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RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/27/2008 7:00:45 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Hugggss to the OP and wishes for a speedy recovery. I can look at it from both the D and s side ... and I can understand the problem! From the D side, I am more than ready to care for a sub (took a fem sub into My home for 6 weeks last year post-hysterectomy and she and I were only just starting out) ... I didn't mind it at all. As Lashra and others have said, the important thing is to get them well again so they can resume doing what fulfills both of us! I can be all very practical about it from the D side.

However, from the s side, i have felt the frustrations ... am doing so right now! Standing for over an hour in an airport queue, added to sitting in waiting areas for long hours, sitting in plane seats at an angle sat next to broad-shouldered men, and climbing steps in and out of planes ... collectively screwed my back up (after 3 past whiplash injuries it doesn't take much). So 10 days later i am STILL in a lot of pain with spasming back muscles, meaning Master is still doing the bulk of the work around here. We're trying to sell the house so doing more cleaning than usual, and i simply can't do it. It's frustrating and i hate not being able to help. Using the D arguments above only helps a bit i must admit. But i do know i have to not twist it, and to ask Master for lots of rubs until the pain subsides if i want to be serving Him again soon. So hang in there OP, it will feel like eternity i know, but there IS truth in allowing others the pleasure of being the carer. Also, since you see service as a power base ... maybe it's time to reflect on what submission means in terms of relinquishing power. This might be a tough but necessary lesson for you.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/27/2008 8:07:37 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		First of all let me wish you speedy recovery.

It is hard to let another take care of us, when we get so much pleasure in doing things for them. When married, my husband had to take care of me after they did a biopsy on me to see if i had a form of cancer. Yay test came out negative but left me with a horrible zig zag scar and out of commission for 6 weeks. I was so grateful for all the special care he gave me.

About a half a year after meeting Sir, i had a difficulties resulting from a tooth being pulled. My spending a week with him, turned out to be 3 weeks of him running me back and forth to another dentist to correct the problem. I looked like a chipmunk and was very ill from the infection that ended in my mouth. It wasn't as bad as when I had the biopsy, but still we were new in a relationship and here i was needing him to take care of me. i did it with gratitude as well and acceptance that He wanted to take care of me. He actually enjoyed it.

It is hard though to get past our own crap in our mind. Just enjoy that they are enjoying taking care of you.

oceanwynds

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/27/2008 8:41:55 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		This what I believe,
As sub/slave, when Miss or Sir becomes ill we are there to care for them until their health returns. When a sub/slave becomes ill or health becomes a concern, Miss or Sir cares for the sub/slave also. The result is the strengthening of bonds and loyalty. The relationship alters into a whole new dynamic. A dynamic of dedication that surpasses the shared lifestyle becoming a whole lot more.


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 12:22:26 AM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		Yes I have been in your situation and my daddy had to take care of me from bed baths to bed pans.It actually made our bond stronger but it was a wonderful day when our roles went back to normal.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 5:12:32 AM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae
.

Patience and understanding always helps to speed the healing process. Even when I was not supposed to do anything, I still made the effort. The result was me getting into trouble and told that I should be healing. Most of the time I had to fend for my self, but it was mistress that did care for me and made sure I did as the doctor directed.


that's my issue....you nailed it. considering that thereare things that i alone can do and i alone can do correctly....that things will fall apart if i don't do them bu someone else does....
look sorry no proper punctuation and caps lock too difficult with one hand....
example folding ironing clothes. it's that slave way i do it which has been whittled away.
ok ok i'll get it.... he's told me i will be useless to him him if i remain broken.... a short sharp shock.


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RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 5:37:17 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ouch! Sorry to hear you're in such poor shape. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Yes, there have been times when he's taken care of me. He considers protecting me to be one of his primary responsibilities. So how could I announce that he can't so, especially when it's been most needed? He's enforced me staying in bed not even putting my own eyedrops in after cataract surgery. He's taken over the whole household while I had the flu.

Me being out of the picture allowed him to bond with my teens in a way he couldn't have done if I was still hale and hearty.
Mainly though, the best way you can take care of your responsibilities is by now relinquishing them. It's like oxygen masks on an airplane, if you don't take care of yourself first, you won't be able to help others at all.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 5:53:44 AM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
.
Mainly though, the best way you can take care of your responsibilities is by now relinquishing them.

he's just dressed me.....getting what you said....going with it....either that or tears.
thank you.


< Message edited by SlaveIndigochild -- 12/28/2008 5:54:00 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 9:57:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The perfectionist control freak streak turns even the most well intended slave into a selfish energy draining waste of time.  Stop making it about you and what you can/can't do and start making it about what's best for all in the long term to make everyone a strong active part of this family.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 3:36:12 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The perfectionist control freak streak turns even the most well intended slave into a selfish energy draining waste of time.  Stop making it about you and what you can/can't do and start making it about what's best for all in the long term to make everyone a strong active part of this family.

one day LA, when you are old enough to see outward, life is going to hold a mirror up to you and you are going to actually see how you create the world as a projection of yourself. until then you will remain forever blind and constantly finding fault in others.
however it's a free world and a democracy and therefore you are free to make errors in response to me....as ever.


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 3:40:39 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		*HUGS to Prinny*

You will be fine, dear one, just give yourself a chance, and allow those that love you to show that they care. 

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 4:01:35 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		SlaveIndigochild,
Another thing that I have believed, positive reinforcement speeds the healing process. Negativity prevents such a speedy recovery from occurring.
I do wish you a speedy recovery.


I stopped a while ago from reading to much into LuckyAlbatross' words as they always seem to contain nothing but negativity and being counter-productive. She is as her Master wants her to be. Just wish she would keep her criticisms to her self when her intent is to hurt others.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 4:38:41 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline 		thank you Aszhrae for these words. (There was a point when LA's words were so completely off track a while ago with regard to the death of my Master's father when i vowed i would never respond however i did respond again as you can see). There are probably quite a few who have had temporary periods of 'decommission' because of surgery. Thank god i know i will eventually heal and i will not be a long term 'dead weight.' i've found it very supportive and useful and kind to have the feedback i have and it truly has made me feel better especially with regard to bearing my incapacity with grace.
This isnot because i feel the need to justify myself but the household is very complex here at the moment.....two of my own teens, my middle's runaway girl, my sister who lives nearby has a disability, myself as the main breadwinner in a time of deep economic recession and my Master's grief and the fact that He moved countries to be here.
Attacks still hurt though, even if they are made from a point of ignorance.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 4:41:23 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The perfectionist control freak streak turns even the most well intended slave into a selfish energy draining waste of time.  Stop making it about you and what you can/can't do and start making it about what's best for all in the long term to make everyone a strong active part of this family.

one day LA, when you are old enough to see outward, life is going to hold a mirror up to you and you are going to actually see how you create the world as a projection of yourself. until then you will remain forever blind and constantly finding fault in others.
however it's a free world and a democracy and therefore you are free to make errors in response to me....as ever.



Freakily close to my thoughts though.....lol.

No-one likes being incapacitated when they have responsibilities, for christ's sake.

Its not enjoyable, but you haven't got small children or babies to see to. There's no-one around you that can't see to themselves so why thrash yourself so?

agirl



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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 4:47:23 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

*HUGS to Prinny*

You will be fine, dear one, just give yourself a chance, and allow those that love you to show that they care. 

Thank you LadyHibiscus
Maybe this is another thread but there is one thing i really don't know if i will get back again and that is an enjoyment of pain.
There were two torn ligaments, fused shoulder joint and shredded bicep....(i'm assuming the bicep will re grow and knit). The op should have been done as it was diagnosed in 2005 but i soldiered on....too many responsibilities, too much work etc.
My intake of pain killers was way too high before the op. and the meds were simply taking the edge off the 'bad' pain. i couldn't take any more for risk of addiction and overdose.
However the SLIGHTEST pain play....hair pulling, flick of a whip, broke through the pain killers and simply became intolerable. i have come to dread pain. Sincerely wondering if it will ever be the same again once the bad shoulder pain has gone, i am healed and aok again.


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RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 4:55:31 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl


Freakily close to my thoughts though.....lol.

No-one likes being incapacitated when they have responsibilities, for christ's sake.

Its not enjoyable, but you haven't got small children or babies to see to. There's no-one around you that can't see to themselves so why thrash yourself so?

agirl




No babies but middle son on the ASD spectrum and his girl friend is a runaway....her birth father only 16 when she was born. My job as both therapist and worker with those with learning disabilities makes me sound altruistic but that's not it....there's a fundamental set of responsibilities i have outside and above anything to do with the so-called lifestyle.



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Formerly Prinsexx
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RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 5:27:08 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		SlaveIndigochild,
Years ago, I sustained a similar injury. My right shoulder was torn and my left partially torn, suffered three cracked ribs having a 2x12 fascia board slammed into my torso, winded, sliced across the pads of all eight fingers from the metal I grabbed a hold of, the good thing was that I managed to drop down upon both my feet, the bad thing was that I felt the bones in both of my feet crack and force went up my body, when I leaned back, it was not that far. I realized that I had barely missed dropping down upon a wrought iron fence. You know the kind, the one where the rods poke upwards as points.
Six months I was out of use to my mistress and master. Additional 6 months until my shoulders were healed enough that I could actually be useful again laboring for master.
It is probably the only time that master ever actually cared about my well-being. Mistress was there to change the bandages on my hands after the soakings.
I am and always have been closer to mistress than with master. Since each time I had been injured doing something for master, mistress has been there to nurse me back to health. When mistress is ill, I do the same for her.
Although couples own daughter does not agree with my purpose and choice in lifestyle, she does treat me like her sister and mistress treats me more like her daughter, except of course when I screw up.

This time that your master cares for you, will be bring you much closer than you were before. It is also during this time that you will display your real strength to your master and will become better as a result.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 5:37:43 PM   
newone11


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		I must be a terrible sub.  When I had stomach surgery at the end of November I didn't care much about serving or anything else! :) The only thing I cared about was being left alone and making sure the pain meds were working properly.  However, he did a fantastic job of taking care of me, calling family to let them know how surgery went and holding my hand while I lay in the hospital bed complaining that I wanted to go home.  But by day two I was back to fetching coffee (even though it took an extra long time) because, well, that's my 'job' and I like to take care of my own tasks.  Take care of your self and your health....you'll be back to being you soon enough.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 5:39:20 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl


Freakily close to my thoughts though.....lol.

No-one likes being incapacitated when they have responsibilities, for christ's sake.

Its not enjoyable, but you haven't got small children or babies to see to. There's no-one around you that can't see to themselves so why thrash yourself so?

agirl




No babies but middle son on the ASD spectrum and his girl friend is a runaway....her birth father only 16 when she was born. My job as both therapist and worker with those with learning disabilities makes me sound altruistic but that's not it....there's a fundamental set of responsibilities i have outside and above anything to do with the so-called lifestyle.




And you're responsible for all that because...?

Outside the *lifestyle*,.... the majority of people have things to take care of, even children do.

Duties of study, duties of work to support their studies... duties toward the upkeep of their home and home environment.....nothing terribly altruistic either..but part of BEING part of a shared existence.

When they are ill, they don't have a breast-beating fest about *not being able to serve* or do their part. The dropped reins get picked up by the remaining hearty and hale crew.

It's awkward and tricky when life goes pear-shaped for all involved... but anyhow .........in answer to your question which WAS lifestyle based...... YES, I've been  a little fucked now and then but strangely enough, serving at those times was the last thing on either of our minds...And NO, he's never been fucked enough that he couldn't *control*.

It's an *in it together* thing......... Having tricky situations revolving around young people doesn't throw either of us much. We're both fairly hard-hearted...realistic...perhaps. The last one was over Xmas, barefoot and pissed, came home with us, had crumpets and tea by the fire with us and the kids, and a taxi home afterwards.

If it's nothing to do with *serving*, what has it to DO with serving?

agirl







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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 6:00:42 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl


..And NO, he's never been fucked enough that he couldn't *control*.


agirl


That's made me smile.......

Brit grit....thanks for reminding me. i just lost it for a while maybe, was feeling sorry for myself and overburdened. Had a better day and bought a new Vax at half price....using it with one arm lol.....






< Message edited by SlaveIndigochild -- 12/28/2008 6:05:14 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 6:03:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		LA's words were to the point. You are making this about you. If you weren't then it wouldn't be an issue and you wouldn't have started the thread.

The fact that she doesn't mince words or go there, there doesn't change the essential truth in her posts.  What it does do is show who really wants the honest answers they ask for, and who just want to be given sympathy. There's nothing wrong in asking for sympathy when you need it, but there is a great deal wrong in asking for help with a subject and throwing a tantrum when you don't receive sympathy as a response.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 40
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