Dual Personalities

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CatdeMedici -> Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 7:07:39 AM)
When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it?

came4U -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 7:10:57 AM)
All of it.

lronitulstahp -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 7:27:13 AM)
my vanilla side is me.... my submissive side is only in romantic relationships...and only with certain men. For me the D/s stuff comes secondary to who i am with family and friends. Being a submissive doesn't mean i view every aspect of my life from a D/s perspective. i can be a submissive partner to my Sir, but also i am a mother, daughter, sister, professional, friend, and member of society. D/s will only compliment who i am in vanilla life. But D/s cannot define me.

tornaway -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 7:55:51 AM)
Well - due the possiblitiy of being arrested for assault , I don't go around bitch slapping men , or ordering them to their knees ... ( much as I'd like to sometimes ... ) Seriously though - I agree with "Ironitulstahp" , my D/s aspect is merely a part of who I am , and out in the rest of the world other's view it as me being an assertive person . I'm the one who usually says what I think - popular or not . But I always use sensitivity and good timing !

bound4more -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 8:00:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it? Which element gets hidden? Basically any protocol or rule that would make the form of our relationship obvious to those who do not understand it. If i can continue a protocol, without attracting attention, i do. If not it is temporarily set aside.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 8:12:11 AM)
Well, I believe most of my D/s side of me is intertwined into my vanilla side. I am very nurturing, and do many things for people. I am helpful to a fault sometimes, I always try to help. It's my nature to be submissive. I am also easy to get along with, and my job requires me to give direction, and I do that in a nudging sort of way, as opposed to demanding sort of way. So sexual side apart, my personality is very much intertwined into D/s, and many think I am quite dominant. Which I suppose I can be given all those roles I have. BUT the reality is I prefer to be lead by good strong leaders who know what they are doing.

LumusandtheLady -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 8:20:17 AM)
The way My personality is, they would never know "the difference" and very little would shock anyone. Example: a coffee run was done today by some work mates. They asked what I wanted. "A couple of body shots from a midget" didn't faze either one. Both were women, if that's significant. ~ Lumus aka The Mad Hatter

T1981 -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 8:21:35 AM)
For my hubby and I, since our D/s relationship is still fairly in the bedroom, it is mostly all hidden. We do make jokes, such as in the grocery store when I'm nagging at him to hurry up (I HATE grocery shopping. With a passion. If ever wanted to be cruel, he'd make ME do the grocery shopping for a week!) he'll laugh and say "You're heading for a spanking," and I'll respond cheekily "Yeah, yeah, promises promises...." But that's about the extension of it in public, and we NEVER make those jokes in front of his or my family. (They would be most uncomfertable at any glimpse into our sex life) He did recently mention, however, that as we've gotten older, I have gotten more submissive in some rather normal aspects of our relationships, such as descisions about what to eat for dinner and where he wants to go if we're out for a day of shopping. I hadn't even realized it until he pointed it out, but I do defer to him quite regurarly when it comes to those things.

NuevaVida -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 8:55:31 AM)
I'm not "dual" - just a complex human with many facets. I don't hide parts of myself, but I do employ discretion when it comes to what I retain as personal business and what I share. Pretty much everyone who knows me knows I am submissive in relationships, and those who are close enough to know more, know more, whether they're in D/s dynamics or not. Just as there are aspects to my former non-D/s marriage that were personal and I didn't share, there are aspects to my D/s relationships that I keep personal. Then again, I'm not involved in any local scenes at this point. If I were, I wouldn't share that with people who might find play parties and such upsetting. Pretty much anyone who knows me knows I frequent this website and hang out with some "lifestyle" people. If I told them about play parties, they would have to process that and I'm not sure how much I want to lay on someone who might be better off not knowing.

kyraofMists -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 9:03:19 AM)
It isn't about hiding. It is about maintaining appropriate behavior for the situation that I/we are in. He is always boss no matter where we are. My personality does not change but my behaviors do. Knight's Kyra

Lockit -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 9:37:04 AM)
I am who I am and don't hide that. I might not tell people all I do for a varity of different reasons... hell, I don't even tell exactly how I might create one of my crafts, while I do show the craft. I go on a need to know basis, but my personality is the same. I might say I like to be in charge in a relationship, but don't always tell how I am in charge or what things I am in charge of or how I function say in the bedroom... if they see my bedroom they might have a few more clues... but typcially it is pretty mild... like mirrors and such. The real goodies are hidden from view! lol It isn't always my comfort level in sharing something, but their own I am concerned with. It is like a religious belief... I won't push mine and don't want their's pushed on me, but we all might know we have one.

missturbation -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 9:54:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it? My personality doesn't change at all. We don't hide anything per se but there are things we wouldn't do because of public reaction. For example he wouldn't slap me round the face in public, i wouldn't kneel at his feet and eat my dinner out of my doggie bowl in a restaurant.

yourMissTress -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 10:11:23 AM)
I am who I am, all the time. I don't compartmentalize my life or my personality. This is me and though I've changed and grown over the years, I have always been dominant in my relationships and the fundamentals of my personality have been constant. There is no duality in my personality. I choose to behave appropriately within a given situation. I don't go to my grandmother's house with a naked sub on a leash calling me Mistress, but the dynamic remains in tact.

stella41b -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 10:37:17 AM)
I don't compartmentalize myself or my life, I'm just me. Sometimes it freaks the narrow-minded people out but I feel that is good. A good shock every now and again keeps them interested in life and what's going on around them.

RCdc -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 10:48:15 AM)
This is a question asked over and over. There is no conscious hiding but we don't flaunt it either. We just live life. I cannot comprehend why people cannot just live and stop seperating everything instead of being. If you are a woman and a mother and a sister and a computer technician and an artist and you can sing and you are submissive and you are a WoW player and a sadist and a gardener and a jogger and play guitar... all these things are just part of your life - which ones do you flaunt or hide or just do? the.dark.

NuevaVida -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 10:55:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark This is a question asked over and over. There is no conscious hiding but we don't flaunt it either. We just live life. I cannot comprehend why people cannot just live and stop seperating everything instead of being. If you are a woman and a mother and a sister and a computer technician and an artist and you can sing and you are submissive and you are a WoW player and a sadist and a gardener and a jogger and play guitar... all these things are just part of your life - which ones do you flaunt or hide or just do? the.dark. Hey babe :) With me, I had to compartmentalize until I felt comfortable enough in my own skin about who I am. For many years I conducted myself based on what society would think, and on what I had been taught all my life to believe as the right and wrong ways of conducting myself - boy was I misinformed!! But until I could come to personal terms with parts of who I am, I could not share those parts with others. It was a process for me, and one I am glad I went through. I figure we all process things in our own ways, and we all reach that comfort level when it is right for us to do so. I mean seriously, I used to cringe at the thought of my late grandmother staring down at me from above, in shock over what I was doing!! Now I think she'd wink and nod and say "Good for you, honey!" [8D]

RCdc -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 11:08:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Hey babe :) With me, I had to compartmentalize until I felt comfortable enough in my own skin about who I am. For many years I conducted myself based on what society would think, and on what I had been taught all my life to believe as the right and wrong ways of conducting myself - boy was I misinformed!! But until I could come to personal terms with parts of who I am, I could not share those parts with others. It was a process for me, and one I am glad I went through. I figure we all process things in our own ways, and we all reach that comfort level when it is right for us to do so. I mean seriously, I used to cringe at the thought of my late grandmother staring down at me from above, in shock over what I was doing!! Now I think she'd wink and nod and say "Good for you, honey!" [8D] Hello beautiful I hope your holidays are going well. The whole 'understanding yourself' I get. I guess what I don't understand is the question in the OP which we see on the board all the time. And that is as thought just because you participate in BDSM that makes it some sort of hide or flaunt thing. I don't go into my job and tell people I am an only child. I don't feel the need to tell them I am seperated. Or how many aunts I have or that I enjoy rock band. Just as I wouldn't jump to tell anyone I am in a MS relationship. During conversations, someone might mention something that indicates a common theme and that might mean you end up in a conversation about the latest RB downloads or whether you have irish ancestory, or that you tried out that new club out of town. I just don't get why people have to ask the question. the.dark.

RealSub58 -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 11:12:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it? My personality is who I am; with Sir, with family or with friends or with co-workers. Elements of my sexuality may come out in a casual conversation ~ ie: I believe I have said something like ~ "a little discipline spank might help with that habit."

peppermint -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 11:12:55 AM)
We never hide our natural personalities from friends and family. We do not force them to non consentually be a part of or have to observe our dynamic. This means the I don't kneel at his feet while we chat with friends. He doesn't reach over and fondle me whenever he feels the urge. It is not a matter of hiding what we do. It is more a matter of common courtesy toward others.

KnightofMists -> RE: Dual Personalities (12/27/2008 11:21:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists It isn't about hiding. It is about maintaining appropriate behavior for the situation that I/we are in. He is always boss no matter where we are. My personality does not change but my behaviors do. Knight's Kyra It's all about context! and having the appropriate behaviors for the context. The girls don't walk around naked with the young ones in the house.. and I wouldn't say that I am hiding their bodies because of that either. They are who they are... what they do is what I consider appropriate to the context/environment that we are in.

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