Closed Relationships

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LATEXBABY64 -> Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 4:18:54 PM)
I did one on open so i decided to take the other path what about closed relationships where couples have not play with anyone else but their spouse are are totally content ever in many years what makes them diffferent or unique. what you do if you came across such peeps how would effect your view in what you do would do so or just fallow fashion heard

IronBear -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 4:36:35 PM)
My parents had one lasting 40 years, my parents-in-law have one and are celebrating their 40th anniversery this comming Saturday. many friends have very sucessfull closed relationships. The difference between them and myself ond others woth open relationships I know is that we are wired differently. We are wired for poly and theyare wired for mono. It is as simple as that. Nothing mystgerious or secret handshakes just differences in our psychological make up. Both are right if they follow their own paths.

BLGirl -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 4:51:47 PM)
I am in a closed relationship, and I'm not sure exactly what you are asking. We make the active decision to be in love. That is the key to staying together for any length of time. We experiment with this and that also. we talk about what we want to do and have decided be active in this life style. I would think there is enough different aspects in this life style to not have to worry about getting bored. Daddy of BLGirl

CatdeMedici -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 5:15:07 PM)
I believe that for any relationship to be successful there have to be some basic values present and in full operation ( communication, trust, honesty, partnership, friendship, etc). IMHO if these are present any relationship stands a pretty good chance of making it. All too often though people get into, stay, or leave relationships for the wrong reasons. To me, they keys to success are not how many people are in the relationship but how many values are in place and active among ALL parties. As I said, I don't cast stones at any mix of a relationship, I am just not emotionally mature enough for multiples.

kidwithknife -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 5:28:05 PM)
There are no inherently good and bad relationship structures. Merely good and bad relationships.

oceanwynds -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 5:33:58 PM)
I was married for 29 years. We were in a closed marriage. We had the same ingredients that Sir and I have in an open non committed open-relationship. Trust, honor, respect, caring, being ourself and a lot of communication. The only difference for me is one was closed and one wasn't. Hubby died, that is what ended our marriage. My marriage was good, very good. My relationship with Sir is good, very good. Being on both sides of the fence in relationships, to me the vital part is what the relationship is made up of, and both parties are comfortable with it. oceanwynds

parakeet89 -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 5:43:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kidwithknife There are no inherently good and bad relationship structures. Merely good and bad relationships. I agree so much. I wish more people thought like that.

AquaticSub -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 6:05:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 I did one on open so i decided to take the other path what about closed relationships where couples have not play with anyone else but their spouse are are totally content ever in many years what makes them diffferent or unique. what you do if you came across such peeps how would effect your view in what you do would do so or just fallow fashion heard I don't think anything in particular makes them different from people who thrive in open relationships. To boil it down to more basic terms: I love milk chocolate, I hate white chocolate and, except in a few rare items, I despise dark chocolate. There is no real reason for this. It's just the way I am. Coming across people in long-term, happy relationships wouldn't change my worldview. I'm very familiar with such couples. I would suppose that there are some people who are in closed relationships because they don't know about open relationships and think that they should be in closed relationships. But I don't think that these examples are a real reflection on the concept of monogamy but are a reflection of a society where not everyone is familiar with the different types of happy relationships one can have. For some people, monogamy works. When it works, it's a beautiful thing. Just like poly and open relationships.

susie -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 6:12:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 I did one on open so i decided to take the other path what about closed relationships where couples have not play with anyone else but their spouse are are totally content ever in many years what makes them diffferent or unique. what you do if you came across such peeps how would effect your view in what you do would do so or just fallow fashion heard My parents have just celebrated 50 years of marriage and I know that neither of them have ever considered being with anyone else. My sister and her partner have been in a completely monogamous relationship for 17 years. Master and I have a semi open relationship (he sees other women, I do not see others). All of us have happy relationships, they are just different. They all work perfectly well for the people that are in them. If people are happy in the relationship they are in why should someone else's relationship have any effect on them. No matter how many times you bring up the subject of monogamy and how bad you think poly or open relationships are is not going to change the way that people feel. If you want a strictly monogamous relationship then that is what you should look for.

Maya2001 -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 6:37:13 PM)
My first dominant has been married to his sub for 30 years they have 3 children together and they love and respect each other very much they have an open relationship each plays with different partners..it works for them and they are happy ..I realized when I was with him that I was too uncomfortable with being part an open relationship but I have no regrets because it was a good learning experience for me and it allowed me to see how a good open relationship can work even though I know it is not for me...and I would be the last person to say one is better than the other...I spent 7 years in a closed relationship with someone I was very uncompatible with and at the time I felt more alone than I did being single .. a poor match is a poor match whether in an open or closed relationship.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 6:43:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 what about closed relationships where couples have not play with anyone else but their spouse are are totally content ever in many years what makes them diffferent or unique. what you do if you came across such peeps how would effect your view in what you do would do so or just fallow fashion heard This is my sisters marriage. What makes them unique- that they know how to fight and still love. I am very proud of them and they are very beautiful together.

DesFIP -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 7:25:03 PM)
This is us. We don't play publicly, we don't play with others, we don't swing, I'm not bi, etc, etc. And we've been together over 5 years like this very happily. My aunt and uncle were very happily totally monogamous for nearly 50 years of marriage plus a couple of years of being engaged while he was in the army. Like any other relationship you need good relationship skills. You need a high level of compatibility across the board. You need good self awareness and you need good communication skills. Most of all you need to be dedicated to the fact that the health of the relationship is more important than either individual's momentary desire.

slavejali -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 7:25:27 PM)
Master and I are in a closed relationship - what makes us different and unique? That's a toughie... Everything I have thought of so far could apply to those in open relationships..ugh Umm... Maybe the intensity of not having to share? Maybe just cause we are two fantastic individuals..but that's got nothing to do with being in a closed relationship.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 7:58:38 PM)
I wonder if it is change of generations and values hummm just a thought

AquaticSub -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 8:02:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 I wonder if it is change of generations and values hummm just a thought So you get a bunch of people displaying the value of acceptance and supporting of all different relationship dynamics, saying that they know people who are in these relationships and who are thriving now and you make a post that, given your track record, hints that this shows a corruption of values. If this thread shows a change in values over the generations, it displays a greater tolerance of different relationships while still cherishing and supporting the traditional way of doing things. As Martha would say "It's a good thing". Edited to be more clear

oceanwynds -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 8:03:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 I wonder if it is change of generations and values hummm just a thought I am of the older generation Latex. I am 56. My values are pretty strong, as are my morals. I cant in the life of me make a person stay with me, it is their choice. Hubby stayed through his choice for 29 years. Perhaps your own filters of seeing things is what makes it hard for you to understand? Just a thought oceanwynds

kidwithknife -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 8:07:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 I wonder if it is change of generations and values hummm just a thought There have been non-monogamous relationships throughout recorded history. So, no, it's not. Any other thoughts need clearing up while I'm in a helpful mood?

AquaticSub -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 8:25:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kidwithknife quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 I wonder if it is change of generations and values hummm just a thought There have been non-monogamous relationships throughout recorded history. So, no, it's not. Any other thoughts need clearing up while I'm in a helpful mood? For that matter some of our oldest documents regarding social rules (the Bible for example) document the practice of multiple wives and mistresses. One could, then, argue that monogamy is a corruption of truly traditional values. I'd still call that bullshit but ya know... just sayin' [;)]

DesFIP -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 8:28:03 PM)
On the other hand Moses was monogamous. Abraham only stepped out of Sarah in order to father a child, after which he returned to monogamy. So hard to tell what's traditional and what isn't.

AquaticSub -> RE: Closed Relationships (12/10/2008 8:32:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP On the other hand Moses was monogamous. Abraham only stepped out of Sarah in order to father a child, after which he returned to monogamy. So hard to tell what's traditional and what isn't. Moses was also raised by Eygptians who long practiced mutiple wives and marrying brothers and sisters. BTW - I'm reading a fanastic book, assigned by my Rabbi, that considers the idea that Moses was never Jewish but an outsider adopted by the Hebrew people (God, Jews and History). Abraham was not the only man to have mutiple partners: In Exodus 21:10, a man can marry an infinite amount of women without any limits to how many he can marry. In 2 Samuel 5:13; 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3, King David had six wives and numerous concubines. In 1 Kings 11:3, King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. In 2 Chronicles 11:21, King Solomon's son Rehoboam had 18 wives and 60 concubines. In Deuteronomy 21:15 "If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons...." Among others of course but that was what a 3 minute google search turned up.

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