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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 3:21:12 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I know all that. Apparently I could have been more clear. The tradition of monogamy and of polygamy are both longstanding. So the OP's assertion that open or poly relationships only apply to the younger generation here doesn't hold water.

What book asserts that Moses was not a Jew? That's a new one on me.
I'm reading Michael Chabon of late. If you come across his Yiddish Policeman's Union, snap it up, it's a tour de force.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 3:49:18 AM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

On the other hand Moses was monogamous. Abraham only stepped out of Sarah in order to father a child, after which he returned to monogamy. So hard to tell what's traditional and what isn't.


So was Adam, though admittedly he didn't have much choice.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 4:35:01 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I wonder if it is change of generations and values hummm just a thought 


Absolutely! We are far more value oriented in many ways than the Romans were! Many of the things the ancients used to practice, we have outlawed. So you bet we have had a value shift--thank the goddess!
 
IMHO, instead of throwing stones at what kind of relationship a person does or doesn't have--we need to make sure our houses are in order and I can assure you they are no by someone elses standards----someone will ALWAYS have a criticism about how someone else lives.
 
But to suggest that our values are eroded? Go back and read history My friend---we are pretty tame these days in love and war.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 5:16:22 AM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		I had a nice dissertation going but i keep getting booted so...i'll just say i don't like sharing period and about as close as it will ever get is if and when Mistress shuts me up at the grocery store for example where i am told most would applaud the action..lol.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 5:27:10 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Scooter, Jewel and i are in such a closed relationship. Now we are open to adding another but then they would be in a closed relationship with us.
 
All of us are comfortable and happy loving one another. Sex and play are intimate things reserved for those we love, that is all. 

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 10:28:38 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I know all that. Apparently I could have been more clear. The tradition of monogamy and of polygamy are both longstanding. So the OP's assertion that open or poly relationships only apply to the younger generation here doesn't hold water.


My apologies for misunderstanding.
quote:


What book asserts that Moses was not a Jew? That's a new one on me.
I'm reading Michael Chabon of late. If you come across his Yiddish Policeman's Union, snap it up, it's a tour de force.


Jews, God, and History by Max I. Dimont. Though the book does not so much assert that he was not a Jew as it considers seriously the idea that he may not have been.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 11:16:48 AM   
MistressDolly


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Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I did one on open so i decided to take the other path

           what about closed relationships where couples have not play with anyone else but their spouse are are totally content  ever in many years  what makes them diffferent or unique. what you do if you came across such peeps how would effect your view in what you do would do so or just fallow  fashion heard




For me, it is simply a matter of contentment, of being satisfied with what I have. It is an experience of "fulfillment", and a grateful realization of what I have. I like not being hungry for more; it's liberating.

"If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires." ~ Epicurus

Written in other room:

If I had a male lover I was sexually bored with or somewhat indifferent to, or a male whom I was just not that into, I could see myself wanting
more, someone else to fill the hole...the hole of my not-so-satisfied heart and soul that is, you perverts. ;)

I have never found myself wanting another male sexually when I already had one pleasing me in this way, as I wait until I find a male who I am very much engaged with mentally and physically. If the chemistry isn't in all the right places (sexually, emotionally, intellectually, etc.,) I just don't bother at all. Given this, it is easy to see why I also tend to stay satisfied with one (1)


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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 3:18:36 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

I've been in open relationships and I have been in closed relationships. It all depends on what my partner and I want together.

None were any better then the other, they were just different.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 4:38:58 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		if none where any better then why keep going from one to the other that does make sense  what you have to see or what i see being post it is more about people involed  but if you use a science methodology  then you have to take a look at the core of what people are and what they do whne with someone else  whats makes someone spend 50 years in a closed relatinship and someone ten years in a open one  there is something in effect here so you have to look at certian critria to see what it is
could it be age
could be value
could be how your raised
could it be even as much as taste
or charector    for example and axe murder is still that  no one see before that person commited the act only after
or someone that cheats  
on the othe side of that how people made theirs millions how they struggled to get there there is a common thread
just do not think it stands out as clear  but i think there is something of substance that is dfferent

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 4:43:11 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Since I have done both... Why go from one to the other? Because, like baking powder and baking soda, they are not the same though equally useful and each can work wonderfully in different times and with different partners.

You can also mix them together if you've got the right recipe - Val seems to be monogamous while I'm poly and we don't have any issues.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 5:11:45 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if none where any better then why keep going from one to the other that does make sense  what you have to see or what i see being post it is more about people involed  but if you use a science methodology  then you have to take a look at the core of what people are and what they do whne with someone else  whats makes someone spend 50 years in a closed relatinship and someone ten years in a open one  there is something in effect here so you have to look at certian critria to see what it is
could it be age
could be value
could be how your raised
could it be even as much as taste
or charector    for example and axe murder is still that  no one see before that person commited the act only after
or someone that cheats  
on the othe side of that how people made theirs millions how they struggled to get there there is a common thread
just do not think it stands out as clear  but i think there is something of substance that is dfferent



Of course it is about the people involved. Every relationship is different because the people in that relationship are different. I have had other relationships in the past that have been totally monogamous. In one of those relationships my partner cheated on me and it ended the relationship. In my current relationship my Master sees other women. It is an agreement we have which we are both happy with. I know what and when he is seeing someone else and I also know that the love and total trust we have in each other means that his seeing another woman for sex causes no issues in our relationship. In fact things are better as he is happy and that means more than anything else.

The fact that I have agreed to an open (ish) relationship has nothing to do with age or upbringing and has everything to do with the trust we have between us.

I am fully aware that open relationships do not work for everyone but your constant issues with it really are annoying. It does not work for you but that does not mean it is wrong. Just wrong for you. Personally submissive men in latex do not work for me but I would not preach at you that you should change the way you live your life just because it does not suit me. I think you could do with a little help to get over whatever it is in your past that has caused you to have such issues with open relationships.

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 5:33:38 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		My parents were born in 1925. They married, raised children, and were faithful to each other for as long as my mother was alive (she died over a decade ago). My dad has been dating several women since. He has no interest in re-marrying (he's 83 years old, and can't imagine living full-time with another woman in the house his wife and he shared... and he can't imagine moving). When I asked him about his current lady friends... in plural (yes, they all know about one another)...he mentioned to me that back in the day, when he and my mother were dating, it was not unusual for a young man or young woman to date several individuals at the same time. It wasn't until someone decided to 'go steady'... often several months into a relationship... that the pairing became 'exclusive'. My poppy was pretty popular in the day, and my momma as well (she was a Zigfield dancer). They were older when they met, and didn't marry until they were in their late 20s. My dad had dated women on two continents and two islands by then.

My parents married in 1950. From 1950 until 1996, whether they were together or apart, they were faithful to one another. My mother tolerated poppy's penthouse magazines, and read her own novels for titillation, but neither of them ever strayed from the marriage bed. They weren't always happy, and having lived through three depressions, they faced their share of challenges, but doggoned if they didn't make things work for over 4 and a half decades.

I love and respect my parents relationships, but one thing that I learned from them was that love is unbounded. That it has no limits. They provided me with the very first logic that helped me to realize who I was and how I love. Though it wasn't their way, they have cherished my companions (my father still does), and accepted my experiments with both poly and monogamy, with equanimity if not always comprehension. Seeing them, and seeing successful relationships around me (primarily monogamous, since polyamory and open marriages weren't really a public 'thing' in the area in which I was raised until the last 5 years or so -- in fact, I grew up not even knowing that homosexuality existed until I was -well- into high-school and out on my own!) taught me that it is possible to have healthy relationships, but seeing monogamous relationships didn't incline me to anything other than being honest and being myself. My parents taught me that honesty, along with integrity, hope, and respect (including self-respect), and I bring those to every encounter that I have now. How much more could anyone ask?

I believe, inherently, that people should follow their spirit when it comes to love. They should believe their gut and their heart when considering whether to become involved in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. I have seen many, many happy monogamous relationships, and certainly there are fewer social landmines in choosing the more traditional monogamous road, so for someone who is troubled by the ethics, social complications, or personal tangles of poly, it is not only possible but likely -preferable- to be extraordinarily happy in monogamy. However, monogamy, despite its current preference in our culture, is neither preferable, nor ethically superior to any other relationship form overall, and may even be ethically compromising if, in order to remain in a monogamous relationship, one must deny parts of oneself.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 12/11/2008 5:34:43 PM >

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/11/2008 11:24:15 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if none where any better then why keep going from one to the other that does make sense  what you have to see or what i see being post it is more about people involed  but if you use a science methodology  then you have to take a look at the core of what people are and what they do whne with someone else  whats makes someone spend 50 years in a closed relatinship and someone ten years in a open one  there is something in effect here so you have to look at certian critria to see what it is
could it be age
could be value
could be how your raised
could it be even as much as taste
or charector    for example and axe murder is still that  no one see before that person commited the act only after
or someone that cheats  
on the othe side of that how people made theirs millions how they struggled to get there there is a common thread
just do not think it stands out as clear  but i think there is something of substance that is dfferent



You appear to be imbedded into the rut of a one track mind and have demonstrated tine after time that you are incapable of even attempting to understand a basic fact that humans are by nature inquisitive and are probe to explore or that some people are by nature mono whilst other are poly and naturally and logically (Logic being something you appear to have no experience with) are caught betwixt the two and thus will change from mono to poly from time to time depending who their partner is and his/her orientation....  For mind seeing you post has the same effect as the Simpsons or South Park come on TV... I grit my teeth and change stations and say "Next"!   I suppose in the greater scheme of things, you like laxatives are a necessary evil, so post on and continue to be an annoying pest..




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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/12/2008 9:25:55 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if none where any better then why keep going from one to the other that does make sense  what you have to see or what i see being post it is more about people involed  but if you use a science methodology  then you have to take a look at the core of what people are and what they do whne with someone else  whats makes someone spend 50 years in a closed relatinship and someone ten years in a open one  there is something in effect here so you have to look at certian critria to see what it is
could it be age
could be value
could be how your raised
could it be even as much as taste
or charector    for example and axe murder is still that  no one see before that person commited the act only after
or someone that cheats  
on the othe side of that how people made theirs millions how they struggled to get there there is a common thread
just do not think it stands out as clear  but i think there is something of substance that is dfferent



It doesn't matter what anyone says you are never going to change your extremely narrow minded point of view.

The reason the closed relationships were no better then then the open or vice versa us because the dynamic with in each relationship was different.

I was with my highschool sweetheart "M" for 6 years. I was dating and sleeping with him and his best freind "J". M and I lived together but his bestfriend spent a majority of time with us and we became a threesome for the most part. Though J dated other girls from time to time as well.

I was totally monogamous with my husband.

When I lived with my best friend and her husband I was the "second wife". She was not bi, but we were and are best friends and we shared her husband.

When i was with my former Dom, we were monogamous but discussed the possibility of opening our relationship when we ready to take that step. We wanted the "just us" time while learning each other and such but we both wanted to leave the idea of maybe opening our relationship up at a later date.

Master and I are monogamous. He doesn't want anyone but me and i have no desire to be with anyone else either. Could that change?? yes it could, but then again it might not.  I'm not psychic and I can not predict how the future will unfold.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Closed Relationships - 12/12/2008 10:24:41 AM   
kdmfl


Posts: 118
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline 		I believe in a closed (monogamous) relationship.  I believe if a woman gives herself to me she is giving 100% or her trust as well and in a poly situation (not for me but I am accepting of those that practice the lifestyle) there is always going to be a part that holds back because I believe we are all programmed for self preservation.  I'm sure many don't agree, I am simply adding my own personal opinion to the thread.  I believe you can still be monogamous and be active in the lifestyle going to munchs, conventions and private parties.  It is comforting to be around others with similar tastes and interests.  It can also be erotic and exciting which can be shared with the person to whom you are committed 

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RE: Closed Relationships - 12/12/2008 1:12:12 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdmfl
... in a poly situation (not for me but I am accepting of those that practice the lifestyle) there is always going to be a part that holds back because I believe we are all programmed for self preservation. 


I can respect your opinions on the matter, and still say that this hasn't been my experience -- then again, I tend to be a 'feet first, full immersion' kind of person, and tend not to follow my own advice, at times, to at least check the depth of the pool before making the dive. I've even been known to go in head-first without checking for rocks on the bottom. Fortunately, I haven't broken my neck or cracked my head yet... ok... well.. I think some folks might disagree about being cracked in the head... but... well.. I think the point still counts.


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Closed Relationships - 12/12/2008 1:17:30 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		actually, there is something to look at here, from an evidentary standpoint.
I am poly as all get out, so this is not polly bashing. simply pointing out that mono bashing (which i do all the time - monos make NO sense to me!) is also not logical.
The world is full of mono relationships that last for 50 years. 50 percent of marriages fail before the death of either partner - i remeber being told by a proffessor in college that, that meant that the average marriage lasts something like 26 years.
I have no statistics to point to for either statistic, I am just repeating what I have been told, so it could be wrong. I have been told the average poly relationship lasts 2 and a half years.
If these numbers are correct, it is worth it, at a polly, ta ask yourself, 'why?'
not so I can become mono - that ain't gonna happen - but so I can try to learn something, figure out where the big ass pit falls are and avoid them, ect.
But, also, accept - a closed relatinship is the right relationship for a lot of people. And that's okay with me, truly. (well, except for some really, really cute chicks that should come be my sister, but that's another issue...)

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