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Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:09:04 AM

oceanwynds

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If this question has been covered to many time please accept my apology. I did run a search but was not able to find what I am looking for.

I am still relatively new to BDSM, and prior to Sir have never had anyone physically cause me pain, unless it was abuse. I find that I am a pain slut, yet have some guilt feelings over this. Like what is wrong with me, to enjoy and crave this? I do understand on an intellectual level the whys, but still have found it difficult to totally accept.

My question is how did others come to accept they are a pain slut and get over the guilt complex?

Thank you in advance for your replies.

oceanwynds

Post #: 1

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:41:11 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

My question is how did others come to accept they are a pain slut and get over the guilt complex?

This aspect of yourself should be treated like anything else about you. There should be no guilt in being yourself. Pain slut, slut, humiliation seeker, or any trait that identifies you should not generate quilt, it should generate confidence and pride.

Guilt means you have let other people determine qualitatively that you, and/or your desire, is 'bad'. Do you feel that about yourself? If pain feels good and fulfills you emotionally, mentally, and sexually; realizing that is 'good'. Why then should you feel any guilt?

How to avoid accepting other people's assigned guilt is a simple matter of confidence. If you are, as you say, a "pain slut", put that fact it in the context of other basic facts. What would your reaction be to someone saying you weren't female? Now if that question generated a different response than your affirmation of being a "pain slut" it indicates doubt, and you may need to do more self discovery. However, if it didn't generate doubt, you have determined correctly and accepted your identity on a fundamental level. You've "accepted" yourself. Nobody, no words or others definition of the label, should be able to shake that confidence.

There is nothing "wrong" with you; trust yourself. Find someone who you can trust who has come through the same process with affirmation and confidence complimentary to yours. Replace guilt with joy.

Congratulations on the process of discovery!

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 2

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:43:14 AM

KyttynTheMynx

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From: Moosecrotch, Va
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Simply, I have never felt guilty for anything that I liked. I am quite an odd person, so I guess it just seemed ok from the word go.

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10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 3

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:45:27 AM

persephonee

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i have to second or third or fourth all this....i have never felt guilty over any of my proclivities or needs or whatnot...if i like something and it isnt like, completely illegal, i do it.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 4

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:49:34 AM

oceanwynds

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quote:

If you are, as you say, a "pain slut", put that fact it in the context of other basic facts. What would your reaction be to someone saying you weren't female

Hi Mercnbeth
I got a good chuckle out of that comment. Thanks. I don't know if it has anything to do with getting into this so late in life or not. I am very much female and wouldnt even consider a comment from another saying I am not. I would look at them and say "you nuts".

:)
thanks so much for your help on this.

oceanwynds

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 5

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:51:47 AM

oceanwynds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

i have to second or third or fourth all this....i have never felt guilty over any of my proclivities or needs or whatnot...if i like something and it isnt like, completely illegal, i do it.

Thanks for the response, I never looked at it as legal or not, just never entered my head.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 6

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:52:05 AM

persephonee

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altho...now that i think about it...i do tend to repeat the same sentence after every scene...."Thank you so much for that Sir....i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me that i think that was so cool, but regardless...thanks!"

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 7

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 8:57:49 AM

mistoferin

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I've been told a time or two that I am a pain slut. I would never tell someone that I am a pain slut and I would caution you against the terminology should you and your Sir ever part ways and you find yourself looking. You say you are new to the lifestyle and had never experienced pain before your Sir. I can almost promise you that the pain that you experience at the hands of your Sir would come nowhere close to what some other dominants may consider doling out. Once you are bound is not a good time to discover that you "thought" you were a pain slut.

Now don't get me wrong, you may indeed be one. Heck, you may be the toughest masochist on the planet. My advice is just general as I have seen many a self proclaimed pain slut diminished at the hands of a new to them sadist. Obviously, it would only apply if you were to be in a situation where you were playing with someone else.

As for feeling guilty...there is no need to feel guilty for enjoying something.

_____________________________

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 8

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:04:59 AM

utopicus

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Hello
In short, my guilt complex has been overcome when I realised that unless I accept myself as who I really am (rather than what others expect me to be - such as society, parents, church) I will have no chance for happiness.
There is no need to be "virtuous", as the Catholic Church prescribes, but to be true to oneself and just to others. Be good and distribute goodness all around you - and the guilt complex will go.
Buddhism helped me a lot, because it showed me that "salvation" comes from within and not from outside. In other words, it's only you to decide whether you want to be happy or not, but it's a fact that each of us has the potential to attain that.
Whether you are a "pain slut" it's not a matter of choice, but who you are and the sooner you accept it the better life you'll live.
Regards,

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 9

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:08:50 AM

cpK69

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I had my own reasons for understanding why, so I get that. What I don’t understand is, why, if you understand, would you feel guilty about it?

If it were me, I would be searching my memory for a past experience that gives me the same feeling in a relative manner. Investigate the similarities, and discern the differences until it was no longer an issue.

Personally, I believe in order for me to put any real value into someone else’s opinion, I must first perceive their opinion as truth. In other words I would be looking for why I think I should feel guilty.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 10

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:09:11 AM

oceanwynds

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Thanks mistoferin
I do take your advice seriously. Though i know I am safe with Sir, it took him awhile to gain my trust. This is something that isn't easily given from me to another. Even if Sir and i would go our seperate ways, i would not claim that on my profile.

My question was if others had trouble with accepting it and how they handle the guilt. So far seems I am the only one who has this problem, which is fine. It is also reaffirming to me that this is false guilt on my behalf.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:10:53 AM

persephonee

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Joined: 12/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I've been told a time or two that I am a pain slut. I would never tell someone that I am a pain slut and I would caution you against the terminology should you and your Sir ever part ways and you find yourself looking. You say you are new to the lifestyle and had never experienced pain before your Sir. I can almost promise you that the pain that you experience at the hands of your Sir would come nowhere close to what some other dominants may consider doling out. Once you are bound is not a good time to discover that you "thought" you were a pain slut.

Now don't get me wrong, you may indeed be one. Heck, you may be the toughest masochist on the planet. My advice is just general as I have seen many a self proclaimed pain slut diminished at the hands of a new to them sadist. Obviously, it would only apply if you were to be in a situation where you were playing with someone else.

As for feeling guilty...there is no need to feel guilty for enjoying something.

LOL...i have to second that statement as well...i bandy about the term like its nothing...and now that M moved to DC, i have to be extremely careful...i have them coming at me with axes and weedwhackers and whatnot....if i hear a chainsaw motor i have to run and hide behind the DM...im a painslut when and if im played to the point of taking more than i thought i was capable of taking...that is entirely dependent on the dominant in question and i am too far into this not to have enough sense to see that there are folks out there who are definitely lacking in common sense.

Keep in mind that one of my fetishes is hyperbole...noone as of yet has threatened me with a chainsaw...but its a fun visual.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 12

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:26:52 AM

persephonee

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ocean...

i really dont think youre the only one with guilt feelings...honestly. i just think that there is no real room in my life for feelings of guilt about anything that i cant help or do genuinely like to do...when i had to come out to my mom about being a lesbian, i felt anxiety about her response, i never felt guilty about my homosexuality (which is somehow now, bisexuality)...i think i learned a while back to just let things like that go internally. Dont get me wrong, i obssess over other unhealthy thoughts etc...im by no means well actualized...but if something is a positive force in my life, then i cant find the bad in it.

Can you describe what your feelings of guilt are about...what is it that you feel "guilty" about as far as how you process pain?

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 13

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:30:02 AM

missturbation

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From: another planet
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quote:

I am still relatively new to BDSM, and prior to Sir have never had anyone physically cause me pain, unless it was abuse. I find that I am a pain slut, yet have some guilt feelings over this.

If you are anything like me the answer lies in the above. You say you have never experienced pain before unless it was abuse. I was the same and hell yes i felt guilt about then involving myself in relationships where i actually enjoyed being beaten, craved being beaten.
I analysed this recently with the help of (of all people) something Freud had written. I realised that subconcsiously (sp) i had always craved the beatings but had not realised it. That meant i ended up channeling these needs into the wrong kind of person / relationship.
I also realised that i had actually enjoyed the nonconsensual beatings i had recieved at the hands of my abusers. I had kept going back for more, getting involved with these kinds of men
The guilt i felt was all about conditioning. I was brought up to believe any man who hit a woman was an abuser. I had suffered at the hands of those abusers too and i knew it was wrong. So how come all of a sudden could it be right? It is right because i choose it, i enjoy it, it fulfills me.
Basically therefore i got over the guilt i felt by analysing it and understanding where it came from. Hope that helps.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 14

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:31:32 AM

leakylee

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i wonder sometimes if the guilt comes from having to let go of the social taboos. i was a lil proud of the painslut when i realized. my guilt didnt set in until it smacked in the just how extreme of a masochist i was, and always had been. how much i had depended on that release and reset. but like others have said, it is acceptance of who you are. being happy and content with yourself as a person. not always simple, but in the long run the optimum choice.

smooches
lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 15

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:50:40 AM

oceanwynds

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Thank you all for your responses.

Missturbation, yes you hit it on the nose.

I have been raped 5 x in my life and once gang raped all in the matter of three years. The trauma of all those experiences left me in a bad place, where I closed myself up emotionally. In many ways, I should not even be alive from the things that were done to me in the past. Sir has helped open this door that was shut, and to discover many things he does to me I actually crave, has left me feeling like i am crazy. I been working through this, not just with Sir but through some other means of counseling.

Another thing too that goes through my mind, and am sure this is messed up, is i will never be anyone's victim again. I have set up major reflexes to prevent this, but here i am wanting and craving Sir to do things to me.

Thank you Missturbation for your honestly and frankness.

oceanwynds

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 16

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 9:54:30 AM

OttersSwim

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I don't know that I can yet be classified as a "pain slut", but I have to say that my acceptance and enjoyment of pain has been interesting. In just about three months I have gone from dreading it and not enjoying it, to dreading it, craving it at the same time, and enjoying it immensely when it happens...to the point of asking for it, or for more - nipple pinching, and extra strokes.

It's weird, and I wondered at it when I started feeling the cravings. No feelings of guilt, but it sure is not the sort of thing you think you would like!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 17

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 10:15:14 AM

missturbation

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From: another planet
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quote:

Another thing too that goes through my mind, and am sure this is messed up, is i will never be anyone's victim again. I have set up major reflexes to prevent this, but here i am wanting and craving Sir to do things to me.

Ocean, i too have said i will never be anyone's victim again and i'm not. I am a willing, consenting slave who craves everything her Sir does to her.
I find when i have my moments of indignation, when my mind tells me i am being a victim (and it does sometimes), asking for a stroke of my cheek or nuzzling him to get a gentle response really helps. It shows me that there is care, consideration, love in what we are doing. It does not equate to the past of anger, nonconsensual beatings, nonconsensual control.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 18

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 10:19:30 AM

oceanwynds

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Thank you for your help. Yes, Sir is good with the showing of affection, so that is really a plus.
oceanwynds

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 19

RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut - 12/17/2008 11:22:09 AM

Aszhrae

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Joined: 3/31/2008
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For me it started early, getting slapped or spanked as a little kid, writhing and squirming, wanting to get away eventually gave way to actually enjoying it until the strap came out. Much the same, eventually that wasn't very effective. When girl became a teenager, found that girl was indeed a pain slut and it aroused me. The more wet girl became, the more girl wanted.
If someone was not around to deliver the pain, then girl would do it to my self.
Girl perceives pain and its delivery a test of my physical endurance. How long girl can go before girl has to stop or ask someone else to stop. Always pushing that limit of discipline over self.
You should really perceive it as a strength and not something to be ashamed of being.
Look at it this way. There are not a lot of people that would confess to being pain sluts.
If you enjoy it and your master or sir enjoys it, by all means enjoy.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 20

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