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RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 6:04:16 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The perfectionist control freak streak turns even the most well intended slave into a selfish energy draining waste of time. Stop making it about you and what you can/can't do and start making it about what's best for all in the long term to make everyone a strong active part of this family.

I agree with this, as a general statement, having undergone surgery last year and an accident last month which made me totally incapacitated for an extended period. For me, it is HARD to receive help from others, especially when it was to such a level as "Can you hold the portable commode for me while I scoot onto it from the bed, so it doesn't topple over, and then can you empty it and clean it?" I got tired of asking for things - Can I have some water? Can I have my toothbrush, a glass and something to spit in? Can you open the window? Feed the cat? Clean the litter box? Get me more ice packs? Etc.?

It was bad enough being in painful agony. It did no one any good to cry about being needy and not being able to *do* for anyone else (and trust me, I did that). The lesson I learned was I had no choice but to accept it, else I would make everyone around me miserable with my whining about it, too. What was best for all was for me to accept the help, be thankful, let go of how I'm used to having things done (my home was no longer my own lol), do what I could to aid in my healing, and focus on the positive as much as I could.

In the case of the OP, serving by overcoming the angst of not serving - by having a positive attitude, by being grateful, by thinking of creative things you CAN do (may have to change the ways you do them), by knowing the pain is temporary and focusing on healing - will do more good than anything. 6 weeks will go by before you know it. You can retrain your mind to receive and even enjoy "good pain." The drugs will work their way out of your system and you'll be feeling "normal" again in no time. Focus on healing - it's the best thing you can do for yourself and your dom!

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 41

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 6:10:37 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

..And NO, he's never been fucked enough that he couldn't *control*.

agirl

That's made me smile.......

Brit grit....thanks for reminding me. i just lost it for a while maybe, was feeling sorry for myself and overburdened. Had a better day and bought a new Vax at half price....using it with one arm lol.....

Yes, probably brit-grit on both sides. It doesn't buy either of us any *mates* , especially me. He has far more charm.

Hope you recover soon.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 42

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 6:24:58 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

LA's words were to the point. You are making this about you. If you weren't then it wouldn't be an issue and you wouldn't have started the thread.

The fact that she doesn't mince words or go there, there doesn't change the essential truth in her posts. What it does do is show who really wants the honest answers they ask for, and who just want to be given sympathy. There's nothing wrong in asking for sympathy when you need it, but there is a great deal wrong in asking for help with a subject and throwing a tantrum when you don't receive sympathy as a response.

Most people's posts are about themselves are they not?
What motivates my posts are my experiences and not the need for sympathy. What informs me are the contributions and experiences of others.
LA has her sycophants and her fan club. i'm not a member.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 43

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 6:40:36 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild
What informs me are the contributions and experiences of others.

OK. I gave you my experience, which fell in line with the advice LA gave. Did it inform you?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 44

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 7:18:50 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

indigo, it may not seem like it, but you are serving by taking care of yourself and letting others take care of you, and returning to full health as soon and as well as you can.

I agree with Steven, and he said it very well.
YOU are serving your Master, by taking GOOD care of yourself and allowing
yourself to heal so that you will return to optimum health!
I can understand why you feel out of your element, but now is the time to follow
doctor's orders and heal.
I hope you have a speedy recovery.
Peace and Blessings to you!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/28/2008 7:31:36 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 45

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 7:55:07 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

It really depends upon the D or M when their sub/slave has undergone surgery or suffered some sort of injury that prevent them from doing some of their chores.
As I stated, mistress cared for me when I was recovering. Though, master did display some concern, he was more concerned about when I would be available to labor for him again. The concern for my well-being was fleeting because it was what master wanted.
Which is perhaps another reason for my own reluctance of wanting or even considering serving another master, be it single or as a couple.
Had I been in a similar situation as you NeuvaVida, while you were recovering, I would have done my damn best to get out of the relationship after I gained some of my strength back.
I have no want to serve anyone that would not share the same concern for my health as I would for theirs when they are in need of care.
Give nothing, get nothing. That is the point of serving is it not, be it as a submissive or a slave. To care enough for a D or M, that all things needed to stay safe are provided. A sub or slave always puts the needs of their D or M before their own, but to have a D or M that really can not be bothered to help their sub or slave when its needed, that to me is just a D or M not worthy of my respect.
That just annoys me to no end.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 46

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 7:59:57 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

quote:

LA has her sycophants and her fan club. i'm not a member.

Neither am I, SlaveIndigochild.
I have little reason to praise such an individual. I really don't care how long they have been active here in CM. It just astounds me how some having been here so long do not help others more, like some already do. But then again there always has to be a few to instill doubt, cause others to feel miserable, to criticize and to judge. Such behavior just borders on elitism.

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 47

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/28/2008 10:57:18 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

i was in hospital on Christmas Eve. Shoulder surgery: two severely torn ligaments, shredded bicep and a bone spir which meant ball socket needed reshaping. Arm in a sling and immobilized for at least six weeks. Feeling absolute rock bottom because:
1. bad pain has taken away my enjoyment/capacity for good pain
2. cannot serve: new 24/7 and Master is looking after me.....a kind of role reversal
3. withdrawing from anaesthesia and previous amounts of pain killer
4. simply cannot even dress without help
5. household at its most complex with my teenager son's runaway girl moving in and Christmas
My question: for s types: have circumstances ever conspired like this for you so that you have been unable to serve or for the D types: felt unable to 'control' for want of a better word?
PS an infinity of thanks to friends who have sent affection and support. Thank you.
Indi

I hope you have a very quick and full recovery.
I had the same fears about a year ago when i had a hip replacement and i got some very good replies:
stressing over being cared for

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 48

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 3:32:49 AM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild
What informs me are the contributions and experiences of others.

OK. I gave you my experience, which fell in line with the advice LA gave. Did it inform you?

ofcourse your experience informs me.
i'm one for true life stuff, feelings and expression......
i like real stories and things i can empathise with....that's what helps me most, stops me whining, makes me actually see how damn lucky i am....you know the national health here, friends, and a tiresome family to moan about...all a blessing.
so yes, thankyou NuevaVido

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 49

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 4:00:37 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

My question: for s types: have circumstances ever conspired like this for you so that you have been unable to serve or for the D types: felt unable to 'control' for want of a better word?
PS an infinity of thanks to friends who have sent affection and support. Thank you.
Indi

I've been unable to physically take care of normal day to day activities but that doesn't stop other types of service. If my main job is to get well, then I do it the best way I can which is, generally, to follow the doctors orders.. then I take on little side jobs that I can accomplish even if they're from my bed. Maybe it's doing some planning (video tape recorder is quite handy to help with brainstorming for future events) or making phone calls if not prevented by meds and paying the bills via telephone instead of writing out checks to mail. It's also a good time to catch up with extended family or friends you haven't had contact with for a period of time, read up on some of His hobbies to become more knowledge about them, go through the newspaper so you can discuss the days events with him and keep him entertained that way or get on the lap top and see if you can find things that will be of interest to him that you can send to him or even print out to give him a smile.

Don't let the physical limit you, hon .. there is much to offer from a fabulous brain. Get well soon and in the meantime, be creative in your service .. you'll figure it out.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 50

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 4:31:21 AM

nafakcha

Posts: 81
Joined: 12/28/2008
From: Melbourne, FL
Status: offline

I have chronic health problems that sometimes get in the way of my ability to serve or to take care of Him when he is sick. Because I am prone to getting colds, I have to be exceptionally healthy to take care of Him when he isn't feeling well. This is difficult because you want to be there for your Master when He needs you most but you can't. I have to give up that control. At the same time my health problems don't prevent me from serving. Yes, sometimes I have to modify how I serve but I am still able to please Him and give Him what he needs and wants.

I would not overly worry about whether or not you will be able to once again enjoy pain. As a chronic pain patient, I am still able to enjoy the application of pain. It takes a while but your body learns to distinguish the pain your body generates and the pain you are allowing to be inflicted on your body. The inflicted pain overrides the pain signals from your body and has the same affect it used to - sometimes stronger. While it can sound insane to be a masochist and be a pain patient it works. I never adjust any dosages of medicines because of pain that is inflicted on my body and through the process I've also learned better techniques to mentally help control the pain. The most important lesson I've learned is not to let your health problems affect who you are and what you want and need. If serving pleases you then you will find ways to serve. Plus your desire to serve despite your circumstances is a testament of your devotion and desire to please and serve your Master.

_____________________________

"To seek, to strive, to find and not to yield."
~ Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 51

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 4:50:28 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

i am still trying to recover from my 4th arm surgery in 2 years (nothing as serious as what you had). It is not Sirs demands that have me pushing myself, but rather my need to prove to myself that i can still function as before the surgery. It is a case where i am my own worst enemy

_____________________________

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(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 52

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 6:38:16 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I do believe one thing we tend to forget is that we have to take care of our own health and well being first, before we can do for others. When I was being trained in a form of Hawaiian healing, it was told to me that you must first bring in energy to your own body, before you can be a vessel used for healing. I feel that is good advice in all matters. Knowing this and actually following it, can be difficult, since we tend to want to do our part in any type of relationship. No one wants to be a 'burden' to another, but sometimes our bodies are out of balance, and we need to rest and let healing take place. The other person in our relationship is being given an opportunity to give us a special gift; balancing our energy. There is love within that act. This can be said even when one is not in a relationship, but family and/or friends are then given the opportunity to offer their gift of love. Love here is being used in spiritual love. As hard as it is to allow another to give to us this gift, when we resist we are blocking the flow of this spiritual love energy. With all this, one can discover that we actually are serving a higher cause; letting go of controlling our own service to the will of another.

Hope you are feeling better
oceanwynds

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 53

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 7:11:21 AM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

indigo, it may not seem like it, but you are serving by taking care of yourself and letting others take care of you, and returning to full health as soon and as well as you can.

I agree with Steven, and he said it very well.
YOU are serving your Master, by taking GOOD care of yourself and allowing
yourself to heal so that you will return to optimum health!
I can understand why you feel out of your element, but now is the time to follow
doctor's orders and heal.
I hope you have a speedy recovery.
Peace and Blessings to you!

MzMia
peace and blessings back atcha.....it's a weird thing me sitting around looking at old Fred Astaire movies and realising the world does not fall apart if the towels don't get folded in a certain way.....got to laugh......must be an improvement.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 54

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 8:03:33 AM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild

My question: for s types: have circumstances ever conspired like this for you so that you have been unable to serve or for the D types: felt unable to 'control' for want of a better word?
PS an infinity of thanks to friends who have sent affection and support. Thank you.
Indi

I've been unable to physically take care of normal day to day activities but that doesn't stop other types of service. If my main job is to get well, then I do it the best way I can which is, generally, to follow the doctors orders.. then I take on little side jobs that I can accomplish even if they're from my bed. Maybe it's doing some planning (video tape recorder is quite handy to help with brainstorming for future events) or making phone calls if not prevented by meds and paying the bills via telephone instead of writing out checks to mail. It's also a good time to catch up with extended family or friends you haven't had contact with for a period of time, read up on some of His hobbies to become more knowledge about them, go through the newspaper so you can discuss the days events with him and keep him entertained that way or get on the lap top and see if you can find things that will be of interest to him that you can send to him or even print out to give him a smile.

Don't let the physical limit you, hon .. there is much to offer from a fabulous brain. Get well soon and in the meantime, be creative in your service .. you'll figure it out.

That is one most impressive list. Wonderful and if you have indeed served like that when you have been incapacitated it's still remains a great check list. You amaze me.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 55

RE: Unable to serve: surgery - 12/29/2008 8:19:03 AM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

,

quote:

ORIGINAL: nafakcha
As a chronic pain patient, I am still able to enjoy the application of pain. It takes a while but your body learns to distinguish the pain your body generates and the pain you are allowing to be inflicted on your body.

It was like that when we first met.....i have chronic pain from arthritis and this is controlled by medication. The meds i am very subtlely attuned to keeping them to a minimum and withdrawing myself occasionally from those which have an easy tolerance limit....otherwise they simply stop working except in large quantities that make me drowsy and daily life and driving difficult.
But the chronic 'bad' pain got so bad that any amount of medication just took the ede off it and then over the last two months i just became acutely anxious even with the slightest tug on my hair. No amounr of willingness would hold back my tears and distress and pleas not too.
i know His sadism gives Him pleasure so i truly hope once the bad pain has gone that my pleasure will also return.

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to nafakcha)

Post #: 56

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