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Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 3:12:39 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		I have been thinking a great deal lately about service. Within my relationship Master not only appreciates but expects preemptive service. It is my job to forsee his needs and meet them before they inconvenience his life.

I have heard it said that many tops view preemptive service as a way of topping from the bottom or making decisions for thier Dominant. How do you view this?
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 3:27:52 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		I don't see it in any way as topping from the bottom - I just see it as doing what I can to try to make his life easier.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 4:14:18 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		how is it topping from the bottom if they tell you this is what they expect?

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 4:19:48 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I've never heard it called "preemptive", but rather anticipatory service, or silent service.......... to anticipate what needs to be done and doing it.  To know Him well enough to read His moods, the situation, etc enough to take care of things without Him having to tell or ask me to do something.

This can be something as simple as household duties or something much deeper. 

Example:  Last month, we had a presenter at our local BDSM club (Master Malik and slave Cathy of Oklahoma) who did a presentation on M/s, D/s relationships "One Size Does Not Fit All".  There were a limited number of actual couples in the room who were in these types of relationships, and as Malik and cathy spoke and gave examples of their relationship, He asked those of us who had identified ourselves as being in an M/s or D/s relationship about our dynamics so that everyone could see how different we all are.

I know my Master very well and knew He wouldn't be comfortable being put on the spot to speak up about our dynamic.  So when Malik pointed to us and asked something about our relationship, I didn't hestitate to speak up on His behalf.  

Later, we were talking about this and He said that He had squeezed my leg to let me know that He expected me to be the one to speak, but I was already mentally readying myself to do that, I hadn't even recognized that He had done this.  LOL! 


(in reply to natasha66)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 4:38:07 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I have been thinking a great deal lately about service. Within my relationship Master not only appreciates but expects preemptive service. It is my job to forsee his needs and meet them before they inconvenience his life.

I have heard it said that many tops view preemptive service as a way of topping from the bottom or making decisions for thier Dominant. How do you view this?



I don't have the time nor the interest in micromanaging so he'd better be able to anticipate and carry out service on his own.  That's why alphas make Me hot.  They just can't help themselves. 

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 5:54:05 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I have been thinking a great deal lately about service. Within my relationship Master not only appreciates but expects preemptive service. It is my job to forsee his needs and meet them before they inconvenience his life.

I have heard it said that many tops view preemptive service as a way of topping from the bottom or making decisions for thier Dominant. How do you view this?



Quite on the contary, I view preemptive serves as an asset and expect my girrls to learn to recognise the signs of my need and what thre need may be. At the very least, they should ask if I need anything.

Good for you lass, please passs my compliments on to your Master for his good fortune to own such a girl.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 12/22/2008 5:56:30 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 6:15:55 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I expect someone to learn what I like, when I like it as much as possible and attempt to take care of it before I ask. That is service. It is not topping from the bottom in my book, it is providing extra value to me that I want and expect.

Mike

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/22/2008 6:19:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I only consider it TFTB in a bad way if I've specifically told them NOT to do it and they keep trying anyway.

I DO find it really annoying and presumptuous and DO tell them not to do so until I've heavily trained them and they've learned me well enough to take that risk.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 7:10:08 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Proactive service is a positive in our relationship but there are definitely restrictions.  If I were to make an assumption about what he wanted and act on that, I would get my ass chewed.  However, it is expected that I will ask if he wants me to do something for him.

As an example, there are no standing instructions on when to bring him coffee.  Sometimes he wants it the moment he gets out of bed and sometimes he doesn't.  If I were to bring him coffee as soon as he left the bed, that would be making an assumption and is not acceptable.  If I were to ask him if he wants a coffee, then that is being proactive.

Assuming what he wants and acting on that is not a good thing in this house.  I don't think he views it as topping from the bottom, but it is definitely over-stepping my bounds.  There may be certain actions that appear to others as making assumptions about what he wants, but they are actually standing orders that we have that others are not aware of. 

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 7:57:24 AM   
kdmfl


Posts: 118
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline 		Bad initiative is better then no initiative.  If you show you are trying to take action proactively and do something wrong thats better then doing nothing at ll

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 8:27:19 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		There is huge difference in asking if I would like them to do xxxx, versus sitting quietly on their arse waiting for me to TELL them to do xxxx. They may not know whether or not I want them to, they shouldn't assume, but it is definately a good thing that they are proactive and ask if they can.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kdmfl)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 2:12:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I tend to refer to it as anticipatory service, non preemptive. Putting that aside, he prefers it.
I prefer getting an order. Just feels hotter to me even if it's the same action.





_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 3:19:59 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

how is it topping from the bottom if they tell you this is what they expect?


/thread.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Maya2001)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 7:26:57 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I have been thinking a great deal lately about service. Within my relationship Master not only appreciates but expects preemptive service. It is my job to forsee his needs and meet them before they inconvenience his life.

I have heard it said that many tops view preemptive service as a way of topping from the bottom or making decisions for thier Dominant. How do you view this?



I see it as the 'sub' having brains. Anything that make my life easier...gosh let me think.

Not all 'doms' think similarly.

Solution. For those that can't draw a line between 2 points. Ask your master and find out.



_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 9:33:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		See it doesn't make my life easier if they put the mustard on before the ketchup or if they decide I want to have a coke after I've finished my first coke.  I'm really picky and not really predictable in my general habits.  It really takes a lot of time for someone to get to know me, my habits, my patterns and to really pay attention in order for me to TRUST that they know things so I don't have to toss it out and do it myself again.  Add this on to a perfectionist streak a mile long and moderate OCD...well it's just best for them to wait and let me train them thoroughly.

It might be more effort in the beginning, but well worth the payoff long term. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wolfie648)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 10:03:30 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I expect staff to recognize the signs that I may be in need of a short black or what ever is needed:
  • Steam comming from my ears - Short black with a touch of Irish Whisky.
  • Cursing at somewthing I am working on  without using four letter Anglo-Saxon words and the term bloody being the harshest word used - Short black, no whisky.
  • Cursing at somewthing I am working on using many Anglo-Saxon terma with numerous Australian expleditivbes as well as a volume of strange language - Bottle of Irish Whisky and the Firtst Ais Box.
  • Me stumbling inside holding my knee and unable to speak - Large hot lemon tea and a request for Neets to open the safe and get me 2mg of morphine sulphate as well as commensing massage on my left knee.
When in doubt ask what I need...

Most times I rarely command or demand, I simply let it be known what it is I wish done. E.g. "I nearly tripped over that bloody laundry still on the floor".... "As soon as someone if free may I please have....(what ever it is).?."

< Message edited by IronBear -- 12/23/2008 10:04:01 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Preemptive service - 12/23/2008 11:39:48 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		One of the things I learned to do in my former years of assisting executive staffs was to meet them around the corner with what they needed before they even knew they were turning the corner (so to speak).  I would learn their personalities and preferences and how they handled everything from small to great and in between, so that half the time their staff would come to me with questions if the boss was busy.  It took being in tune with them and paying attention to them and the world around them.

I took this skill into my slavery to my former owner and applied it there.  Then again, there was always the rule of "When in doubt, ask" which I learned in the workforce as well.  I learned my former owner well enough to know when to just get up and do, when to offer/ask, and when to hold off and wait quietly until instructed.  He enjoyed this such that when I did error, it was quickly forgiven as he appreciated the effort and knew that in the grand scheme of things, the benefit to error ratio had the scale slamming down on the side of benefit.

With the man I am currently seeing, there is a lot more waiting for instruction or asking than predictive or anticipatory service.  I am still learning him and we haven't had a lot of time together.  But, for example, a week ago I was collaborating with him on a presentation he needed to create and speak on.  I sat with my laptop, typing out his brainstorms but if he stuttered on a sentence, stuck for how to finish it, I finished it for him because I could tell where he was going with it.  I didn't sit and wait for him to look at me and instruct me to finish it, I just went forward with it, and it worked.  "YES - that's it!" was usually the response.  Now, if I had gotten it wrong more than a couple of times I would have stopped doing that, but it was obviously working and he was grateful for the initiative.  I also took the initiative to organize his brain-stormed notes into a concise and comprehensible outline for him, which he found to be a huge help.

The point is, I think there is time and place for stepping up and doing, and for holding back.  When and where that time and place is depends on the parties within that relationship and how they work together.  I don't think I'd have been much help to him if he had to think of what to instruct me to do as well as think of what to say in the presentation.  I didn't want to distract him with having to think about me in all this - I wanted to seamlessly help him get his work done.

So far, the people I've been with have appreciated that kind of effort.  If they didn't, I wouldn't do it.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/25/2008 12:48:44 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Maggie,
No, I don't think it is topping from the bottom, but I do also see your point.  I think giving a kindness and being told "no I don't want that" and responding by stepping away graciously is very different from responding by throwing a hissy fit.  The hissy fit being more in lines of TFTB. 

Mistress likes a cup of tea after dinner.  I know it is my duty to make it.  However, she doesn't tell me what kind to make her.  I just know it has to be decaf.  If it was a bland meal, I tend to give her something spicy.  If it is a spicier meal, I give her chamomile.  On xmas eve, I gave her peppermint.  I think creating an environment of service, invisible service, is a way to pleasantly serve if that is what is expected and or permitted.  If I was told to get her chai tea and I got her lemon and honey cause she has a cold, THAT is topping from the bottom.

well wishes,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/25/2008 10:50:44 PM   
TinkACD


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/12/2007
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline 		mmmmmmm.... this is Tinks Master "A" , the thing that confuses me most is that we have females answering questions on a MASTER'S forum, should you not be on the Domme's/Mistress's forum? answering the questions posted there?I would have been led to believe that if elegantalexis wanted the opinion of a woman would she not have posted in a forum specific to that gender? or are the women posting here "Masters"...is it anywonder that people end up confused

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Preemptive service - 12/26/2008 6:36:03 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		There are no restrictions on who posts to which section.  The subject headlines are only meant to steer the subjects in a general direction but not there to limit who posts.  As a female slave I am quite capable of posting the perspective of our house on certain issues.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to TinkACD)
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