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RE: Being a Good Communicator - 12/11/2008 7:37:07 PM   
kyraofMists


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In the relationship between the three of us, I think one of our best skills for effective communication is that we are all approaching the relationship with a shared perspective and motivation.

Our perspective and motivation is that we want to do what is best for our family and we perceive each other a having this same motivation.  For us, the individual is no longer the focus and the family is what takes priority.  It has made communicating with each other so much easier and much more rewarding.

I can remember in the beginning of our relationship when I did not approach our relationship this way and how much more difficult it was to communicate, feel heard and find resolution to the issues that would come up.  For myself, it was definitely a learned skill that did not come naturally and it took time to readjust my perspective from the individual to the family.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Being a Good Communicator - 12/11/2008 8:22:04 PM   
CatdeMedici


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I mean this sincerely, you all should write a book--you have done so many things right, you've really worked to make it work.
 
Bravo!

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RE: Being a Good Communicator - 12/12/2008 12:27:20 PM   
KnightofMists


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Thank you

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 11:01:51 AM   
LaTigresse


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I thought I would bring an older thread to light on a topic that many threads about relationship problems, seem to be struggling with.

I am seeing so many "need advice" "what should I do" etc etc etc......... blaming it on M/s, D/s, or wording their problem as though it is specific to BDSM, M/s, or D/s...................and IT IS NOT!

Effective communication is absolutely VITAL in ALL human relationships. If you are struggling in a relationship of any kind, chances are you are not effectively communicating with others.

Get counseling, read some books, take a class, something..........but start learning to communicate effectively. It's not the M/s, D/s, it's YOU.


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RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 11:48:26 AM   
antipode


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quote:

My own communication style has been specifically designed


Sorry, but your own communication style causes you to spew up words as if I have nothing else to do but listen to you. That's presumptuous. When you are able to express yourself succinctly, by all means try again. There is a difference between writing a book and a posting...

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RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 12:03:30 PM   
StormsSlave


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To answer the questions:
 
  • What is good communication?
    Listening and being blunt:
    Listening is such a challenge for me.  It seems like my brain is always multi-tasking while people are talking, and I am so impatient for it to be my turn.   I'm incredibly visual, remember a huge percantage of what I see, but the audio flows in and out of my brain without leaving much behind.  I believe good communication is open sharing of thoughts, feelings, and ideas without worry of reprisal or consequence.  When I bring something to My Lord, my greatest fear is his displeasure.  I've told him this, and God Bless his heart, he tries so hard to be completely neutral to whatever comes out of my mouth.  Later, when my heartbeat has slowed down and calm has been reestablished, he will tell me the wrong in my thinking or state his side of it.  Listening is the thing he does beautifully, and I am learning it from him.


  • How does one be a good communicator?
    My Lord is a far better communicator than I. 
    He'll tell you otherwise, because I know so many buck-fifty-words, but a huge vocabulary does not a good communicator make. Here's what I've learned from him in our time together.

    When My Lord asks me to tell him something I am feeling or thinking, he watches me intently. He gauges my body language, my facial expression, my tone, and my words. He listens for key words to explore matters further, and pays attention to my word choices. By actively paying attention to me, he hears way more than I say. It feels a little uncomfortable to be watched so intently, but I've learned to appreciate the result.


  • What is your communication style?
     
    I am impatient, and energetic, and very good at stating my thoughts and ideas, and clarifying them so that everyone can understand.  I often finish other's sentences, a bad habit, and one I am trying to break.   I have learned to listen better thanks to my job and My Lord.  I use a lot of big words, not to be a showoff, which I know is how it comes out, but just because my brain tends to pick the most apporpriate word, and often that word has more than two syllables.
    I am in the process of training myself to be a better listener.  I am actively setting aside distractions and focusing on the person in front of me/on the phone.  The other thing I am learning is to let people know VERBALLY that they have been understood before I jump to action.  If a person is repeating themselves, they don't feel as if they are being heard.  It's my job as the listener to make sure they know they've been heard.  My conversations are a lot more productive and a lot less frustrating when I can remember that little basic step.
     
    Nice topic, MR.  :)

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    RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 12:12:47 PM   
    chezzy71


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    the best communicator is the one who listens best first before expounding on any virtues.

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    RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 3:45:13 PM   
    kidwithknife


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    quote:

    ORIGINAL: antipode
    Sorry, but your own communication style causes you to spew up words as if I have nothing else to do but listen to you. That's presumptuous. When you are able to express yourself succinctly, by all means try again. There is a difference between writing a book and a posting...

    Possibly the target audience isn't those who prefer things to be condensed down to soundbites?


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    RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 4:25:15 PM   
    DavanKael


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  • What is good communication?
    ****Honest, first and foremost.  Respectful is a close second. 
  • How does one be a good communicator?
    ****Articulating one's thoughts well while listening actively. 
  • What is your communication style?
    ****Preferrably direct. 
       Davan

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    RE: Being a Good Communicator - 3/20/2009 4:42:10 PM   
    Prinsexx


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    Empathy speaks a thousand words.

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