finding a dominant Woman.... (Full Version)

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justellmeonce -> finding a dominant Woman.... (12/21/2008 7:23:02 PM)

hello,my name is philip....i'm having a difficult time finding a real time relationship with a dominant lady....i have been searching for ltr for a few years...and the problem seems to be that i am not as much into the "toys" of the genre,but rather just love the sensation of being mentally dominated .
my question is...is there any particular dating web sites,perhaps softer, that deal with matching up a man of my ilk with women who are also looking for a lasting relationship....



utopicus -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/21/2008 9:25:08 PM)

From my "experience": on-line dating works rarely - the real think is alive and moving out there, in the open. It's best to attend munches, get friends, develop a network and eventually will find somebody.
If BDSM scene is not suitable, then it's again a matter of you meeting as many women as you can. However, this is the hardest way, because the topic is sensitive and requires time and gentleness in approaching it.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/21/2008 9:42:00 PM)

This one works if you have patience.  I've found a couple of people by using this site.  I know people who met here and are now married or planning weddings.  Yes, there are a lot of professionals looking for clients and a lot of people running scams.  However, you get that with any dating site.  It's just a matter of perserverence to find the right person (or people) for you.  There are some really good threads in the forum archives that will help you perfect your profile and make the most of your experience.  I suggest using the handy-dandy Search feature to find them.  Stephann's How To Meet Women post is particularly helpful to new users.  Good luck.



SimplyIsaac -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/21/2008 11:23:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: justellmeonce

hello,my name is philip....i'm having a difficult time finding a real time relationship with a dominant lady....i have been searching for ltr for a few years...and the problem seems to be that i am not as much into the "toys" of the genre,but rather just love the sensation of being mentally dominated .
my question is...is there any particular dating web sites,perhaps softer, that deal with matching up a man of my ilk with women who are also looking for a lasting relationship....


Phil, just make sure you've got plenty of $$$$$ and you aren't a dick.

There are plenty of gorgeous ladies who will take you up on a lasting BDSM relationship if you bring something to the table other than just your fabulous self.

As far as sites go, there's no "The Right One" for BDSM. That would be a riot though.




LadyPact -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 1:03:16 AM)

I never understand these questions about finding Dominant woman.  I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one anytime I'm at a lifestyle event, munch, or social.



E2Sweet -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 1:58:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I never understand these questions about finding Dominant woman.  I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one anytime I'm at a lifestyle event, munch, or social.


Location is a huge factor it seems. I was getting back into the local scene this summer and found that it has deteriorated in the few years I wasn't active. In the last few events I attended, we had maybe 4 to 5 dominant females and the vast majority were in closed relationships. None were actually single. I've since stopped attending.



LadyPact -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 2:45:52 AM)

I agree that location can be a factor.  So, why not try surrounding areas or major events that probably aren't held in your town?  I've been known to travel to the other groups that neighbor Mine just for the fun of it.  Now that road trips are convenient again, it's not out of the question to drive a couple of hours to visit the semi local groups.



MsStarlett -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 4:09:40 AM)

And don't forget conventions!  Not just munches.  There are Lifestyle conventions as well as other genres such as Science Fiction cons where one can find all kinds of people.  You just have to broaden your search.

--- And Broaden your search doesn't just mean geographically.  Some guys who claim "I can't find a dominant woman" have this ideal of the Barbie doll in a corset who just says "Kiss my feet" then has wild kinky sex 24/7.  Those women don't exist. 



Lynnxz -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 4:12:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I never understand these questions about finding Dominant woman.  I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one anytime I'm at a lifestyle event, munch, or social.


What?? You mean I can't find my Twue Domme to spank me, fuck me, and cater to me while I sit here with my dick in hand?? I have to actually leave the house?!?  [:(]



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 3:30:32 PM)

I just had what is possibly the strangest conversation ever between a FemDom and a male sub.  I've been talking with a certain sub guy for the past month or two.  For those who read my blog, it's the same one who is deployed overseas.  Amid much mutual flirting and not-so-subtle innuendo about the things we'd like to do together when he gets back, including him saying he wants me to break him in fun ways, I stated the following:

"You know if I have anything to say about it, I'm going to claim you, right?" 

Him: "We'll see."

Me: "Well, the duration of said claim might only be for a weekend, but for that time...yeah."

More conversation followed, in which he said he enjoys our conversations and would like to do things together and see where it goes.  I made the point of telling him that A) I'm okay with being in the Friend Zone and won't be upset if he tells me that's all this is; and B) Even if this is more than friendship, I'm still not expecting more than some fun weekends.  

My gawd, you'd have thought I was proposing marriage.  Now, in my experience, most men would jump at the opportunity for some no-strings sexual deviance.  Not this one. 

WTF???  Dude!  Are you sure you're a guy? 

So I asked what exactly he's looking for in a kinky relationship.  Not from me, necessarily, but in general.  And he couldn't answer.  *headdesk* 

You know, it's hard to hit your target if you don't even know what it looks like. 

When he figures out what it is he wants, he said he'll let me know.  Translation: "I'm not that into you."  Ya know, buddy, ya could have just said that.  It's not like I didn't leave you an opening so big you could drive a semi through it.  What part of "it's okay if you tell me I'm in the Friend Zone" is unclear? 

Jeebus fuck.  And you men wonder why you have such a hard time finding a Dominant woman. 



beeble -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 4:06:48 PM)

quote:

SylvereApLeanan wrote: My gawd, you'd have thought I was proposing marriage.

"I'm going to claim you" does sound rather like "You're going to be my sub and only my sub for ever and ever," which seems rather strong for the stage the relationship is at.  Obviously, I don't know the context but, that does sound like coming on too strong, too soon, even though you didn't mean it to.

beeble.




Politesub53 -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 5:00:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Some guys who claim "I can't find a dominant woman" have this ideal of the Barbie doll in a corset who just says "Kiss my feet" then has wild kinky sex 24/7.  Those women don't exist. 



Now you tell me ! [8D]



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 5:23:26 PM)

quote:

"I'm going to claim you" does sound rather like "You're going to be my sub and only my sub for ever and ever," which seems rather strong for the stage the relationship is at.  Obviously, I don't know the context but, that does sound like coming on too strong, too soon, even though you didn't mean it to.

 
Well, the context of the conversation was joking and light-hearted at the time.  I did emphasize I wasn't expecting more than some NSA fun.  "I'd anticipate some fun weekends and little more" is what I said, verbatim.  That seems pretty straightforward to me.  I suppose it could be read otherwise, but I think it would take more mental gymnastics than were warranted.  Especially after his comments of "I do want to let you break me in fun ways, bind me, silence me, corrupt me, train and mold me and all that sort of lovliness" and "you're doing a really good job at convincing me I might be a bit more than just a sub" earlier in the conversation.
 
[sm=confused.gif]



RumpusParable -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 6:50:06 PM)

OP, many of us are more PE focused than play (for all that I'm not running play down lol).  And we're everywhere.  We're that shy-seeming girl at work, that snotty lady at your cousin's birthday party, the bored woman in line with you at the grocery store, that geeky chick standing in line in the Princess Leia outfit for the re-showing of Episode 4, and that female busy at the play party getting her ass beat.

Just like finding the right person in non-PE/BDSM relationships it's largely a game of numbers and having a healthy mix of knowing what you want while being flexible to what you find.  Figure out just what it is you're looking for (your description here is very vague and I didn't go to view your profile) and what you're open to, then just go out and keep meeting and making friends with people -male and female, dominant and not- until you hit it off right with someone. 

And please, don't make it a goal to reach.  Just live and enjoy and let good things happen when they happen.



SimplyIsaac -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/22/2008 9:34:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I never understand these questions about finding Dominant woman.  I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one anytime I'm at a lifestyle event, munch, or social.


Swing dead cats often?



pinnipedster -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/23/2008 12:24:13 AM)

quote:

And don't forget conventions!  Not just munches.  There are Lifestyle conventions as well as other genres such as Science Fiction cons where one can find all kinds of people.  You just have to broaden your search.


I've been going to science fiction conventions since about 1977.  Finding ANY kind of unattached woman at one is difficult enough.  Finding one who also happens to be dominant?  True, there are women who run around in leather gear, but for a lot of them it's just a costume; it's kind of hard to tell which ones might seriously be into it.  (Also, usually these are girls in their early twenties, and at 47, I would feel a little creepy approaching them.  The older women are usually mostly past the exhibitionistic stage, darn it. :))

I can recall maybe two or three times there was some kind of open kink party at a con I was at, and that usually meant a few people into the lifestyle, and a lot of gawkers.

And yes, Dominant women are certainly there at munches and lifestyle events, but...well, I have pretty serious inhibitions about approaching a woman who clearly seems to be with someone, and they virtually always are.  So I've never figured out how that's supposed to work.

Of course, you can't go entirely by me -- I'm pretty clueless about approaching women generally, or meeting people at all, for that matter.  But considering how often the subject comes up here, I'm far from the only one who is perplexed at how to seriously go about the search.



pinnipedster -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/23/2008 12:29:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

OP, many of us are more PE focused than play ...


PE?

(Not Physical Education, I presume....)



LadyPact -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/23/2008 2:56:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I never understand these questions about finding Dominant woman.  I can't swing a dead cat without hitting one anytime I'm at a lifestyle event, munch, or social.


Swing dead cats often?

Well, you know, a flogger isn't always available.

Just kidding folks.  No actual cats were swung in the creation of this post.



littlesarbonn -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/23/2008 4:05:12 AM)

For years, I searched for a dominant woman by putting together a pretty comprehensive profile, going out into the community and meeting people, working for bdsm organizations and being seen (whether in front of the scenes or behind the scenes) and actually approaching and being approached by women who were interested in creating a relationship with me. However, I think that seeing more and more of these threads, I've decided to alter my approach some. Instead, I will now post on message boards: "Can YOU dominate me and make me your submissive? Please Check __ Yes  ___ No."



ShiftedJewel -> RE: finding a dominant Woman.... (12/23/2008 6:36:29 AM)

I'd check yes, but then you would have to agree to it so what would the point be?
 
Like LP said... we're out there, some more then others, granted, but we are there. I think the biggest thing is that you really need to approach her like she is a person first, then a female person then, maybe, if there is a connection of some sort, a dominant female person. Too many see us as flogger holders with tits and legs.
 
Jewel



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