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DeferentialBaby2 -> RE: Cutting off noses to spite faces (12/18/2008 6:07:01 AM)
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You're getting bashed after asking for gentlness because you feel terrible. So very helpful! So kind of you all! (rolls eyes).
You're new to slavery. You will will screw up. You will find it hard to adjust. Don't let others' ideas of unrealstic perfection confuse you.
I'll comment on your comments first.
Overall, what a bunch of cold, unhelpful remarks. Does asking your audience to be gentle always bring out the viciousness in people? It sure seems to on message boards. Bah!
"Your a slave and he is the Master, he sets the rules and you play by them. So yes, your getting a taste of what your future will hold as his property." You certainly seem to be crowing and cackling over this, poster. I wonder why? I also don't think it's a very honest representation of the thread-starter's situation and I wonder why you choose this particular "spin" and generalization? Bad experiences of your own, perchance?
" as a slave, selfish shouldn't come into the picture at all. "
That remark about "selfishness" made me laugh uproariously--and I hope you know, Chiara, that it is totally unrealistic. Not even the most saintly human being is completely unselfish. If you are human, you are going to be selfish: becoming a slave or wanting to be a slave doesn't magically change that and make you into some perfect unselfish being. You can improve, over time, you can lessen the selfishness, lessen your ego that still wants to control, but it's a long process and we aren't brought up as slaves or trained as children to be slaves--we're brought up to be ordinary (that means selfish) human beings, interested in self-survival. Learning to be less selfish is a long process and also requires your master's help. It's very hard to dominate and change yourself in a vacuum.
"He can't be master if you don't let him" is often the attitude of dominants who do not really want to dominate or own slaves. They want the slaves to have all the power and they spin things so that the slave is always placed in the position of ultimate controller. Not all dominants or masters feel the same, thank god .
I also don't see you as setting any paramenters for your master. That remark, as well, seems totally off the wall. You and he were having a discussion. Unless he expressly forbade you at some earlier point from saying the sort of thing you said to him, then you are performing perfectly within his rule.
Now back to your situation.
What I do see is someone who made a mistake because she asked for something she really didn't want. This is understandable. The relationship is new. As the slave, you are in an insecure position. The relationship creates that: it's normal. Maybe you are new to slavery. Or maybe you were a slave before this point but you weren't a slave to him and you're still learning HIM, still feeling your way. People often misrepresent things to others when under the influence of strong emotions. It's a human trait, you are human, slavery doesn't magically turn you into a perfect angelic being who never screws up, and those that imagine it does... are fools. Your master didn't catch the fact that you didn't mean what you said. Some dominants will, over time, learn to read you and catch some of these things, as reading you, to a truly dominant person, is a way of gaing more control over you, and that is ambrosia to someone who really loves to own and dominate. But nobody is perfect at this and this relationship is just as new to him as it is to you.
What I would suggest you do at this point is not take to heart the scoldings of those who live in glass houses but insist upon throwing stones (stern look around the thread). The point now is to try to fix this situation as as best you can. What's done is done, but that doesn't mean everything is writ in stone. What I would do if I were you at this point is go talk to my master and tell tell him everything. Tell him how I really feel about the holiday and being without him. Confess that I said what I said, not because I really wanted him to spend our first Christmas away from me, but because I felt... what? What did you feel? Scared? Threatened? Jealous of the ex? Frustrated? Whatever it was you actually felt when you told him it'd be easier if he was gone the entire holiday is what you should admit to him. Don't ask him to do anything, let him decide that, just tell him how you feel. It feels very good to be honest and come clean to your dominant. He may decide not to change anything, if so, be ready to accept this. He may ask you what you want, if so, be honest and tell him but don't think that this means you'll get it--he's just asking for information. This isn't about getting what you want, it's about being as a good a slave to him as you can be. You will feel better, even if it's too late change plans or he doesn't want to change his plans. And there will be future, and, I hope, more happier Christmases for you both. This is just one holiday. In terms of a long relationship it's a drop in the bucket. Much later, somday, I hope you will both be laughing over it and calling it the "screwed up Christmas." :)
PS: Do you miss your family? Will you be able to see them this holiday while he is away with is? If being away from them bothers you, tell him that as well, but do not have the expectation that he will immediatly do something about it. He may, he may not. He's your master, and, if you love and revere him, just obey and try to trust that whatever happens, it is for the best. Master and slave relationships do not always work out. But if you try your very best to be as good a slave as you can then, even if this one doesn't work, you'll have no regrets later on and will be more confident and happy about your ability to serve a future master.
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