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LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 3:46:32 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		Love, what exactly does it mean and what are it's implications? I struggle with the word, but I have friends who say they love me, both female and male, what are the saying ?

Love to me is a deep feeling for someone, not necessarily a feeling that makes me want to lay with them or screw them, but a feeling that I enjoy their friendship and offer the same in response, but when someone says they love me, I panic.

I have had deep love before and had that deep love abused and thrown in my face, so I am now careful with the word, very few get my words of love.

Is it the word; 'love' is abused by being bandied about with ease, or should it be held for a special time with one loved ?


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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 4:10:23 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		I heard a definition several ago that resonnates with me:

Love is the willing acceptance of painful responsibility.

Not that it is supposed to be painful. Rather when and if it does become difficult or painful you accept that and do what is needed to make it through. Is it really love if we (or they) duck out when the "going gets tough?"

Uncle Nasty

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 4:21:47 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		As a cynic, I say that love consists of a variety of mutually rewarding accomodations towards some shared goal.

Should the accomodation become too much for one party, should the level of reward become too little for one party, should the goal not be reached within the perceived period for it to be achieved - love dissipates rapidly.

E

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 4:55:08 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		Maybe I am stupid, but I still hold love for a wife that told me to leave four years ago. One can love someone even if they can't be with them ?

I am one of those people that needs definitions of things, boundaries so that I know when I am crossing those boundaries.


< Message edited by Aneirin -- 12/12/2008 4:56:39 PM >

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 5:06:06 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		I'd say youre in a position of desiring to still share a goal with her and willing to make a new accomodation, but that she no longer finds your proposition rewarding and/or the goal worthwhile.

But dont listen to me - I'm a cold hearted, shrivelled up cynic on such matters

E 

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 5:16:54 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		No, it is gone, ended, but I still love the woman, even though I have no contact, we are incompatible, ten years proved that, (just to let you know her belief was that kinky people were the ones the authorities had'nt caught yet, so you can see where I get my inhibitions from). I cannot turn love off, it will go when it is ready

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 5:17:09 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I am one of those people that needs definitions of things...

This one has always worked for me...
 
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

~I Corinthians 13:4-7

K.

< Message edited by Kirata -- 12/12/2008 6:10:09 PM >

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 6:45:25 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Still caring about a person that you spent several years of your life with is very normal, even after a separation or divorce.  The human heart is complicated. 

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 9:54:05 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Being the cynic that I am, I find "love" to be a rather difficult concept myself.  I grew up being taught that we're supposed to "love" our relatives - but what I feel for them is so far removed from the concept of "love" as to be almost diametrically opposed.  Duty, yes; loyalty, yes to an extent that stops when their good becomes to my own detriment (something that was difficult for me to learn) - but Love? 
 
The word "love" - and the concepts that surround it - were used far to often by various members of my family, and various past close male associates, as a Weapon.  Having someone tell me that they "love" me - even if I Know they mean "as a dear friend" - tends to send me into a state of quiet panic and send me running as far and as fast as I can away from anywhere they might happen to be.  It's a bit ironic, really, when I have no problem with the idea of telling my friends that I 'love' them as friends.
 
As far as what the concept includes - loyalty, responcibility, affection, respect, and a much more nebulus "something" that I really can't put a finger on.

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 10:07:16 PM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

No, it is gone, ended, but I still love the woman, even though I have no contact, we are incompatible, ten years proved that, (just to let you know her belief was that kinky people were the ones the authorities had'nt caught yet, so you can see where I get my inhibitions from). I cannot turn love off, it will go when it is ready


I know what you mean.  I screwed up my first marriage and when he passed on years later, I was torn in two grieving because I still loved him.

Acceptance is the keyword here.

Shahar

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 10:24:54 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Still caring about a person that you spent several years of your life with is very normal, even after a separation or divorce.  The human heart is complicated. 


I agree the heart is a very complicated thing. I know that Master still loves his 1st wife even though she died over 6 years ago. They had a perfect life together and so it is to be expected that the love will remain.

One of the problems these days is that the word "love" is used too freely. People say it when they really mean "I like you a lot". I know I have said it in the past when I thought it was what the other person wanted to hear. My relationship now has taught me so much more about love so it is out there.

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 10:33:44 PM   
rexrgisformidoni


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I am one of those people that needs definitions of things...

This one has always worked for me...
 
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

~I Corinthians 13:4-7

K.


I was going to say this too. I always liked this...makes me want to go back to mass now.


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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 10:39:41 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Love is a way of life for some people, but for others it's no more than a bargaining chip.

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 10:44:54 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		There are different kinds of love that we experience, some much more intense than others of course.  Without putting it in the context of a particular relationship or person, I see love, in a basic way, as "care".  Any time you care for something, you are expressing love in some form. Just my feeling of course. 

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 11:11:06 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		To me, love is about accepting and honoring someone as he/she is.   It is thinking about, and considering his well being just as I do mine.   The only difference for me in romantic love, is that this someone loves me in a way that accepts and complements the person I am (hotness, flaws, and all), and arouses me physically.    M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 11:19:18 PM   
mydomsabstrd


Posts: 1775
Joined: 10/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Love is a way of life for some people, but for others it's no more than a bargaining chip.




could not have said it better

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damn right
i used to care.....now i take a pill for that
i said shush girl, shush your lips, do the hellen keller and talk with your hips!!!!

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/12/2008 11:31:23 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Now its just me and my own way of looking at LOVE = EVOLutionary emotion that begins with a feeling deep within, a connection that is difficult to explain. It evolves into something great if it is pushed. Becoming fond of something or someone and eventually you come to what love is. To me its also a commitment of acceptance of all things that make up your significant other. It can also mean an awareness of an individual dear to your heart. Becoming intuitive and knowing thing. It does exist but if used to many times it loses its meaning. It means a whole lote more if used sparingly. Better to remain unspoken and felt instead by a simple touch, a whisper of another's name or simply being close. No words shared and just being together.
That is what love is to me.
You might also describe as something like this:
Standing at the waters edge, it flows gently downstream, subtle is its touch that if you are not aware it will be missed. Slowly a step forwards and the awareness of it is felt upon the toes and makes the skin shiver intuitively of what is to come if steps continue forward. With each step forward the body no longer shivers but becomes warmed by it as it flows around. More steps forward and the body aches to become fully emmersed but if taken slowly it lasts all the longer. Move to quickly and its soft touch becomes a splash. The body becomes wet much too quickly. Best to take it slowly, enjoy it for all its worth. Allowing it to embrace fully, warm the skin with its soft caress. Allow it to warm deep within the self of being where it is now. Another step, calmly with a slow inhale and its not warmth of the liquid any more as that was only the threshold between worlds. Now its all around and the world changes, colors are different, other faces become different. There amidst it all is love.

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/13/2008 1:38:00 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I haven't been 'in love' persay so I don't have a truly accurate answer, no one can. 

I have loved people in my life, a common respect, decency, empathy and an ability to even dismiss minor annoyances is all I can say to describe love.  Also, being of service physically and mentally (in all it's forms). 

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/13/2008 2:58:02 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I haven't been 'in love' persay so I don't have a truly accurate answer, no one can. 

I have loved people in my life, a common respect, decency, empathy and an ability to even dismiss minor annoyances is all I can say to describe love.  Also, being of service physically and mentally (in all it's forms). 


Girl find it is very strange that so many perceive love as being something limited only to the mental and the physical. Very little acceptance to love is given in the wholeness of self. Girl believes that love in spirit as well as the mental and physical is the only true way that love becomes real. That is just my belief.
That is the truth. If girl can not give self in the wholeness of being then love is not real.
Touching someone within is love.

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RE: LOVE ? - 12/13/2008 3:22:47 PM   
MissDaisy67


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		With My former girl, when I said, "I love you" to her, what that meant was I had a sincere regard for her, I had a special place in My  heart for her, I was acknowledging the connection between the two of us, its a deep feeling that comes from within.. almost difficult to describe.

While I am not with her now, I still love her and what that means is, she gained a special place in My heart and will always have that.. even if I never spoke to her again, I will always love her... again, that means I will always care, I will always cherish her..

I suppose love can mean different things for different people.

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