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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/21/2008 6:09:49 PM

briarrosethorne

Posts: 50
Joined: 7/24/2007
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If the little voice in the back of your head says "Hey....this isnt ok or safe" Its probablly not. Listen to that little voice...more often than not it will keep you safe and out of trouble.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/21/2008 6:25:30 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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Most subs would take some time getting to know the the Dom first to learn if he will care and respect then through dating and build a trusting relationship before playing, it is usually a process that takes a few months which is where you made your first mistake... did you bother to meet this person first in a public place such as a coffee shop first or did you go directly to play..if you did you are lucky you did not end up in a far worse situation such a left for dead, remember this guy is a stranger to you...use your brains next time

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 1:17:30 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
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run away.
let this be a learning experience.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 3:32:17 AM

bosch

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One of the great things about this lifestyle is the aspect of 'negotiation'. It provides the participants with tools of communication that those in vanilla relationships lack, take for granted, or just ignore. Negotiation does NOT mean that you are less of a sub/slave, or that he is less of a Dom/Master. It simply means that you are connecting with one another within the context of the dynamic you choose to work in. That kind of connection is essential, especially when you're new with someone.

If you didn't negotiate this beforehand, even in a "consensual non-consent" way, then you were simply abused.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 7:02:33 AM

beargonewild

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Listen to that inner voice of yours and use several gallons of common sense.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 11:22:35 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
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i'll just be the token bitch for the day. STOP BEING A DUMBASS!!! (Sorry, guess i'm not feeling the Christmas spirit yet). Really though, why would you consider putting yourself in harm's way? Next time someone (anyone, i don't care what label they put on themselves) tells you to "shut the fuck up," grab a handful of nutsack and twist. Oh yeah, it was a text message. Ok, so text back, "it was nice knowing you. Good luck in your search" and never have contact with them again. Calling yourself a sub doesn't negate the need to be an adult and use what little common sense you were born with.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 5:34:49 PM

DomDG

Posts: 63
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: understeer

quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

Why...why do people check their common sense at the door when they begin their journey into BDSM...

I have no clue, but I've been reading this kind of thing a lot this evening... I'm just at a loss at this point...

Sadly, I've actually been getting a lot of contact from girls with no experience in the same situation...

Yes, and then a Dom like me, who takes a more gentle approach, one who teaches and communicates gets cast into the lot with the domASSes. I have also seen a lot of people do the 'under consideration' after being on the site for less than 48 hours. And of course those are the ones that cry later when the domASS flakes or hurts them.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 5:36:51 PM

DomDG

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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

i'll just be the token bitch for the day. STOP BEING A DUMBASS!!! (Sorry, guess i'm not feeling the Christmas spirit yet). Really though, why would you consider putting yourself in harm's way? Next time someone (anyone, i don't care what label they put on themselves) tells you to "shut the fuck up," grab a handful of nutsack and twist. Oh yeah, it was a text message. Ok, so text back, "it was nice knowing you. Good luck in your search" and never have contact with them again. Calling yourself a sub doesn't negate the need to be an adult and use what little common sense you were born with.

I like the piercedkitty's straight forward approach. There are times when softly steering people is needed. Then there are times when it's important to just set things out in red and white!!!

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 5:43:57 PM

Huntertn

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I think you made a wise choice to walk away. I enjoy spanking or flogging a sub as well as the next Dom...But..Its always more enjoyable for me if I know her first...

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 10:03:44 PM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: arizonaangel

I just told him I'm walking away,..... I already knew the answer before I asked it... deep down....

Good. Yep - we usually do when we are willing to temporarily put what we want aside for what's good for us. You are going to encounter a mariad of "Doms". You are not obliged to obey, serve, or prove your submission to any of them. If you are anxious to submit go to munches and meet some people who are willing to keep an eye out for you while you experiment. Try to connect with other subs as friends. They'll help keep you out of serious trouble. Don't make any permanent agreements with anyone until you have time to know each other. It's easy to think it's not okay to use your own good judgment - but that's putting the cart before the horse until you know the person is trustworthy.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 10:46:47 PM

YourhandMyAss

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LOL I have asked that before and I was told could I be any more of a ruder unkind unintelligent bitch than I already am. And do I really have to be such a bitch .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Go with your common sense.

I don't mean to be mean, and you certainly aren't the first to exhibit this behavior, but what's with the slave/sub types throwing all logic out the window when meeting a so called 'dominant/master/captain amazing'.

A shitty person is a shitty person, no matter what they call themselves

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/22/2008 10:54:21 PM

Kirata

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I don't mean to be mean, and you certainly aren't the first to exhibit this behavior, but what's with the slave/sub types throwing all logic out the window when meeting a so called 'dominant/master/captain amazing'.

To some girls (obviously) it is perfectly logical, as a sub, that you would be expected to do what you're told, and have that expectation of yourself. Fortunately, our best information doesn't come from logic.

K.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/23/2008 12:19:49 PM

DavanKael

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We all have our things but, for me, it would have been over at "shut the fuck up".
Best wishes,
Davan

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/23/2008 3:25:44 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
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General Reply.

That is what bothers me about this so called lifestyle, the attraction it has for people that just want power over someone. I know there are very sane people out there that approach BDSM with care and understanding of a partner's feelings, but there are also some serious headcases who use the title of dominant to get what they want.

Anyone, if I met anyone who told me to shut my fucking mouth because I disagreed with them, likely they would get an equally foul mouth back, and an instant loss of respect. Anyone who says things will work out if I turn up for a beating, would signal to me straight away, this person is a nutcase, as you do not start a relationship of any kind by beating someone.

Also this term, ' Slave', now this is my personal stand on this, but to me slave is a progression from sub, the kind of thing a person might accept as going to a new level in a relationship, once they feel they have known a person for long enough to understand them, and feel safe with them. I do not understand people who list themselves as slave right at the beginning of a relationship, to me that is just plain dodgy.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/24/2008 8:00:04 AM

T1981

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Arizona, I'm glad you did walk away! "The sub that walks away can live to sub another day!" sort of thing.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/24/2008 8:18:33 AM

kiwisub12

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I have to admit to a disliking of gratuitous profanity - the "shut the fuck up" would have been my indication that this man has no respect for me as a person - especially since he didn't know me at all. Smart decision on your part Arizona - this man is not a safe bet, in my mind.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/24/2008 11:11:06 AM

devotedinSD

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He's an ass, not a master.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/28/2008 10:11:02 PM

femmetasia

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Thoughtful advice from everyone here as usual. The thrill of persuing (or being persued) by what swims beneath the surface insisting on poking holes into reality is a indeed powerful force. Learn to harness the force and do not let it lead you into dangerous situations.

My first BDSM experience could have been dangerous in the extreme...thankfully it did not transpire that way...I call it dumb luck and I can now see that I was hopelessly intoxicated by finally giving myself to my deepest desires. Take a step back and let your intuition and intelligence speak to you.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/28/2008 10:42:22 PM

DominaSmartass

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Arizona - I tried to email you on the other side but it seems you have no profile. Eh, everyone has basically said what I would have anyway. "New sub frenzy" is a common malady but please learn from this, consider yourself very lucky that you had one bad night instead of something that could have been much worse.

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RE: flogging a brand new slave - 12/28/2008 11:18:41 PM

IronBear

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I'm still not sure if you are identifying, arizona, as a submissive or a slave. personally I'd rather you take the D/s route until you know that you are and what you want. There can be a huge difference betwixt the twain.

Now for a slave, many Masters I know and I am one of these, believe on the collaring, the new slave needs to have the discipline enforced on the slave's subconscious and thus she is tied to a pole and given ten strokes of the slave whip, or what ever the Master prefers but I prefer the Gorean Slave Whip. After she has received the strokes, she can be released from her chains and learns to kiss her chains and kiss the whip as a show of her understanding and acceptance of the authority her or his Master/Mistress has over him or her.,

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