RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions

RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

TCG503 -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/25/2008 12:22:01 AM)
Took me some time to get all these together. This should cover everyone who responded. bdaile Actually she is quite comfortable it’s just that she get to talking a lot and forgets to add it. She thinks that it gets somewhat redundant I’m going to go with the suggestion that I casually remind her. DesFIP Good Suggestions thank you NormalOutside See above response to bdaile MyOtherSelf Thank you for your suggestions. Usako She calls me master because I desire it and because she wants to. She understood that I didn’t like the nickname of snookems and forbid her to use it on me again. She had been punished for it before and understood that she would again if she decided to use it. She is my submissive. And yes we have met. It is kind of long distance due to the fact that I am stationed on Ft Bragg. E2Sweet Thank you for your suggestions. BitaTrouble I really like the suggestion of casually reminding her by saying master myself. I will definitely be doing that. I really appreciate your comments. ShellyD Thanks for the comments. DarkSteven That is exactly what I’ve been trying to do. I appreciate the response. Mistoferin These are things that are important to me personally. I wouldn’t do something just because I read somewhere that it is the “norm”. I don’t feel that your talking down to me at all. I asked for suggestions and comments and you are doing just that for me. Actually she is not new to the lifestyle and neither am I. I just don’t have quite as much experience. My roommate is in no way involved, he just happened to walk in the room in the middle of things and he just plain doesn’t care anyway so I consider it to be a non issue. And it’s not that she balked it’s that I realized it was unfair of me to do what I did. We’re chalking this one up to a misunderstanding. CatdeMedici It wasn’t domineering at any point so ummm… mc1234 Thank you for your input. persephonee Thank you. SimplyMichael First of all I’m not leaping on every mistake. I let lots and lots slide. I am not breaking her down by any means and I have no idea how you came to that conclusion. And I have no need to tear anyone down. And apparently I am able to master her just fine, ask her if you like. CalifChick Ummmm No… akisha Lots of great info. Actually I am very well able to listen to what she has to say and realize that she may or may not be adding a suffix to it. And respond. I’ve come to the realization that I need to start using more positive reinforcement to encourage her. NuevaVida Thank you for the emphasis. Lockit I have actually done a safe zone conversation before. For the record the following morning the first thing I did was admit my fault and ask her for her forgiveness. LaTigresse See my response about in regards to the roommate being semi present. devotedSD Ummm apparently I’m not asking too much too fast. Lockit (Again) Negative, roommate couldn’t see me. CatdeMedici Ummmm. Not going to happen again. And how dare you just automatically assume that it’s going to happen and call it a pattern after a single occurrence porcelain26 I appreciate the comments. Stella41b Pfft. First of all I didn’t hit her... at least not this time (and even with the last time it was with her consent). I don’t see any breaking down going on at all. And I have been known to let things slide multiple times. Even she can tell you this, as you said “case by case”. TheVoiceofOne Thank you and I dig your response to CatdeMedici RealSub58 See my subs response, she hit the nail right on the head. SimplyMichael Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But I started this thread because I want to seek out and use the wisdom and advice of those who have more experience in the lifestyle, I fail to see where Your response(s) offered either of those.

temptressofsouls -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/25/2008 3:03:21 AM)
I know I personally cannot use the M word lightly, at all. It takes a LOT for me to submit to that word; Im not sure anyone will get me to use it with any regularity again. I'd say give it some time or find another word. The other thing I personally dislike and subconciously rebel against is saying an honorific every time i end a statement or ask a question. I respect "you" regardless, and will use "your" title appropriately but i am no robot. Using it too much seems contrived, you know? I'd rahter use it a bit less as a conscious choice to honor "you"

aDayIntheLife -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/25/2008 3:39:30 AM)
A different point of view: As a slave, something nearly unheard of here on CM, I can say, that what would have caused me the most angst in all of this is not Your directive to address You as Master in each communique, but rather Your willingness to reduce the punishments. This would have made me feel as if I had control over the relationship, and would have made me feel I could not express myself at all, for fear that I would influence You. To cut the punishment in half and then to remove it all together, to me, would have ended all trust I might have had in You as my Master. As a slave, I need to know, first and foremost that You are true to Yourself fully and in all things. I realize that this is the extreme side of things, but for me, that is where safety exists. It is not about whether You want me to call You Master, or Sir, or stand on one foot each time we speak, or hold my nose, or whatever floats Your boat, it is that You own it, and it is Your will, unflinchingly Your will. Then, as a slave, I know that I am defined. Resisting, or not obeying, is merely me making sure You can hold Your own. But then I realize slavery is not something aspired to by most here. I can only say, if You had bent to me, as You did with Your girl, I would have been very upset. Just a slave's point of view. His pet, pleasure

jen182 -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/25/2008 6:44:48 AM)
maybe there is a reason behind why she dont say it, perhaps a past relationship where she had to call Him Master, i know for me its hard to call Someone Master, i am more comfortable with Sir, but not after every saying....its not natural

Missokyst -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/25/2008 9:25:57 AM)
Read the whole thread, your side, hers and various opinions.. My thoughts.. if I had to say master at the end of every sentence I would ask myself, is he trying to get me to see him as a master? Or is he trying to make himself believe he is a master? Either way, you come up short. Once again I dream of jeanie influenced too many young men's fantasies. I have said master.. but when it meant something. I have said sir, when reasoning points to it. I have called my mate by his first name (GASP!), because he knew what he was in my life. Do you know what you are in hers? Kyst

windchymes -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/25/2008 11:32:46 AM)
I didn't read all the responses, so if I repeat anything, I apologize... If it were me in her position that night, I would feel very much like you were more interested in fun and games, tallying licks, constantly reprimanding minor infractions, then making me masturbate, than being interested in anything I had to say. I would feel like you thought of me only of a toy than as a human being with a brain.

starshineowned -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/26/2008 9:35:33 AM)
Greetings.. Being that this is relatively new for you both..not the world of bdsm but your newness to one another in a D/s capacity..I'd say you both hit upon trial and error, and like most folks are discussing it and moving on better armed. Do to the unreliable status of electronics..maybe it is best to save corrective incorporations until you are together in person, as in only applicable to things you wish from your sub during that face to face time. That doesn't mean you can not still try to guide her by having her try to do things that you feel will be beneficial for fullfillment of you both as D/s down the road..just that those things only require direction and not prosecution. Maybe seek out another Master that you enjoy their idea's or presented style for a private audience for advice. Good Luck to you both

Focus50 -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/26/2008 1:45:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TCG503 I'm depressed right at the moment. Now to talk about recent happenings. So I was sitting in my room talking with collared_one and decided that I wanted her to administer her punishment for calling me snookems again. I decided that whenever she was in private at her home that she was to wear her collar, and told her to go ahead and put it on. I gave her about 10 minutes of corner time before I actually had her start and then she earned herself more licks in the process due to her forgetfulness in not adding master to the end of each statement since we were essentially in private, which I'm starting to push for. Never really did because I was trying to give her time to get used to it. We did the punishment and then she earned herself more again afterwords for the same. I had her in the corner again for about ten minutes after it was finished. This is where it gets interesting my roommate had returned after I had already started her first corner time and I was pretty much like "fuck it nobody is interrupting this" not after we had already started. After she got out of corner time I had her start to play with herself, and eventually had her break out the butt plug that I had left with her. We had some fun with that and then I had her start playing with herself again. After we finally finished up I took a break, went to the bathroom and got more coffee then went outside for a smoke. I gave her a call while I was outside and we talked about what had occurred and talked more about the fact that my roommate was present for a good amount of what occurred and I wanted to get her opinion. She wasn't being very talkative so I'm not sure what her feelings were. There were times when she would forget or fail to say master after a statement and I would state the current number of earned licks (for the record I set it at 5 per cheek for every failure). We started having connection issues (or so I thought) apparently she just stopped talking because I was tallying licks. I thought it was the cellphone connection so I hung up and went to text her and my phone dropped and battery fell out so there was a bit of a break before I could actually text. When I finally texted her I explained what happened and told her that I could hardly hear her on the phone and she said that she had started stopping for the most part (She failed to add master onto the end of that) and I asked her if she was tired (and stated the increased number of licks. She didn't respond. At this point I texted her and asked her if she was OK. I want nothing more than wants best for her and if she feels uncomfortable or hurt I want to know about it. And she told me she was tired of getting in trouble when I couldn't hear her so she just wouldn't talk. So apologized and told her that I would cut the punishment in half to take into account the shitty cellphone connection (I think that's reasonable). After letting the though gestate I bit more I texted her and told her that we would go ahead and forgo the punishment altogether and restart. She texted me and said that she didn't like feeling that she couldn't say anything to me and that she felt like she couldn't anymore. Said that it should be yes master or no master. Granted the fact that all of these statements were followed by master. I told her that for now we would go ahead and forgo the master requirement for all casual conversation except for shes or no conversations. She then told me that she was upset and was going to go to bed and said goodnight (followed by master again). I'm worried that I may be to demanding and possibly unfair. I tried to handle the situation the best I could. I want to keep this at a speed that she is comfortable with since we are still very much in the beginnings of the relationship. Any suggestions or comments? My suggestion is that you grow up and stop this cyber-domming crap, which includes the cell phone and texts! Stop having her "punish" herself and stop having her wear a collar that has little purpose if you're not there to relate to! On top of all the punishment by numbers, she doesn't respect you as her Master because you're making a freaking video game of it all! Just what the hell do you get out of her sitting in a corner presumably on the other side of town? And she flogs herself on your behalf???? Try and see it from her persective if someone came in unexpectedly - it's childish and idiotic and submitting to a phone or (groan) a text msg has no semblance of a real control dynamic at all....! Arrggghhhh!!!!! If you really must micro manage her then do it at a level that's readily understood and she can respect; ie, get off your lazy arse and get over there and take charge of her. Or give her a break and act like an adult who generally, and presumably, cares for her when you're not there. Sheesh! Focus.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/26/2008 3:58:47 PM)
I can't do high protocol relationships.. they don't work for me... I will be more than happy to do a good job at pleasing but too high protocol loses me in Bureaucratic crap. MY OWN OPINION... I do not judge those who find it works for them...

Rayne58 -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/26/2008 6:36:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: TCG503 I'm depressed right at the moment. Now to talk about recent happenings. So I was sitting in my room talking with collared_one and decided that I wanted her to administer her punishment for calling me snookems again. I decided that whenever she was in private at her home that she was to wear her collar, and told her to go ahead and put it on. I gave her about 10 minutes of corner time before I actually had her start and then she earned herself more licks in the process due to her forgetfulness in not adding master to the end of each statement since we were essentially in private, which I'm starting to push for. Never really did because I was trying to give her time to get used to it. We did the punishment and then she earned herself more again afterwords for the same. I had her in the corner again for about ten minutes after it was finished. This is where it gets interesting my roommate had returned after I had already started her first corner time and I was pretty much like "fuck it nobody is interrupting this" not after we had already started. After she got out of corner time I had her start to play with herself, and eventually had her break out the butt plug that I had left with her. We had some fun with that and then I had her start playing with herself again. After we finally finished up I took a break, went to the bathroom and got more coffee then went outside for a smoke. I gave her a call while I was outside and we talked about what had occurred and talked more about the fact that my roommate was present for a good amount of what occurred and I wanted to get her opinion. She wasn't being very talkative so I'm not sure what her feelings were. There were times when she would forget or fail to say master after a statement and I would state the current number of earned licks (for the record I set it at 5 per cheek for every failure). We started having connection issues (or so I thought) apparently she just stopped talking because I was tallying licks. I thought it was the cellphone connection so I hung up and went to text her and my phone dropped and battery fell out so there was a bit of a break before I could actually text. When I finally texted her I explained what happened and told her that I could hardly hear her on the phone and she said that she had started stopping for the most part (She failed to add master onto the end of that) and I asked her if she was tired (and stated the increased number of licks. She didn't respond. At this point I texted her and asked her if she was OK. I want nothing more than wants best for her and if she feels uncomfortable or hurt I want to know about it. And she told me she was tired of getting in trouble when I couldn't hear her so she just wouldn't talk. So apologized and told her that I would cut the punishment in half to take into account the shitty cellphone connection (I think that's reasonable). After letting the though gestate I bit more I texted her and told her that we would go ahead and forgo the punishment altogether and restart. She texted me and said that she didn't like feeling that she couldn't say anything to me and that she felt like she couldn't anymore. Said that it should be yes master or no master. Granted the fact that all of these statements were followed by master. I told her that for now we would go ahead and forgo the master requirement for all casual conversation except for shes or no conversations. She then told me that she was upset and was going to go to bed and said goodnight (followed by master again). I'm worried that I may be to demanding and possibly unfair. I tried to handle the situation the best I could. I want to keep this at a speed that she is comfortable with since we are still very much in the beginnings of the relationship. Any suggestions or comments? My suggestion is that you grow up and stop this cyber-domming crap, which includes the cell phone and texts! Stop having her "punish" herself and stop having her wear a collar that has little purpose if you're not there to relate to! On top of all the punishment by numbers, she doesn't respect you as her Master because you're making a freaking video game of it all! Just what the hell do you get out of her sitting in a corner presumably on the other side of town? And she flogs herself on your behalf???? Try and see it from her persective if someone came in unexpectedly - it's childish and idiotic and submitting to a phone or (groan) a text msg has no semblance of a real control dynamic at all....! Arrggghhhh!!!!! If you really must micro manage her then do it at a level that's readily understood and she can respect; ie, get off your lazy arse and get over there and take charge of her. Or give her a break and act like an adult who generally, and presumably, cares for her when you're not there. Sheesh! Focus. I agree with Focus. If for the time being you have to be long distance, rather than using the time you have playing games on the phone use it to really get to know each other and develop the relationship.

savvanah -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/27/2008 6:31:04 PM)
ok im new to posting but i've gotta reply to this one seems like she is also your girlfriend ? your room mate came in ,did you tell her does she like the idea of someone else knowing her butt plug business ? could be she went quiet for that reason and as for the master stuff , why would you want some one to say that aftetr every thing especially on line ? the converstion thread would be comical in the least . i used to be a waitress in a restaurant and i had to ue the word sir or madam (always found madam hard it just seemed matronly) and during the corse of conversation it would not be used to punctuate every phrase uttered , it's a term of respect not a full stop . talk to her and try to remain constant in what you want , do you like the pet name at other times ? if you dont ..............put a stop to it or if its being used to be cheeky punish her but if thats what she calls you and its said in affection there's not really a problem . is there ? it also sounds like you guys may be a distance apart . so surely its more important that you have mental closeness than you just getting your jollys watching her perform your punishments well thats my bit and my opinion

BondageBarbieX -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/28/2008 1:49:55 AM)
You are text Dominating? Stop that foolishness immediately for starters.

akisha -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/29/2008 11:48:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX You are text Dominating? Stop that foolishness immediately for starters. How is it foolishness?? When my previous Dom was working (oil & gas) they were not allowed to talk on the cell phone during certain proceedure so he would go off site and quickly text me when he needed to tell me something or respond to me. Not everyone has the option of being side by side 24/7 TCG503 & bratnwranglers... Glad you were able to work things out. Long Distance is hard but doable, just takes alot more talking and leway then normal.

bratnwranglers -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/29/2008 12:06:48 PM)
Thanks akisha, and yes you are completely right. It's not like that is O/ur only form of communication ever, just happened to be right at the moment, its effective, especially if Master is on post, which is the usual. And thank you, it hasn't been easy, but it has gotten a lot easier and will be over soon enough :)

Focus50 -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/29/2008 5:05:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha quote: ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX You are text Dominating? Stop that foolishness immediately for starters. How is it foolishness?? When my previous Dom was working (oil & gas) they were not allowed to talk on the cell phone during certain proceedure so he would go off site and quickly text me when he needed to tell me something or respond to me. Not everyone has the option of being side by side 24/7 TCG503 & bratnwranglers... Glad you were able to work things out. Long Distance is hard but doable, just takes alot more talking and leway then normal. And I'd reasonably ask how the circumstances you've related here are similar to the nonsense from the OP that BondageBarbieX is referring to...? Any port in a storm simply is not everyday life for anyone. Focus.

HisBitchx -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/29/2008 8:35:09 PM)
That really sucks. I think shes not fully enjoying it though. I'm not sure what you should do though sorry.

needlesplease -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/30/2008 11:31:33 PM)
Once again SimplyMichael, yours is a clear voice of reason...

StrangerThan -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/31/2008 4:51:59 AM)
In my personal life, I despise the term Master. Notice, I said in my personal life. I don't despise those who use it or profess to be one. My submissive will never address me as such. Sir at times, by my name most of the time but never Master. There are reasons for that. Here are a couple. A lot of folks I've seen call themselves Master have mastered little except learning to manipulate those who have little self esteem and little self worth and I personally don't want someone who does only what I tell her to do. I respect, admire and enjoy her intellect. Hell, her intellect is a big part of why she and I are together. So why would I want to smother it? True punishment isn't corner time and isn't counting up licks. True punishment is knowing one has disappointed. You've just taught her that opening her mouth is a disappointment to you unless she says only the things you want her to say. Instead of teaching her that she can respect you, teaching her there's a reason to call you Master beyond you simply demanding it, what you've taught her instead is to shut off a part of herself. Is that what you really want? Mastery doesn't come from being able to tell someone else what to do. A good part of it comes from realizing that even in M/s relationships it takes the s combined with the M to have a relationship. That means you have to work at it too, not just her.

RainydayNE -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (12/31/2008 6:10:53 AM)
it sounds like wonky game playing and it would frustrate the heck out of me, too. getting punished for EVERY single little silly thing isn't going to foster any sense of ANYTHING in anyone. =p there is ALOT of really good information here. especially this post by strangerthan. i think this is probably why people tend to act kinda funny towards relatively young people who insist on being called master because that mastery of self is something that doesn't usually occur at a younger age. =p and atleast in my opinion (read again, my opinion =p) someone who's a "master" has earned that title. a master of martial arts, a master painter, there's a REASON why they're called "master." they don't just bless themselves with it. =p my Dom has never insisted that i call him anything special but i still feel the urge to do it because it's something that he's demonstrated being worthy of =p he's made me think that that's how he SHOULD be referred to, not by hammering it into my head but by showing that that sort of self-mastery is present. there are certain things that i'm not supposed to say, and i make alot of mistakes because alot of them are seriously hardwired (BAD) habits but making someone shut down isn't a constructive way to get a point across. if i mess up, he reminds me, but to me it seems like he's more interested in getting my brain around the larger concept he's trying to teach me than in showing his domly gnarliness by bullying me about it. just having somebody say "master" after every bloody sentence doesn't make you a master. =p he once said something about forbidding me to do something (i feel bad because i can't remember what exactly) and i was being smart and retorted "no you can't" =p but then i sat there and thought about it and i realised he actually could because his dominance deserves that much respect. =p if he'd punished me for being a spaz, i would've totally understood why =p but i think he figured out that i'd figured it out =p there are alot more "Sirs" going on in my brain (but this is all really new and it's a totally new thing to actually WANT to call someone that =p haha) (i know you're going to read this, soooo yeah haha =p) if something weird happens, he wants to discuss it and figure it out. even if he thinks it was a mistake on his part, he STILL wants to discuss. =p your sub isn't the only one who's going to mess up and it's totally okay to realise that. =p it doesn't make you any less of anything, actually it takes a bigger person to admit that they have done something not quite kosher. anyway, that whole thing about your ROOMMATE being present... uh yeah, not every sub in the world is an exhibitionist. and by present what do you mean? was he in the same room while all this was happening? were you shouting so that even if he wasn't, he could hear you? how does HE feel about being unnecessarily included in your kink? even though i'm into D/s and everything, if the neighbor was shouting "on your knees and suck it!" or something, i'd feel creepy. =p if it was happening IN my house and it wasn't a play party, i'd feel even MORE creepy. =p that's something she should've known BEFORE, not after. =p if something like that had happened, i wouldn't have been very talkative either, but then again, this is one of those things -- i'm pretty sure my Dom cares enough to know how i would react to something like that BEFOREHAND =p he wouldnt 'have to ask "oh yeah, while i was making you analise yourself, there was somebody else here, just sooo you knoooow lolololol" =p he would've already known if that was a good idea or not. =p i dunno, she may be perfectly fine with it (i've read some of the other posts, but not every single one) but in my opinion, that should've been made known earlier. anyway, nobody's perfect, and everybody makes mistakes, but this has got to be some kind of hugely important learning experience. =p some people like micromanagement and all that, but if she expressed to you that you made her feel like she couldn't talk at all, then maybe you need to take a moment and talk to HER about it and figure out what happened to get to that point.

bamagirl4u -> RE: OMG!! Need comments and suggestions (1/1/2009 8:22:07 AM)
Imo, she stopped talking because it was only increasing the punishment and her frustration. Being set up to fail is not a good feeling. Punishment should be used for genuine reasons, not just because she forgot to end each sentence with Master. Slow down and take a good look at yourself and what you really want from this relationship. Sounds like this sub wants to please you but just can't seem to.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875