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CreativeDominant -> RE: Would you woo another dominant? (12/27/2008 12:08:25 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Evility
A questions for the dominant types among us but all opinions are welcome.
Just glanced at a new (to me) profile that popped up when I logged in for a submissive female. Her profile states that her account is monitored by a male dominant friend who will field all emails to her and evaluate them. A few requirements and questions to be answered were included in the instructions. I didn't bother reading the full profile - just what popped up in the scroll window.
Would you woo another dominant and jump through whatever hoops he has set up to talk to or meet a submissive here?
I'm going to gather from the way I worded that question that the brighter souls among you can surmise my answer, but I am interested in yours.
My answer is similar to Michael's, LaT's and others. I seek someone who is sure enough of her own choices that she doesn't need to run them by someone else. Nor does she let a friendship/play relationship interfere with something she might be able to build with someone that could be permanent. I've had interesting discussions about the complexity of trying to move forward with something with someone when their attention or your own is centered somewhere else. Some folks say that it takes strength and endurance and willingness to be with that person to get past all that but with some, is that really what it takes? Or does it take being willing to offer up all that the other person wants to hear, including your feelings about their involvement elsewhere, even though it may not be what you feel? Should you do that simply because you think in your head and feel in your heart that having something with this person is worth biting your tongue anytime those sensitive areas come up? Personally, I don't think so because holding back on what you really feel...even if it costs you...makes her, and him by extension, the dominant partners in your relationship right from the beginning.
I can understand that a submissive I become interested in may well be playing with someone (or more than one someone) else and she respects and honors that person's opinion. But in the long run, if that person's opinion matters to her so much that any chance I might have with her can be blown by my running an idea by her that contradicts with his in any way or disagrees with her own concept of what her relationship is to her "playing" partner(s), and I end up watching everything I say for fear that honest communication...though vaunted by many...cannot take place unless it is only complimentary, then I wind up playing his/her courtship game rather than my/her game.
I can understand that a submissive that I am interested in may not be playing with someone else but may have had bad past experiences and so has chosen someone to be her "protector" with the "collar of protection" and all that...sorry but I agree with those that the potential for drama is too great. There might be exceptions...kalista 07 is an example of an exception, I believe...but for the most part, I believe that the coin is going to come down on the side of drama rather than on the side of quiet building.
I can understand being new to BDSM and more susceptible to manipulation by a skillful predator but if you are not new to dating, then think about all you've learned through the years, read as much as you can, find people you respect and learn from them and then, put on your big-girl panties and jump into the fray.
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