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Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 12:02:39 AM   
slavetoloveDom


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		my current Dominant sometimes seems to not know what He is doing, and yes i have compared Him to my other prior Dominants.  i know that isn't fair to do, but it is human nature.  i got along better with my prior Dominants than i do with the current Dominant and  i do care for the current Dominant, but always sense that this relationship is not going to last.  Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 12:09:53 AM   
TheVoiceofOne


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/5/2008
Status: offline 		Why don't you talk to him about it? Say, "Dude.. Wake up and take charge or turn in your Dom card."

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 12:27:58 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		Your profile states you're seeking a Dominant currently - have you decided to move on from this relationship which you find unsatisfying?

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 12:33:06 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		If you feel this relationship is worth the work, go google some workshops that interest the both of you, and attend them one weekend.  Help him learn.  Encourage him as he grows.  And if the relationship is at a stalemate, bail out. 

And stop comparing him.  Thats just a mindfuck, and not a good one.


_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to mc1234)
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RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 12:34:48 AM   
understeer


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		There isn't one right answer to this... you've got to figure out how to proceed on your own based upon the dynamics of your particular relationship.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 12:49:12 AM   
BrokenSaint


Posts: 301
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline 		Good advice all around. Comparing him to other dominants you have had probably isn't helping your perceptions of the relationship, or how long it is going to last. Basically it's going to come down to talk or walk I'd think. 

_____________________________

In the name of progress,
In the name of madness
Drum beats faster
Crowd shouts louder
and chaos replaces order
VnV Nation - Nemesis

(in reply to understeer)
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RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 1:29:54 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		"Not know what he is doing"

Is this a confidence issue or an experience issue with certain toys, bondage, and such? Experience issue means "I don't know how" or "I still need lessons/practice with" Confidence issue means he's not taking full controll with what he does now what and how to do.

To me, a real dom is one who is Confident and Controling with their abilities. They have the boldness to tell you up front what they do, don't do, and still working on learning without seeming less dominant than another. I told my sub up front "This is me and this is how I do it. I don't care about your past, right, or wrong. This is My Way with what I got."

Do you don't think this relationship my not last? How much potential is in this Dom? How often are you having to Top from the Bottom? 

I suggest enjoying the ride just a little longer. See where his confidence level is in controlling you before you decide if he's a real dom. Everyone has their own version of a Real Dom. If he's going to continue to fumble, fidget, stutter, not look you dead in the eyes, and ask "how was that?" for a thousand times, then tell him that this isn't working out for you.

You already know what you want in your relationships. Does he have it or not? 

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
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RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 5:42:16 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		You've already given up on him, so why stay?


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(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
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RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 6:55:52 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

And stop comparing him.  Thats just a mindfuck, and not a good one.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 7:04:28 AM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

You've already given up on him, so why stay?



It certainly appears that way.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 7:45:05 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		He'll never be a Dom in your eyes unless you:
  1. Stop Comparting him!
  2. Start working with him to help him improve his Dominance!
Remember, yoursubmission gives him the Authority to Dominate you.

My advise, if you want to see if this relationship will work for both of you, is to ask/beg him to sit down with you and both of you discuss openly what each of you:
  1. Expects from the other
  2. Expects from self
  3. Expects from the relationship.
  4. Where do you both see the relationship and each other in a year's time.
Suggest to him that you could both read articles on line in subjects you are both interested in.  Why not learn a couple of simple serves which you can do for him to let him see you are interested and to give him the feeling of owning a slave. Don't go overboard at first but ask him for comments and ways he'd like you to do things for him.

You could join in the local BDSM Group (assuming there is one) and go to munches, attend play parties even just to watch and learn as well as going to workshops. Encourage him to seek a mentor to help him along his path, with you supporting him with encouragement. be proud of him for who he is and what he is doing and hopes to achieve.

Please remember, the more you compare him the more disappointed you will feel because yoiu are forgetting that we, each of us Dominants, were once raw rookies who knew less than nothing. We, like your man had to go through the painfull process of learning and fight self doubt (at least he has you, hasn't he?) In your mind see him as a self confident Master who owns you and at whose touch, you melt into a puddle at his feet. Has it occured to you that he may be suffering self doubt and asking himself if he is worthy to be your Master or if you would be better off with an experienced one? Blokes do this lass. If you start comparing him with experienced Masters and keep your profile showing you are seeking a Master, you will be taking jolly great steps towards destroying what you have.... Just ask yourself if:
  1. You are good enough for him at this formative stage.
  2. Will you be good enough when he has found his feet and won his spurs.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 12/22/2008 7:49:53 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 5:46:13 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Everyone is different. the thing is..Is the relationship working for you Now..or not?

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 6:38:10 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time?


Dump the worthless bastard, that way he might actually have a chance of being happy with someone who appreciates him and you will be single and the world will be a better place for all of you.

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 6:58:16 PM   
masterforRT


Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		I dunno.
Are you a real submissive?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 9:33:17 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

My advise, if you want to see if this relationship will work for both of you, is to ask/beg him to sit down with you and both of you discuss openly what each of you:

1. Expects from the other
2. Expects from self
3. Expects from the relationship.
4. Where do you both see the relationship and each other in a year's time.


VERY Good advice Bear... I agree...

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 9:34:39 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

Is it best to jump ship now or wait for Him to learn more about the lifestyle as W/we all must do from time to time?


Dump the worthless bastard, that way he might actually have a chance of being happy with someone who appreciates him and you will be single and the world will be a better place for all of you.


This was a Beautiful Post.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 9:34:56 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

My advise, if you want to see if this relationship will work for both of you, is to ask/beg him to sit down with you and both of you discuss openly what each of you:

1. Expects from the other
2. Expects from self
3. Expects from the relationship.
4. Where do you both see the relationship and each other in a year's time.


VERY Good advice Bear... I agree...

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/22/2008 10:13:36 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		That seems like a silly question. How does not knowing what you're doing equates to being Dominant or not? Every one goes through periods of learning and not knowing it all and stumbling sometimes and I'd call bullshit to any one who said otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavetoloveDom

my current Dominant sometimes seems to not know what He is doing, a

(in reply to slavetoloveDom)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 3:27:15 AM   
MirrorrirroM


Posts: 35
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline 		Personally I think it's always a good thing to trust your instincts. I mean IF there truly is a romantic click between you to, along with similar views about how you'd like to function in a D/s relationship, it's worth hanging in and talking with him about any problems and trying to come to resolutions. BUT if you know in your gut there's just not enough attraction, trust, or whatever else there to make things work then it's time to move on.

_____________________________

Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is He really a real Dominant? - 12/23/2008 3:29:19 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

You've already given up on him, so why stay?


I would have asked that but I can remember situations where there was something in these type of relationships/situations that made me not want to leave so fast. Examples could be something about the sex, cooking, or how they give massages. There's something about them that makes you want to stay just a little longer.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 20
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