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chiaThePet -> RE: so, how did YOUR Christmas turn out? (12/26/2008 9:48:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: E2Sweet
quote:
ORIGINAL: chiaThePet
...Santa's still locked in the closet and I've run out of
cookies and milk. Seems without such he's just one
big, fat, angry son of a bitch. ...soooooo any advice
on how to end this peacefully
and still salvage my "naughty but nice" reputation
would be greatly appreciated.
Yes, I've been in a similar situation before (with a certain egg-carrying rabbit)... You're gonna have to do the fat man in... then call a cleaner... Get ahold of me... I know people.
In the spirit of the season, nothing quite so drastic needed implementation.
Though this might explain the nasty disposition of that cat with the bunny
ear headpiece running around the yard every Spring muttering in distain,
"This is the last time I'm doing this ya hear, the last fricken time!"
Speaking of spirits, twas such which led to a joyous ending for all. I got
the dimpled messenger of merriment sufficently snockered with a bevy
of sweet, yet spiked sugar plums. Talk about cheeks like roses and a
nose like a cherry. Seems a little inebriation certainly softens up the jolly
old guy like a bowl full of jelly. Much like the jelly, life-like toys hidden
at the bottom of that sack he flings over his shoulder. What a perv.
I had a quick talk with the reindeer about drinking and driving, adding
a few questions of my own about that pipe of his and the smoke that
encircles his head like a wreath. And I'm sure it's simply innocent habit
that has him laying his finger aside of his nose. "Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow." Ahem. Anywho, seems the glowing red nose of the most
infamous frequent flyer is quite the GPS device. It left narry a care as
the old Nickster dozed, and I pushed and I heaved till up the chimney
he rose. He rolled down the shingles and into the sleigh, landing hard
yet soft, like a full bale of hay.
Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen were busy eating the last of my
english ivy as I hacked into Santa's laptop, doing a little file deleting
and checking off the "a very good boy" box next to my name. Santa
woke for a moment, his eyes how they twinkled, and though I'm not
certain, it appeared that he tinkled. Having no time for diaper play,
or the yellow snow which follows, I gave his team a whistle, and
away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
Though the night air was chilled and the wind howled like a Dom with
his penis caught in a zipper, I swear I heard him exclaim ere he drove
out of sight, "Christmas is what you make it, so do it up right."
Thus, a happy ending as one can see, except for the neighbor lady and
the unfortunate circumstance of some disgruntled elves arriving at the
wrong address. Though amid her shrieks and cries as the night tarried
away, I think I heard, "I like it, I like it, you bad little boys get to stay."
And me, well, anybody got some extra lube? I'll be here in the chimney.
chia* (the pet)
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