**New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (Full Version)

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DelRey -> **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 9:25:50 AM)

Masters don’t always enjoy imposing Rules, but I have come across an answer to a question on in another thread titled, "Weeding out Wanna-bees" that I believe is worthy it’s own.

In a reply to a writer, Mercnbeth, recommended using a two week rule to visit or at least have an eye to eye meeting when considering a new D/s relationship.

Keep in mind many relationships are LD and a two week rendezvous may be difficult. Rules are made to be broken – yada, yada, yada…. And all of those justifying arguments can be made. However, after thinking of the total waste of time spent sometimes I’m now starting to think this is a good, No – Great quick measuring stick if someone is serious about a relationship or just dipping their toe in the water. I have posted my version of my 2 week rule in my journal and wonder what may happen if the rest of the D/M’s followed suit.

I’m interested in what your thoughts are and I am also interested in with the subs/slaves think of having to obide by a Master’s rule before he may or may not become your Master.

del Rey



Delvin -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 9:42:53 AM)



Impossible.

The very instinct is to go slow, even when you want something right now. To say you will meet someone you JUST met within the last two weeks can be downright terrifing for the slut and annoying as hell to me when a slut offers.

Sigh, have seen this "online" thing grow from 1981 and the days of the military to the little BBS groups around the town to what we now have. Everything "online" is at light speed. A week seems like a month or more outside the internet because we are shedding all the walls and allowing someone to reach into our psyche. Our emotions are displayed for all to see, our thoughts and beliefs challenged and dissected yet in the scope of it all, it is still light speed.

Outside the internet when I meet someone, it normally takes a couple of weeks just to find out if they are married and what her name is. Not always, but not everyone wishes to divulge their entire life in two short paragraphs or worse, two hours of chat.

(Sips coffee) - How you manage your time will ultimately decide what you get out of all of this. Spend two hours on Sunday afternoon looking and discussing, then expecting someone to leap to your feet? Or worse spend eight hours a day online in chat rooms and forums, pounding the pavement and on the prowl. Well, the latter simply weeds out what your looking for faster, doesn't mean you will find anything.

Final note - If I do not believe in what you believe, does that make me a fake? or simply someone who disagrees with you?

D



Nendarye -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 9:45:13 AM)

Master and I do not live in the same city, we are more than 4 hours from each other. The first time we met, it was at a half way point for both of us. Because I was introduced by friends, I had already actually met him in a casual way. Once we started talking and things went from there, he insisted that I meet him a week later. Though there was no play involved, it was a weekend that we spent getting to know each other better. After that first weekend together, he insisted on meeting the following weekend to see how we interacted in play. He came to my city this time, again at his insistance.

I agree totally with the idea that there should be a 'meet time' within certain limits...two weeks is a good schedule to go by. Granted, some have outside responsibilities that sometimes get in the way, and that can not be changed...but even those can be worked around if both are serious about the relationship going forward. For example, there was one time that I could not go see him because I could not get a sitter for my daughter...he insisted I bring her along, paid for us to stay at a hotel, and took us to the zoo over the weekend. Plans changed, we did not get to play, but it was a good time had by all. There are no obstacles, at least in my mind, that can not be overcome if the two involved are serious.



KatyLied -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 9:50:53 AM)

quote:

I’m interested in what your thoughts are and I am also interested in with the subs/slaves think of having to obide by a Master’s rule before he may or may not become your Master.


Well, to put it in the simplest terms, no man will be my "Master" until I decide he is. And it certainly won't happen before I meet him. You can possibly use your rule of obedience as a litmus test. But you may miss a good match. People proceed at their own pace. I will agree that at some point there must be an end game to the on-line nonsense and a decision to meet needs to happen. You can set up what you feel is a reasonable timeline of progression....pm to email to chat to talk, etc. and let the prospective know that this is what you expect. I don't think that's asking for too much if you are interested in someone.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 9:51:42 AM)

I think this is a good rule that I may start imposing as well. My fear is that if I stop getting emails from the so-called fakers, I may not get emails at all!! LOL.
But also, in impose this rule, my next question is who should travel to whom? IMO, it would be the slave travelling to me. Why? Because the slave will be serving me in my home when all is said and done. As such, to show that she is really wanting the same thing I am she should come to me. Now, this doesn't mean that she'll be serving me on this first meeting, or that she'll be even coming to my home on that first meeting, just that she'll be coming to me for the meet.



DelRey -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:00:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delvin



Impossible.

The very instinct is to go slow, even when you want something right now. To say you will meet someone you JUST met within the last two weeks can be downright terrifing for the slut and annoying as hell to me when a slut offers.


I think you may have misunderstood, I did not say leap in to a relationship. I did suggest to have an eye to eye meeting to determine if you would like to consider the possibilities.


quote:


Outside the internet when I meet someone, it normally takes a couple of weeks just to find out if they are married and what her name is. Not always, but not everyone wishes to divulge their entire life in two short paragraphs or worse, two hours of chat.


your making my point here, its a waste of time ! there is no reason if the person is genuine and serious to blow more than 2 weeks in trying to figure out if there married or what their name really is....

quote:


Final note - If I do not believe in what you believe, does that make me a fake? or simply someone who disagrees with you?

D


Of course not. Opinions are like ass holes,,,, we all got one.

del Rey



justheather -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:06:23 AM)

I think that meeting in person as soon as possible is a wise idea, but not so much to weed out "wanna be's" as much as to cement whatever perceived feelings are developing from a distance and determine if this is an open or closed door before anyone becomes too emotionally entrenched.

I am not a dominant, so I dont know if I understand how difficult it is for them to 'weed out submissive wanna be's' but I would suspect that, like wanna be dom's, they make themselves pretty obvious in a relatively short period of time. Im not sure that it would be fair to rule out someone based on his or her limited ability to meet with you face to face within a set time period. It could be that you met at a busy time for that person, and while he or she has every intention of meeting you, other commitments or scheduling issues make it impossible for the person to meet your deadline.

I think that if more subtle cues are attended to, there will be no need for such a hard-and-fast rule.


Peace.



IrishMist -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:07:56 AM)

quote:

Impossible.

I don't see it as being impossible. You meet someone, find out how you interact, and go from there.

quote:

The very instinct is to go slow, even when you want something right now. To say you will meet someone you JUST met within the last two weeks can be downright terrifing for the slut and annoying as hell to me when a slut offers.

Going slow is good, but just because someone wants to meet face to face in the space of a week or two does not mean that they are going to jump into the relationship head first. A meeting is just that...a meeting. Make sure the person is real, get to know each other, get a feel for each other in real time. If you click, great, you make plans for a later date...if you don't, then you come away with a possible friend out of it.

quote:

Final note - If I do not believe in what you believe, does that make me a fake? or simply someone who disagrees with you?



Just someone who disagrees :) Everyone has their own way of doing things. I take things very slowly, but for different reasons than mentioned here. I have others to consider when talking with someone, and sometimes, I just can not get my time managed well enough to fit in with anothers schedule. No matter how hard I try to.



DelRey -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:13:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

I think that meeting in person as soon as possible is a wise idea, but not so much to weed out "wanna be's" as much as to cement whatever perceived feelings are developing from a distance and determine if this is an open or closed door before anyone becomes too emotionally entrenched.

Great 2nd point to the possible validity of the rule.

quote:


I am not a dominant, so I dont know if I understand how difficult it is for them to 'weed out submissive wanna be's' but I would suspect that, like wanna be dom's, they make themselves pretty obvious in a relatively short period of time. Im not sure that it would be fair to rule out someone based on his or her limited ability to meet with you face to face within a set time period. It could be that you met at a busy time for that person, and while he or she has every intention of meeting you, other commitments or scheduling issues make it impossible for the person to meet your deadline.

I think that if more subtle cues are attended to, there will be no need for such a hard-and-fast rule.


Peace.


Distance can be one issue and as you point out there are others and this is why my rule and exception is worded the way it is.

Great points, thanks for the input

del Rey



Mercnbeth -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:16:46 AM)

quote:

Spend two hours on Sunday afternoon looking and discussing, then expecting someone to leap to your feet?


Delvin,
If you met someone in a non-lifestyle setting would you "leap to your feet" regardless of how much time you were on the phone or spent chatting on the internet? Meeting within two weeks doesn't mean playing, having sex, or even holding hands. It doesn't even mean you'll meet alone. All it means is that you've seen the person and know they exist. The "goal" is only to meet. Nothing else should be expected, nothing else should be planned. Now beth & I didn't follow that advise, but we went to that first meeting with ZERO expectation.

Make it interesting by meeting someplace neutral, someplace where even if the "date" doesn't go as expected you'd enjoy. When I went through the process, I didn't even assume the other person would show up. When they didn't I still enjoyed my day. Where, who goes to who, and how long the visit will last is all negotiable. Distance shouldn't be a rationalization for not meeting. Two comments in that regard. Number one, if your goal is to meet, initiating a long distance relationship isn't a good idea. But what is "long distance". beth and I met, within the two week rule, and we lived 180 miles apart. We've seen some say that even 25 miles was too far to travel. Which leads to the other comment. Nowadays, distance isn't that big an obstacle unless you want it to be.

When is the time "right" when this won't be the case? "To say you will meet someone you JUST met within the last two weeks can be downright terrifying for the slut and annoying as hell to me when a slut offers." You know what "terrified" the contacts I made? Telling them how to contact me at the office, pointing them to a website regarding my company that had my picture, and giving them more safe-call precautions than they ever thought of previously. Know why it scared them? Because I'd eliminated all their excuses and now they had to decide if their goal was to "fish, or cut bait". Wannabe's would be scared away.



KatyLied -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:21:23 AM)

quote:

cement whatever perceived feelings are developing from a distance and determine if this is an open or closed door before anyone becomes too emotionally entrenched.


You wise, wise girl!

[8D]



justheather -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:40:26 AM)

DelRey,
You are welcome. I didnt read the rule in its entirety...glad to hear there is a provision for distance. I think it was a little over two weeks' courtship before I met my sig other in person for the first time. Would hate to think of what I might have missed out on if I hadnt made it through the open window :-).



DelRey -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:42:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

You are welcome. I didnt read the rule in its entirety...glad to hear there is a provision for distance. I think it was a little over two weeks' courtship before I met my sig other in person for the first time. Would hate to think of what I might have missed out on if I hadnt made it through the open window :-).




now that is a great attitude !
Bravo !!!



Nendarye -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:42:39 AM)

quote:

Telling them how to contact me at the office, pointing them to a website regarding my company that had my picture, and giving them more safe-call precautions than they ever thought of previously. Know why it scared them? Because I'd eliminated all their excuses and now they had to decide if their goal was to "fish, or cut bait". Wannabe's would be scared away.


Master had done something similiar with me, even though we had already met in a neutral setting. He gave me his work numbers, his home numbers, his address, everything. In addition to this, he called my sister, talked to her, told her everything that he told me regarding numbers and addresses etc...and then he told my sister that if I did not call her at a certain time, she was to call the police and use ANY excuse she wanted to. And this was all before we met the second time.



kyraofMists -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:44:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
Masters don’t always enjoy imposing Rules


I am sure there are some dominants that do always enjoy imposing rules.

quote:


However, after thinking of the total waste of time spent sometimes I’m now starting to think this is a good, No – Great quick measuring stick if someone is serious about a relationship or just dipping their toe in the water. I have posted my version of my 2 week rule in my journal and wonder what may happen if the rest of the D/M’s followed suit.


As stated in other posts over the last few weeks, there are consequences to every decision. Your “rule” may work for you and be what you desire. However, this limitation that you have set will only decrease the pool of candidates that you have to choose from. Now, this may be your point, but you could also miss out on something wonderful as well. It is just a consequence of your decision.

I do not see spending time getting to know anyone as a waste of time. I do not automatically see someone who wishes to take there time before meeting as a fake. It just means they are not compatible with you in this one regard. You can learn something from every interaction and I never see learning as a waste of my time. Honestly, those who are not compatible with me, I find more amusing than irritation.

quote:


I’m interested in what your thoughts are and I am also interested in with the subs/slaves think of having to obide by a Master’s rule before he may or may not become your Master.


Personally, I would consider a man who expects me to abide by his rules before I have chosen to give myself to him as highly presumptious and that they have very romantic view of the lifestyle. He may have expectations that he wishes of the interaction, but until he becomes my master, he has no authority over me and to presume that he does would mean that he is not compatible with me or with my views on the lifestyle.

Would you want a submissive who would obey any person that called themselves a dominant or would you want someone who is more discerning in choosing to submit?

Knight's kyra



Delvin -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:46:00 AM)

Again perhaps, and we seem to be going on two separate threads now about the same topic :)

To go over some of what I said, and yes a meeting is needed to determine where each other is at, but I was also adding the time you spend before this requirement is important. If you spend only two hours on Sunday talking, that is two Sundays, four hours and walla, lets meet, well...

More clarification may be in order when I said outside the internet when I meet someone, I am speaking more on "Hello, nice to meet you" first introduction, then normal day (I am really not expecting to spend 24 hours a day with this person to know them), so it takes some time as you talk and meet, what each other is about. Again, how much time spent before suggesting a meeting (this is already taken care of since you have met each other in person). Now since the face to face is covered and both wish to meet again you do and the questions continue. As for the married part and her name, in my mind I was thinking of meeting another Man for coffee and finding out about his personal life, just didn't get printed that way :)

As for your example, sure, it will weed out those players and it does remove a great deal of the "excuses", but it may also place pressure on someone who although wish this, needs that slow time to advance into it.

The two week meeting is great advice if all involved are experienced within this lifestyle and know on a general basis what is and isn't expected, you have talked, and wish to sit and talk more face to face over coffee. I will always attempt to point out that people new to all of this; this may not be very sound advice as they are struggling to even understand what it is all about.

Not everyone is an open book, no matter how sincere they are :)

D



justheather -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:46:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

cement whatever perceived feelings are developing from a distance and determine if this is an open or closed door before anyone becomes too emotionally entrenched.


You wise, wise girl!

[8D]


Golly, I can just feel the love!
Thanks katy. I try to hang out with smart folks so it rubs off.



fyreredsub -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:55:36 AM)

i recently had a situation occur.
i had been instructed to find a local trainer by my natural owner....
so i was discussing/talking to someone, but w/in that 2 week time frame, he seemed to always want to be just im ...
he and i discussed r/t meeting and he did not come thro(several times), and only lives a few miles from me. (and this was a just for lunch/coffee)
seems he lived at home still w/ his folks and had never been married,etc...
so i started bringing some of the behaviors/conversations to my mentor, whom said run, he's HNG.(this is a condensed version,lol)and Master was made aware of the situation.
now this person has since been found w/ 2 ids on cm,lol, not to mention a few other sites,and had been continually adding woman to 360.
so i am glad i listened to the advice of those i respect and have been around the block.so we live and learn from our mistakes and try not to repeat them.the net is full of wankers and wanna be's..and i dont mean newbies by wanna be's i mean those that the only thing they 'master' is their cock.



Shayna -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 10:55:46 AM)

I agree with kyra's comment about meeting someone not being a time waster. I find the whole notion of "wasting time" when you are searching for a partnership with another human being bizarre. We're not talking about picking out a car or even adopting a puppy. No matter how "objectifying" you are about a slave/submissive, relationships take time, and there are no guarantees that it will work out; and both parties can bail anywhere along the process. Even after being collared.

My feeling is that if a potential Master views getting to know me as possibly wasting their time, then I wouldn't want to even begin the process. Our lives are enriched (in one way or another) by everyone we meet.



alandraofMists -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (12/31/2005 11:13:27 AM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
I am also interested in with the subs/slaves think of having to obide by a Master’s rule before he may or may not become your Master.


i see requiring a person to follow your rules before you have even met them as being pushy and forcing consent before you have earned the right to place a collar on them.

in your journal you said that if the two week period was to be extended, the woman would have to beg, plead and make offering to you. what do you mean by “offering”? the connotation in the lifestyle is that this is either a financial or sexual gift. is this what you are referring to? in my opinion, requiring this appears that you would be attempting to take advantage of the person.

to presume that because a person does not meet you within two weeks is a fake or wanna-be seems like a very close-minded view. it simply means that they do not meet your expectations of a partner.


Knight's alandra



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