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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 6:44:31 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I haven't read all of the replies but most people have some sense of aesthetics.  I generally think of this as a 'continuum of acceptability' to what our personal tastes are. 
Also, affinity for, positive personality, etc. will make a person more attractive to me; it's about the whole picture rather than only the packaging but there are are constraints beyond which my continuum does not readily go. 
There are also certain body parts that I tend to pay more attention to; eyes on either sex, for example.  I don't have super-strong focus generally on any one body part, preferring the whole person.  Recently, I knew someone who had the most fabulous calves I've ever seen among their other positive physical attributes.  Not something that usually stands out to me but on that person: super yummy.  :> 
I know what I find most appealing; I know what I find less appealing. 
Oh, and I know that the old addage is that men are more visual than women but in my instance, I do not believe that to be the case, though I believe women are generally more forgiving regarding 'imperfections' of appearance than are men. 
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 12/5/2008 6:48:06 AM >

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 6:51:53 AM   
CatdeMedici


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quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

i appreciate all of your comments, but don't we use the, "It's what on the inside that counts?" anymore? i think i got that right, please correct me if i am wrong. Thank you


sadly we do--AFTER we have ensured that the outside is acceptable to what other people will think, because after all ,goddess forbid, we should select someone who didnt fit the "mold".  I mean its all about sex, sex, sex, dontcha know.
 
<said with a little more than dripping sarcasm>

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 6:54:35 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Oh, and I know that the old addage is that men are more visual than women but in my instance, I do not believe that to be the case.
That's because you're not a true woman, virtuous and pure and whatnot...  *smirks*

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 7:06:12 AM   
SassySarijane


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From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Appearance does matter. It matters in different ways for different people. How it matters to me and how I choose to act on it aren't going to be the same as how another will. It's not necessarily shallow for appearance to matter, it more depends on how it matters to someone. I have my preferences like everyone else does and I see nothing wrong with it at all.

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 7:14:48 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		What I notice most about your question, is your apparently belief that the appearance of others is important to dominants, only. 

(Unless you mean, a dominant's own appearance is more important to them, in which case, I'd have to ponder that possibility.  Little preening among the dominants, yes there is.)

What gives you that impression?  I assure you, the submissives, switches, and vanilla people I know, all have their physical preferences.  Not just in the body's appearance, by the way, but also in style and grooming, people have preferences.

To ask why humans have preferences in appearance would be more to the point, but that might be a matter for anthropologists, sociologists, and biologists, because there are differing theories on it.

I suspect that implicit in your question is that people shouldn't find appearance important.  But you feel what you feel.  I think that everyone deserves to have a partner who feels naturally drawn to them and spontaneously excited about them.  It's not a job interview, it's love and lust.

"If his love is to be called perverse, then let it be so, for maybe love is too great to be normal, too intense to be sane."
 
- from a commentary on the film, Gekko no Sasayaki aka Moonlight Whispers, http://imdb.com/title/tt0208178/usercomments



< Message edited by MadameMarque -- 12/5/2008 7:16:07 AM >

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 8:01:23 AM   
SimplyMichael


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Status: offline 		It amazes me when people want to talk about what is on the inside as they are usually saying that to get an "attractive" person to be interested in them.  It is the dork wondering why the cheerleader isn't interested, it is seldom the dork wanting to date another dork. 

(Note: terms used above are broad stereotypical terms used merely to illustrate a point, not to put relative values on either cheerleaders or dorks)

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 8:55:26 AM   
missturbation


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From: another planet
Status: offline 		When i think about the 'appearance' of someone it covers far more than physical looks. Sure physical looks are of some importance but along side them a person needs to carry themself well, be clean, neatly turned out, have an attractive personality, be reasonably intelligent.
'Appearance' is a package for me, not just about looks. I actually think to equate 'appearance' with just looks is quite shallow.

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 8:58:08 AM   
tornaway


Posts: 174
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Status: offline 		 
      As much as some may want to deny it - we are animals .  Often we may react to someone on a purely instinctual level .  Haven't you ever met someone who seemed nice otherwise , but caused the hair on the back of your neck to stand up - or some other reaction that made you uncomfortable - and you couldn't really pinpoint why ?  You just knew you didn't want them getting any closer ...
 
      We're each wired differently , and can be repelled by , or drawn to someone for all kinds of reasons .  But especially when it comes to picking mates - appearance does matter bigtime .  And I'm not talking just outside attractiveness here - six pack abs , or shapely legs, boobs , height , hair , whatever .  But just how the whole person might look to each of us , and how it feels to be near them .
 
       If I look back on my own history , I've been drawn to a very wide variety of people - no one "type" at all .   The one common thread was  the level of self care evident   ( hair , nails, teeth, fitness , etc. )  that I need to be attracted  to someone.   But bottom line is - if I want a real connection with someone - especially sexual , I've gotta feel that pull TO them .  So yeah - it sure does matter ! 

< Message edited by tornaway -- 12/5/2008 8:59:05 AM >

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 10:09:16 AM   
scottjk


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Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

Why is this so important to a Dom/Domme? Same question can be applied to HWP?


For good or bad:

Physical attraction is a fundamental part of mate pairings, regardless of the role. Whether it's physical feats, or appearance. It's that part of all animals that go "Oooh! Shiny!" and has little to do with intellect. As humans, appeal is an emotional response that motivates us to either avoid or approach. I've got some friends that choose some partners that I wouldn't give a second look and while it makes me curious, I don't judge them, as long as that person makes them happy. Sadly, the impression of the person's personality sometimes takes time to acquire. THAT is where we stumble often. :)



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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 10:22:45 AM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		What's inside can (majorly) increase a small amount of already existing attraction for me.  What it can't do is create attraction out of nothing.

People who I'm not attracted to who I really like I call "friends".

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 10:30:23 AM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

i appreciate all of your comments, but don't we use the, "It's what on the inside that counts?" anymore? i think i got that right, please correct me if i am wrong. Thank you

I prefer taking the entire package into consideration.


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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 10:30:39 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		While I have preferences for attraction, those preferences apply to -potential romantic partners, not potential servants or bottoms-. I do not consider WIITID in D/s or BDSM scening as a 'romantic prelude', so no, I have no preferences in terms of choosing servants or bottoms, aside from the individuals capacity to do what xhe says that xhe'll do (and having a partner who is shaved or willing to shave for things like needle play and fire play). The dynamic is completely different than a "dating" dynamic, for me, and so I don't apply the same criteria that I would in a 'dating' situation. The only requirement that I have that is appearance related is that we're looking for one male servant who is over 5'11" and who can dance, to provide a dance companion for my Darling. Other than that, if they can do what they say they can, and are honest and dedicated, those are my key requirements.

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 11:53:23 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

It amazes me when people want to talk about what is on the inside as they are usually saying that to get an "attractive" person to be interested in them.  It is the dork wondering why the cheerleader isn't interested, it is seldom the dork wanting to date another dork. 

(Note: terms used above are broad stereotypical terms used merely to illustrate a point, not to put relative values on either cheerleaders or dorks)



You know, I never actually thought about the subject in that way before.. Wow..

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 11:56:31 AM   
mc1234


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

I prefer taking the entire package into consideration.



Exactly.  It's the entire 'vibe' I get about a person - including the physical appearance. 

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 11:59:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I need all of it for it to work. I can have a great friendship with a guy who is 5'6" but I won't be sexually interested in him. I could be all interested in the big guy who is 6'2" and 220 lbs of muscles but if I don't respect him I'll turn away.

I need everything to be right. I'm too old to settle for Mr Right Now or to delude myself that Mr Wrong could somehow turn into Mr Right. I'd rather be alone than lonely with the wrong one.

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 12:15:24 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		We are drawn to what is pleasing to our eyes. Physical attraction is natural whether it's there or lacking.

However, there is something to be said for people who solely rely on it as a basis for building a relationship. Physical attraction and beauty is nice, but beauty is fleeting. Age makes sure of that.


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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 12:24:03 PM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

It amazes me when people want to talk about what is on the inside as they are usually saying that to get an "attractive" person to be interested in them.  It is the dork wondering why the cheerleader isn't interested, it is seldom the dork wanting to date another dork. 

(Note: terms used above are broad stereotypical terms used merely to illustrate a point, not to put relative values on either cheerleaders or dorks)



You know, I never actually thought about the subject in that way before.. Wow..


Someone very bright suggested a much better analogy, one far more clear than mine.  It is usually the 5 wanting to convince the 10 to appreciate their inner beauty, it is rarely the 5 wanting to convince another 5. 

Now, anyone who only considers outer beauty is a pretty shallow person but very very few truly are immune to it.  Certain women just make me ache with the longing when I see that indescribable "thing" that gets me, perhaps a smile or a poise but WOW is all I can say.

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 12:38:35 PM   
slaveboy291


Posts: 329
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline 		It's the first thing you notice about a person.  Then you get to know the person behind the smile. 

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 1:17:13 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

I just responded to a thread about older men saying that my history has proven that I'm attracted to them, so I guess that means outward appearance does factor into my initial attraction (a man with silver in their hair..oo la la) even tho I was initially gonna say outward appearance really doesnt matter to me.

I guess what I can say though is, sure I recognise certain things im attracted to physcially but im with it enough to just ignore most of that. People give off a certain energy, have a certain consciousness and its that which I have to live with day in and day out ...so its that which I really take notice of.

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RE: Appearance? - 12/5/2008 1:17:20 PM   
dawntreader


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

... but don't we use the, "It's what on the inside that counts?" anymore?


I prefer taking the entire package into consideration.



i agree - i consider the whole package as well and what i find attractive might not appeal to another but it is certainly a consideration for sure in a sexual/intimate partner

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