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RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 7:06:51 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

for a long time I gave up completely on men and searched for a female s-type. Guess what? It isn't any different. Seems to be that the ones that state they are bi are actually saying that they want a dominant male and if a dominant female is involved then that's OK.  


You know, i commented on this yesterday and then deleted it before i posted it. But my brain keeps going back to this one. So while this is not aimed any any group or type of people in particular, here goes.
 
Assuming that because a submissive individual is bisexual that they are also willing to submit to either sex is just that, an assumption.
 
You know what they say, assumption is the mother of all f*** ups. 
 
I know a lot of submissive females who want a dominant male who can accept to one degree or another a dominant females involvement without wishing to have that female as a equal or greater or any type of focus for their submission.
 
In the same respect i've talked to a lot of submissive males who are OK with a male dominant being in the relationship without wanting to interact on a M/s level with that dominant male.
 
Funny thing in, when the subject is brought up with most Dom/Domme couples i've spoken to is that they  assume a bisexual female is going to submit to both automatically.
 
 But in the same respect the Dom/Domme couple does not make this assumption when speaking to a male sub.
 
Yet in the past when i've brought this disparity in expectations to these folks attention the best explanation i could get was that is was different. But when asked why the only reply i got was "because it is".
 
No, it actually is not. That is another assumption. Due, i think, for the most part that the folks i was discussing the subject with were all straight dominant male and bisexual dominant or bisexual switch females.
 
I am willing to bet if the conversation included a bisexual dominant male the assumption would have went the other way.
 
Bisexual does not mean or even infer willing to submit to either sex equally or even at all. It simply means you are sexually attracted to either sex. Even that does not mean you are attracted to either sex equally.
 
Everybody has their preferences. On average i would say that most submissives are looking for a dominant of the opposite sex. Only because the majority of human beings are basically heterosexual. Even those that are bi do display a tendency to desire their dominant partner to be of the opposite sex.
 
Grins, perhaps cm needs another little profile box (groans, i know there are already too many) that indicate which sex you are willing to submit too.
 

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 12/27/2008 7:07:55 AM >

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 9:19:44 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		The key to finding the right domina for you is, much like any other pursuit, consistently doing the right things.  You have to use every means at your disposal and never give up.  There are probably a lot more potential Mistresses out there than you think.

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(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 9:45:39 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

The key to finding the right domina for you is

There are probably a lot more potential Mistresses out there than you think.


Lmao.......i am not looking for a Domme.
 
I am however helping with the search for a submissive male for Jewel.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 10:41:01 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		twice, excellent post.
 
And the same goes for bisexual dominants. 
 
I have had a primary relationship with a female submissive.  I loved her, I cherished her, and I had a lot of fun with her.  I knew after 6 months into the relationship, that if we split up I would never have another woman as a primary partner.  The long and the short of it, for me, women are great fun in bed, in the dungeon, and as friends, but far too emotionally draining for me for a primary partner.  I knew this going in but I tried, and I'm happy for the experience it confirmed what I knew to be true, for me.
 
I have had a woman as a secondary partner for going on 18 months now.  She is wonderful, I love her dearly, and we have a lot of fun together.  And we will remain secondary partners, because I want her in my life for a long long time.
 
Just because I love women, love fucking them, love beating them, love playing with them, does not mean I want one in my life full time. 
 
I prefer men.  I want and need a man in my life full time, 24/7, primary partner kinda thing.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 11:15:26 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
Assuming that because a submissive individual is bisexual that they are also willing to submit to either sex is just that, an assumption.
 


However, when the person has checked the box stating they are "seeking Dominant women" it's a fairly safe one.  Even then, it's best to read the profile to be sure.  A significant number of subs don't seem to know what they're looking for.  Even when they have an idea of what they want in mind, they still don't know how to react when they come fact to face with a living, breathing human.
 
quote:

Funny thing in, when the subject is brought up with most Dom/Domme couples i've spoken to is that they  assume a bisexual female is going to submit to both automatically.

 
Well, duh.  We're both dominant, ergo we're equals or very close to it.  I'm not about to let a sub disrespect or disobey Spyder.  I'm at the top of the food chain, but he is equally responsible for the daily management of the household.  I cannot be everywhere and do everything.  If I'm busy, he has the authority to give instructions or answer questions for the subs.  He also has the authority to discipline as needed.  So yes, any sub who comes into our household will automatically submit to both of us.
 
 
quote:

 But in the same respect the Dom/Domme couple does not make this assumption when speaking to a male sub.

 
I'm not sure who you've talked to or how the questions were phrased but I most certainly do expect the same from a male sub as a female.  The only difference is that a female sub might have sex with Spyder and a male never will because Spyder is straight.  Of course, that's one of the goals of finding a bisexual female sub.  It's not the only goal, however, and it's certainly not assumed.  If sex is the primary definition of submission the couples you've talked to are using, then I can see where the confusion arises. 


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RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 11:23:32 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I tend to question the sincerity of someone who asks for help on the forums, and then never thanks those who supply the help.  If justellmeonce is looking soooooo hard for a Mistress, then why is he not polite enough to thank the Mistresses who have taken time to reply to him on this thread?  

Actually, I do understand why he is finding it so difficult to find a Mistress.  Perhaps he's too lazy to actually DO what is necessary to find that Mistress....preferring to have one fall down from the sky at his feet.  So much easier that way, if not as effective as doing things like writing thoughtful posts, composing well thought out first contact emails, attending munches, going to events where he might just meet a lot of Mistresses. 

The OP can belong to a dozen BDSM dating sites.  He can sit there night after night watching TV...hoping some Mistress will be taken with his wonderful profile and picture...and offer him a position.  Or he can actually participate in the one site he does belong to....his choice. 

(in reply to justellmeonce)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 1:08:24 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Not to disagree with the way others run their dynamics, but I just wanted to say a word as to the point that not all of them are the same.

Just because My husband has Dominant traits, and I happen to have a sub, doesn't translate to him being My sub's Dominant.  I expect clip to respect My primary relationship, but I don't ask him to be in service to My husband.  The two of them have worked out for themselves how they deal with each other.  I can command that clip treat My husband in a respectful manner, but I can not force him to actually feel respect if he doesn't.  (Thankfully, he does.)

Some D/D couples automatically expect a sub to serve both.  We are not one of those couples.  Should the time come that MisterP gets a girl of her own, I'll be in the same position.  I will expect her to be courteous to Me, and respectful of the primary relationship, but if she is to respect Me, it will be because of My own merits.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 2:09:29 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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I'm sure there are any number of couples who have the same or a similar agreement.  The Unseelie Court (the unofficial name of our household) is set up as it is because that's what works best for us.  Any s-type who wants to be seriously considered for inclusion in the Family is made aware of our expectations early on.  Casual play partners don't fall under the same set of household rules as full members of the Court.  If one or the other of us has a casual play partner, the dynamic is much the same as you've described. 

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 2:50:36 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Well, duh.  We're both dominant, ergo we're equals or very close to it.  I'm not about to let a sub disrespect or disobey Spyder


I'm sure there are any number of couples who have the same or a similar agreement.  The Unseelie Court (the unofficial name of our household) is set up as it is because that's what works best for us.  Any s-type who wants to be seriously considered for inclusion in the Family is made aware of our expectations early on.


Lol, re the duh comment. My point exactly, most  automatically assume the submissive is willing to submit to both equally because they are submissive and the Dom/Domme couple is both dominant. That is ego coming to the fore.
 
Now, while this is what you in particular are looking for, and granting if said sub did not feel the way you do they would not be for your household, to assume that it is what  any submissive who states they are bisexual is going to be willing to do is still just that an assumption.
 
Most subs are going to base their willingness to submit on the individual they are submitting to, not only on the fact that another is dominant. Otherwise this would be really easy, sub sees dominant, sub submits, end of search.
 
And i am sure you are right, a lot of Domme/Dom couples have the agreement that any sub of any sex will submit to both equally. I am also sure there are just as many who do not expect this.
 
To be honest, when Scooter and Jewel started looking this was their plan as well. But the best laid plans of mice and men.......
 
You know, i agreed to try, even though my search criteria was very stiff, i was looking for a dominant male biker but i was poly willing. Now even being poly open does not infer or mean being willing to submit to both sexes.
 
Needless to say, eventually they had to change their criteria of what they were willing to accept.
 
I adore Jewel, i wait on her, feed her, fuss like a clacky momma hen and defend her like a lioness guarding her cub. She is my much beloved wife, my best friend, my shoulder, my other arm and often my strength and always my joy.
 
But apparently i am hard wired to that "one" biker male type as far as a dominant is concerned. Grins, for that matter 99.99% of those don't qualify. It was a certain something i've only found once before that i found in Scooter. And most of you are aware i was with the other for 18 years until he left to ride the wind.
 
Would they be willing to send me out the door because of this, nah, i'm pretty sure they want to keep me.
 
Much like Lady Pact stated, all members of the group need to respect one another but that is the end of the expectations.
 
 
 

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 5:00:32 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Well, duh.  We're both dominant, ergo we're equals or very close to it.  I'm not about to let a sub disrespect or disobey Spyder


I'm sure there are any number of couples who have the same or a similar agreement.  The Unseelie Court (the unofficial name of our household) is set up as it is because that's what works best for us.  Any s-type who wants to be seriously considered for inclusion in the Family is made aware of our expectations early on.


Lol, re the duh comment. My point exactly, most  automatically assume the submissive is willing to submit to both equally because they are submissive and the Dom/Domme couple is both dominant. That is ego coming to the fore.
 
Now, while this is what you in particular are looking for, and granting if said sub did not feel the way you do they would not be for your household, to assume that it is what  any submissive who states they are bisexual is going to be willing to do is still just that an assumption.
 
Most subs are going to base their willingness to submit on the individual they are submitting to, not only on the fact that another is dominant.


Neither Spyder nor I expect submission by the mere fact of our dominant natures.  That would be silly.  But you submit to one of us, and you're going to get both.  That's just the nature of our relationship.  I don't see an expectation of a sub submitting to both halves of the dominant couple as particularly indicative of the dominants' egos at the fore.  If anything, I'd say a sub's refusal to abide by the instructions of both halves of a couple is equally egocentric.  "I don't have to submit to you, you're not MY dominant" [insert whining, stomping of feet, sticking out of tongue, and other bratty, passive-aggressive behavior here].  Yeeeahhh...no.  You might be mostly mine or have a closer bond with me, but you're still going to follow his instructions and vice versa. 
 
However, the fact that the sub is bisexual has next to nothing to do with any expectation of equal submission, at least in our case.  It just means that she's more likely to be a good fit for us.  What transpires in the bedroom is not the sum total of submission and we expect a lot more than kinky sex from a relationship.  Spyder could have a heterosexual woman as a sub and she would still be expected to follow my instructions because I'm the mistress of the house.  No way am I going to tolerate her ignoring me or disrespecting me just because I'm not the one who put a collar on her neck.  If it happens more than once, her days in our house are numbered...and it's a small number.  I expect any subs I collar, regardless of orientation or who is shagging whom, to treat him with respect and follow his instructions because he is the master of the house.  If they don't, I'm going to be right peeved and there will be a reckoning.
 
When the bisexual sub in question has marked "seeking Dominant Men" and "seeking Dominant women" or "seeking Dom/Domme couples" on a profile, it's not unreasonable to assume s/he may be willing to submit to a dominant couple in toto as long as everyone likes each other.  The part regarding liking each other is, of course, the primary criteron for said submission. 
 
Unless it's specifically stated that the bisexual sub isn't interested in couples or that s/he will submit to one half of a couple but not both, I hardly think one can fault the couple for egocentrism when they expect both partners to be treated with equal courtesy.  If that's not the case, then perhaps the sub in question should learn to fill out a profile to more accurately reflect his/her desires.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 6:58:02 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Neither Spyder nor I expect submission by the mere fact of our dominant natures.  That would be silly.  But you submit to one of us, and you're going to get both.


And in your relationship that is fine for you. Providing you find a sub willing to do so.

quote:

 I don't see an expectation of a sub submitting to both halves of the dominant couple as particularly indicative of the dominants' egos at the fore.
 
If it states in your profile that this is what you are looking for, then this is what you should expect.
 
But the original statement that provoked this post is as follows;

"for a long time I gave up completely on men and searched for a female s-type. Guess what? It isn't any different. Seems to be that the ones that state they are bi are actually saying that they want a dominant male and if a dominant female is involved then that's OK. "
 
And, Yes, the dominant couple assuming that because the submissive is bisexual that they are going to be willing to submit to both dominants is ego.
 
No where in my comment or in the post that caused me to comment does it state that the submissives in question had looking for Dom/Domme couples or any other type of preference checked.

Only that their profile stated bisexual. 

Now, there are those dominants whose subs have agreed that they will submit to who ever their dominant instructs, but there are also a lot of them that submit to their dominant period.
 
quote:

If anything, I'd say a sub's refusal to abide by the instructions of both halves of a couple is equally egocentric.

 
Egocentric? Perhaps it as as simple as the qualities the sub respects, expects, needs or desires in a dominant are not equally present in both halves of the couple. Perhaps the sub is only attracted in the way of a sub to a dominant to only one specific sex.
 
quote:

"I don't have to submit to you, you're not MY dominant" [insert whining, stomping of feet, sticking out of tongue, and other bratty, passive-aggressive behavior here.  Yeeeahhh...no. 

 
Equally attractive is the "i don't see/understand why you are submissive to my partner but not me, after all i am a dominant as much as my partner is" temper tantrums. The pouting demanding of submission from a submissive is just not attracted to the other partner in that fashion.
 
You can ask for and attempt to enforce any agreement or type of behavior in your household you wish, that does not mean it is for every household.
 
And FYI in my case, i agreed to try, i was also told if it did not work out that way it would be OK as well.
 
For a while, i admit, even after i stated plainly that it was not going to work out that way for various reasons, they both pushed really hard for it be that way.
 
In truth Scooter even told a close friend i was only half of what they wanted.
 
 In the end though, they also had either to accept it was not going to happen or change their expectations.
 
And it has worked out beautifully, as most here know very well.
 
quote:

I hardly think one can fault the couple for ego centrism when they expect both partners to be treated with equal courtesy. 

 
Treating both halves of a couple with equal courtesy is not the same thing as being willing to submit to both equally.
 
I am courteous to all who pass through this house, that does not mean i submit to them.
 
And again, a submissive stating in their profile that they are open to poly or bisexual does not equal stating they are willing to submit to both.
 
If a dominant takes either of those preferences to mean that the submissive is willing to submit to both, perhaps said dominant needs to look up the definition of the terms poly and bisexual.
 
If the subs profile states they are looking for a Dom/domme couple the the assumption that they are willing to submit to both is reasonable.
 

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 7:27:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think it comes to a matter between what is considered courtesy, respect for the union, and respect for the individual.

Part of what you say in the above, S, does overlap some of the policies of this house.  Then again, I would think they might do so in any house, belonging to a D/D couple or not.  I would never think of bringing anyone into our home who would be disrespectful of My husband.  That would be a fine way for someone to find themselves no longer needed to be in service to Me.  Yet, it doesn't automatically mean that sub would be in service to him, either.

Still, being the husband of the house would mean that anyone who is in the home would have to respect his wishes if I weren't there.  A good example would be people who smoke outside because the owners of the house wish it.  Naturally, that would be the type rule enforced if necessary while the Dominant of the sub was away.  Being told to pick up the dry cleaning, if it wasn't ordered by Me, is not.

I think it's a decision that any D/D couple has to consider is how a submissive will be used in service, whether that be to a Domiant who happens to be married, or to the couple as a whole.  Some work better when a sub is in service to just one, where others feel that a sub offering service to one automatically entitles service to the other.  It all depends on how the dynamic is formed.  I know it works better for us if the person wearing My collar serves Me.

To link this to the actual topic of the thread, not all Dominant women who are married are exactly "unavailable" for a submissive looking to serve a Dominant female.  Some arrangements can be made with benefit to both the D and the s.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 8:15:51 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
No where in my comment or in the post that caused me to comment does it state that the submissives in question had looking for Dom/Domme couples or any other type of preference checked.

Only that their profile stated bisexual. 


I call your attention to this:
quote:

Grins, perhaps cm needs another little profile box (groans, i know there are already too many) that indicate which sex you are willing to submit too.


That's what the "seeking XYZ" boxes are designed for.  And if the sub has both Dominant Men and Dominant Women checked, has Dominant Couples checked, or some combination of those, then it's not unreasonable to think xie will be willing to submit to both.  If that's not how it is, then xie should only check what xie's looking for.  While xie's at it, make sure the profile states it clearly too.  At that point, if the dominant couple still expects a bisexual sub to submit to both, then I agree it's ego. 

quote:

Now, there are those dominants whose subs have agreed that they will submit to who ever their dominant instructs, but there are also a lot of them that submit to their dominant period.
 
And that's great...for them.  However, it wouldn't fly in my house.  None of the kinky, poly couples I know would like it either, but that's neither here nor there.
 
quote:

quote:

If anything, I'd say a sub's refusal to abide by the instructions of both halves of a couple is equally egocentric.

 
Egocentric? Perhaps it as as simple as the qualities the sub respects, expects, needs or desires in a dominant are not equally present in both halves of the couple. Perhaps the sub is only attracted in the way of a sub to a dominant to only one specific sex.

 
Perhaps.  Then again, perhaps it's passive-aggressive manipulation on the part of the sub.  I think you're making the same mistake as you complained about others making to assume egocentrism on the part of the dominant couple when it's just as easy to lay the issue at the sub's feet.
 
quote:

Equally attractive is the "i don't see/understand why you are submissive to my partner but not me, after all i am a dominant as much as my partner is" temper tantrums. The pouting demanding of submission from a submissive is just not attracted to the other partner in that fashion.
 
No argument there, though I have not witnessed this phenomenon.  In my experience, the dynamic is established so that one half of the couple is the "top dom" and the other half is either co-top or "alpha sub" but dominant to everyone except the top dom.  The incoming sub is expected to follow instructions from both halves of the couple, regardless of who is at the top of the chain of command or who "xir" dominant is.  The feelings of submission may be stronger for one or the other, but instructions from both are expected to be carried out without argument.
 
quote:

And FYI in my case, i agreed to try, i was also told if it did not work out that way it would be OK as well.
 
And that is fine for you providing you find a dominant couple willing to agree to it.  However, just because it worked out well for you that way doesn't mean it would work for everyone or that everyone should be expected to conform to your idea of what bisexual and poly should be.  Nor does it mean that couples who expect submission to both partners are egomaniacs.  Which is how the tone of your posts came across to me.

quote:

And again, a submissive stating in their profile that they are open to poly or bisexual does not equal stating they are willing to submit to both.
 
Then the sub needs to be clear about that from the start.  Checking only one option (example: Dominant men) and not the others will help.  It won't remedy the situation entirely, but it will go a long way toward eliminating confusion.  All parties are equally responsible for effective communication.  One cannot blame the couple entirely if the sub can't figure out what xie wants and be clear about it.
 
quote:

If a dominant takes either of those preferences to mean that the submissive is willing to submit to both, perhaps said dominant needs to look up the definition of the terms poly and bisexual.
 
The same could be said for the sub who checks all the available "seeking" options and then complains about the couple who expects the sub to submit to both partners when the sub has failed to be clear about what xie wants or is willing to do.  If xie isn't willing to submit to both, don't check both.  If the sub will accept either a male or female dominant but doesn't want to submit to couples, it's not that hard to say so in the profile.  Which seems to be where this is coming from:
 
quote:

"for a long time I gave up completely on men and searched for a female s-type. Guess what? It isn't any different. Seems to be that the ones that state they are bi are actually saying that they want a dominant male and if a dominant female is involved then that's OK. "


So, no, it's not ego on the part of the dominant(s).  Sorry, but you can't blame it all on erroneous, ego-driven assumption based purely on a sub's sexual orientation.  It's just as much a failure on the part of the sub to adequately communicate.  In that case, the sub needs to own it.  And that's what I've been saying.  Perhaps I have failed to adequately communicate this point.  I will own my part in that.  Hopefully, this time I've done a better job.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/27/2008 8:43:27 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think it comes to a matter between what is considered courtesy, respect for the union, and respect for the individual.

Part of what you say in the above, S, does overlap some of the policies of this house.  Then again, I would think they might do so in any house, belonging to a D/D couple or not.  I would never think of bringing anyone into our home who would be disrespectful of My husband.  That would be a fine way for someone to find themselves no longer needed to be in service to Me.  Yet, it doesn't automatically mean that sub would be in service to him, either.

Still, being the husband of the house would mean that anyone who is in the home would have to respect his wishes if I weren't there.  A good example would be people who smoke outside because the owners of the house wish it.  Naturally, that would be the type rule enforced if necessary while the Dominant of the sub was away.  Being told to pick up the dry cleaning, if it wasn't ordered by Me, is not.


Respect for the union and each partner's place in the household is part of what I've been driving at.  This sums it up very nicely.  I consider that respect to be part and parcel of "submission" no matter who is offering the collar or what the sexual orientation of the sub is.  Maybe I'm just strange, but I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation.
 
Another part of my point is clear communication by the sub.  That seems to be lacking on occasion.  To bring the OP back in, good communication skills are vital when searching for a dominant woman.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
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Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/28/2008 9:11:03 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		You know you keep going back to this "And if the sub has.......".
 
Even though i have repeatedly stated that  this is not the case. That i was referring to the subs profile stating bisexual and the dominants involved erroneous assumption that the subs stating bisexual meant willing to submit to both.
 
You keep stating the sub needs to be very clear what that means. I'm pretty sure most folks know what bisexual  and or poly means.
 
While i was noting that i have seen this happen on more than one occasion, you keep attempting to blame it on the subs lack of clearness in their profile.
 
Now nobody has said it was a horrible thing for the dominants involved to make said assumption. Rather it was only observed that due to the nature of what they are they do make that assumption.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeann
that everyone should be expected to conform to your idea of what bisexual and poly should be

 
Lol, my idea of poly and bisexual? I am pretty sure both those terms have very specific definitions.
 
All in all i think i stated pretty clearly what i was questioning. And i have seen twice now up close and personal the situation that  was being referred to in the post i commented on. In one case the profile did read only bisexual and in the other case it did read searching for both Doms or Dommes.
 
Though having been approached when i was looking by several Dom/Domme couples who did indeed think bisexual and poly meant willing to submit to both, i was only commenting on the bisexual assumption.
 
In the first instance the sub made it up to "i'm on my way". In the second case they actually sold their household goods, packed up and moved in. Yet both changed their minds when a male dominant who they had had prior contact with, made them an offer.
 
So i feel i've made my comments on the original situation i was commenting on, no"what ifs?" included, as it occurs, in full.
 
Having observed how often in your replies you keep defending the dominants position, expounding on "but if the sub" and "in my house!" it appears, though i could be wrong,  this is a tender subject with you.
 
Or perhaps you simply have the need to defend the dominant side of things by bringing in those hypothetical "but if the sub" comments that were not part of my original post.
 
At any rate, not being one to engage in the game of last wordism, this is my final comment on this subject.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 
I think it comes to a matter between what is considered courtesy, respect for the union, and respect for the individual.

I think it's a decision that any D/D couple has to consider is how a submissive will be used in service, whether that be to a Dominant who happens to be married, or to the couple as a whole.  Some work better when a sub is in service to just one, where others feel that a sub offering service to one automatically entitles service to the other. 

 
These comments state it best. It comes down to what works for whom in their household. What works for us might not work for anybody else. There is no right or wrong way here.
 
 I only commented on how it ended up working here to show that sometimes you don't know what you are looking for until you've found it. Often keeping an "absolute" can keep you from finding that special something.
 
If i had kept to my "absolute" i would not be here.
 
If they had kept to their original"absolute" i would not be here.
 
Yet here i am, and here i plan to stay for at least the next three or four hundred years. We are a family, period.
 
 

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: finding a dominant Woman.... - 12/28/2008 11:23:57 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Twice, the original post in this thread was asking for help in finding a dominant woman.  I am responding to the starter of this thread.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 56
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