quote:

ORIGINAL: WileyCat

I am so glad I read this thread. I am new, too, but definitely think a D/s relationship takes more out of person in a way than a vanilla relationship, and yet in a way too, depending on the circumstances, it can get so contrived that it doesn't matter. You just go out and find a new one.

quote:

I think a sub would deserve, for her own edification, to know why she was being dismissed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

quote:

I absolutely agree 100%. A D/s relationship is much more intense than a vanilla relationship, so breaking up/being dismissed/setting free (You choose the verbage) is much more painful than any other relationship break up. I have been in both vanilla and D/s and I must say that losing a submissive was one of the hardest things I had gone through in a very long time. The release was not mutual, he had asked for his release. I spent countless nights worrying about him, how he was doing, if he was alright and how could I help him adjust. I didnt stop caring or feeling protective of him simply because he no longer wore my collar. I didnt worry about my nilla break-ups. I could care less if they were ok, mentally, emotionally and physically. I knew that they could take care of themselves. I worried about my released submissive, BECAUSE he is a submissive. I hear my submissive now say all the time he is like a puppy trying to bring a newspaper through the doggy door sideways, he needs instructions. I couldnt imagine leaving him or deserting him. I would feel like I have left a wounded child on the side of the road. I would never feel this way about a vanilla relationship.

Thank you MofG, I needed to hear this from a Domme and I do want to believe it is true.
I think my Ex-Domina struggles even a bit more than she tells me.

*Brightspot

quote:


Nope. Ds relationships are just like vanillas in terms of work and issues

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Maybe it depends on the nature of the D/s relationship. There are many D/s relationships which are mostly vanilla but with kink thrown in for fun. There are D/s relationships where the entire make up of the submissive is to live for her Master and to be pleasing for him, and if released without explanatoin, she (he) feels she has failed completely in who she was meant to be, which can be most devastating.

And there is everything in between.

One can not say "it is the same as vanilla" just like one can not say (as i learned in previous threads) "It is entirely different." It just depends who you talk to and to what degree or level their submission is.

i will bring up here what i brought up in the "other" thread - if our relatonships are the same as vanilla, why are there message boards dedicated entirely to the discussion of "D/s style relationships?"

~ tosses another 2 cents in the bucket ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa




You are preaching to the choir here <s>

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

Maybe im different as well but i find D/s Relationships much harder to get over as there are so many more dynamics involved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subiekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I agree, jane. Releasing, or dismissing a sub, or a sub being discharged from their Dom/Domme is much more difficult. I believe the psychological and emotional ranges experienced in this lifestyle are so much more complex than those in vanilla relationships. Yikes!

i think you're right, and probly becasue for so many our submisison is so core to our being, and brings with it such incredible vulnerability. We can't let this out most of the time in the normal world at least not very far without havign our hearts torn to shreds by people who don't appreciate the fragile and wonderfull thing they play with in a subbs heart.

So when we find a Dom/me or Master who we can feel safe letting this part of ourselves be exposed its much more intense then a normal vinilla relation ship in many ways, becuase it is the chance to trully be who we are without fear.

Dropping a sub or dissmisisng her/him suddenly is a a greater betreyal than a vinilla break up because they are removing the venue the sub has to express her true being. Forcing her to hid befind emotional walls just to survive again.

As always just my opinion

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

Maybe im different as well but i find D/s Relationships much harder to get over as there are so many more dynamics involved.

I must say I find this to be one of the dumber arguments on this board.
"I find d/s relationships to be more intimate than vanilla ones."
"No they're not."
"Yes they are."
"I don't find that to be true."
"Well I do."
"What an arrogant thing to say. Do you think you feel more than other people?"
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... and double blah.
Where there's intensity, need, love, kink, connection and understanding you have quite a powerful coalescence of forces in play. I don't see the controversy in making this point or the sense in aguing about it.
What's next, a veteran of WWII loses a war buddy to cancer and its remarked, "He's lost an irreplaceable friend and part of himself, its just a devasting loss."
"I'm offended by the remark!! Just what do you mean? Do you mean to say the rest of don't experience loss? Do you mean to say that you have to go to war to make close friends...."
As if relationships and people are undifferentiated..... as if certain combinations are not unique ---- as if this argument is worth making.

quote:

Dropping a sub or dissmisisng her/him suddenly

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
And a D/s or M/s relationship is not any more special than a vanilla relationship. It's different; but that doesn't make it any more special.