sadism or masochism without context is meaningless—at least for me.

As for expressing sadism in a "healthy" way, I tend to balk at moralizing there. There are plenty of Popes of Rope and self-important celebrity leatherists who have written and spoken extensively on what is and is not abuse. One could get past parsing the tea leaves there and say much of it is abuse, technically. Based on what you've written here, I don't think you're odd. I would just say you're expressing a drive honestly and openly. Take what the "collective" thinks within reason, too. There is a lot of politically correct claptrap in circulation, even among those who should know better.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact


Let's take this bit by bit, shall we?  To start, when I tried to look you up, it said profile not found.  That doesn't especially give Me much to help you on, even if I was the one who you meant to reply to that I was helpful.  I would like to help, if I can.  Whether or not what I have to say accomplishes that, only you will decide.

Just a small point of order.  There is a limited time to edit any post or response on the boards.  I have no clue of what the actual time limit is, but why not leave it the way it was written?  It seemed like an honest enough question to Me.

Now, as to the meat and bones of the matter.  Accepting sadism isn't exactly the easiest thing for everyone.  It took Me quite a while to do that Myself.  After all, 'nice' people dont' have those urges, do they?  Aren't we taught from the time that we are growing up that it's wrong to hurt people?  Who would want to do such things to someone?  Isn't it wrong? 

For most folks in most situations, that works.  However, for us, it doesn't.  We have certain longings, certain urges, that we want to satisfy.  It creeps up into us.  Gets in our blood.  We feel our teeth.  We know our animalistic nature.  It is a part of us, no matter how we try to deny it.

It is the same on the other side.  There are certain creatures who want that pain.  Who want their flesh torn.  Who want to feel their blood rise to the skin, and spill it if need be.  Nothing makes them happier, or more content, to be exactly what you want them to be, at your hands.

Accepting this is not the easiest thing in the world, but you can.  Often, satisfying the sadist in you has been called "the beast within."  Yes, you can see it that way.  Something evil that needs to be let out into the night.  Instead, you can own the beast.  Accept that it is a part of you.  Revel in the pleasures it brings.  Take the pleasures that you know can be had.  Feel yourself.  Know the cravings of the bottom you play with match your own. 

I know this hurdle is difficult.  I have been there Myself.  Accept what it is for which it is.  It is such an easier path to tread.  Let go of what you have already learned yesterday, for what you might learn tomorrow.

I wish you well, for all of the challenges that I know you face.

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ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Am I odd, and in need of immediate help

You're very odd....quite perverse in fact.

This oddity has created stress within you which only the sounds of a screaming slave will release.

Find a slave and make her scream. Then you'll feel better.

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ORIGINAL: Rover

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ORIGINAL: TheVoiceofOne

Interesting, but less than helpful.

There's valuable advice in that post.  It's up to you to make it helpful.
 
John

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I read the cranky bit as that he gets cranky if he hasn;t played for a while. Not that he uses s & m to take out his anger at the world. Which is it?

You can only edit for about an hour after you put up a post. After that the edit button disappears. Irritating to have to look at your typos for all time!

If you want to elucidate, do so now. Some people won't read down to your second post, but some of us will. Or start a new post if you want to refine your question.

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ORIGINAL: TheVoiceofOne

It is neither... I get a feeling... inside of myself... I can almost taste it.... it becomes a gnawing, grating feeling in my brain stem (the only way I know how to describe it.) It is not caused by anything or anyone discernible, I am not mad at the world or a person, or life... or anything else... I used to act on that feeling by working out, beating my brother up, or some other physically draining activity... It is an animalistic, wild, physical, biting, tearing, power type feeling... Not anger, or self loathing, or any other BS like that. Kinda like when men turn into werewolves... or other creatures... from fairytales.