RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (Full Version)

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DesFIP -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 8:52:01 PM)

Because you needed the comfort of it.
Because he took away something that was helpful when in a lot of stress and didn't give you anything to replace it with.

Diet sodas are part of your coping mechanism while stressed. You're under a lot of stress and now you don't have that to help you.

A perfect example of why weight control is such a difficult issue. Because it isn't about the food, it's about the emotions.



BLGirl -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 9:06:30 PM)

I would say that it is more of a need of yours, a crutch if you will. The fact that you knew the price to be paid (his disappointment in you, punishment, etc.), when you reached for, opened, and drank the soda, tells me that you were aware, but your need outweighed your responsibility. If you cannot be trusted, then he will need to oversee you more closely. In the meantime, removing the temptation all together seems the best route.
 
I think that Daddy would take it from me entirely, if he thought that I hadn't taken him seriously in the first place.
 
Then again, maybe you did this for the punishment. After all, you admittedly had a hugely stressful day and you likely wanted to destress, via pain, loss of control, etc. Just a thought...
 
Curiously,
BLGirl



master4swan -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 9:34:15 PM)

So far so good--keep the ideas flowing cuz i really am baffled by it...

Just a side note:  my Master knows that sodas are bad for good health.  i was drinking 6-10 a day.  Cutting down to 1 has been HARD, but i know it will help me in the long run.  And water is my alternative!!

Did i do it for punishment???   NO!  Master makes punishments very punishing.  They are not fun or enjoyable--usually very memorable though.  my punishment was to drink LARGE glasses of water quickly--until i had stomach cramps from it. NO SODA starting immediately.  Enema's 2 times a day until further notice.

Did i do it for His attention??  MAYBE!  Life has kept Him busier than normal the last 2 days.  i didn't do it consciencely for that reason though. 

Did i need it as a coping mechanism?  MAYBE!  Soda, chocolate, and salt are the things i reach for when stressed out.  i AM a stress eater.  

Resentment or manipulation?  NOPE--just not the right motives behind this action.

AND SOME BACKGROUND INFO:
i lost 50 lbs between Nov 2007 and July 2008.  i'm thrilled with my current body--and my Master loves me just as i am.   BUT--i need to lose another 50lbs to be really healthy and in good shape.  i asked for His help cuz my self-discipline sucks! 



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 10:10:59 PM)

To me those kind of punishments are not very responsible of the Dominant to give out.  You can become very very sick doing those kinds of things People have died from water overdose too. course I do believe you have to have gallons and gallons all at once to get water overdose, and I doubt he's making you drink THAT much water.

Plus I don't really see how guzzling water until you cramp fits the crime.



Congratulations though on going from so many to one, My Daddy is a soda holic and he's currently working on it. He can finish a whole 24 pack in about 5 days.




quote:

ORIGINAL: master4swan

So far so good--keep the ideas flowing cuz i really am baffled by it...

Just a side note:  my Master knows that sodas are bad for good health.  i was drinking 6-10 a day.  Cutting down to 1 has been HARD, but i know it will help me in the long run.  And water is my alternative!!

Did i do it for punishment???   NO!  Master makes punishments very punishing.  They are not fun or enjoyable--usually very memorable though.  my punishment was to drink LARGE glasses of water quickly--until i had stomach cramps from it.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 10:27:23 PM)

Even more than the punishing not being healthy either is that it doesn't do a thing to address the actual source of the problem, why it happened.



AquaticSub -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 10:49:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

WHY???   ((BTW--got caught by Master...and punished.  i feel like i failed Him.))


Because you aren't perfect. Nobody is.

Sometimes I just fuck up. I'm not trying to control the situation, I'm not trying to twist him around, I'm not trying to be punished - I just fucked up. Oh well, life goes on. So I failed this one time, I succeed a lot of other times.

Take a deep breath, move on and try a bit harder but don't hold yourself to perfection.

Edited to add: Honestly, I think the people who are coming down on you hard are coming down too hard. It's not as though you went out, bought a 24 pack of soda and guzzled them down. This is part of why I do Weight Watchers myself and Val will check in on my points when he feels the need. When I need a comfort food, I can have it - it just means I figure out what I can eat later that is low or zero points. Sometimes a source of comfort is simply needed and if there isn't a better alternative, we can turn to food.

Yes you disobeyed. But I don't think making you feel guilty is going to serve any purpose whatsoever in this situation. I don't know about you as I am not you, but when I feel bad, I just want food more. I hope you find something uplifting in this thread to help you continue your weight loss.



starshineowned -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 10:55:52 PM)

Greetings..

It isn't easy breaking habits, and most fall off course a few times before it is broke. I'm sure your Master is well aware that he's dealing with a habitual issue and knows that a strong trigger for its use is stress. Your not going to escape stress no matter where you try to hide. I don't think it has anything to do with you failing..that only happens when you completely give up. You got a punishment thats probably alittle harsh if put against the offense but again..your Master probably knows to how strong of a habit you have here, and that stronger methods to make you think twice or for longer periods of time when he's not in direct contact is the best course to help you.
I'd probably suggest trying to find other things that you enjoy to help alleviate the stress before it or as it becomes a popping point for you.

Good Luck swan

starshine



celticlord2112 -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 11:38:17 PM)

quote:

Another alternative would be to be more lenient as long as you have your struggle with your X?

The technical term for that would be called "enabling".

Allowing self-destructive behaviors such as poor diet merely because a person is undergoing stress perpetuates both the stress and the behavior.

Consider:  if it had been smirnoff's ice instead of soda, would you advocate the same leniency?



celticlord2112 -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/13/2008 11:56:06 PM)

quote:

i had a diet soda at lunch. THEN--today happened. It was rough and i reached for another soda. Before i opened it--i KNEW i shouldn't. Did it anyway.

WHY??? ((BTW--got caught by Master...and punished. i feel like i failed Him.))

The "why" is easy.  You wanted something that would make you feel good, even if just for a second.  That's what comfort foods do--from what you have said in your OP I gather diet soda are/were a comfort food for you.

As for the feeling of "failure", that's understandable.  The craving overwhelmed your judgment and your desire to obey your master--strictly speaking, there WAS a failure to obey his commands.  However, one failure does not define YOU as a "failure"--the worst that can be said is you are human.  A person only becomes a failure when they stop striving for success; move past the mistake and keep your focus on the goal.

As Martin Luther wrote: "Sin Boldly, but believe more Boldly still."



Focus50 -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 2:02:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i just did this.  i don't understand my own actions.  HELP!!!

Here are the specifics:

i WANT to lose weight.  i asked my Master for help.  He agreed.  He placed several requirements on me--one is that i am allowed only 1 diet soda a day. 

Today was rough.  I'm into my second day of sub drop.  my X is taking me back to court over support.  my X just trespassed into my home.  my X is really making my divorce difficult.  my X is refusing to supervise my children's schoolwork when they are with him.  ( i left my X for being abusive!)  my kids are with me today--and pushing some of my buttons.  

i had a diet soda at lunch.  THEN--today happened.  It was rough and i reached for another soda.   Before i opened it--i KNEW i shouldn't.  Did it anyway. 

WHY???   ((BTW--got caught by Master...and punished.  i feel like i failed Him.))

You did it because you were *STRESSED*!!!  Duhhh!
 
Your master is part of the problem...  No master can solve a sub/slave's stress, you have to manage it, *together*.  Punishing you for succumbing to stress indicates a level of immaturity, IMO.
 
And I don't really understand this "only 1 diet soda" rule (despite others' prejudices about them) - isn't the lack of sugar the whole point of them?  I've lost some 25 kg's in the past year without ever losing my longterm love of diet soft drinks.  Now if he said no more than 1 sugared soda a day, I'd understand....
 
Overall, I'm not one for creating rules for the sake of having rules; they need to have a sensible *purpose*.  And if a rule is deliberately broken, I've noticed it's usually a defacto cry for help, as yours seems to be.  I definitely wouldn't punish for that.
 
The pressure you're currently under proved bigger than your relationship in that moment - that's all that happened; a pressure valve released within you.  Your master needs to realise that his orders aren't bigger than basic inbuilt coping mechanisms and that it'd really help if he worked with you rather than adding more pressure. 
 
Focus. 



crystalslv680247 -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 4:21:00 AM)

It sounds like you were having a crappy day, breaking the diet soda habit is new, and you just blew it. 

Getting rid of bad habits takes time and you need to replace with better ones.  It might help to focus on the grounding that you receive from your Master with the rules or perhaps you might ask him to help with you a short ritual when you have a crappy day and feel you might lapse.  You might want to consider sparkling water so that you get the fizz.

Don't beat yourself up.  We all slip, and the fact that you are unhappy about disobeying your Master's rule shows that your intent is good.



sirsholly -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 4:27:24 AM)

if you had reached for a glass of wine instead of a diet soda i feel the situation might have had a different outcome. Perhaps he would have recognized that you were having a bad day, near the end of your rope, and were reaching for comfort?



myotherself -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 5:20:00 AM)

As someone who lost 70lbs last year, I don't think I would have been able to do it without diet soda! 

I drink a lot of water, eat healthily and exercise.  But I also have a stressful job, and when I'm feeling tired and stressed I want something sweet.  The alternatives are chocolate or diet soda.  Naturally sweet stuff like fruit don't fulfill the craving, no matter how hard I try. 

Now that I've lost the weight I need to (more or less) I drink maybe one diet soda a day.  I don't need it so much.  But next month when I tackle the few pounds I've put on over christmas I'll increase my soda intake.  It's the lesser of two evils...

To the OP - don't beat yourself up about it - you're doing far less damage to your body with one extra can of soda than your master is doing with his water torture (they use that particular trick in Guantanamo Bay, btw...) or his bizarre enema regime.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 6:21:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timoty
I don't know if I'm "supposed" to attempt answers in this forum ,

You are welcome to post anywhere according to the guidelines of the site.  I post anywhere I want to... which usually means I stick to planet Earth.



chamberqueen -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 6:30:53 AM)

OP, because of the stress that you were under you may have very well felt like you were having to follow other people's rules and just felt tired of following them.  I have moments when I feel like that - when the pressures of the vanilla world take away my joy of being a servant and the smallest request looks like a mountain instead of a molehill. 

We all succumb to weaknesses at times.  Sometimes we even hope to get caught for proof that the person really cares enough about us to be consistent when it seems like none of the rest of the world is. 

The real question now is one that you need to look at internally.  If the same circumstances present themselves again would you go for the "instant fix" of the small comfort or would you pop in a piece of gum or have a glass of water instead?  It appears that you want very much to do right by your Dom. 



DesFIP -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 7:54:56 AM)

People have both pro and con feelings about diet drinks for dieters. But as the OP is a parent, her dominant cannot forbid her to keep them in the house because her offspring have not agreed to be submissive to him.

But as others have said, he needs not to just forbid this one thing, but help her manage the stress so she doesn't need the soda so much.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 10:29:47 AM)

Sure he can. Then mommy enforces the rule for her children. Children don't need soda's anyway.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

People have both pro and con feelings about diet drinks for dieters. But as the OP is a parent, her dominant cannot forbid her to keep them in the house because her offspring have not agreed to be submissive to him.

But as others have said, he needs not to just forbid this one thing, but help her manage the stress so she doesn't need the soda so much.



celticlord2112 -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 11:24:44 AM)

quote:

But as the OP is a parent, her dominant cannot forbid her to keep them in the house because her offspring have not agreed to be submissive to him.

Not true.  Parents make agreements on behalf of their wee wuns all the time--and one could hardly argue that a lack of soda is detrimental to a child's health.



ModeratorEleven -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 11:29:28 AM)

Folks, leave the minors out of this please.

XI



oceanwynds -> RE: Breaking a rule on purpose.....WHY??? (12/14/2008 11:36:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swan70

i just did this.  i don't understand my own actions.  HELP!!!

Here are the specifics:

i WANT to lose weight.  i asked my Master for help.  He agreed.  He placed several requirements on me--one is that i am allowed only 1 diet soda a day. 

Today was rough.  I'm into my second day of sub drop.  my X is taking me back to court over support.  my X just trespassed into my home.  my X is really making my divorce difficult.  my X is refusing to supervise my children's schoolwork when they are with him.  ( i left my X for being abusive!)  my kids are with me today--and pushing some of my buttons.  

i had a diet soda at lunch.  THEN--today happened.  It was rough and i reached for another soda.   Before i opened it--i KNEW i shouldn't.  Did it anyway. 

WHY???   ((BTW--got caught by Master...and punished.  i feel like i failed Him.))




I have not read the responses yet, so if i repeating something someone said sorry about that.

You know sounds like a lot is out of your control right now, and just one extra diet soda could be easily be rationalize. Another factor is when you feel life is out of control you want someone to catch you disobeying, so for a minute they can stop the craziness for you. Only you can figure out the why to it. When i start spinning and do stupid things, i have to step aside, do meditation and let it go. Usually in a day or two the answer will come why i did this or that thing.

oceanwynds



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