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open relationships - 12/9/2008 5:28:46 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 5:43:52 PM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Wow is that ever a cynical take on things...

While Im sure there are defnantly people who have open relationships just for that very reason....there are also plently of us who have open relaitonships BECAUSE we trust well enough.

Yes, they can work, and work well. Yes they take a great deal of trust and some rather great communication skills......and just because a relationship is "open" does not mean those involved are out doing "everything and the kitchen sink".

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 5:58:40 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am in a committed relationship with my Sir - real time, 24/7 - and he plays with other women. When we first got together, he told me that he wouldn't play with others.

As weird as it sounds even to me, i wanted him to be happy -and if playing with others made him happy, it was ok with me. I'm not saying that i wasn't a bit unsettled about it to begin with, but most of the women he has played with have been very respectful of our relationship, and the fact that he loves me.  I have come home from work to find him with a woman in our bed getting a blowjob.

He still laughs about this, but my reaction was to get undressed and snuggle up to him - and push his belly down so i could watch.

Yes, it may sound weird, but i am very comfortable in my Sirs regard and love, and am not threatened by his other friends. They don't diminish our relationship - they only enhance it, and for the most part i really like them. Only one i haven't cared for, and she hasn't been invited back.

He has made statements that leave open the possibility of me playing with others if i wanted to. We haven't specifically addressed that because i haven't wanted to, but if i did, and we did, that too wouldn't be a threat to our relationship.

For me to say "no other women" would have been an expression of fear on my part - fear of losing him, his affection, his regard - and that fear wouldn't have been warrented. For us, an open relationship is built on honesty and trust. He doesn't play with anyone without telling me, and i trust him to choose his friends well.  C'est la vie.

edited to add  - damn - haven't done the kitchen sink yet!!! Guess i am not really in an open relationship after all!

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 12/9/2008 6:01:20 PM >

(in reply to ghitaPVH)
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:09:00 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		My take is that we have been around this merry-go-round with you many times before and it would be pointless to get back on it.

I disagree with you and I will leave it at that.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:11:42 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust

Total bullshit.  There's no "higher form of trust" in D/s relationships, per se, than in "vanilla" ones.  A total myth.
quote:

if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things

It says He and I want the same thing - for us both to be happy.  That happens to involve others sometimes.  What's it to you or anyone else if that works for us?  Just because it hasn't worked for some doesn't mean that it doesn't work beautifully for others.  As kiwisub said, some of us can handle it and actually enjoy seeing our partner with others.  Oooh, I know I do...............luci


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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:35:35 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

whats your take


You would benefit from trying to have a more open mind about people and relationships.


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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:37:10 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		IMO, it's pretty rare for one person to meet all your sexual needs...... and sometimes one just likes to have fun with friends. As long as all parties are comfortable and open about it, it can be a wonderful, fun thing.

(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:37:15 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I have always had open relationships work, bdsm or other wise.

Being open doesn't mean we fuck everything that walks or any one and the kitchen sink.

You're showing your pedjudice against anything other than what you believe is right with your statements.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:37:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Funny I don't FEEL like I've given up and tired of being treaded on by bad people....maybe I'm totally in the dark about myself and my years of having fulfilling open relationships are nothing but a sham...

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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:42:59 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		You come across as someone who has been cheated on or fell for someone that is poly by nature. You speak of trust, but what does an open relationship have to do with trust? Those I know of that have an open relationship do not cheat (thus violating trust) and often have a greater degree of communication than what I normally see in a relationship.

If it is not about you personally, then why do you care what others are doing if it does not effect you?


quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
whats your take


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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:43:47 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open.

Yup, you've got me all figured out. I positively refuse to commit to Val - I just can't handle it.
quote:


after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust.

I think that's utter bullshit, meant to inflate our egos. What we do is nothing special, relationship-wise. We just do things differently.
quote:


if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things.

It says *GASP* I trust him.
quote:


do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

Yup. The whole marriage, having kids, merging bank accounts, etc, it's all signs of our refusal to commit to each other.
quote:


I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take

I think people who regard open relationships in such light have severe trust issues or have an untrustworthy partner. I know for a fact that Val can fool around with around with another girl without it being any threat to his love, desire or commitment for me though so far he's chosen not to. I have *always* played with others in my relationship with Val and I don't regard three years and being engaged as a minor thing. I've messed around with other women and I've messed around with other guys. But in the end, he's my owner. I love him, I'm marrying him and I obey him.

He can trust me. This doesn't mean that people in a closed relationship lacks trust. This doesn't mean that everyone in an open relationship has such good trust of each other. But I do believe that when people take such a negative and harsh view of open relationship there are personal issues coming into play. But I'm sure you'll be glad to tell me how I'm not really committed to Val.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:45:11 PM   
calicowgirl


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline 		To the OP

I mostly lurk, not often posting but have to agree 100% with kyraofMists... you have this same conversation, showing your prejudice against poly/open relationships, over and over. I figure I am not going to be able to change your view on the topic and you sure aren't going to be able to change mine, so I too will leave it at, I disagree.

Cali

< Message edited by calicowgirl -- 12/9/2008 6:48:30 PM >

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:45:36 PM   
SubtleDifference


Posts: 64
Joined: 3/6/2007
From: NJ
Status: offline 		It has worked in my life. We have not grown tired of each other, in fact it has enhanced our lives.

Open relationships work well when the people involved keep an open mind. From the way your phrased your post, it's obvious that this wouldn't work for you.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:47:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		You would benifit from not wasting your breath :) He's said over and over how one man and one woman and nothing else is the ONLY way to have a relationship any one else is wrong, and nothing is going to change his mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

whats your take


You would benefit from trying to have a more open mind about people and relationships.


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 6:49:35 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

You would benifit from not wasting your breath :) He's said over and over how one man and one woman and nothing else is the ONLY way to have a relationship any one else is wrong, and nothing is going to change his mind.


Maybe we'll get a treat and he'll tell me how my experience doesn't count because I'm too young.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:08:26 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Don't be silly, of course they work. I've known several couples, married 10+ years in open relationships and they are very happy and devoted to one another. They set boundaries and stick to them and it all works nicely. Just because YOU are not wired that way doesn't mean it doesn't work for others. I tend to be a very non-possessive, non-jealous type and an open relationship would be fine with me. It's kind of like having more than one friend. It's not that complicated.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:15:22 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open.  oh really?
after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. no more so then a monogamous vanilla marraige
if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. Are you passing judgement on my values?
do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol explanation please.






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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:18:53 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Has he really pulled that card before ?
quote:

put
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

You would benifit from not wasting your breath :) He's said over and over how one man and one woman and nothing else is the ONLY way to have a relationship any one else is wrong, and nothing is going to change his mind.


Maybe we'll get a treat and he'll tell me how my experience doesn't count because I'm too young.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:20:08 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Has he really pulled that card before ?


It's one of the things he's made threads about before, yes.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: open relationships - 12/9/2008 7:31:39 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

open bdsm relationships

Do they really work or is it some excuse not to commit to anything is it a form of being selfish or to open. after all ds suppose to be a higher form of trust. if your other is doing everything and kitchen sing and your ok with it what does it say about your values or take on things. do you not like to commit kinda of like congress lol

I think open relationships are where people just give up and are tired of being treaded on by bad people so they just give in kinda like the sheep to wolves t hing
whats your take


i havent read any responses to this comment...and im confused as to what type of relationship your referring to...but there is nothing less committed than a functional poly unit...i dont know who you have been hangin out with, but in my corner of the world, i have seen more honor and integrity in successful poly relationships than i have seen otherwise...even the relationships that try and fail are at least trying and failing with honesty. Jesus...i just dont know what your point of reference is on this one, latex.

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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