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What do you do when your torn? - 12/6/2008 9:21:13 PM   
pixelated


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline 		"torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool"-- ok, insert men here, and you got the partial picture.  one I would go to the ends of the earth for, crawl across broken glass, give my last dime, shed my last tear --I'm sure you got the picture.  The one I want, that makes me weak in the knees, makes my heart pound, then stop, a milion times a day.  The one that would sooner walk away from me to laugh as I crawled behind him.  The other is so kind and caring -- the one I need.  Always there when I need him.  Trying so hard to be different than the others.  The one claiming a piece of my heart day by day.

my question is this.  have you ever been in a position like this?  if so, what did you do?  how do you end one to focus on the other?  did your wants win out over your needs, or was it the other way around?  how did it work out?  any regrets?
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/6/2008 11:50:29 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelated

"torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool"-- ok, insert men here, and you got the partial picture.  one I would go to the ends of the earth for, crawl across broken glass, give my last dime, shed my last tear --I'm sure you got the picture.  The one I want, that makes me weak in the knees, makes my heart pound, then stop, a milion times a day.  The one that would sooner walk away from me to laugh as I crawled behind him.  The other is so kind and caring -- the one I need.  Always there when I need him.  Trying so hard to be different than the others.  The one claiming a piece of my heart day by day.

my question is this.  have you ever been in a position like this?  if so, what did you do?  how do you end one to focus on the other?  did your wants win out over your needs, or was it the other way around?  how did it work out?  any regrets?


No, I haven't been in that situation. I've never needed a guy, I've always wanted them.......so it becomes a case of what do I want more.

I've always ended relationships when I got less out of them than I was willing to accept, no matter what the circumstances were. If you're clinging to the relationship with Mr Indifferent, perhaps you're getting something out of it that you're not willing to go without. Maybe when Mr Dependable becomes what you want more, you'll plump for him.

Perhaps the fact that you have them both will keep you sat neatly on the fence. Do you have any incentive to give either of them up?

agirl





(in reply to pixelated)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/6/2008 11:53:00 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm there now....it's not fun.



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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 12:05:35 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Get logical, think about long-term, be business minded. Which one is going to provide the lifestyle and relationship over a long duration thats going to be most compatible with your peace of mind. Think about waking up every day with the person, not for a week, but every morning for twenty five years. Who wins? Take the chance with that one.

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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 12:17:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In that situation I'd just give it time.  Forcing a choice won't help anything and there's no reason for it right now.  Time will show you what you need and you'll either use good judgement or fuck up and deal with it later.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 7:29:12 AM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		Well, let me preface this by saying that i know you can't turn your emotions off like a tap, but.....
If he's going to turn his back and laugh at you because you need him... do you really WANT him?
Master can be delightfully cruel, but never would He turn His back if i needed Him.
If i were you, i would turn my back on him and go for the Man who is actually there for you. Healthier and happier all around.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."


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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 8:06:57 AM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelated

my question is this.  have you ever been in a position like this?  if so, what did you do?  how do you end one to focus on the other?  did your wants win out over your needs, or was it the other way around?  how did it work out?  any regrets?


One treats you like gold and to the other you are gold... oh yes i have been in the position before! for me it was different though i met them while i was in my current D/s relationship... both were D/s but i had to make the choice. i based my choice on too many things to list! but i stayed with the current D/s not the new.

You think its all good you made the right choice... when all you do is start to have doubts... did i make the right choice? Would s/he have treated me better? did they just fit in my puzzle... because i can't stop thinking about them? at first i cut communication figured it would give us a chance to simmer and finish... it didn't.. over the holidays i had a rough time and couldn't help but talk to him about it he responded with confidence and care, without a care for himself... we still talk, but it is kept at a distance... i think it is meant to be that way for both of us.

i dont care if your nilla or D/s or purple, one day youll find yourself in a spot hard to choose. i hate to be the barrer of bad news but there is no easy choice, so pick which ever one you want.

my Master use'd to say (paraphrasing), 'are you seriously complaining, you have two guys pawning over you! and you are the one with the hard time?'

So there it is spelled out, your choice will have regrets, your choice will be the right one and the wrong one... just pick whatever you want!

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to pixelated)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 8:15:20 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		is there a reason why you have to pick just one rather than keeping them both around?  you say you should focus on one instead of the other, but why if it's working for you as it is now? 

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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 9:19:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Figure out why you are attracted to a guy who isn't into you. Did you have an emotionally detached early role model of the opposite sex? Or no such role model at all? Because if so you are recreating that situation in the hopes it will magically come out right this time.

The better way to deal with those issues is to role play it with the good guy, have him be the firm yet caring daddy.

But if you can't fix this on your own, therapy. ACOA meetings are a great place to start.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to daddysliloneds)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 9:47:38 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Stop and think beyond the initial attraction, and what do you feel?

When you know the answer to that question your choice should be much easier.

_____________________________

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also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 10:37:36 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Long time ago in oceanwynds world, I could only be attracted to those who found no value in me. A nice guy and me wouldnt last very long, because my own sense of self-worth was lacking. I was use to being treated like crap, and also use to trying to get those who found no value in  to love me.Never happened though, instead my mind was reinforced that I was worth nothing.  I am glad I left that mind-set along time ago. 

oceanwynds

(in reply to stella41b)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 2:25:36 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelated

"torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool"-- ok, insert men here, and you got the partial picture.  one I would go to the ends of the earth for, crawl across broken glass, give my last dime, shed my last tear --I'm sure you got the picture.  The one I want, that makes me weak in the knees, makes my heart pound, then stop, a milion times a day.  The one that would sooner walk away from me to laugh as I crawled behind him.  The other is so kind and caring -- the one I need.  Always there when I need him.  Trying so hard to be different than the others.  The one claiming a piece of my heart day by day.

  Now, wait a minute.. are you bragging or complaining?

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to pixelated)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 7:11:22 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Go with the guy with a soul.   Lust fades, souls grow.
----------------
Also. this reminds me of an old joke:

When Stacy graduated from college, grandma calls Stacy over to giver her some advice.

"I have two secrets to happiness.  The first is to find a man that makes your blood pump, your toes curl and body feel fantastic.  Find someone rich enough to cater to your every need.  Find someone loving and caring, who will make a good husband."

"The second secret of happiness is that these men must NEVER meet."


< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 12/7/2008 7:13:25 PM >

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 9:00:03 PM   
pixelated


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline 		Lucky, I agree.  No matter what decision I make, someone will be hurt.

girl, I have no clue what I want.  I do know tagging around, hoping for "Mr Indifferent" -- as you so aptly coined him -- to change isnt working.

Stella.  wow.  I have been trying to figure that one out for some time now.

Lotus.  Give me a break.  If you think this is fun for me, think again.  The lonely nights, the even lonlier days.  Basically, I am just a booty call for Mr Indifferent.  The sex used to be worth it.  Now, even that is -- lacking.  Its still good, just not as good as it once was.

Indifferent is who makes me weak in the knees.
The other man is who I know will be there for the long run, but, all I feel is luke warm with him --  nor have I had sex with him.

ocean.  I remember once telling Indifferent (that term just seems to fit him so well) that if I felt he was ever kneeling to me, or catering to my whims and fancies, I would lose respect for him.  To date, he has done none of these things -- in spades.  I just find I grow weary of the absence of any commitment.

I dont NEED any man.  I do have needs when I look for a man.  I do have needs I expect to be fullfilled.

Is it so wrong to expect a kiss from a man you sleep with on a regualr basis?  It wasnt till the other night, after a long quasi-relationship, that he told me he liked the perfume I was wearing.  The same one I have worn all along.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 9:03:03 PM   
pixelated


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Go with the guy with a soul.   Lust fades, souls grow.
----------------
Also. this reminds me of an old joke:

When Stacy graduated from college, grandma calls Stacy over to giver her some advice.

"I have two secrets to happiness.  The first is to find a man that makes your blood pump, your toes curl and body feel fantastic.  Find someone rich enough to cater to your every need.  Find someone loving and caring, who will make a good husband."

"The second secret of happiness is that these men must NEVER meet."



I LOVE that!!!  I wished we all lived close enough to get away with just that scenario!!!

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 9:06:50 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelated

my question is this.  have you ever been in a position like this?  if so, what did you do?  how do you end one to focus on the other?  did your wants win out over your needs, or was it the other way around?  how did it work out?  any regrets?


Yes.
Tried holding on to both and ended up losing.


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/7/2008 10:07:06 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, kinda sorts but not really torn.  Have you considered poly-?
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/8/2008 9:06:23 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Yeah, kinda sorts but not really torn.  Have you considered poly-?
Davan


If this question is directed at me, yes in the past several years I have come to realize that I am more poly  oriented and do identify as such!


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/8/2008 10:49:39 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Just thought I would come back here. When it comes to finding a dominant, you'll probably find that the better dominant for you in every case is the one who won't expect you to crawl, grovel and submit until there's a solid relationship established.

ETA: And besides, feelings change.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 12/8/2008 10:50:22 AM >

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
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RE: What do you do when your torn? - 12/8/2008 11:08:59 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelated

"torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool"-- ok, insert men here, and you got the partial picture.  one I would go to the ends of the earth for, crawl across broken glass, give my last dime, shed my last tear --I'm sure you got the picture.  The one I want, that makes me weak in the knees, makes my heart pound, then stop, a milion times a day.  The one that would sooner walk away from me to laugh as I crawled behind him.  The other is so kind and caring -- the one I need.  Always there when I need him.  Trying so hard to be different than the others.  The one claiming a piece of my heart day by day.

my question is this.  have you ever been in a position like this?  if so, what did you do?  how do you end one to focus on the other?  did your wants win out over your needs, or was it the other way around?  how did it work out?  any regrets?


Have fun with both because neither will last. One, he doesn't care about you, the other cares but you don't care enough.

So, quit worrying about it. If either was worth the worry, you wouldn't have to ask the question in the first place.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to pixelated)
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