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cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:08:34 PM

Feliciasub

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

here is a picture of the situation: I met a Dom online, we exchanged few words in a room. Then he asked me to ad him to MSN wich i did because sometimes it is easier to chat over there. At the beggining He was very respectfull.

One of the first question i asked Him is how He sees a D/s relation. He sent me a document about the rules He wants a sub to follow. my first tought was: ''Wow finaly someone who knows what he wants.'' not all the rules where ''ok'' with me and i told Him. He told me that it was ok and that W/we shall stay in touch only for chatting about the lifestyle. I agreed on that. So far so good as they say.

W/we once discuss that maybe W/we could meet and play a bit T/together. I insist on the fact that i would be submissive for the play ( when we meet ) but as long as i am unowned, i would continue to live the way i decided. He told me that i was already his sub by the simple fact that i read the document He sent me....

Then he started to be rude with me and acting like i was his property. He told me that tights ( pantyhose, stockings etc ) were a HUGE turn on for Him. He kept asking me ( everyday ) if i had bought some. Wich i didn't because i didn't had time to go at the store to buy some. He Started to tell me how i would pay for that and that i am a bad sub etc....

my question is: Why Doms seems to think that they own you by the simple fact that you chat together?

i mean i am to be owned but i wont fall for the first Dom.

i hope you understood, english is not my first language ;)

felicia

Post #: 1

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:12:36 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Go under sleath options on your messenger and go offline to him. You talk to him at this point and it seems you are allowing his ownership of you. Don't encourage him... or don't complain about him. Short and not so sweet here... but those are the things I would do.

Doms... don't think that... stalker's and those mentally challenged do.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 2

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:17:47 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Feliciasub

here is a picture of the situation: I met a Dom online, we exchanged few words in a room. Then he asked me to ad him to MSN wich i did because sometimes it is easier to chat over there. At the beggining He was very respectfull.

One of the first question i asked Him is how He sees a D/s relation. He sent me a document about the rules He wants a sub to follow. my first tought was: ''Wow finaly someone who knows what he wants.'' not all the rules where ''ok'' with me and i told Him. He told me that it was ok and that W/we shall stay in touch only for chatting about the lifestyle. I agreed on that. So far so good as they say.

W/we once discuss that maybe W/we could meet and play a bit T/together. I insist on the fact that i would be submissive for the play ( when we meet ) but as long as i am unowned, i would continue to live the way i decided. He told me that i was already his sub by the simple fact that i read the document He sent me....

This is not a red flag. This is a siren screaming "DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER!". Does that mean that everyone who reads that, including other dominants, belong to him when they read it?

quote:

Then he started to be rude with me and acting like i was his property. He told me that tights ( pantyhose, stockings etc ) were a HUGE turn on for Him. He kept asking me ( everyday ) if i had bought some. Wich i didn't because i didn't had time to go at the store to buy some. He Started to tell me how i would pay for that and that i am a bad sub etc....

my question is: Why Doms seems to think that they own you by the simple fact that you chat together?

I don't know - why do submissives encourage these doms by not saying "Oh fuck no, I'm not yours because I read a stupid document. Start treating me better or I'm blocking your lame ass!"?

You've continued to talk to him, every day. You say that the reason you didn't buy panty hose is because you didn't have time to go by the store, not because he doesn't own you and therefore you don't have to obey. Not to say this is completely your fault but it sounds like you've been encouraging him at least a bit.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 3

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:36:15 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I'd just stop talking to him and move on. It's your choice whom you belong to and the whole you are his because you read his rules document is laughable. Me being me, I'd probably tell him that too, but that's me. I'd definitely stop talking to him and get on with my life. He doesn't sound like he's a match for you or that he'd be a friend from what you've said, so why waste any more time on him? Simple.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 4

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:43:50 PM

Feliciasub

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for your answers. I actually stopped talking to Him.

The real question was: is it common that Doms act like this ? i find those behaviors rudes and disrespectfull

Thank You

felicia

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 5

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:46:29 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

It's a people thing really. I don't usually think of those who do things like that as doms personally. They come off as HNGs and morons on a power trip hiding behind a keyboard to me. It usually makes me laugh.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 6

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 2:47:16 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Feliciasub

The real question was: is it common that Doms act like this ? i find those behaviors rudes and disrespectfull

It's not common in my experience. These sorts of things happen because they can get away with it. Perhaps it doesn't happen to me because I don't tolerate being disrespected from the get-go, regardless of what nifty title a person cares to give themself. Glad to hear you've stopped talking to him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 7

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 3:04:28 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

Men who actually think they can "own" me online really make me laugh. Sounds like a fool on a power trip to me....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 3:09:37 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Weep Weep! Catagory 5 Creeper alert....

Just don't let the wankers get away with being rude to you. If someone makes you uncomfortable, you are under no obligation to talk to him.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 9

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 3:12:14 PM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, my suggestion is delete and block him. You don't have to put up with that kind of crap.
Also, not all dom's are quite so....creepy (can't think of a better term). Some of them actually enjoy having submissive friends and discussing the lifestyle. If you choose to speak to him again, I suggest telling him in no uncertain terms that you are NOT his and that you have no intention of being his. If it were me, I think I'd probably go so far as to explain to him that his behavior is about as 'dominant' as a that of a child whinning because he can't have another cookie....but I'm kinda mean like that.

*edited to add more

< Message edited by porcelain26 -- 12/9/2008 3:14:47 PM >

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 10

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 4:10:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

He saw an opening with you willing to play and made a grab for the whole thing. Unfortunately his seduction skills were not as good as he had thought.

The fact is- plenty of women would have been either breathing hot and heavy and thrilled to have him say those words, or rushing to the boards asking "OMG I don't want that, but I want to be a good sub, WHAT DO I DO?"

That's why they keep trying it- it works.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to porcelain26)

Post #: 11

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 5:39:32 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Yikes, that was hard to read but I tried. All those damn slashes.

Just block him and move on. Honestly, I would have thrown in a rather rude message to him telling him to wake up and stop being a douche but that's just me. He's a moron and I honestly don't think he deserves any of this capital "Him" and "He" you keep giving him. Is it common? Probably, there are many losers in the world and being behind a computer screen makes it easier for them to spread their crap. No fear of a slap on the face or a restraining order.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 6:54:21 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

The real question was: is it common that Doms act like this ? i find those behaviors rudes and disrespectfull

It may be common for some, if they let someone get away with that sort of nonsense.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 13

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 7:07:17 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

(A) because they aren't real Doms, they are hard legs and are fucking clueless, they think 'Me Dom, you sub DO-Me " is how it works. And being a Dom means you will fall over and agree to be owned by someone unkown. "Kneel Bitch"---puhleez---

(B) being guided by their penises, they don't realize that this life just like that life out there is a two way street--they decide, YOU decide. And if you don't choose them, too bad.

Tell them goodbye-then block and move on-don't fall for the line.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 14

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 8:05:24 PM

Feliciasub

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

After reading few answers i was pumped and i decided to talk to this Dom and express my feelings. i told him that i was not his property and as far as i remember as an ''unowned sub'' i can do whatever i feel like doing, including ''not buying pantyhoses ''.

i am not the kind of person that let people step on my toes in vanilla life and i decided that 2night it would be the same for felicia the sub.

The reaction was not even close to what i expected. ( i was picturing him calling names and being even more rude ) Nope, instead he apologized for his lack of respect and He changed his manners with me very quickly as i was expressing my feelings about that. I did this with respect and i think that i can be very proud of me :)

Yes i like to be called slutt or bitch or whatever suits my sub person but when i feel it is without respect it turns me off right away.

Thank you for taking time to guide me, it is much appreciated :)

felicia

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 15

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 8:07:54 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Are you going to continue talking to him?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 16

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 8:25:56 PM

BlindDescent

Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

I would call it attempted "bonership" not ownership.
dangled hook~taste the bait~nice nibbles~tried to set the hook~ couldn't reel you in~ adjusting the bait and dangling again....you are still kinda interested...it's still a hook. He is the same person who was rude and presumptuous the first time. Core behaviors are core behaviors. Abrupt manners in retrospect don't ring quite true to me. Behavior is the key, not words. So shall we call his behavior ...desperation from the top?

_____________________________

Reality is what you create; not what others leave behind.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 17

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 8:26:57 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

He didn't think he owned you. He's an online wanker.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 18

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 8:32:32 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I would call it attempted "bonership" not ownership.

Bonership! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Best new word I have heard this week.

(in reply to BlindDescent)

Post #: 19

RE: cyber unattachement - 12/9/2008 8:43:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Feliciasub

Thank you for taking time to guide me, it is much appreciated :)

Congrats and you are welcome. However, I would offer the further advice that, if you continue to talk to him, to be watching for another change in demeaner. He may (or may not) be apologizing simply to soothe you for the moment.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Feliciasub)

Post #: 20

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