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Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 8:02:44 PM

Kitty4Maitre

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline

Hello to all on the board. I have only posted once before, but I log-on to read almost every day. Other than my real life Dom there is no one else I can discuss this with. Although we have only been together for 3 months, we have formed a very intimate and caring D/s relationship and have both confessed to having very deep feelings for each other. A month after we met, my ex-husband told me he was Hep C positive. I have since been tested and found out I too am positive. I am to begin treatment in February 2009. I have been open and honest with my D about this, and he has assured me (repeatedly) he sees it as no issue and it has not affected his feelings for me. Just wonderful. Our relationship continues to grow as does my newly discovered submission. Life has been as close to perfect as I could ever have imagined.

A little too perfect perhaps?

We played yesterday, a long intimate session. During aftercare we realised I was spotting...quite a bit. I crashed out of space and have been feeling less than ordinary for 24 hours. We talked, of course..he was very calm, assured me all was ok. We showered, cleaned up, did all the responsible things and I know there is little to no risk of infection. We talked lastnight and again this morning. He knows I am not feeling good about myself and has been supportive.

I don't feel worthy of him. Up until now he has told me my gift of subsmission to him is his prize and I have felt like a princess. Knowing no bounds to what i would do for, or offer to him. Today I feel infected, dirty and a risk. I don't like myself at all today.

If anybody can relate to any of this or has any advice I am desperate to hear from you.

< Message edited by Kitty4Maitre -- 12/17/2008 8:10:24 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: My gift is infected.... - 12/17/2008 8:07:51 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I have no suggestions as a submissive, but I do know my Grandmother had Hep C.

That woman was the most generous, loving, amazing person you could ever hope to meet, and was dearly loved by everyone around her, INCLUDING her husband, who never saw her any differently. In fact, the man adored her, we have literally hundreds and hundreds of photos of her on slides that he took of her.

Hep C is only a tiny part of you, and does not make you dirty.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 2

RE: My gift is infected.... - 12/17/2008 8:24:44 PM

KokuRan

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/18/2008
Status: offline

It's interesting the way propaganda affects us.
Anything that can be transmitted sexual i s a curse, something that makes us dirty. Yet if we take a look at something comparable it really isn't so bad.

Hep C is a virus. So is the common cold. Sometimes Bronchitis is caused by a virus.

Yes we should all be careful, and do out best to keep from contracting any, and keep everyone who might be at risk informed, but no there is nothing more wrong or dirty with someone with Hep C(or any other STD) than someone with a sinus infection.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 3

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 8:31:35 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I don't know anything about Hep C, but wanted to comment on your statement below.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitty4Maitre

I don't feel worthy of him. Up until now he has told me my gift of subsmission to him is his prize and I have felt like a princess.

It seems like he is still standing behind that statement despite the hep c. Unless he has given you reason to think that he's not being truthful, why torture yourself with doubt? He probably recognizes the value of what you bring to his life and appreciates it and wants to nuture it, regardless of the hep c issue. Tons of people have health issues of varying severities, and it doesn't stop them from being in relationships. I think the best thing you can do, for both of you, is to remain positive about your upcoming treatment, and your relationship.

And think about it----If he's half the man you describe him to be, do you really think he would invest himself in an unworthy partner?

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 4

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 9:27:31 PM

utopicus

Posts: 97
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

Hello

You are not an "infected" gift, but the victim of an accident. It's most unfortunate that your ex-husband contracted the disease and even more so that you have too. However, with proper treatment you will be cured. I have a close friend who has undergone the treatment successfully, so there is hope.
Moreover, you really have no reasons to feel "dirty", as your current partner is supportive and understanding. You have done the right thing by disclosing the fact to him, so it follows that you need to continue to be responsible (as you've already been) in any intimate playing.
I am not in your shoes, so it's easy for me to speak, but try to be positive. Consider it as a challenge from which you'll erect stronger and wiser.
Courage and good-luck!

Regards,

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 5

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 9:37:33 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

If he is standing by you during your difficulty dealing with troubling news you may want to check this link out:

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/hepc/a/aa021002a.htm

The link is to a page that talks about using interferon.
It is always a concern of mine since there is little place you can go near where girl lives that you do not find discarded needles that are even buried in the least likely of places.

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 6

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 9:42:44 PM

KyttynTheMynx

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

I cant say that I have been in your situation, but this doesnt make you a bad person. You are VERY blessed that your ex told you, and you are able to get this handled before any damage is done. You are so lucky that your Man is standing by you. Take him at his word, and lean on him. Things will turn out in the best.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 7

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 10:00:49 PM

nevaehangel

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline

Although I can't say i've been in the same boat I can say this you are beating yourself up emotionally over something that doesn't seem to bother Him, look on the brighter side of things, at least you were honest and up front and if he still played with you knowing about it then don't worry your a better person because you told honey...

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 8

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 10:18:30 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

That's the problem when we make things black and white. You are human- you are not a shiny beautiful rose and the moment frost touches you then you are worthless.

You are human, with the good and the bad, the sweet and the sour. You must learn to know and accept all of who you are. It is good that your partner is already doing that.

The good news is that this is the day your submission can become fully realized, because now you can step forward with a full honest acceptance of ALL of you, not just the shiny sweet bits.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 9

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/17/2008 11:21:38 PM

Namida

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm normally disinclined to post to a message board, especially one where I don't belong. I'll blame my poor judgment on my cold, though, and move forward.

I think sometimes we, as people, tend to hold ourselves up to higher standards than is reasonable. Your dominant is aware of your condition, but accepts it, and it is important that you do, too, or things can get tough down the road. When your dom tells you something as fact which you can't believe, I can tell you from experience that it stings a little, even if you don't account for how much it may hurt him to see you hurting. The best advice I can give is to tell your dom that you're having trouble believing in yourself, and that you need encouragement enough to regain your footing. You could also try asking directly after completing a service if he is pleased with you, and what you do for him. It's not unusual to need reinforcement like that, especially if you feel particularly bad. I do believe, though, that with enough repetition, you can come to believe in yourself again, flaws and all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 3:52:49 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Just to give you another perspective (you've already got some awesome ones posted here ).

You've been honest with him about a very difficult issue, big gold star in my world.

He has reassured you of your value to him, regardless of what you see as making you a tainted "gift".

I think many subs/slaves would like to offer their dominant a pure, untainted, self. That's a fairy tale.....every single human one of us is somehow tainted by events of our past. Some are just easier to hide (especially from ourselves) than others. So forget that idea.

And lastly, stop discrediting your dominant's choice and judgement in choosing you! If he is half the guy you've presented him to be, give him credit for his awesomeness, and stop questioning his choice of you. If he thinks your perfect for him, then accept that as truth. You are doing him a disservice in doubting him.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 11

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 4:26:15 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I am sure that you are well aware of just how low the risks are of him becoming infected. I know that I read somewhere that the risk is less than 1% and that the CDC doesn't even recommend taking extra precautions in monogamous couples where one partner is infected. This is a disease that is transmitted by blood. Blood to blood more specifically. Your spotting should pose no risk unless your blood was to find a way to get into his blood. In order for that to occur he would have to have an injury that would make that possible. Transmission from one partner to another is likely not to come from sexual intimacy. If it occurs at all it would be much more likely to come from something like your razor or toothbrush...places where the virus can live for a time and if used by the other person could possibly transmit the virus because of the nature of the implement and the possibility for it to abrade the skin or gums. But I'm sure that you are aware of all that.

He has made an informed decision choosing to be in this relationship with you. I am fairly certain that he would not have done so if he viewed you as "an infected gift". I would even go further as to say that you probably don't normally view yourself in that light either.

You mention that you are new to submission and that this was a rather long and intimate encounter. I believe that you are likely experiencing some degree of sub drop. It is very common that submissives will feel "unworthy" while they are experiencing sub drop...even submissives who do not have your health issue. I believe that you should take comfort in the support that he is offering and my bet is that in a day or so it will all come clearly back into focus for you. Allow yourself the time for the chemical soup in your brain to clear and your body and mind to return to it's normal, more rational state. You wouldn't expect yourself to be able to clearly analyze a situation while under the influence of morphine....this is really not all that much different.

I wish you much happiness in your relationship and hope that your treatment goes well and is very successful so that this can at least be less of an issue for you. You seem to have a wonderful man who is intelligent and rational enough to have made a decision based in fact and not in the emotional, knee-jerk reactions that many people have when it comes to diseases such as Hep C. Seek comfort in those loving arms and don't second guess how he "sees" you.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 12

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 4:46:51 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i have HPV (got it from my ex) ...get biopsies and take meds - but more importantly, Daddy and my pet still love me. they don't treat me any differently.

you say your D sees "it as no issue" and that hasn't affected his feelings for you - that should make you smile because in his eyes, you're worthy.

*hugs*

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 13

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 4:51:23 AM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

There is nothing dirty about you at all. Things like this tend to happen. At least you were honest with your D about it. A lot of people would not have been. You had the strenght to be honest...that says a lot about you.

Chin up and be proud of your submission.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 5:29:23 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

This is the first "crisis" of your relationship and your Dom is coming though very well. Cool.

You're insecure and need him to stand by you for a while longer before you accept his feelings. He'll be there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

Post #: 15

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 5:49:16 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Hepatitis virusses are very nasty. A friend of mine is schizophrenic and I suspect that is the consequence of her hep C infection.

I believe that there are vaccines for hepatitis virusses. He should go and get such vaccinations forthwith.

I have got similar problems with my herpes infection. There is no vaccine for herpes.

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 16

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 6:02:09 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

there is nothing dirty about being infected; now being a risk is a whole other ball of wax. i personally would never have sex, if i knew i was infected, without at least taking some precautions, blood or not; that's why they make condoms, gloves and dental dams...

i envy you; not because you have hepatitis, but because you've found someone who will stick with you through the bad times as well as the good.

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 12/18/2008 6:05:17 AM >

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 17

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 6:03:09 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

There is no vaccine for Hepatitis C and Hepatitis C does not cause schizophrenia. People with schizophrenia are at an increased risk to contract Hepatitis C (and many other communicable diseases) because of the risky lifestyle behavior decisions that schizophrenics often engage in.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 18

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 6:13:24 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I don't feel worthy of hi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitty4Maitre

Hello to all on the board. I have only posted once before, but I log-on to read almost every day. Other than my real life Dom there is no one else I can discuss this with. Although we have only been together for 3 months, we have formed a very intimate and caring D/s relationship and have both confessed to having very deep feelings for each other. A month after we met, my ex-husband told me he was Hep C positive. I have since been tested and found out I too am positive. I am to begin treatment in February 2009. I have been open and honest with my D about this, and he has assured me (repeatedly) he sees it as no issue and it has not affected his feelings for me. Just wonderful. Our relationship continues to grow as does my newly discovered submission. Life has been as close to perfect as I could ever have imagined.

A little too perfect perhaps?

We played yesterday, a long intimate session. During aftercare we realised I was spotting...quite a bit. I crashed out of space and have been feeling less than ordinary for 24 hours. We talked, of course..he was very calm, assured me all was ok. We showered, cleaned up, did all the responsible things and I know there is little to no risk of infection. We talked lastnight and again this morning. He knows I am not feeling good about myself and has been supportive.

I don't feel worthy of him. Up until now he has told me my gift of subsmission to him is his prize and I have felt like a princess. Knowing no bounds to what i would do for, or offer to him. Today I feel infected, dirty and a risk. I don't like myself at all today.

If anybody can relate to any of this or has any advice I am desperate to hear from you.

Would you feel HE was 'unworthy' if he'd been the one with the infection? Would you view him as *less than* because of it?

Or would you see it as a problem to be sorted out and dealt with together?

Would you do anything other than what he is doing?

From agirl, who is recovering from a nasty flu-bug that her Master gave her.

(in reply to Kitty4Maitre)

Post #: 19

RE: Infected "gift" - 12/18/2008 7:25:29 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

I've had the experience of getting involved with someone who had genital herpes.

After she told me and spent the night crying her eyes out, the next day I had her make a list of all the positive things she could offer in a relationship with me.

After we found out that she was a Japanese cook, knot untying expert, artist, blowjob extraordinare, photographer, and devoting and worshipful service oriented submissive (among many other things), her having a minor STD seemed trivial in comparison to the wonderful things I would gain from being involved with her.

The point of this is that when it comes to something like this, it's very easy to solely focus on it and forget all the other positive details and nuances that define "YOU".

Your not just simply a diagnosis of a virus.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 20

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