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I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 4:00:53 AM   
doll


Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline 		I am not sure if this is the right forum to put this in... and I am sorry if it isn't. I was wondering if anyone ciould tell me anything about my legal rights in child custody case where the father is using my lifestyle against me. My child never saw any activities, was never around anything inappropriate for a child. I lived in Arkansas, so the laws are kinda backwards there. Any help would be greatly appreciated as my ex husband doesn't answer his phone and won't let me speak to my child.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 4:31:28 AM   
kessia


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/19/2005
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline 		I would start here: http://www.lawhelp.org/ This is a national organization that provides assistance to people of moderate to low incomes who need attourneys. Discussing your situation with a lawyer who is familiar with the laws of your state might be more helpful than anything else.

Take care,
kess

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 5:00:41 AM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		It is unlawful for one parent to withhold a child from the other without court order. With that being said if an emergency court hearing is in process it would still take a temporary injunction from a judge or a magistrate with an order of temp custody and that order would be pending the outcome of the emergency hearing. He can not withhold a child unless he can prove you have harmed the child and or put the child in some kind of danger pending the out come of a filed emergency motion.

Warning the following is conditional, read carefully and do not call police without just cause.

In short, If you have court ordered and or approved custody papers that your Ex is not abiding to, refusing to turn over your children then you need to turn off your computer and call the police, get your papers in hand and get over to your ex’s house. On the way (with your papers in hand) call the police and have them meet you there. Your Ex may have ventured into kidnapping charges.

If you don't have court orders of being the custodian you may need to file for an emergency motion to get immediate visitation. In this case you need to find a family attorney or find legal aid.

Hope this helps


< Message edited by DelRey -- 12/29/2005 5:13:31 AM >

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 5:37:26 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		You need to find out what kind of proof he has about your activities in the lifestyle. How does he know about them? Has he participated in the same lifestyle over the years? Do you have proof? Do you have lifestyle friends that can attest to your sexual preferences not being done in front of your children? Do you have friends or family that will testify to your relationship with your children?

It would be in you best interest to have an attorney approach the lifestyle choice using case law from alternative lifestyle cases (gay and lesbian) since bdsm is an alternative lifestyle. If the issue is brought into court, your attorney could make the argument that no sane parent would have intercourse in front of their children, and your sexual lifestyle is no different. You would not and have not engaged in your alternative lifestyle activities in front of your children. Be certain to keep the topic in a sexual relationship focus.

You should contact an attorney in your area to discuss this as it applies to the laws in Arkansas.

Good luck.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 6:16:02 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		This may not help you since the listng does not show anyone in your state however others reading may find this link helpfull.

www.bannon.com/kap

Is the site for Kink Aware Professionals

Medical/ legal and other professional services provided by people who are kink aware.


In Leather

Archer

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 6:28:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Contact the NCSF, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, they give assistance in these sorts of cases all the time.

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 7:06:01 AM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		I was in the same situation once upon a time. NCSF directly and perfectly helped me to defuse the situation with facts and the correct words in which to communicate. No charge, though I encourage all to become a member, either individually or as a group.

good luck

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 8:49:53 AM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyKim

You need to find out what kind of proof he has about your activities in the lifestyle. How does he know about them? Has he participated in the same lifestyle over the years? Do you have proof? Do you have lifestyle friends that can attest to your sexual preferences not being done in front of your children? Do you have friends or family that will testify to your relationship with your children?



Excellent questions.

quote:

It would be in you best interest to have an attorney approach the lifestyle choice using case law from alternative lifestyle cases (gay and lesbian) since bdsm is an alternative lifestyle. If the issue is brought into court, your attorney could make the argument that no sane parent would have intercourse in front of their children, and your sexual lifestyle is no different. You would not and have not engaged in your alternative lifestyle activities in front of your children. Be certain to keep the topic in a sexual relationship focus.


Being gay or lesbian is not a "lifestyle" or "lifestyle choice." It is an orientation. The "lifestyle" can be anything from PTA meetings to things less dangerous.

That said, using people already aware of how ignorance and prejudice can be effectively responded to in custody cases is an excellent suggestion.

sudja

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I need some advice please - 12/29/2005 7:52:03 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		If you are in one state and he is in another then you may have conflicting laws to deal with. First you need to be sure what laws cover this in the state you were divorced in. Then, see if there is anything that countermands this from the other state's laws. Get all of your facts including dates, places, and names down and contact the NCSF. They will tell you which way to go.

I will suggest that you file on him before he files against you. It is much better (I feel) to be on the attack rather than the defensive.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I need some advice please - 12/30/2005 3:37:58 AM   
doll


Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline 		He already has custody. He is trying to take away my visitations.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I need some advice please - 12/30/2005 8:55:29 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		Remember, the plantiff has the burden of proof. Your attorney can request a deposition (though this can be very pricey) to find out basically what he is going to say in court. He/she can also fish around to find out what evidence he has to support his claim in court.

Did you file an answer and counterclaim with the courts? You will need to be able to support them in court. No matter what, SHOW UP FOR COURT!!! If you do not, then the judge may decide you have no interest in keeping your visitation schedule and grant the motion.

If you have an idea of what he will be presenting to the judge to support his claim, then find evidence to refute it or to show your responsible actions over the years to shield your children from your 'sexual preferences in the lifestyle'. If you have people that will testify that you have not engaged in the activities around your children, and/or had laid down rules about decorum around your children to keep them from being subjected to BDSM activities or dynamics then bring them with you to court. Do you have proof of what you do with your children during your visitation? Take that with you.

Again, I stress the question, does he engage in bdsm activities or has he previously? If so, use it against him in court as a counter to the claim. Why is it acceptable for the parent with custody to engage in the same activities, but not ok for the parent with with visitation?

Figure out what prompted him to file this complaint with the courts. Is it something not related to the claim at all? Can you prove it? If you can, then be certain to give the judge your evidence of shielding your children...... THEN the evidence of what the matter is really is.

I have a former sub that has custody of his children who was concerned his ex would bring up lifestyle activities during their final custody battle. I did a lot of research on it at the time because he is a wonderful father. Luckily for him and the children, he had solid evidence to prove she was a danger to her children's well being that had NOTHING to do with the lifestyle. Since she was his dominant during their marriage and had permanent marks on his body she put on him, we took pictures of them for physical evidence to prove she was lifestyle too to basically counter that argument. This eliminated the threat of the lifestyle being used as a basis for contention in later years.

Good luck, and contact the NCSF. They may have more specific information that can help you.


MzKim

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I need some advice please - 12/30/2005 11:12:36 AM   
doll


Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline 		We tried bondage a few times during our marriage, but he is definately not lifestyle. He decided to do this after he remarried. I didn't bring it up in court at the time that we went, I couldn't afford a lawyer at the time and the judge was extremely rude to me. I am not sure what prompted him to decide that it was in my child's best interests to be away from me, but my family and close friends know that nothing BDSM ever happened around my child.

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I need some advice please - 1/1/2006 7:01:50 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

We tried bondage a few times during our marriage, but he is definately not lifestyle. He decided to do this after he remarried. I didn't bring it up in court at the time that we went, I couldn't afford a lawyer at the time and the judge was extremely rude to me. I am not sure what prompted him to decide that it was in my child's best interests to be away from me, but my family and close friends know that nothing BDSM ever happened around my child.


More info needed on this one. Most jurisdictions favor the mother so for your child to be taken away especially in someplace as backwards as Arkansas I think some pieces may be missing. Though I suppose that not having a lawyer may have been your biggest mistake.

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I need some advice please - 1/2/2006 1:05:23 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think a lawyer would be bettter answering these.

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I need some advice please - 1/2/2006 8:25:13 AM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		Sadly I have seen and heard were parents use the lifestyle against the other parent in the lifestyle. he would have to get evidence against you but all he has to do it claim you are doing something to endanger the kids welfare depending what state you are in and if the judge is up for election. I know of a case in the state I live in were the parents both practicing Wiccans and the judge took upon himself to put in their divorce degree they are not allow to teach their child any wiccan beliefs. The good news is they went to court and turn it into a national fight and won their case. It made the judge look like idiot but the point is the depending on what the X does. I would look for a lifestyle friendly lawyer who practice family law. You do have rights to vist your kids but depends ong what the judge handed down. Good luck and I’m thinking positive for you Hoosierscorpio.

< Message edited by HoosierScorpio -- 1/2/2006 8:35:40 AM >

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I need some advice please - 1/2/2006 10:29:24 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		why would it be any different than a gal that has 10 boyfriends?

at least where "I" come from...the gals "I" have encountered all have too many guys coming n going...and that is brought up in court....

i have seen it over n over.
no different than a couple of em i know are druggies or drunks...but the courts feel "kids should be with their natural mother"...doesnt matter she isnt a fit mother.......

i myself dont see it as different..but maybe YOU are encountering something i have yet to see???????


take care
best wishes


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 16
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