RE: Not the time or place !!

RE: Not the time or place !! (Full Version)

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persephonee -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 10:35:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I've been thinking about this thread since it got posted and I just keep trying to figure out the "how" it would be possible. Some of our scenes take a long time to set up....rope bondage would be an example. Sometimes we start out with rope bondage, attach a couple hundred clothespins, play with those for awhile, move on to some impact play, play with some electricity, then switch to needle play, add some more impact play, throw sex in there a couple of times, then move on to wax, etc., etc.,....well you get the picture. It can be very time consuming and our scenes at home generally don't last less than about 4 hours or so....and we've done scenes that have lasted as long as 8 days. So I'm thinking that this would be totally impossible in a club or at a party. So what are we talking about here as far as harder goes? Intensity for a half hour or so? Maybe I'm just misunderstanding the question of the thread but I just don't see how it would be possible to play harder in public. erm...Erin? can i come over to play sometime, if my mom says its okay? sincerely perse

mistoferin -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 11:25:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee erm...Erin? can i come over to play sometime, if my mom says its okay? Sure but you have to bring some east coast food that I can't get here...lol. Some real bagels, a Taylor ham, Yankee Doodles....I am sure we can work something out!!!

persephonee -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 11:29:37 AM)
Sah-weet.... im a handful...better stock up on vitamins and take a few naps.[:D]

mistoferin -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 11:37:35 AM)
If there was such a thing as an Energizer fire breathing dragon, Sir would be it...lol. When we do go out to clubs and parties he always has a group of people lined up to play. A cold drink in between and he's good to go...and I swear his arm just doesn't quit.

calamitysandra -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 11:49:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: calamitysandra quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Consent...it is what seperates us from criminals and sociopaths. OT Can I use that, with proper credit of course? Again, you are fooling youself. Anyone thinking that has no sense of responsibility. the.dark. No sense of resposibility? Well, nice that you are able to come to such conclusions while having so little evidence.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 11:58:02 AM)
Some modern public dungeons/clubs prevent me from playing like I do in private because of their rules. Other clubs don’t. Some clubs in Florida don’t allow sex. Lifestyle Explorers leather night in Tampa does, the Quest in Tampa doesn’t... unless you rent the whole place and sign a waiver making it a private party like used too when I lived over there. 90% of the time, my sadism is sexually associated or and it is passion and the connection to my partner that drives me to intense or extreme “levels” of torture. When I grew up, my first exposure to BDSM was in gay bars and private sex clubs that were having a leather night… full sexual contact was allowed. Some of my exposure to bi & straight BDSM clubs were the Hellfires in NY & Detroit. They had stages or stations exposed to the public and they had stalls or booths in the back for privacy. I was always a stage player, they were sex clubs and I liked to mix it up so it became sexual torture. I was never shy.

persephonee -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 12:01:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin If there was such a thing as an Energizer fire breathing dragon, Sir would be it...lol. When we do go out to clubs and parties he always has a group of people lined up to play. A cold drink in between and he's good to go...and I swear his arm just doesn't quit. im all squirmy now...knock it off, i have to do all sorts of stuff today....shiver i know what you mean about the lines tho...M is only making it home about once a month these days and, while i get him first, there is a whole line of folks waiting for some of that... This time hes in for something tho, i havent been played for...gulp 4 weeks. i took an impact sabbatical once that was supposed to last a month and i gave in at 3 weeks...this was different because i was working or whatnot...but i did tell him to bring his A game home this time...so time will tell...and ill be able to tell you what constitutes "harder" play after this weekend....[:D]

RCdc -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 1:34:11 PM)
Erin, I can't apologise for you being offend. Meh, yanno I wouldn't hey - you wouldn't expect it from me. By you simply by posting here on this site, regardless of whom is 'supposed' to read here, are those that are reading it. Consent is a misnomer - a buzz word - and an excuse when used in the context to oppose people like trealeon or myself - people who like to use PDAs or wear certain bits of clothing or accesories, or wear their make up how they like, or walk chained together or have scars or tats that people can see. People need to find an excuse to 'make' wiitwd ok. Thing is - it is already ok and until we pretty much live our lives as normal without sticking on pointless feelgood words - we can't and shouldn't expect people to accept anything. You said that 'consent' seperates us from the sociopaths and the criminals. That is of course bullshit in the eyes of the law and pretty much in the eyes of those people whom 'we' - with our buzz words - single out as 'different' from us - you know 'the vanillas'. The statement I made, if no more offensive than stating to someone - quote: I do hope though that you are prepared to deal with the consequences if you ever do get caught. I just put it in a less refined manner maybe. But it still comes down to exactly the same thing just said to people on opposite poles. Be responsible for your actions. The excuse of consent attempts to remove that. And if you cannot see that, I really don't know what to say. Consent is the non religious absolution of sorts. As far as I have seen - just take a look at the news, or online here, or speak at your local group - people who think they are safe because they are 'consensual' are the ones who end up with their heads on plates the majority of the time. Hey Erin, wouldn't be the first time we disareed ...[;)] the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 1:37:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: calamitysandra quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: calamitysandra quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Consent...it is what seperates us from criminals and sociopaths. OT Can I use that, with proper credit of course? Again, you are fooling youself. Anyone thinking that has no sense of responsibility. the.dark. No sense of resposibility? Well, nice that you are able to come to such conclusions while having so little evidence. There is plenty of evidence. The boards here pretty much carry the stench of it. There is nothing nice about it. I don't do nice. the.dark.

FRSguy -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 1:43:49 PM)
Nope, depending on my mood my play can be very rough... much rougher than some people feel like viewing. Play allways involves sex with me. It would be really weird for me to do anything under 2-3 hours... it takes a good hour just to get a great mood going. I really like to provoke emotion which with many subs can be very vocal which a lot of observers dont like... but if its over to a friends house that knows all this shit can happen then that might be okay.

AquaticSub -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 2:53:15 PM)
dark, I disagree with you. One consents to view a web page when they open it. If they decide to withdraw consent, the click the nice little X and make the problem go away. If you involve me in your sexual thrills without asking me you are involving me in sex acts without my consent. I find that, at the least, incredibly rude and disrespectful. I believe you are wrapped up in the term "consent" and are dismissing it. It's not ok to do anything we feel like just because it would feel good to us. If it were, it would be all right to rape and murder. It's not ok to involve unwilling people in your sex. If you think that's haughty, I'm perfectly fine with you defining me as haughty. I'll consider it a flawed definition and untrue but I can't do anything about that any more than I can you thinking body mods are mutilation. So far I find I rarely agree with you when it comes to how words or concepts are defined. I've been there, done that, I brought unwilling people into my sex life and I was wrong to do it. It doesn't condemn a person for the rest of their life or make them a monster. But it does make them rude and disrespectful in that moment in time and, in certain situations, should have their disrespect for those around them put on display.

RCdc -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 3:14:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub dark, I disagree with you. One consents to view a web page when they open it. If they decide to withdraw consent, the click the nice little X and make the problem go away. If you involve me in your sexual thrills without asking me you are involving me in sex acts without my consent. I find that, at the least, incredibly rude and disrespectful. If a child views this, then you are part and parcel of the non consent of the parents. To deny that your postings have some sort of responsibility is pretty poor. I am not going to get into a discussion about it because it's minors. However the same goes for people accessing these on their employers websites. You are not responsible for who looks at the content of your words. You do have a responsibility to remember that what you write isn't always viewed by people you think and that your actions are party to non consent. On another point, is it consensual to deride a person who hasn't even posted and has no way to defend themselves? That is what you did to trealeons partner when you made the remark about washing their hands. You may not hae meant it in that way, but your assumption that she wouldn't be hygenic wasn't pleasent. Did she consent to you talking about her? Fuck consent - unless people feel like it huh? quote: I believe you are wrapped up in the term "consent" and are dismissing it. It's not ok to do anything we feel like just because it would feel good to us. If it were, it would be all right to rape and murder. It's not ok to involve unwilling people in your sex. If you think that's haughty, I'm perfectly fine with you defining me as haughty. I'll consider it a flawed definition and untrue but I can't do anything about that any more than I can you thinking body mods are mutilation. So far I find I rarely agree with you when it comes to how words or concepts are defined. And no, I am far from wrapped up in consent. Consent never bothers me. I don't spend my life thinking - it's all ok, my relationships are consensual, so I am not an abuser. I don't spend pointless attempts trying to make anything a them and us arguement. I don't look around to make sure there is no one who might get upset when Darcy and I kiss. The only time it's an issue when people say 'consent is what makes us great' when I never consented to being part of the 'us'. If it feels good, do it. If consents your thing, cool - rock it. It's not mine. So don't push consent on me and everyone who doesn't use buzz words to try and make things sound ok and just like I won't take it away from you. If it works for you - great - but don't think, assume or try and portray that it's what it's all about for people that aren't you. the.dark.

IvyMorgan -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 3:19:10 PM)
FR It very much depends on who I am with, where we are (as in which club), what the lay out of the club is (is there a stage show in the middle of the dungeon space?), what I had for breakfast, what meds I'm taking... We do different things in public to in private. It is more likely in private to push boundaries and limits, to scare me senseless, whilst in public, it's "let your hair down, hit the girl" time, which has a whole different vibe to it. No one style is harder than the other, they are just different. (And, I'm grateful that there aren't rules/time limits on using kit, cos, well, it can take an hour or so to find the swing of it :P)

AquaticSub -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 4:28:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark On another point, is it consensual to deride a person who hasn't even posted and has no way to defend themselves? That is what you did to trealeons partner when you made the remark about washing their hands. You may not hae meant it in that way, but your assumption that she wouldn't be hygenic wasn't pleasent. Did she consent to you talking about her? Fuck consent - unless people feel like it huh? While what I wrote was intended to be light-hearted, I do consider it gross for someone to touch their gentials and then touch public objects in a fast food place. I don't believe I specifically insulted her as I didn't say "Oh I know she didn't, she's so gross, what a whore". I said I think it's unlikely for a person to do that and then wash their hands before touching something. I agree what one can not obtain consent for every little thing in the world. But I do believe firmly that one should make an effort to be respectful of those around them and obtain their consent before unknowingly involving them in your sex acts because, like it or not, society at large views sex as a touchy and personal thing. quote: quote: I believe you are wrapped up in the term "consent" and are dismissing it. It's not ok to do anything we feel like just because it would feel good to us. If it were, it would be all right to rape and murder. It's not ok to involve unwilling people in your sex. If you think that's haughty, I'm perfectly fine with you defining me as haughty. I'll consider it a flawed definition and untrue but I can't do anything about that any more than I can you thinking body mods are mutilation. So far I find I rarely agree with you when it comes to how words or concepts are defined. And no, I am far from wrapped up in consent. Consent never bothers me. I don't spend my life thinking - it's all ok, my relationships are consensual, so I am not an abuser. I don't spend pointless attempts trying to make anything a them and us arguement. I don't look around to make sure there is no one who might get upset when Darcy and I kiss. The only time it's an issue when people say 'consent is what makes us great' when I never consented to being part of the 'us'. If it feels good, do it. If consents your thing, cool - rock it. It's not mine. So don't push consent on me and everyone who doesn't use buzz words to try and make things sound ok and just like I won't take it away from you. If it works for you - great - but don't think, assume or try and portray that it's what it's all about for people that aren't you. the.dark. dark, I get that you completely reject the idea of being included in any "us" or idea of a "BDSM community". That's fine, we've talked about it several times. But is it ok if I belong to a BDSM community and refer to me and mine as "us" or do I specifically have to say "us except for dark because she doesn't want to be part of it"? I don't believe what Erin said specifically pushed anything on you.

mistoferin -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 7:44:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Hey Erin, wouldn't be the first time we disareed ...[;)] Nope...and it probably won't be the last either...[;)] Seriously, you and I have taken opposing stances on this issue before. All I can say is that I really couldn't disagree with you more on this one....but having been around the block a time or two about this with you before I gotta just let it lay. I'm not going to change anything in your head about it and you're certainly not going to change what's in mine. But I want you to know that I do really give thought to your view even if I entirely disagree with it. I took issue with the comment about no sense of responsibility because I would have hoped that in the last couple of years that you would have gotten a pretty good idea of my sense of responsibility. Aside from not being in agreement, I do hope that you and Darcy are enjoying a wonderful holiday season.

leakylee -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/23/2008 10:19:41 PM)
physically i will play just as hard if not harder, but emotionally and psychologically, not so much. just starting to hit there, and with as edgy as i am on that. i know it will freak some of them poor darlins out. so it will most likely get kept at home. smooches lee

RCdc -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/24/2008 1:40:57 AM)
quote: dark, I get that you completely reject the idea of being included in any "us" or idea of a "BDSM community". That's fine, we've talked about it several times. But is it ok if I belong to a BDSM community and refer to me and mine as "us" or do I specifically have to say "us except for dark because she doesn't want to be part of it"? I don't believe what Erin said specifically pushed anything on you. Making such general comments - like it or not - does include everyone when you make generalisations like 'BDSM is about consent' - the world isn't that black and white. What I find amazing is that the same people that advocate things like this are usually the first people to demand that there is no one true way and who are the same people who try to create a them and us (BDSM vs. vanilla) mantra. The thing is - as I said - consent doesn't exist and I for one find it a dangerous misnomer. No one consents to posting on a message board and being derided - whether in good humour or not. And if you can so easily deride someone or light heartedly take the piss out of someone, then your not as consensual as you make yourselves out to be. And the biggest thing about all this is, that if you really think consent makes 'us'so different it's scarey. Laws don't believe that - and that's all you should be protecting yourself from, not hiding behind a buzz word. the.dark.

RCdc -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/24/2008 1:43:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Hey Erin, wouldn't be the first time we disareed ...[;)] Nope...and it probably won't be the last either...[;)] Seriously, you and I have taken opposing stances on this issue before. All I can say is that I really couldn't disagree with you more on this one....but having been around the block a time or two about this with you before I gotta just let it lay. I'm not going to change anything in your head about it and you're certainly not going to change what's in mine. But I want you to know that I do really give thought to your view even if I entirely disagree with it. I took issue with the comment about no sense of responsibility because I would have hoped that in the last couple of years that you would have gotten a pretty good idea of my sense of responsibility. Aside from not being in agreement, I do hope that you and Darcy are enjoying a wonderful holiday season. Smoochies to you and holiday love as always erin. The best thing about disagreeing with you is that it's always cool to make up after...[:D] Honestly though, I agree that we wouldn't be able to change each others mind, but then, that's why you rock so much. the.dark.

Evility -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/24/2008 3:00:17 AM)
I'm not into public play due to the limitations of it so I guess I'd have to answer that I play harder in private. Actually, at all the munches or clubs I have witnessed public play in I have never really seen anyone that has ever played really hard, in my opinion. I've seen people react afterwards like they have just participated in the mother of all scenes but in real time it didn't add up to me.

missturbation -> RE: Not the time or place !! (12/24/2008 5:57:48 AM)
I'm curious as to what limitations are in general in the USA. Seems they are pretty relevant to whether people play heavier in public than in private. [:D]

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