How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training?

How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (Full Version)

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toddlefeet -> How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 8:42:15 PM)
I'm curious. I've been pondering leaving my sub lifestyle to be more Dom? I'm fiercly Dominant in my life when it comes to how I decide to live my life, Where I go, Whom I talk to etc. So I am wondering how does one learn or go from male sub to Dom? What is the correct process?

Lordandmaster -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 9:12:17 PM)
Dom or top? There's a big difference. The first step is figuring out what you want and what you don't.

toddlefeet -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 9:13:55 PM)
Then what?

LadyPact -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 9:22:17 PM)
Then you might consider going into your local community to find a mentor or mentors to help teach you.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 9:22:49 PM)
Take time. Talk about everything and try different things, until you know what works for you and your servant. Have FUN! *Feel your way.*

marie2 -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 10:03:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toddlefeet I'm curious. I've been pondering leaving my sub lifestyle to be more Dom? I'm fiercly Dominant in my life when it comes to how I decide to live my life, Where I go, Whom I talk to etc. So I am wondering how does one learn or go from male sub to Dom? What is the correct process? How did you previously learn to explore your sub side?

Surrenderwithin -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/8/2008 11:50:46 PM)
I think you first need to take a good solid look at yourself and pin point why you feel the desire to do this at this time in your life. Where is this motivation coming from? Then you should think about what personality traits you have that will enable you to be an effective Dominant and how you can enhance those. You also should consider what your weaknesses would be as a Dominant and how to strengthen them. I am sure local communities will have some resources for you as you begin to turn a new leaf. Perhaps you can find a Dominants group or just get to know fellow Dominants; asking questions and learning from others experiences. Is your desire to top and be a top or do you wish to pursue a power exchange relationship as a Dominant. I believe it is important to figure out why and where you wish the destination to be before you embark upon or plan the path. Maggi

toddlefeet -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/9/2008 12:28:25 AM)
I've been AB all my life. And sub to a certain extent. I got into this lifestyle more in depth when Aol & the Internet went public. Of course in my research of BDSM & "AB" I didnt know what either one was called. Before that I knew there were things I liked to do was "into". I had no idea till the "net", that it had a name or "kink." In relationships. I'm very touchy feely, sub but still crave my freedom of where I go, how long I'm going to be gone. who I can and cant talk to. I've always felt these things tied to my fierce Will to stay alive, to Fight CF. More so as of late. I've come to realize. I hate being told what to do etc. But when I'm with someone I'm in love wit,. I cave. Living By myself? I'm very Dominant. Maybe I'm just confused. But I am curious about My Dominant side. I've been Sub for along. I wanna try to opposit side of the fence.

chamberqueen -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/9/2008 5:46:54 AM)
Having been a sub first should give you empathy if you choose to be a top. Remember the emotions: the fearful anticipation before something new, the warmth of a compliment, the desire to please someone else, etc. Before you try a toy on a sub try it first on yourself to make sure that you know how it will feel. Talk with others about their techniques and the mental care a top must take with a bottom. I started as a sub and became a Domme. I spent close to a year talking with others, reading whatever I could get my hands on, and working with a mentor before I ever had a session with a sub. When I started having sessions the men never guessed that I was a beginner. A sub must feel that they can trust you. Just because a person prefers to give orders than to take them does not make them a good Dom/me.

Lashra -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/9/2008 6:09:47 AM)
Sure go ahead and try the other side there is nothing wrong with switching, Topping, bottoming, etc. I think we all have to do some soul searching and experimentation before we figure out what it is that we need and want in our lives. Take your time, go slow and above all else be honest with yourself and your partner(s). ~Lashra

VampiresLair -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/9/2008 6:18:48 AM)
I have known a few people who have made the change from sub to Dom,my Angel being one of them. There are a few things to think about. Why do you want to be dom? Do you actually want to control someone else, or do you simply want to stay in control of yourself. Being dominant in a relationship requires the desire to actually control a partner, while a transition to vanilla with kink (D or s) allows you to play when you want to but control your own life without controlling or being controlled by someone else. What exactly do you think becoming a dominant will be, as opposed to what you have now. from your OP it sounds simply like you dont enjoy being submissive, not so much that you want to be dominant. It is difficult to explain the difference, but it isnt as simple as "I dont like being told what to do, so I must want to be a dominant." If you want to experiment, by all means have at it. Find someone dominant to ask questions of, be open with your partner about having been sub until tis point and where you are looking to go with this. Keep in mind you might not like it, or you might love it. Dont make your decison until you actualy try it. And also, remember that you may never actually lose the part of you that enjoys being a bottom. Just becasue you decide you dont want that anymore doesnt mean the desires ight not crop back up. DV

MarcEsadrian -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/10/2008 9:56:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toddlefeet I'm curious. I've been pondering leaving my sub lifestyle to be more Dom? I'm fiercly Dominant in my life when it comes to how I decide to live my life, Where I go, Whom I talk to etc. So I am wondering how does one learn or go from male sub to Dom? What is the correct process? By your own admission, you are naturally dominant, and I trust this is true or else you would not have written it so boldly. Having been submissive gives you some useful insight in being dominant as well. It would sound to me you have what you need to simply start doing it. There is no "correct process", outside of each individual's opinion as to what that process might entail. I've said this in another thread, but I believe it applies here too: if you fulfill it internally, you have what you need to express it outwardly with conviction. All else is technical knowledge and one's personal style of expression. Don't wait to be "taught". Do what it is in your nature to do and walk the path on your own. I believe it's far more rewarding to do so.

MasterDarkSadist -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/11/2008 10:06:32 AM)
Here is how I feel about your question. Why do you wish to be Dominant? Do you feel that there is some level of respect that you desire to be bestowed upon you? Are you wanting to be more "manly?" Etc? If these are you, and you are naturally submissive, then you may be able to be a decent top, but you will never be a Dominant. Being Dominant is a personality, which cannot be learned. You either are, or you aren't. I find many confused people who want to be Dominant, but who are actually submissive and are fighting it (and in the end, it hurts them, and the people that they are around.) It all falls to one question; why do you seek this? It is harder to be Dominant than it is submissive in many aspects. As a submissive, you don't have to be responsible for not only your actions, but those of your partner, etc. Being a good Dominant is more about how you approach life than it is about how you play with your partner.

lally3 -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/11/2008 2:21:34 PM)
for those who have gone from sub to D - do you have cravings to return to sub, are there aspects of being a sub that you miss or is it something you can step away from completely and not miss atall. ive heard of D's who spent a time being s and ive often wondered how that works. ive met a guy who used to be sub but is now very comfortably D - how can you be one thing and then the other.... ok, boot, foot, other - i couldnt switch to D - (just checking my brain for dissent - ) nope, im damn sure i couldnt - im really curious how that process unfurls, am i hijacking - sorry, ignore me if i am - maybe for a new thread topic. temazepan is kicking in - damn this stuff is good ![&:] - insomnia, eat my shorts!!!!!!!!!

silkenfire -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/11/2008 2:28:11 PM)
I would imagine that there are those for whom being a sub was the wrong choice, so they made up for it by switching to something that fit better, in terms of the switch. I really wouldn't know myself though. Having been in mostly vanilla relationships with nonsexual BDSM on the side, I can tell you, that as a committed sub right now there are times I crave the D side a lot. I wouldn't want to do it full time, ever, but I crave it a lot sometimes. When I used to live around more people in the lifestyle that also made it easier, with play parties and such where I could act on those impulses. The s side was never fulfilled through play parties but the D was. That's just me though.

CountrySong -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/11/2008 2:40:29 PM)
You could try REAL Old Gaurd that was an entire process where you start as slave and earn your way to dom over several years.

Focus50 -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/12/2008 3:04:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toddlefeet I'm curious. I've been pondering leaving my sub lifestyle to be more Dom? I'm fiercly Dominant in my life when it comes to how I decide to live my life, Where I go, Whom I talk to etc. So I am wondering how does one learn or go from male sub to Dom? What is the correct process? Personally, I think you're a rather conflicted person who could be potentially dangerous if given unsupervised control over a submissive.... Your words (including your signature line) come across as defiant, defensive, and ego driven with something to prove. But you think that defines dominance? Perhaps if you address what's really bugging you in life, first? The mentoring suggestion sounds like a good idea but I'd still be very uncomfortable supervising or being responsible for a child with a loaded gun. Focus.

TexasMaam -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/14/2008 11:05:36 AM)
I'm glad I'm not the only one concerned. I found myself wondering whether he forgot to take his lithium. TM quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: toddlefeet I'm curious. I've been pondering leaving my sub lifestyle to be more Dom? I'm fiercly Dominant in my life when it comes to how I decide to live my life, Where I go, Whom I talk to etc. So I am wondering how does one learn or go from male sub to Dom? What is the correct process? Personally, I think you're a rather conflicted person who could be potentially dangerous if given unsupervised control over a submissive.... Your words (including your signature line) come across as defiant, defensive, and ego driven with something to prove. But you think that defines dominance? Perhaps if you address what's really bugging you in life, first? The mentoring suggestion sounds like a good idea but I'd still be very uncomfortable supervising or being responsible for a child with a loaded gun. Focus.

DomDG -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/15/2008 12:20:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Then you might consider going into your local community to find a mentor or mentors to help teach you. I completely agree with the lovely LadyP. The local community should be a place where a newbie on either side of the cuff can grow and learn. Our local one has monthly Demos (this past month was a class on open and honest discussion, next month is canes, November was violet wands), we have social events like Ladies Teas, Men's Night, Video Night, and social parties for holidays, etc. We also have play parties. Our group also stresses true mentoring, which is not the same as "i' will do it to you so you can do it to another'". True mentoring is teaching. I am one of our groups mentors. I use books, assignments and self evalution to help people find their place.

NormalOutside -> RE: How do you go from Male Sub to Dom? Is their training? (12/15/2008 12:44:14 AM)
Advice I've given before, but it bears repeating here: You are exactly however you are, period. And however you are is fine. Unless you're unhappy with some part of yourself. Don't worry so much about labeling yourself or finding out the correct way to be yourself. Just do it :)

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