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RE: Fear of other men - 12/7/2008 2:07:54 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

Just as an aside, one thing I've found very funny is that in my experience (real time), when FemDommes start talking about heavy CBT (bloodplay, tight ligatures, hard impact, etc), it's usually the female submissives who get the most freaked out by it. Nothing like a needle straight through the scrotum to get crowd response

I would have to disagree with this. I have found it to be more common that the male Tops are the first to find another scene to watch when these things come up.

LMAO!!!!!!

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/7/2008 3:12:06 PM

RainydayNE

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women and men tend to engage in things on totally different psychological levels. like the "doting mother" who's poisoning her children =p that takes a certain level of depravity that alot of male serial killers never even get to. it's one thing to kill random people, but it's another thing to kill your kids. =p
so i dont think sadism and the depth of it has anything to do with chromosomal factors =p XXs can be just as diabolical as XYs.

and i have to agree with LadyPact's assement of OMW's statement. =p talk of CBT and the like doesn't bother me, other than the fact that i'm just not interested in it at all. =p but i guess if that was applied to like breast play or somethign, then maybe it would bother me, since i could potentially identify with it.

< Message edited by RainydayNE -- 12/7/2008 3:13:01 PM >

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/7/2008 6:27:25 PM

DavanKael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

As a male, I have no trouble imagining the depths of sadism that men are capable of, and just thinking about the possibility of being helpless with "the wrong Dom" scares me shitless.

Wow, that's funny. As a newbie to the entire BDSM thing, I gotta say it is the female dommes that seem to be clearly over the top to me. Every time I've heard a discussion about blood spatters and similar things it's always been a female. There's no question that if I was bi and sub, it'd be the females I feared more than the males.

No insult to female Dommes, but as a female and as a female who can function on either side of the kneel, and who in life can be downright evil when I need to be, I've gotta agree with Leadership: I'd be more concerned about the sadism of females. I know it's a sterotype but I think men are generally more straight-forward. Certainly, though there are sadists of both sexes. As it's a particular fear (And perhaps a particular desire), using particular care when you delve into that aspect of your interactions would seem prudent.
Best wishes,
Davan

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/7/2008 8:34:43 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

Just as an aside, one thing I've found very funny is that in my experience (real time), when FemDommes start talking about heavy CBT (bloodplay, tight ligatures, hard impact, etc), it's usually the female submissives who get the most freaked out by it. Nothing like a needle straight through the scrotum to get crowd response

I would have to disagree with this. I have found it to be more common that the male Tops are the first to find another scene to watch when these things come up.

LMAO!!!!!!

Any why did you find this funny?

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/7/2008 8:38:22 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I think that Red has seen that reaction himself a time or two...

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/8/2008 6:12:01 AM

ItalianSMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: atljerbear35

As a male, I have no trouble imagining the depths of sadism that men are capable of,

*smiles to self*

You should look into what depth of sadism some of the females are capable of.....including myself...and perhaps reconsider that idea, LOL
My ears always perk up at a slave that has been "male" trained, cuz in some ways they can handle the more physical types of sadism I enjoy.....so I can understand what you are saying......however, I know that just because someone was used by a male sadist....does not mean they can handle whatever I prefer......you have to look at each Dom/me as their own, and decide from there if they are safe to play with or not.....

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/8/2008 8:14:54 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: atljerbear35
There also seems to be a consensus that Women are far more sadistic than Men;

That has never been my experience.

I think most people have seen men play women and many men hold back their sadistic desires when playing women because they still hold onto some culture upbringing of men stronger than women crap. At the same time, many women are actually playing men and because of the that same culture crap they tend to feel a little more freedom in exploring there sadistic desires with the big strong male.

However, truth be told... the desires are the same on average.... the ability is the same on average. And yes on average the bottoms (regardless of sex) are the same. I play we women and I have and will play with men.... the only difference between the two is that I am not sexually arroused with men, thou sometimes I am not with women either... I often don't find SM to be sexually arrousing for me... it' a more empowering and peaceful feeling that I recieve.

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/8/2008 8:18:18 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I don't see sadism as being gender bound. I am a sadistic dominant, but I get as much satisfaction from playing with someone who is a less than extreme player that can be pushed, as with the no-limits pain slut that I can rip to shreds. It's the connection with the person, and feeding from their pain. Am I more savage than many men? Absolutely. I have met men and women both who leave me in the dust! (and yes, that is absolutely nightmare fodder....)

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/8/2008 9:27:24 PM

LadyPact

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I would tend to agree. It goes along with My theories about supremacy. No one is more this or that due to which chromosomes the were born with. How sadistic a person is depends on the person themselves, not their gender.

Does that mean that women aren't just as sadistic in some areas as men? No. Though I do tend to think that women have certain advantages over males in some areas.

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/8/2008 11:46:48 PM

atljerbear35

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I'm starting to wonder now if I'll ever be able to trust anyone enough to play in private without a monitor/bodyguard. Is that level of trust only to be found in long-term relationships? Can I ever know someone well enough from their public-play persona alone to trust them when no one else is watching? I'm not really concerned with pain levels per se (it's what I'm here to explore and expand upon, after all), but in my physical safety. I'm a huge man, so I'm slightly less worried about playing with women, as long as I'm not fully restrained beyond my capacity to escape if needed. I'm sorry if that comes across as sexist, and I apologize to any who take offense; but if I have to fight for my life and I get to choose between fighting a man or a woman... see what I mean? Occasional news stories about sadists and the prisoners they take and torture- sometimes to death- are a real risk, and one I can't afford to ignore or take lightly. That's why I'm asking for- and paying close attention to- your input about this. It's THAT important... and I'm listening...

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RE: Fear of other men - 12/9/2008 4:21:58 AM

LadyPact

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Personally, it doesn't offend Me a bit. I think I referenced earlier the fact that female Tops probably don't have the same physical strength as their male counterparts. There are exceptions to every situation, of course, but I certainly know that I'm not one of them. The truth of the matter is that I'm only 5'2" and could probably be over powered by many of the male bottoms that I play with, if for some reason they would chose to do so.

As for the rest of what I am going to say here, please keep in mind that I am looking at this from an S/m play aspect only and not a sexual one. It is just a feeling that I get that you want to incorporate sex with your play at some point with males. There is nothing wrong with that but it is different than the direct questions that you are asking here.

With that in mind, unless it is for the sexual element, what is your rush to get specifically to private play? Why can't you play with someone publicly over a course of time so that you can build some trust in a Top? Is there a reason that you couldn't also get to know someone outside of playing so that you would have the opportunity to get a feel for what kind of person they are before you take your play private?

Personally, I don't jump into private play with people I don't know or I haven't had the opportunity to get to know. I even mention in My profile that if a bottom can't meet and play publicly first, then play probably isn't going to happen at all. I can't tell you how many times My husband has been My body guard for a first initial private play session or subsequent private scenes before I've trusted a bottom enough to play with them alone. That's with Me being a Top and not running the risk of what can happen once restraints are in place.

If you're interested in pushing your boundaries with pain and play, that can be done publicly until you trust someone enough to take it to private. There's no rush and there's no time line in which you have to go from one to the other. Good luck in your ventures.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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