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RE: troubled sub - 12/6/2008 11:57:49 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

Submission has got more to do with putting the needs of your dominant first before your own needs, rather than putting the needs of your dominant first at the expense of your own needs.

I disagree for the first time with Ms Stella. I think that in submission, sometimes the needs of your dominant absolutely does preclude yours. In this case, the needs are so significant that they must be dealt with and resolved. My guess is that the OP has decided what she is going to do.

quote:

A dominant is someone who ensures that the needs of his submissive are met. It all comes back to responsibility and communication

Really? I consider myself a softie for thinking and behaving this way, in that I will only take on someone who enjoys what I like to do. But I'm only doing that to minimize my work, and avoid having to correct/teach him something entirely new. I believe it is the submissive's responsibility to decide if who I am, and what I do will meet his needs, not mine.

quote:

myotherself
He's away two-thirds of the year. You've been married 10 years and he knows that you have a high sex drive. While he's away he fucks around to get his needs met, but denies you the same.

Hello! He's her master, and makes the rules; she abides or tells him she can no longer. Since when is equality of rights the pivotal point in an M/s relationship? M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 12/6/2008 12:04:09 PM >

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Post #: 41

RE: troubled sub - 12/6/2008 3:05:11 PM

vanessa73

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i've decided i will talk to him when he gets up for his tower tonight. All the different viewoints have been helpful. I think it's best not to forget my word and commitment. it would be rather cowardly and deceptive not to at least share my feelings with him. It is interesting however to see the integrity that some have Thankyou all

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Post #: 42

RE: troubled sub - 12/6/2008 3:51:13 PM

Lockit

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Whoa... It's natural for him to have needs, but not natural for you to have them? He gets some of his needs met, but he is jealous and doing a lot for the family... but not okay for you to get some of those natural needs met? (shakes head) If it is natural for one gender, wouldn't it be natural for the other? If it is okay for one to get needs met and the other is ignored because the one getting his needs met is jealous and one is understanding and gets all the good stuff because he is dominant or male... that doesn't compute in this dominant female brain! Sexual need is a human thing and to ignore them because of jealousy or feelings of indeptedness doesn't sound right to me.

So you are supposed to be something other than human so you can understandingly accept his fulfillment and deny your own? Wow... if it is a matter of dominance... I am glad I am dominant because he who plays ought to know that she needs to play too.

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Post #: 43

RE: troubled sub - 12/6/2008 5:31:20 PM

marie2

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I'm curious, vanessa; Do you think the lack of sexual contact would burn less if he was "suffering" the same way as you are, instead of getting his needs met?

I ask only because it could be important to consider where your frustration is coming from. Is it really an unsatiated sexual drive that's bothering you, or is it more about the feeling that you're sacrificing something and he's not?

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Post #: 44

RE: troubled sub - 12/6/2008 6:44:19 PM

LPslittleclip

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the best thing to do is to communicate with your master on how you feel. subs and slaves have needs and wants as much as they do. you need to be respectfully in the manner of doing it. my M'Lady and i are separated right now and to help with the distance i have a routine to keep me active in the lifestyle. you may want to inquire as to using your service needs to help the local community if allowed, such as in assisting in munches and other events. this would help with the service aspect but as for the other sexual part that would be determined by your master and what is allowed.

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Post #: 45

RE: troubled sub - 12/6/2008 7:48:20 PM

DavanKael

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Joined: 10/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: vanessa73

No i have not, i feel so completely guilty for even thinking this way. i know that he does his own thing,i'm ok with it, i realize that it is human nature, he however is more jealous. He jokes about me having a "sancho". i am sexually addicted, i need it, i don't know what your position is, but how do you think i should approach the subject?

I didn't re-reference your OP ut I think you said you hadn't had sex in 8 months. If that is correct, I wouldn't call wanting sex addiction. I feel like a part of me, a substantial part, is dying when I am not having sex frequently.
Approach it with him as you did here and add in some of the respectful nuances of your interactions with your Master.
Davan

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Post #: 46