RE: Family (Full Version)

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celticlord2112 -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 11:26:55 AM)

quote:

Too much tit for tat.

I disgree....there is no such thing as "too much tit".



stella41b -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 11:28:15 AM)

I'm just sitting here wondering how this OP is being perceived by those among us who don't have families or even good contact with their families and who are spending the holidays alone. This includes those who don't have someone who is close to them.

How many mothers and fathers out there have been waiting for a call from their offspring which never comes? How many out there don't have families they can spend a day with, let alone time like this?

How many Christmas Days have been ruined by a trivial argument?

Some perspective perhaps?



kiwisub12 -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 11:36:36 AM)

Again - you can't control someone elses actions or thoughts.    Don't even try.     If it is more toxic for you to go to your parents than stay at home, don't go!!! You are an adult - its your choice.

and how your parents relate to your siblings and their sig. others. is another thing out of your control.  My mum thinks i am bossy - as far as i can tell, because an aunt of mine was a nurse and was bossy, and i'm a nurse - but i don't get into that with her, it wouldn't do much good.

frankly you sound jealous - of your brother, of his girlfriend - and jealousy isn't a good emotion for your peace of mind. You might want to give yourself permission to dislike your family and get past it.

If you do go, be pleasant to all - it after all is Christmas - even the girlfriend       -   and by the way, if a boyfriend invited me to his parents, i would be more than happy to go. Why not?  If they are comfortable with me being there, then i would be more than comfortable being there.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 11:42:19 AM)

Kiwi my X's DAd invited me to spokan Washington, for christmas because my x went down every christmas, and we're in Sacramento. Never met him didn't know him hadn't talked to him at all,  and on top of it he and his second wife were going through a break up and a pending divorce,and yet I was invited, and I was very very touched.



quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

      -   and by the way, if a boyfriend invited me to his parents, i would be more than happy to go. Why not?  If they are comfortable with me being there, then i would be more than comfortable being there.



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 12:31:18 PM)

~fr~
 
LMM, take heart in the fact that you aren't the only one who has had to deal with all sorts of outrageous familial double standards.  I went through similar several times with my family - ie, my brother's idiot (and often drug abuser) girlfriends being invited - and treated Cordially - while my various boyfriends, no matter how stable, financially secure, long term, etc - were basically treated as though they didn't exist.  That was during the time when "family holidays" were still done at my mom's parents' place.  Once my grandfather died, and the family get togethers started being held at my folks' place, rather than the grandfolks', things suddenly Changed.   Brother's girlfriends were suddenly no longer included no matter How Long the relationship had gone on - and my brother was told that if he couldn't show up sober and off drugs he wasn't welcome to attend Either.
 
This year, the only "family" gathering here for Christmas is the portion of the family that already lives here - ie, me and dad.   The Bat (mom's mom) hasn't been welcome at any "family" celebrations since mom died, and she called dad and I 'murderers' for not leaving mom on life support indefinately.  Dad's only comment about my brother today has been to gripe about something brother stole, and then to make the comment that the lil bastard probably pawned it for drug money.  (Seems dad has Finally gotten through his head and accepted that things are Not going to ever actually Change with my brother.)
 
In the long run, just remember this : Relatives are a joke played on you by the gods, to test your skills at Conflict Resolution.  Family, on the other hand, you Choose.



Rule -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 3:40:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
Rule, Maybe it'd be different if Daddy and I married, but I do not ever forsee going to his families for X mas, giving that I can't stand his sister in law, and she hates me.  And I'd be very uncomfortable being Daddies guest when his sister in law hates me* and yes I know for a fact she hates me, she's said it to others and in front of Daddy*

That is unfortunate and sad. Cannot you invite his parents without his sil?



Musicmystery -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 3:44:03 PM)

quote:

My brother's girlfriend was invited to Christmas this year, and my mom made her a blanket.  I'm furious.  They've only been dating for three months, and I think it's absurd that she should be a part of our holiday. 


That's what Christmas is all about, after all--bitterness and exclusion.

How else to celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace.

I will never understand Christians.



Rule -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 3:53:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
I'm just sitting here wondering how this OP is being perceived by those among us who don't have families or even good contact with their families and who are spending the holidays alone. This includes those who don't have someone who is close to them.
How many mothers and fathers out there have been waiting for a call from their offspring which never comes? How many out there don't have families they can spend a day with, let alone time like this?
How many Christmas Days have been ruined by a trivial argument?
Some perspective perhaps?

This is the first time in many years that I have not been invited by relatives. My mother is down with a bladder infection.
Today I walked with two friends and one acquaintance through Amsterdam. If only I had known that was the plan, then I would have brought a cap for it was cold. We went eventually and sat in a church, waiting for a free meal. But we were early, so it was at least ninety minutes before we were served. Luckily one of my friends had two books on him, so I spent the time reading. Then we got water, apple salad (I cannot eat apples, so I picked out a couple of grapes and many currants and raisins), boerenkool (potatoes and a vegetable) with sausage and bacon, wine (and I did not have any), and bavarois (some kind of pudding; I had two), and two chocolates and a cup of coffee (no coffee for me, as I do not drink it). I will donate them some money next week. Next I left with one of my friends for his place, had some tea and cookies and wine. Then went back by subway, and got my bike and cycled for half an hour.
 
One of my neighbours unexpectedly got a Christmass card from his parents, whom I gather he had not seen for years after some kind of break, with their phone number and an invitation to call them. I hope that he did. I do know that tonight he is at home and in bed (early for him).
 
Tomorrow I will visit my friend again with some cans of ravioli.
 
If you happen to be alone, then take heart, stella. Here on CM you are respected and have many friends.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 6:33:07 PM)

His mom spends X mas with the sister in law and her two sons, since she lives with David and the sister in law I don't like lol.

I mean sure we probably could invite his mom, to come do something with us, but she's probably  counting on doing it with her two sons and daughter in law, 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
Rule, Maybe it'd be different if Daddy and I married, but I do not ever forsee going to his families for X mas, giving that I can't stand his sister in law, and she hates me.  And I'd be very uncomfortable being Daddies guest when his sister in law hates me* and yes I know for a fact she hates me, she's said it to others and in front of Daddy*

That is unfortunate and sad. Cannot you invite his parents without his sil?



Celene -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 7:09:41 PM)

You make an important point about how selfish it is to make so many excuses to exclude anyone and everyone. I made it a point to enjoy my day alone including phone calls and chats and a good nap. But there are so many who don't have the opportunity to behave in such a spoiled and immature way.

The OP is just pathetic to make this holiday (and, I'm sure, everyday) 'all about her' .... but I'm sure there is someone to blame, she can't be held responsible for her own actions. Insert excuse here _______________.
And here ___________________. And here ___________________. Ad infinitum......

So, OP, grow up, suck it up, and move on., just like a big girl.  
-- Is there possibly a song in this, Stella?



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 7:29:51 PM)

Good grief am I ever grateful for my family! 

Through the years, everyone's boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, friends, battle buddies and dogs have been welcome by my whole family at any of our holiday get togethers!  And when we all know in advance that someone is coming, a gift or gifts are purchased for them at Christmas so they will feel a part of the celebration.

*Note to self - tell family thank you. 



CalifChick -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 7:34:13 PM)

It must be difficult to live a life so surrounded by unfairness.  Between the gross unfairness of the situation between the boyfriend and his exwife, and this gross unfairness by your family, it's a wonder you can find a way to be happy at all.


Cali



Termyn8or -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 8:29:11 PM)

Happy ? The light from happy takes twenty three minutes to reach some of us. I call it less unhappy.

At this point I wonder what happened. Like I said I would just walk in there together, if they are so crass to turn you away, choose another family.

T



scarlethiney -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 8:52:45 PM)

I can understand your hurt and frustration at what seems unfair treatment of your partner now and  your previous partner but aren't you punishing a woman who has done nothing to you because of your family's actions toward your partners present and past?
How is that fair? 
I think your targeting the wrong person with your anger. Is there some other reason you haven't stated that your brothers girlfriend doesn't deserve  to be there?
Unfortunately, you can't make your family like or love the people you choose to care for. You can however be the bigger person and not repeat their bad behavior.
You can be gracious to your brothers girlfriend rather than make her also feel bad.  If you choose to sit in your apartment by yourself rather than spend Christmas with your family that is entirely "your" choice.
In this instance the only person your anger hurts is you sweetie.
Take the higher road.  It is not as difficult as you think.

Merry Christmas,

scarlet







LittleMissModern -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 10:04:13 PM)

I expected the bitchy responses, and to those who felt the need to post them--- Fuck you.  I'm 22.  I don't have kids yet (completely by choice and good decision making), and if you had walked in my shoes all this time, you'd have the exact same feelings that I do about this stuff.  I can be as "selfish" and "me me me" as I want. I'm not perfect.  I don't ever expect to be.  


_______________________________________________________________________________________
The day was spent with my brother making remarks regarding him having sex with his girlfriend... "i know where you can touch to get whatever you want" and other such things were said throughout the day... along with excessive amounts of making out, and other touchy-feely stuff that was completely unncecssary and inappropriate. 

It has nothing to do with being jealous of them, at all.  I'm upset because she was invited after 3 months, and I've never been ALLOWED to bring anyone.  I've asked, they've said no... no matter how long of a relationship it had been.

Luckily the drunk lady didn't show up.  It would have been even more of a mess. 

The ham was burnt, the salad was gone by the time it got to me, and there was virtually no turkey... but my Aunt (the host of the gathering... not my mother like most of you have stated) wasn't quite as big of a bitch as usual. 

It infuriates me that my cousin gets the $200+ coach purse I had on my "list" and I get a hat (I can't remember the last time I wore a hat... maybe when I was 12).  It was a sparkly hat, though, so I guess that counts for something. 

Things haven't been anywhere close to fair in my life since I turned 13.  If I wrote a post at length about my life for the past (nearly) 10 years, it would be better understood.  The ONLY place it has EVER been about me since then is within myself, and someone has to give a shit about me... if I didn't, no one would. 






LittleMissModern -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 10:05:17 PM)

quote:



Seriously?? Who are you to say whether she should have accepted the invitation?  You believe it would be unacceptable for her to attend?? 

Jealous much?  At 22 years old you are still way into ME ME ME ME mode.  When you grow up a bit, you maycome to realize that it ain't all about you and what YOU would do.

How about instead of begrudging your brother for what he has, you work on getting what it is you need?  Don't worry about your brother. Worry about you.

The issue is that you want your boyfriend to come to Christmas.  So deal with that the direct and grown up way.  Not with this passive aggressive shit.



It's not that I want my boyfriend to come to Christmas.  He wouldn't have been able to, even if he HAD been invited, as he was with his kids today...  My suggestion to YOU is that you don't try to tell me what I'm thinking, as you're not in my head.

Thanks



DomMeinCT -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 10:16:18 PM)

It's disappointing when immature posts aren't embraced by everyone, eh?
Twenty-two is old enough to take your lumps on an open board like this.



ElectraGlide -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 10:33:34 PM)

I think the Therapy Ferry is on its way here.



CalifChick -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 10:46:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleMissModern
If I wrote a post at length about my life for the past (nearly) 10 years, it would be better understood.



It would most likely very closely resemble the temper tantrums you have displayed in your threads here.


Cali



Termyn8or -> RE: Family (12/25/2008 11:19:15 PM)

Settle down now. Perception is everything sometimes. Never anyone ? I hadn't heard that before, and actually told that ? That adds a bit of a twist. Add to that the fact that I think that at something like this you should be able to bring an SO, even if you met them fucking yesterday. I would simply not go.

"Dear Aunt _______, sorry to inform you that we will not be in attendance at your get-together. Please exclude us from the guest, gift and any other lists and don't figure for us to eat. Thank you for the invitation but I have someone to spend the day with. Sorry to disappoint you. Have a good time with what is left of your family."

Change two letters and whiner becomes winner. If this family is indeed petty as the OP alludes to, perhaps some independence is in order. Plenty of people never see their Parents again once they move out, like people who move to CA for that high paying job. I know a family like that, they do talk on the phone and everything is fine, but sonny boy is not coming home soon. He has a good job, a fine physique and a sea of babes to sow. They haven't seen him in years, but they are on good terms. So if there are differences, what is so wrong about simply not going ?

It might not be practical now, but I would be inclined to go with my SO, and be with their kids, just introduce myself as a friend. What is a friend ? Someone who wants to see you smile sometimes, someone who will help if able, someone you are glad to see. Someone who is glad to see you.

Now let's put some of that same "litmus paper" on family members. Does it turn green for envy or money ? (real litmus paper does not turn green, I was using some sort of creative license here of which I am not sure).

T



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