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should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:26:27 PM

irishdan

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Should a slave have a say in how a Scene transpires? I mean the true meaning of control would suggest that the domme would be in TOTAL control. so should a slave provide a domme with a list of likes and dislikes?

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:29:02 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishdan

Should a slave have a say in how a Scene transpires? I mean the true meaning of control would suggest that the domme would be in TOTAL control. so should a slave provide a domme with a list of likes and dislikes?

That depends. Is the slave owned, is this a casual scene, is this during the "dating" phrase or something else? And, also very important: Does the dominant want to know the slaves likes and dislikes?

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:30:59 PM

SunNMoon

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I'm going to say this right now it depends on the people.

For me personally I want to know what his likes and dislikes are. It makes it a better scene for me. Now does that mean he is going to have all of those likes met, nope but it does me I don't have to spend hours trying everything and still not knowing what he likes.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:31:00 PM

utopicus

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Although a Domme is in total control, the relationship is consented - there is always a safe word, respect and communication. A slave is nether a piece of flesh, nor an object, but a human being. So...

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:35:35 PM

snowslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishdan

Should a slave have a say in how a Scene transpires? I mean the true meaning of control would suggest that the domme would be in TOTAL control. so should a slave provide a domme with a list of likes and dislikes?

Isn't that something that should be discussed when they meet? It seems to me that raising objections during a scene is just wrong for a slave to do.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:36:55 PM

Lockit

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A slave should not send a dominant an email with a list of likes and dislikes! lol (Just in case here...) When she asks for them... go for it. The rest depends on them.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:37:37 PM

MsConception

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quote:

ORIGINAL: irishdan

Should a slave have a say in how a Scene transpires? I mean the true meaning of control would suggest that the domme would be in TOTAL control. so should a slave provide a domme with a list of likes and dislikes?

I think that depends on the situation. I personally, love to know the likes and dislikes of my slave. I love the control when they do something they don't like, simply because I want to do it. On the other hand, if a relationship was ALL things that are not fulfilling for you, and you come to dread the time spent with your Mistress, then it probably is not a good fit.

my $.02 worth

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:38:03 PM

LadyPact

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I would further add that it depends on what the correlation is between the two people. If we're talking about a Top/bottom scene, rather than a M/s one, things will most likely be different.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 3:42:04 PM

came4U

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No, it would ruin the entire dynamic for me. That is why I'd choose someone I trust and adore to even dangle me off a bridge yet not drop me. I know a few (very few) men who know me inside and out who are quite capable of topping me without having seen any list as such.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 4:05:23 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: snowslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishdan

Should a slave have a say in how a Scene transpires? I mean the true meaning of control would suggest that the domme would be in TOTAL control. so should a slave provide a domme with a list of likes and dislikes?

Isn't that something that should be discussed when they meet? It seems to me that raising objections during a scene is just wrong for a slave to do.

I agree. For me, being a slave is being in a relationship where you are property and you have someone who owns you; I do not see the term "slave" as simply an alternative for "submissive" or for "bottom". It is a different type of dynamic, not better or worse, but definitely different.

Why would you get to that stage of any dynamic without thoroughly going over not only likes and dislikes, but limits, needs, goals, life philosophy, food allergies, etc, over the course of many weeks if not months or for some folks years. No one should ever become another's slave or owner unless they know for certain they are a very good match. Once you know that, these sorts of questions really don't come up any more because the dynamic all ready has the necessary flow of information for those two (or more) people.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 4:05:54 PM

RedMagic1

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I prefer to rely on my powers of telepathy.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 4:16:19 PM

E2Sweet

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I don't think there are any hard and fast rules you would need to be concerned with with regard to the level of control you allow a dominant. Feeling safe and giving the dominant an idea of what you're looking to experience are good things, but limiting yourself to the point of excluding new experiences that may be enjoyable or eye-opening wouldn't be so good... Also, most dominants aren't much interested in "let's do everything I wanna do" submissives, so tread carefully with regard to your likes/dislikes list...

This actually came up last evening in a conversation with a dominant when she asked me about my likes, dislikes as well as things would be considered limits. I simply told her that aside from steering clear of the few things that would send me running for the door, I want to influence the D/s interaction as little as possible. That works for me because I'm extremely curious in what sort of wicked ideas she is able to come up with, as I really do like the idea of being surprised as opposed to acting out some sort of script I've concocted. Also I think this approach makes room for us to sort of find what works for us rather than trying to squeeze ourselves into a way of relating to one another that may not actually suit us all that well. When she asked (note the emphasis there), I did offer up some of my likes and dislikes, which allowed her to understand my tastes with regard to D/s a little better.

These are just my opinions and one experience. Your view may vary... and that's...OK...

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 4:32:37 PM

Usako

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I like how people are just jumping the gun when the OP doesn't really give enough info. As others have asked, is this a first meeting? A first e-mail? A play setting? A relationship? What? I think if the dominant should probably ask those questions before the scene begins to see how far to go, if it's casual. If it's a relationship, then the woman should already know the likes and dislikes and dish them out as she sees fit. I mean, unless you want something super special then you can beg for it.

But then again, slave and submissive mean the exact same thing to me so I'm not nitpicky on labels; I think every human being has the right to negotiate...it's up to the other person to listen/deal with it though.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 4:59:28 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I prefer to rely on my powers of telepathy.

You read my mind.

To answer the OP, I want to know likes and dislikes long before we ever get to a scene. Once the scene starts, I am the one in control. Period. I will ask for whatever information I want or require (do these cuffs cut off circulation, are you thirsty, etc.) and the only time I want to hear from the slave, barring the use of any safeword we've negotiated, is if she's getting a cramp and needs to change positions or if she's begging for something because I've told her to beg.

However, the extensive amount of time I put into learning a slave's likes and dislikes helps me ensure the scene is one we'll both enjoy. So, in that sense, the slave has a great deal of "say" prior to the event. During the event, she has none.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 5:01:27 PM

AlexandraLynch

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"Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different." - Valyraen

I so much argree with this statement.
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< Message edited by AlexandraLynch -- 12/13/2008 5:02:35 PM >

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 5:08:41 PM

AlexandraLynch

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I think it's important to find out major issues beforehand.

I played with a girl last night who grew up with abusive ritual spankings. Consequently, you can use about anything on her BUT a paddle. Another fellow has diabetes, and in extended play we have to keep an eye on his blood sugar levels. Still another fellow worked in a prison and has had urine and feces thrown on him by prisoners; needless to say, he is NOT going to be doing golden showers! Another woman was choked during a rape and has neck issues. These are the things that I call land mines; I like to know where they are because having one go boom in a scene is just no fun for anyone.

I also want to know what people's major fetishes are, in much the same way that I like to know what my friends' tastes in movies or favorite colors are, so that I can make sure to to give them something they really like.

But apart from that, no, I don't want to reveal all my twisted plots, that's no fun.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 5:12:26 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I prefer to rely on my powers of telepathy.

Yes, there is always that. <Gives Red a high 5>

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 5:14:31 PM

MsStarlett

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It's all about communications. I've gotten into some situations where we rushed into things and found that we had misunderstood each other prior to play time. It's not fun to have someone 'safe word out' when you first start a new activity or stop right in the middle of something to tell me "That's a hard limit.. No." Totally breaks the mood.

At the same time, I want to know what he's expecting before we start. I get to decide whether or not to give it to him... or if he's looking for something that I hard line against, I would prefer that both of us keep looking for a more suitable companion.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 5:56:34 PM

Aszhrae

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If mistress or master stuck girl in a hole without a source where daylight could be seen or even the stars in the night sky, girl would have a panic attack and then retreat into self.
So, yes, it is very important that a slave should have a say and as 'AlexandraLynch' it is important that certain landmines should be mentioned and discussed.

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RE: should a slave have a say? - 12/13/2008 7:38:43 PM

E2Sweet

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