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sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:00:46 AM

angelbaby22222

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

I am very new to this world. I have yet to actually act on this yet. But I was wondering if this is normal. The man that has chosen me is extremely busy and wants me to be trained by someone he trusts. Now I ask if this is normal. That I would be performing sexual pleasures with this man instead of my dom , until I am totally trained. He said that he wants to be sure I am ready for him. I am to go to a woman who will allow this man who is my trainer ..to show me ..what is expected of me. Here is my other question , how do you not (and this trainer, not) have feelings for each other..I already see this trainer wanting more with me. (but he says he will never act that way once I am Sirs) I said I don't believe he will be able to hide it..I can see it in his eyes. (oh and my sir and the trainer are family..)

Now I am also to be the Alpha B itch so he says that I will have others below me that will have to answer to me.. and I will have one person in a small room of our house that is there for me ..to run errands..do what ever I need her to do.

Is all this the correct ways of training..and actions..I want to be sure I have someone that knows what they are doing..since I am so new...

Post #: 1

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:04:37 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

No profile... anyway, no. The whole scenario is a train wreck.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 2

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:07:33 AM

angelbaby22222

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

because I dont have a profile? I just signed up for this one question .

What is the train wreck?

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 3

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:13:48 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

K. The train wreck is you have a Master that is too busy to train you the way he wants to, and is sending you to a trainer to learn to be "alpha bitch" and a male trainer that is going to fuck you, you think, or rather know he has feelings for you but won't act on them when the training is done and you don't know for yourself if this is the right way to proceed? Seriously, that is a train wreck. You are in control of your own destiny, your body, your sexuality. Personally, if Sir sent me off to learn to be a slave, it isn't *his* slave I am learning to be. How do you feel about having to fuck this other man because your master is too busy to do that or to show you the way he wishes for you to be? Sorry to sound snarky, but aren't we all adult women here? Just because we have a predisposed nature for ownership and/or slavery, it does not negate our responsibility to maintain our own ethics and moral code. Whatever that may be. I wish you luck sorting this out, but with all of the questions you have, I think you need to take a breath, slow down, step back and re-assess what is right for *you*.

Oh and without a profile it is hard to make a more definitive answer since it makes a difference if you are 18 or 45. Not to mention other bits of information, that's all. People with no profiles and such a big question tend to make it hard to answer.

< Message edited by Aynne88 -- 12/6/2008 8:16:40 AM >

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 4

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:15:05 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelbaby22222

because I dont have a profile? I just signed up for this one question .

What is the train wreck?

So you're being loaned out to your master's brother or something, there's a woman somehow thrown into the mix, the brother thinks he wants to keep you, and your master is too busy to train the 'alpha' female.

What the heck is he going to do when he acquires the next girl? He can't even cut out time for one, he just needs to get a goldfish and be happy.

That being said, the whole thing sounds like a poorly thought out literotica fantasy.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 5

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:21:08 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

well take yourself out of the fantasy of this life--would you do if if your bf asked you to? If not, why not--if the bells ring in the vanilla world, things don't change, unless you don't mind being passed around as a sex toy--one person's kink doesn't validate or invalidate.

<edited to add: any Dominant who doesn't have time to train a sub should (A) wait till they do have time or (B) get their act together

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 12/6/2008 8:22:22 AM >

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 6

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:25:56 AM

angelbaby22222

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

Thank you so much for your honest opinion. That is exactly what I thought. However, with being new to this world...I was unsure if this is how it works...if it was ..then it would not be right for me.

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 7

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:31:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Exactly what is any of this training supposed to train you to do/be?

I have no problems sending someone off to be trained, there's tons of things I don't know how, don't know how to teach, but I want done. So it makes sense to send them to someone who does know and know how to teach.

But this scenario sounds more like "I get the fun of saying I have a sub, but none of the responsibility, she won't know better and really just wants a lot of sex so I'll throw her over here and call it "training" so she'll be happy"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 8

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:31:15 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

You are welcome. Again, sorry to come off so strong, I just hate reading things like that, it seems so easy to prey on new subs for some of these guys. ( and women too). Stick around, read the boards a lot, they are a wealth of information, and just go slowly. I met some very predatory types in the beginning and if it didn't feel right, it probably isn't. Take your time and savor the experience.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 9

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:37:16 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well the chicks make it easy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 10

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:40:16 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

I hear that LA. You are right.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 8:53:44 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

That I would be performing sexual pleasures with this man instead of my dom , until I am totally trained.

You're being loaned out as a fucktoy.

If that's what you signed up for and that's what you want, lay back and enjoy it. If not, the word "no" comes to mind.

At least, that's how adults do things.

_____________________________

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 12

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 9:14:21 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelbaby22222

Thank you so much for your honest opinion. That is exactly what I thought. However, with being new to this world...I was unsure if this is how it works...if it was ..then it would not be right for me.

YOUR rules of common sense, logic, morality, decency, respect, self preservation do not have to change just because you call yourself a submissive.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 13

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 9:20:58 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

one word to describe your "dominant" - L A Z Y

if someone is too busy and cannot "train" me himself, it wouldn't be worth my time to pursue anything with him.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 14

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 10:35:01 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

~FR~ Personal opinion to follow, not saying this is the way it is for everyone...

Being a slave or being a submissive is not like being a chef, or a bartender, or a massage therapist. You don't get sent off for training and come back a fully qualified slave or sub. Does a man send his fiance off to learn how to become a wife? No. Sending you to someone else for some sort of vaguely defined training sounds like someone has been reading too many kinky stories.

Now if he wanted you to learn a skill, that is a different story. If he wants you to learn to cook, or learn to give massage, or how to be a gracious hostess, or how to run the financial aspects of a business, fine. Send you out to learn how to do that. If he wanted you to take some classes on self-improvement, great. I took a weekend of classes that involved identifying your wants, your needs, your mindset, submission, etc. I learned a lot and considered it a great self-improvement weekend.

And if he just wants to give a playtoy to his brother (or whoever), then he should say so. Doubt he will, though.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 11:11:02 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Depends on what you are being trained to do.

For example, my Lord told me to go take a lessons on the Japanese Tea Ceremony. He wanted me to learn that ceremony so that he could take it and adapt it to his preferences. The three of us enjoy drinking tea and there are times that he wants to make it a more formal or ritualistic service.

Sending me to another man to teach me how to please him sexually, seems rather silly. This other man, unless he has been intimate with my Lord could not teach me what he likes sexually. When I first started the relationship with my Lord and Alandra, she would give me little hints on what he enjoyed. She had been having sex with him for about 17 years at that point, so she had a little experience in that area. It isn't what I would consider training though, just more of "oh he likes it when you do this..."

I don't think that someone else could teach me how to please my partner. Only my partner can teach me what pleases them and my own observational skills. There are certain skills that I can learn from other people and then he can take those skills that I have developed and modify them to suit his desires and needs.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 16

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 2:21:47 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Hello angelbaby
I think you are pretty smart to come and gather information regarding your concern. Good job!

Personally, I feel the Dom needs to train the sub verses sending them somewhere else for all the training.
May I suggest you start educating yourself about BDSM through books, internet and the search on Cm. There is a lot of good information, use what applies to you.

oceanwynds

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 17

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 3:38:19 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

I'd run....really fast....the opposite way. But that's just me.....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 18

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 3:50:50 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelbaby22222
Is all this the correct ways of training..and actions..I want to be sure I have someone that knows what they are doing..since I am so new...

Angel, welcome to CM. This sentence stood out to me among the rest of your post. Read the forums. Gather more info. Something you'll come to realize is that there is no correct way to do things. You have to figure out what feels right to YOU as a person, not just what a dominant would want. Personally, this sounds awful to me. I want an emotional and physical connection with my Dominant - not a relation he gives me to as a fucktoy. And I really don't want to get into being alpha bitch, or whatever, because I'm not poly. That's another question you have to figure out for yourself. Do you want to get into a poly situation? Will your Dom be using other subs sexually also? Have you even discussed this with him?

This all sounds shady to me, and I'd advise you moving very cautiously and if something feels wrong for you, listen to that voice inside. Best of luck to you.

(in reply to angelbaby22222)

Post #: 19

RE: sub training by someone other than your dom - 12/6/2008 4:25:08 PM

angelbaby22222

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for all your replies... I just wanted to state a few things. First I really don't know very much at all about this world of being a Sub. I have done NOTHING as of yet. He is only telling me that he doesnt want to hurt me....he is saying that he doesnt want to push me into someone I do not know or am ready for. He said that this world can destroy a person who this is not meant for.

He only talked about sending his cousin to me to PUNISH me..for answering him incorrectly...Punish being spank...he also talked about letting his cousin use me in a sexual manner.. ..He also talked about taking me to a place to show me ..what it is like to watch a DOM and a SUB..since I am sooooo new very very new to this..to see if this is what i might want. Like I said nothing has happened..

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 20

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