RE: sex object

RE: sex object (Full Version)

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sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:19:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: is there a dom 101 class you'd suggest? Hell no! Me? Class? Surely you joust! (No one has ever accused me of having class....at least not with a straight face) In a more serious vein--there is no "dom 101 class". You want to dom, you take charge, impose your will, and make decisions. When you fuck up and the slave runs screaming into the night, you say "aw....hell" and resolve to tie the knots a wee bit tighter next time. touche my friend. that made me laugh. we need to be able to laugh at ourselves from time to time. thank you.

CalifChick -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:19:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster truthfully it's something I struggle with. it's about superimposing your needs or desires onto the other person. I guess in some eyes that's part of the dom's role. as always I appreciate your cynicism ;-) Actually, this one time, I wasn't being cynical. It seems to me, and I could be wrong due to my fever and Nyquil-induced-high, that you ask alot of questions seeking validation, is this or that right or wrong, should/should not... as if you are looking for the RIGHT path instead of looking for your OWN path. Wanting to throw down and fuck is no different in BDSM than it is in non-BDSM; if you want to, then you want to. Men I am with know about my knee-humping thing... if that's not using someone as a sexual object, I don't know what is. Cali

CalifChick -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:23:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster is there a Dom 101 class you'd suggest? Actually, yes. Click here. They're in southern California. Cali

sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:23:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster truthfully it's something I struggle with. it's about superimposing your needs or desires onto the other person. I guess in some eyes that's part of the dom's role. as always I appreciate your cynicism ;-) Actually, this one time, I wasn't being cynical. It seems to me, and I could be wrong due to my fever and Nyquil-induced-high, that you ask alot of questions seeking validation, is this or that right or wrong, should/should not... as if you are looking for the RIGHT path instead of looking for your OWN path. Wanting to throw down and fuck is no different in BDSM than it is in non-BDSM; if you want to, then you want to. Men I am with know about my knee-humping thing... if that's not using someone as a sexual object, I don't know what is. Cali then is your point that my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post? is it rote?

Sanguinarian -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:27:22 PM)
Funny, I had just been talking to a friend of mine about 'classes' for Dominants. Mostly for the psychological standpoint with the aim of keeping the submissives minutely safer. It is likely wishful thinking though, to actually have a 'class'.

celticlord2112 -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:29:32 PM)
quote: my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post? As I tell my slave....you are all the answer you need.

CalifChick -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:33:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster then is your point that my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post? is it rote? No, that wasn't my point. Cali

sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 6:40:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster then is your point that my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post? is it rote? No, that wasn't my point. Cali so it's just that my question seems silly to you? as to validation, if that's not part of the ante for the forums, then what's the value of them?

marie2 -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 7:31:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Slut. Me?? Puleeze. Next to you I'm Mary friggin Poppins.

DesFIP -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 7:58:30 PM)
I don't think validation should be what we seek from a thread. Because if all we want is other people to say "Yes, you're absolutely right" then we won't learn anything. We learn from being told we are wrong and from being shown other viewpoints. However the point a lot of people are making about your need for validation is that it is highly unsuccessful as a personality trait in a dominant. The one trait that comes across as most dominant is confidence. You come across as insecure, not as confident by your need for constant validation. There's nothing wrong with a newbie dom saying "this is what I'm thinking/planning. Anyone have some cautions that might improve it?" That shows that you aren't arrogant and believe you know everything. But the way your posts are written seems as though you're floundering around looking for someone else's rule book to follow. If you do follow someone else's rulebook though, you then are more submissive appearing than dominant. Input and safety info is one thing, approval is something else.

sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 8:19:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I don't think validation should be what we seek from a thread. Because if all we want is other people to say "Yes, you're absolutely right" then we won't learn anything. We learn from being told we are wrong and from being shown other viewpoints. However the point a lot of people are making about your need for validation is that it is highly unsuccessful as a personality trait in a dominant. The one trait that comes across as most dominant is confidence. You come across as insecure, not as confident by your need for constant validation. There's nothing wrong with a newbie dom saying "this is what I'm thinking/planning. Anyone have some cautions that might improve it?" That shows that you aren't arrogant and believe you know everything. But the way your posts are written seems as though you're floundering around looking for someone else's rule book to follow. If you do follow someone else's rulebook though, you then are more submissive appearing than dominant. Input and safety info is one thing, approval is something else. I hadn't considered that. thanks for the perspective. edit:actually my next comment was to go something like -well if it's not about locating "kindred spirits" then it must be more like cooks swapping recipies

elegantalexis -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 8:31:13 PM)
The rebel in me is going "You're not a sex object". Yet I know I am... When Sir comes up, I will tell him that to see what will happen... visualizes a breaking in period with flogging, tying up and major shagging, afterwards me pleading that I am such a slut and sex object Shahar

CalifChick -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 9:18:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster I hadn't considered that. thanks for the perspective. I had been chewing this over since you surmised that I thought your question was silly. DES spelled out exactly what I was trying to say, far better than anything I was coming up with. Cali

SimplyMichael -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 9:22:31 PM)
All I know is that being a sex object takes a lot of work and I really need to start drinking more fluids as I have been feeling rather dehydrated lately.

sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 9:38:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster I hadn't considered that. thanks for the perspective. I had been chewing this over since you surmised that I thought your question was silly. DES spelled out exactly what I was trying to say, far better than anything I was coming up with. Cali I see you call yourself the goddess of sarcasm. touche lady. I hear you, loud & clear.

CalifChick -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 9:42:34 PM)
C'mon, give me a break here. When I'm being sarcastic, it is VERY obvious. I was trying to figure out how to say "you sound like rank noob with absolutely zero confidence" which conflicts with the name you have given yourself that includes the word "master"... and Des did it much nicer than I could have. Cali

sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 9:47:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick C'mon, give me a break here. When I'm being sarcastic, it is VERY obvious. I was trying to figure out how to say "you sound like rank noob with absolutely zero confidence" which conflicts with the name you have given yourself that includes the word "master"... and Des did it much nicer than I could have. Cali now we slip into insults. speaks to credibility IMO. why is that level of discourse necessary?

GoodFeathers -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 9:52:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster is it wrong to expect that the other person in one's relationship be available to be treated as a sex object? Not in the sense of using the other person to slake your lust, provided they're okay with it. It happens in bars, nightclubs, cheap motels, under bleachers and in the back seats of cars all over the nation. Personally, I find that if I am the source of my man's lust and he wishes to use me to fulfill the desire, well, hell. I'm downright wet at the mere knowledge of it. The fact that I've created a desire and my urge to please, well, it makes a nice combo there. Moreover, I appreciate it, but if I'm in a relationship with the person, I want to know they appreciated too. It's not just feeling the warm sticky kind of appreciation. There's nothing better than hearing those glorious words uttered in soft, breathless tones, "good girl." swoon

sobayblackmaster -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 10:01:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoodFeathers quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster is it wrong to expect that the other person in one's relationship be available to be treated as a sex object? Not in the sense of using the other person to slake your lust, provided they're okay with it. It happens in bars, nightclubs, cheap motels, under bleachers and in the back seats of cars all over the nation. Personally, I find that if I am the source of my man's lust and he wishes to use me to fulfill the desire, well, hell. I'm downright wet at the mere knowledge of it. The fact that I've created a desire and my urge to please, well, it makes a nice combo there. Moreover, I appreciate it, but if I'm in a relationship with the person, I want to know they appreciated too. It's not just feeling the warm sticky kind of appreciation. There's nothing better than hearing those glorious words uttered in soft, breathless tones, "good girl." swoon I know it happens all over the world. I'm not that naive. When we take that concept into the BDSM (and by association, extreme) environment though things become a bit more poignant, dramatic, IMO.

GoodFeathers -> RE: sex object (12/21/2008 10:10:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster I know it happens all over the world. I'm not that naive. When we take that concept into the BDSM (and by association, extreme) environment though things become a bit more poignant, dramatic, IMO. Just because it's a part of the BDSM lifestyle, that doesn't necessarily make it more extreme. I agree there are aspects that can be different. However, in the end, the sex itself is no more extreme, the foreplay can be. I fear I'm failing to see how it can be more poignant or dramatic. It's about what floats your boat. For some, it's a good spanking shiver, for others it's making out and random groping in the dark. Poignant how?

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