RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (Full Version)

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porcelain26 -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 1:56:07 PM)

I am not a pain slut...and am terribly disappointed in this fact as I adore marks. However, I am a slut in general, and it took me years to get over the guilt and shame I felt about that fact. I agree with a lot of what everyone else has said, that the key to overcoming this guilt is finding a way to accept this as just another aspect of yourself (because it is).

Something else to focus on, maybe....Allowing, consenting, to let another person cause you physical pain is an incredibly powerful and often deeply emotional experience. You connect with the person on an entirely different level than you would if you were, say, just making out with him. There is every possibility, that you crave that emotional connection just as much if not more, than the pain itself. You've said that you don't trust easily, which causes me to believe that the trust you have in your Sir is deep and profound. I think it would be only natural that you would want to deepen that connection in the way only allowing him to hurt you can. I know I'm that way...I don't like pain, but my Owner's belt across my ass is the most wonderful sensation in the entire world, because it makes me feel completely connected to Him.

Feeling guilty is your self-conscious (not conscience) self trying to force you to deny what you fear others may not accept. The beautiful part about being in your relationship and trusting your Sir so much, is that you know He accepts this part of you. And aside from your own, his opinion is the only one that really counts *winks*

**still can't spell



agirl -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 2:40:37 PM)

Some types of pain are like having a deep, deep massage........it's hurts but is also pleasurable too. It can relax you or stimulate you........... Few people find anything strange about finding enjoyment in that. That's the way I view it.

agirl



sirsholly -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 2:44:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds



My question is how did others come to accept they are a pain slut and get over the guilt complex?



Guilt over what? Having your needs fulfilled?

The hardest part of accepting myself as a pain slut was, i swear, the phrase itself. I hate that term!! Call me an endorphine junkie, but not a pain slut.



Aynne88 -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 2:52:30 PM)

I agree Holly. I call myself an intensity junkie. I don't so much crave pain, but I love the intensity and the deep feelings He evokes in me when I am in his mercy. Mmmmm......hot.[;)] Guilty? Not hardly.



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 3:10:33 PM)

quote:

The hardest part of accepting myself as a pain slut was, i swear, the phrase itself. I hate that term!! Call me an endorphine junkie, but not a pain slut.


I like endorphine junkie a lot better. Thank you for responding



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 3:11:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Some types of pain are like having a deep, deep massage........it's hurts but is also pleasurable too. It can relax you or stimulate you........... Few people find anything strange about finding enjoyment in that. That's the way I view it.

agirl



Thank you agirl

I like the way you view it.



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 3:14:01 PM)

Thanks to everyone who has replied and given me your opinions. I have found them all valuable and am processing all your answers. I believe i can now leave my false guilt to the side.

oceanwynds



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 3:41:54 PM)

I wanted to add something in regards to Mistoferin's reply. I think this is good advice for anyone, and I do thank you for posting it.

I basically am very cautious of who I let into my life, but sometimes, even when thinking we wouldnt, it doesnt hurt to be reminded.

Thank you again,
oceanwynds



IvyMorgan -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 5:37:52 PM)

It took me a lot of years to accept the idea that this whole kink thing was what turned me on and to then be comfortable enough with that idea to go and do something about it.

I've not really thought about all the emotions as to why I felt it was "wrong", but time, patience, exploring my thoughts, mostly time though, all helped me get to a place where I was able to start - slowly - being more comfortable with me.

As I have explored more, I am reminding myself of the differences between what is happening now and what happened before, and that those differences mean that what I am feeling is okay.

Time.  Time is a useful thing.



DesFIP -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 6:12:15 PM)

Compare it to food.

Seriously, is there something wrong if a person pours tabasco over their dinner? Then why is it okay to have pain in the realm of taste but not in the realm of touch?

I would wonder though if you weren't led into unhealthy relationships in order to get your pain needs met. If so, then examining your present relationship to ensure it isn't unhealthy should reassure you that this one won't turn abusive.



Aszhrae -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 6:19:02 PM)

Well porcelain, the reference to Sir was intended towards oceanwynds. My master has me labor for him, the pain that girl endures comes from the situations that master puts me into where such occurrences happen regularly. From being cut, pierced or bludgeoned. But girl has come accustom to these things. Even when placed in situations of extreme threat, girl endured and risen above them rather than succumb to weakness. Limits pushed and boundaries expanded. Such have been physical and mental.
Another result of being put in such situations increases awareness of self and the area in proximity to self. Coming to expect and prepare and not allowing the self to weakened but be strengthened.



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 6:27:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Compare it to food.

Seriously, is there something wrong if a person pours tabasco over their dinner? Then why is it okay to have pain in the realm of taste but not in the realm of touch?

I would wonder though if you weren't led into unhealthy relationships in order to get your pain needs met. If so, then examining your present relationship to ensure it isn't unhealthy should reassure you that this one won't turn abusive.


The answer to that is no.
oceanwynds



kristileigh -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 7:05:33 PM)

i do not feel guilty about being a pain slut. Why feel guilty over something you enjoy and feels good to you?
i too come from am extremely abusive relationship and the only one to that should feel guilty is the abuser.
Enjoy the pain and keep on smiling!



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 7:14:39 PM)

The pain i experienced in the past was not related to relationships.



Gwynvyd -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 7:34:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I've been told a time or two that I am a pain slut. I would never tell someone that I am a pain slut and I would caution you against the terminology should you and your Sir ever part ways and you find yourself looking. You say you are new to the lifestyle and had never experienced pain before your Sir. I can almost promise you that the pain that you experience at the hands of your Sir would come nowhere close to what some other dominants may consider doling out. Once you are bound is not a good time to discover that you "thought" you were a pain slut.

Now don't get me wrong, you may indeed be one. Heck, you may be the toughest masochist on the planet. My advice is just general as I have seen many a self proclaimed pain slut diminished at the hands of a new to them sadist. Obviously, it would only apply if you were to be in a situation where you were playing with someone else.

As for feeling guilty...there is no need to feel guilty for enjoying something.


LOL...i have to second that statement as well...i bandy about the term like its nothing...and now that M moved to DC, i have to be extremely careful...i have them coming at me with axes and weedwhackers and whatnot....if i hear a chainsaw motor i have to run and hide behind the DM...im a painslut when and if im played to the point of taking more than i thought i was capable of taking...that is entirely dependent on the dominant in question and i am too far into this not to have enough sense to see that there are folks out there who are definitely lacking in common sense.

Keep in mind that one of my fetishes is hyperbole...noone as of yet has threatened me with a chainsaw...but its a fun visual.




*just chuckles and smiles* My Girl sent me the link to this giggling her ass off.

Ya know chain saws ( minus the chain) is a really *good* play prop. *winks*

I have never heard so much begging in all of my life. I prob. never will.

I had one of those "no holds barred" "pain slut" subs a good while back. He asked me to dish out my worst/best depending on how you see things.

He never imagined he would be chained, gagged and blindfolded suspended in a old building and me with a chain saw. *wicked grin*

After starting the bugger up... and getting real close the gag came out. ( hey I like the next sadist love to hear them scream and plead.. what can I say? )

The poor pudding wasn't able to form coherant sentances nor words for about 3 weeks. LOL

I had to go into his work and explain to his boss why he was such a bloody wreck. It was the only way to save his job.

I for one would never reconmend for any sub or slave to tell anyone that they are a pain slut. You never know who or what you wwill run into.

Say instead I like pain in this manner. I like it when it rides that edge between pain and pleasure. Things of that nature.

Some of us may see it as a chalange to see just how far we can push that little pain slut.. and just how lovely they will scream for us. *smiles*

Gwyn



cpK69 -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 7:56:13 PM)


~FR~
Is it wrong to think that not all things that people enjoy to make them feel good, are good for them? Is there nothing to say for intent?
 
Not saying that is the situation in this case, or any other specific case, but should the generic answer be “I do it, like it, and I don’t feel guilty, so you shouldn’t either?
 
Kim



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 7:58:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69


~FR~
Is it wrong to think that not all things that people enjoy to make them feel good, are good for them? Is there nothing to say for intent?
 
Not saying that is the situation in this case, or any other specific case, but should the generic answer be “I do it, like it, and I don’t feel guilty, so you shouldn’t either?
 
Kim


Thank you Kim. Yes I wont either:)

oceanwynds



Gwynvyd -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 8:03:16 PM)

I have known many who have been those who crave consentual pain. Sometimes this has even been me.

It took me a while to be able to enjoy sex, little alone the rough sex I crave. I still get squicked by the things I like because the beginings of them lay in my past abuse.

In studying about abuse patterns and working in abuse shelters.... most abuse victims go one of two ways. They either hate sex, avoid it, and feel very guilty about receiving any pleasure from the acts. Or.... they go to absolute opposite and look for more and more sex to fill that void.

In either case the patterns of the abuse is still there in the ressess of the mind.

It is why sex can feel dirty to some, and unsatisfying to others.

I have things that just "do it" for me.. but I know where they originated. I am not ashamed of them. I have faced down my own demons.

Gwyn



oceanwynds -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/17/2008 8:03:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

For me it started early, getting slapped or spanked as a little kid, writhing and squirming, wanting to get away eventually gave way to actually enjoying it until the strap came out. Much the same, eventually that wasn't very effective. When girl became a teenager, found that girl was indeed a pain slut and it aroused me. The more wet girl became, the more girl wanted.
If someone was not around to deliver the pain, then girl would do it to my self.
Girl perceives pain and its delivery a test of my physical endurance. How long girl can go before girl has to stop or ask someone else to stop. Always pushing that limit of discipline over self.
You should really perceive it as a strength and not something to be ashamed of being.
Look at it this way. There are not a lot of people that would confess to being pain sluts.
If you enjoy it and your master or sir enjoys it, by all means enjoy.


Aszhrae, thank you for the above advice that I blue out. Makes good sense to me.
oceanwynds



porcelain26 -> RE: Accepting oneself as a pain slut (12/18/2008 6:18:13 AM)

Aszhrae - I was responding to the OP. Not to you. Unless you click 'reply' within a specific response, it automatically posts it as a reply to the previous poster. Sorry for the confusion.



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