Where, why and how do you choose to play?

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Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 9:22:46 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
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From: another planet
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In a recent thread i asked if you played harder in public or private. After a discussion with KoM i have realised that my question was very narrow minded and in his word's 'pointless'. There was an intention behind it but even i can't remember what it was now!

KoM's last post in that thread was this :-

quote:

and this is where we can about learn others and about why people make different choices in what they do in public as compared to private. or if they even play in public or privately. We can learn about different situations that cause people to make different choices. As I listen to some of the responses of Why they play differently.. I am reinforce how important public play is to many. Many people are limited at their private locations of what they can do in their private spaces. Small apartments, Young ones, parents living at home are all significant reasons why people are making different choices. Understanding that public play spaces are important to these individuals might go along way for many in the lifestyle to support these places in some way.. Even if they don't play in public themselves. This of course is just one thing we can take away as we learn about peoples choices to play differently at public events compared to private and I do believe there are other things we can learn that would be a postive things for lifestyle communities as whole and maybe even a few negative things that we might want to try and change.

He got me thinking and i realised that recently two or three clubs in my area have closed down through lack of support. Now for those who are unable to play privately for reasons such as KoM stated above, this is a great loss.

So i thought it might be good to talk about all areas of private play and public play rather than my narrow questioned area and also to talk about things we like / dislike / would like to see change in private club's. Who know's it may help or get more people supporting their local clubs.

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 9:24:15 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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We have been unable to do public play thanks to a lack of clubs and dungeons where we live. :( As for playing at home, which is our only option, really, it generally whenever the mood strikes us and we have the time and energy to do so - which is, lately, quite a bit. :)

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 2

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 10:03:30 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Supporting local play spaces is important. I believe that people need to have somewhere to meet up with others who share their interests. For some it's as simple as knowing there are others who share their interests and socializing. For others it's a place to learn more about WIITWD or share their knowledge and experience with others.

A few years ago I was on the activities committee at the local club. We started a "Hands On Night" which continues to be a quarterly activity. We have a few people who are experienced in several activities (varying the types of play each time) come and set up a space in the dungeon where they can demonstrate for others. Anyone who wants to learn more can watch and ask questions, if they want to try it, we try to provide the opportunity. They can have it done to them or try it on someone else with supervision and the ability to ask questions and learn techniques. We have had complete novices as well as those who have been around a while and just haven't tried a certain activity come and learn and experience and have lots of fun.

I play in private and in public. I am an exhibitionist and I enjoy an audience. I also enjoy the very intimate moments of playing in private. There are several factors involved in where I choose to play and when. The local dungeon is only open on Friday and Saturday nights, and sometimes those nights are designated for special events. That limits when I can play in public, so if I want to play on Wednesday, then I'm playing in private unless I invite others to come and watch. I have several playmates that are terrified to play in public, and unless that fear is conducive to the scene I want to create, we play in private. There are some activities that I cannot do at home because of the space needed or equipment required. And there are some activities that I cannot do at the local dungeon because of the rules, for instance watersports are not allowed.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 3

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 10:27:26 AM

kyraofMists

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~ Using Fast Reply

I think another important aspect of public play is being exposed to different things to do during play. Although playing in public does not guarantee this.

There is play that I have seen play that I call "play by numbers". Once you have watched them play a couple times you can pretty accurately predict what they are going to do, which toy they will pick up, how hard they will hit, etc. They seem to enjoy themselves, but their energy is very flat and they are predictable. In some ways, it is a product of the community they were playing in; the community itself had a glass ceiling of sorts and almost everyone played exactly the same. Different types of play were discouraged and not very welcomed.

One of the things that we love about attending large events is the opportunity to discover new toys/pervertables. Having been to different parties across the US and Canada has helped expand the things we like to do during play. I know we have planted the seed of ideas in others as well, especially with the BBQ brush.

Knight's Kyra

*edited to add.. At the last event I saw something I wanted to add to our toy box. A Jaccard; it looked like a lot of fun.

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 12/27/2008 10:36:27 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 4

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 10:50:10 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

*edited to add.. At the last event I saw something I wanted to add to our toy box. A Jaccard; it looked like a lot of fun.

OOOOh, I like that!! I have a different version of a meat tenderizer in my bag of tricks. I keep it in the freezer. MMMMM so much fun.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 11:04:17 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

He and I belong to our local BDSM club. In fact, that's where we met.

But we don't really play there in the scene sense. He did allow me to have a needle scene with a domme friend of ours, in which He was present and had minimal participation. We do play around a bit at the club because He likes to wander from room to room (there are 7? themed rooms) and torment me in various ways.

We support our club by attending events, donations of money, food and other items, and I help clean, etc... The rent, utilities and upkeep for that building isn't free!

Mostly we go to the parties to socialize with friends in the "lifestyle", and to watch those who do play there. We have some great people who do some really interesting scenes, and we get to see new toys and get new ideas!

Our play time is very sexual and intimate, so that happens in His home, when He is ready for it. I can let Him know if I'm feeling a desire to play, but it's His decision if, when and how that will happen.

Also, we do a great deal of covert play when we are just out and about. To the casual observer, He is simply holding my arm as we stroll through Walmart, but I know He is pinching the living fire out of the tender skin of the underside of my upper arm!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 11:14:50 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

There used to be events in Leicester - where I live - but now there is a munch (which I've yet to make it to through other commitments) and an occasional club night - which is always a lot of fun and I have yet to miss.

I'm moving to Nottingham, and other than a munch, they have nothing, but then, the local council is very against giving licenses to fet places.

I do think it is important to support events in your local scene, as, having run things myself (not just kink) when people don't show up, it is very disheartening and you eventually give up completely.

That said, I go to play clubs *to play*, so, I go with people I know I will play with, or with a bunch of friends and the knowledge that we're going to make our own fun some way we've yet to define. I tend to only go to big clubs in London, and like the fact that the event up in Leicester is small, low key and not at all crowded.

I've mentioned before, I play in public and private, but get to do different things in different settings. Both are good, and I wouldn't want to lose either. I get different things from each, and enjoy both. I can't play at home, for numerous reasons, all of which will change when I move (8 months and counting), I've just got to remember to retain the creativity I have now with regards to finding play spaces, because only playing at home could get dull by comparison.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 7

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 11:14:52 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
So i thought it might be good to talk about all areas of private play and public play rather than my narrow questioned area and also to talk about things we like / dislike / would like to see change in private club's. Who know's it may help or get more people supporting their local clubs.

More closed areas/private rooms. People want to play but aren;t comfortable with public play. Parties are basically shows and people need to realise they are the actors performing for others and not be upset by those that have no desire to act like they do. And those watching need to realise that just like watching a play, you don;t heckle.

And you have to get rid of the primadonnas and know it alls. But that isn;t going to happen.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 8

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 11:32:45 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

More closed areas/private rooms. People want to play but aren;t comfortable with public play.

This is good point and not something easily available for every public play space. I know of place in South Florida that does indeed have a private play space inside of their public dungeon. I thought it was a good idea!.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to RCdc)

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 12:03:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I agree wholeheartedly with Tress. Not supporting public clubs today does have a potential outcome of them not being there to enjoy later. The same goes for many of us in small local groups. Not everyone has the pleasure of living in areas where the scene being active is almost an automatic because of size alone. Granted, not everyone is comfortable playing in public, but that doesn't mean they will always feel that way.

I'm more likely to play with someone in public the first time rather than a public setting. I happen to think it's safer for a female, no matter which side of the kneel they are on. In fact, I have that listed in My profile. If a person isn't willing to play in public, than play between us probably isn't going to happen. I'm certainly not bringing anyone to My home that I haven't already established a good play relationship with before they know where I live. The level of intimacy needed for the things that wouldn't be permitted at a public play space wouldn't be happening with a casual play partner anyway.

_____________________________

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/27/2008 12:10:24 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

These days I will "only" (read, most of the time) play with a new person in public, since public play is one of my requirements. I take long breaks from the public scene, since tax season takes a lot out of me, but I support our few local events whenever I can. I've been in play spaces that had little side rooms that were semi private, so we who enjoy watching could do so---big fun!

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 8:04:32 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

i enjoy learning new things and am gregarious by nature and enjoy meeting new folks. i enjoy going to the club with my M'lady whenever time and schedule permit it has more room and equipment, but in the club time and rules do restrict play so private can be longer and more involved. the club has a social facet that both Mlady and i enjoy very much and there is a energy in the club that you don't get in private play as well as seeing new toys and types of play to try next time.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 12

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 8:15:59 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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Hey kyra, at the rate you're going it won't be long before he just puts you through a damn meat grinder.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 8:59:32 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

We're fortunate to have a quaint little home dungeon and play regularly. The house and private outside pool provide many opportunities. There's very little planning involved and you never know when 'play' will break out. It's not the same as going to a club because at home, it's all about sex, and tends to often get messy.

We love playing at clubs because it provides the opportunity to experience a communal orgasm.

The reason we frequent clubs less frequently lately is that we've had more opportunity to give and go to private home parties where the familiarity of the people allows for foreplay to progress without limitation. Maybe it's my Italian roots, but attending and participating in an 'orgy', Bacchanalia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacchanalia ) is a more appropriate label, is something I love. It's false to assume that partying in Bacchanalia debauchery excludes monogamy. Excluding all but copulation from its definition and you can attend one and leave still being a technical polly 'virgin'.

Clubs are there own worst enemies. Run by people who aren't in it for the bucks and they tend to have trouble with the local bureaucrats wanting to push their moral agenda. The 'business' focused tend to steer away from the very people who would provide their repeat business. Case in point a local club has gone from an 'almost anything goes' to a 'no female nipples' establishment; in exchange for licensing to sell, and profit, from the sale and consumption of alcohol. Suspend your personal morality for a moment regarding the merits or dangers of mixing alcohol with S&M; and consider that the goal for the club was not to serve the local 'community' but to make money. Now it gets more of the 'Stand & Model' attendees and few actual practitioners of 'play'. Oh, and BTW - as long as you are into 'electrical tape nipple play' (females only) you can have a beer in one hand and a ten foot bull-whip in the other. What a wonderful image to get of the 'lifestyle' on your first visit to a 'club'. Should that image be supported?

(in reply to marie2)

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 10:24:15 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I don't enjoy going to public play places or events because I have found that I have nothing in common with the people who go there. They aren't the type of people I would normally hang out with or have as my friends. When I try to talk to them I find I'm just nodding my head most of the time and nursing my water until my partner is ready to leave.

The only reason I would go to one is to use their equipment which we don't have at home.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 10:54:37 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
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I prefer the forest or the house for play...or the place where playing pops up in my mind (which can be anywhere).
I am not into clubs...I don't liek to plan it..or to have a time schedule. Although..if my sub or slave is interested in one of those rental rooms with all the bdsm equipment...I will not be egoistic.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 10:55:23 AM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

I don't like public play. So it's play at home, whenever the mood might strike. (This is of course all past driven since I don't have a resident slave at the moment.) I don't like crowds.

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(in reply to missturbation)

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RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 1:53:22 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

Hey kyra, at the rate you're going it won't be long before he just puts you through a damn meat grinder.

haha... Would that fall under the label of "molding" me as a slave?

I have learned over the last few years, suggest a toy and he will make you regret it. Don't suggest a toy and he will make you regret it. The trick is, 'which will I regret more?' Last Friday I chose the Shinai and my ass is still regretting it *g*

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 18

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 2:27:11 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

Hey kyra, at the rate you're going it won't be long before he just puts you through a damn meat grinder.

haha... Would that fall under the label of "molding" me as a slave?

I have learned over the last few years, suggest a toy and he will make you regret it. Don't suggest a toy and he will make you regret it. The trick is, 'which will I regret more?' Last Friday I chose the Shinai and my ass is still regretting it *g*

Knight's Kyra

That's some racket he's got going on.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: Where, why and how do you choose to play? - 12/28/2008 5:43:05 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

In private only. I like to keep my personal life ...personal.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 20

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