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my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 8:38:25 PM

quietshysubnc

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/24/2008
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

first, please understand that i do love my Daddy, with all my heart and soul... BUT i have an issue and although i feel i can talk to Him about anything, i don't know how to tell Him i need Him to be more demanding. In the sense of telling me His needs, i can always assume what He wants, but He never really verbalizes them. How do i approach this without offending Him?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

respectfully,
kimmie

Post #: 1

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 8:41:41 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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kimmie,

I hate to point this out to you but if your Daddy was unhappy, if you were not giving him whjat he WANTED then I am sure you would know.

At this point what you suggest is that you Daddy isn't giving you what you want and that is him to want you to do things. Some Men don't need you to do things to be happy I know many who just want you to be who you are and that is all they need.

So what is the Problem is it that YOU don't think he is giving you enough to do or asking enough from you or do you think He is not interested in getting what he needs from you?

One is you trying to take control the other is you being in a situation that is not under control.

Which one is yours?

Steel

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Post #: 2

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 8:42:08 PM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

He'd be offended to know how you feel? Uh oh..... that's not a very good base for a relationship from what I've read. :(

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Post #: 3

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 8:42:49 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

My experience would be to just politely, honestly, and using positive communication tell Him of your needs.
Good luck,
Kali

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(in reply to quietshysubnc)

Post #: 4

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 8:44:35 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I wish I could help you but I cant help you. My boyfriend/Sir is a great physical top but he does not command me although I wish he would. It seems you can never have everything. I had one who was great in D's but made me feel unsafe in the physical aspects. I guess i made the decisions that being with someone who knew how to keep me safe when engaging in BDSM was more important. But no. No one is going to be perfect.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 12/26/2008 8:46:06 PM >

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Post #: 5

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 8:56:05 PM

quietshysubnc

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/24/2008
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

kimmie,

I hate to point this out to you but if your Daddy was unhappy, if you were not giving him whjat he WANTED then I am sure you would know.

At this point what you suggest is that you Daddy isn't giving you what you want and that is him to want you to do things. Some Men don't need you to do things to be happy I know many who just want you to be who you are and that is all they need.

So what is the Problem is it that YOU don't think he is giving you enough to do or asking enough from you or do you think He is not interested in getting what he needs from you?

One is you trying to take control the other is you being in a situation that is not under control.

Which one is yours?

Steel

i know He is getting what He needs from me, i feel as if He is not asking enough of me... i do see Your point, where You stated that many just want Theirs to be who they are... btw, i honestly never want to be in control, it is not who i am, as i am a true introvert and very shy...

thank You for Your honest reply!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 6

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 9:03:32 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

Maybe he's easily pleased and doesn't need to verbalize his needs because he doesn't need anything.

I suggest you tread carefully here -- if I was content and a girl told me I wasn't demanding enough, it would strike me like she was putting a burden on me to boss her ass around simply because she wanted attention, and that wouldn't sit well with me at all. Instead of asking him to verbalize needs, you could offer to do things like foot rubs, beer fetching, or blowjobs; take initiative rather than putting the onus on him.

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Post #: 7

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 9:15:52 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Yes exactly.

Seriously kimmie, I think one of the things you may want to start incorporating in your life is Unexpected service.

When you are going to be together and he tells you what he expects of you if that is something that he doesn in addition to all that do other things as well with his pleasure in mind.

Prime Example, I may tell andi that I want the toys laid out when I get home as tonight we will be playing. In addition to this she will also shave her pussy her legs and groom herself where is needed. In addition to that when she is done she will go about drawing me a Bath and having is ready for me when I get home weather I am going to get in it or not, every 20 minutes she will check the water temp and drain and refill as is needed for a good temperature. She will then kneel beside the bath and wash my chest and give me the shampoo and Conditioner and such as needed. At these points she is not being a Seductress she is just being of service. I don't ASK for this she just knows it is helpfull and it helps her to fill in the blanks.

What you may want to do is start doing things you KNOW he likes and this way you will remiain more busy and more dedicated to his needs. This way you get what you want without having or trying to control your Daddies actions.

See what I mean?

Steel

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Post #: 8

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/26/2008 9:29:59 PM

SimplyIsaac

Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietshysubnc

first, please understand that i do love my Daddy, with all my heart and soul... BUT i have an issue and although i feel i can talk to Him about anything, i don't know how to tell Him i need Him to be more demanding. In the sense of telling me His needs, i can always assume what He wants, but He never really verbalizes them. How do i approach this without offending Him?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

respectfully,
kimmie

Your "daddy" may not be demanding enough, but you sure are.

Talk straight...plain and simple. If daddy can't take that, hes not a very good daddy now, is he?

(in reply to quietshysubnc)

Post #: 9

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 1:02:40 AM

exile509

Posts: 31
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

the fact that you want to approach him and talk to him is a great start.

doms have to do a lot of "guess work" when it comes to subs. we have to figure out not only what our sub will like, but how far we can go with them. sometimes we take it too slow because we don't want to violate that trust we're working to develope.

if you really want to be subtle about it, go on line and find the stuff that you're into. porn, stories, yadda yadda. then send him links, tell him you were reading/watching it and it turned you on. he'll get the hint.

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

Post #: 10

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 4:13:01 AM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I looked at your profile and you haven't had your profile very long. So, is this a new relationship?
Is it LDR, realtime, online or a mixture. In my limited experience, most quality D/M types tend
to start out slowly as they don't want to scare off or push too fast.
The example you use in your profile is about his needs. Maybe he doesn't verbalize them because you do such a great job of knowing and caring for his needs in advance.There are many ways for one to be demanding. It can be a tone, a look, a command.
As Steel said, doing things out of service as in his example are a great way for one to show your submission and a way of pleasing your D/M.
Would you rather be commanded to shave, draw their bath instead of
knowing and just doing it for him because it would please him?
Some people have fantasies about certain things in BDSM/kink and the difference between that fantasy and the reality of it can be very different.
Communication is the key in any relationship and when you feel like you need something from your
M/D person then it is vital that you are able to talk about. The D/M may or may not decide that
is something they will do but at the very least you need to be able to discuss.

< Message edited by califsue -- 12/27/2008 4:20:36 AM >

(in reply to exile509)

Post #: 11

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 4:21:08 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

when Daddy and i first moved towards this dynamic, i would always ask him - shouldn't i be taking care of your needs? He would reply - but you are ...seeing you happy is what i need.

at first i thought it was very selfish of me for being on the receiving end and not the giving. it took me awhile to get over this as i slowly realized that i was giving Him what He needed. the little things i do and/or accomplish in my life is what makes my Daddy proud to have a daughter like me.

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Post #: 12

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 4:36:10 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

As i have grown as a slave, i have at times felt like there was not enough structure or control... i like to say that the leash feels too slack. Because for me, the tighter control makes me feel safe and secure, i will simply ask Him to 'tug on the leash' a bit, or tighten it. As time has gone on, the control has been added like layers.

Perhaps this is what you mean? That you need to feel as if He had more control over you?

g

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Post #: 13

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 7:38:15 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

be careful what you wish for.

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Post #: 14

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 8:00:45 AM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

Why do i feel like fast-forwarding 6 months from now....new thread, same OP
"HELP!!!! Daddy is suffocating me with all his demands!!!"

Seriously, the pace has to be set by him....and if you force his hand, there may be some repercussions you didn't expect.

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Post #: 15

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 8:41:34 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Well to offer up a saved quote from one of my favorite posters "Bitatruble":
================
"Serve as he requires, not as you believe you 'should', take your cues from him, keep the lines of communication open, don't whine or rant, be invisible in your service, anticipate his needs, learn of him - who he is, what he wants, how he expects things to be - make sure that you can be what he requires because it's 'within' you to be that and not because you have to force yourself to be that, begin to set aside your own expectations as you allow him to color your world with his own palette, keep him entertained and amused but don't forget to laugh yourself, have fun with your slavery, revel in it, enjoy it.
There's something to be said for having joy in your heart and absolutely loving what you are, embracing it and being the best you can be because of it." =========================I have this quote saved and refer back to it often. Thanks Celeste.

(in reply to quietshysubnc)

Post #: 16

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 9:04:43 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Don't say

"A real dominant would use me harder"

But many would love to hear

"Please use me harder"

Some of us are complicated, I love to be demanding but I can only do it with someone who also lets me know, often by preemptive service, that they desire me and what I do to them.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 17

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 9:36:06 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Dammit Michael, you were supposed to say........ "Don't you just hate when dominants won't dominate you the way YOU want!"

I think you need poking with a stick for not posting what I thought you should.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 18

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 11:30:29 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietshysubnc

1.) BUT i have an issue and although i feel i can talk to Him about anything, i don't know how to tell Him i need Him to be more demanding.

2.) In the sense of telling me His needs, i can always assume what He wants, but He never really verbalizes them. How do i approach this without offending Him?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

respectfully,
kimmie

This is a 2 part help question 1. You have done well in claiming the issue as your own. You share with him ~ try something along these lines ~~ "Sir, something is disconcerting to me... I was wondering, could I ask you to be more demanding of me?"My Sir would ask me to be specific in regards to what I am actually requesting. Be prepared.
2. My Sir doesn't verbalize his wants much either. I do not assume what he wants. That might be a bit disrespectful in our relationship.Men generally like to be in their own caves. or on another planet.You are not offending if you politely ask something like ~ "Sir, I have noticed you don't generally share your wants with me. Might I ask is there a reason?" That worked well with my Sir.

(in reply to quietshysubnc)

Post #: 19

RE: my Daddy is not demanding enough - 12/27/2008 1:20:36 PM

quietshysubnc

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/24/2008
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

Why do i feel like fast-forwarding 6 months from now....new thread, same OP
"HELP!!!! Daddy is suffocating me with all his demands!!!"

Seriously, the pace has to be set by him....and if you force his hand, there may be some repercussions you didn't expect.

OK, uh seriously though... no i won't be back here in six months from now posting that he is suffocating me with all His demands.

Although i REALLY appreciate everyone's insight, unless you know me, do not assume you know what i will be saying six months from now...

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 20

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