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CaringandReal -> RE: slaves ability to leave (12/28/2008 12:26:59 PM)
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I was owned for a very long time, over a decade and a half. There was a point, I guess it was year 11 or 12, when I was very unhappy and wanted my freedom. He was not abusive. It was a difficult relationship in a different sense: he was handicapped and ill a lot of the time. There were so many things we could not do, very basic things that most people take for granted. At that time, I felt that I greatly missed a lot of those things and felt that I needed other experiences and the freedom to be with other people. (Did I really? I don't know anymore, in hindsight, my concerns at that time seem so trivial.) What I did was talk to him about it. I couldn't do anything more. And he thought about it a long time, maybe 6-9 months. And I waited and discussed it more with him, and presented my case for independence while he thought. He eventually decided it would be better for me to stay with him. I was very frustrated and ranted a lot. For months afterwards I was unhappy. I thought he'd made a horrible mistake. But I didn't leave on my own. I couldn't. Eventually my frustration over this died down, then left.
Let me repeat something: I experienced no abuse, ever, in that relationship. If anything, he was too kind, too gentle, too caring of the other person. I always wanted him to be stricter with me. He could have been. He'd been that way with others. But he had decided that wouldn't be right for me, and that was that. Just as he decided I should stay with him. And that was that. At that time, I felt no compelling moral obligation to stay. He was in good health at the time this happened. He had a charismatic, outgoing personality, socialized a lot. We knew half a dozen women who would have been willing, eager, overjoyed even, to take my place as his slave. Nor was I financially dependent on him or without job skills or fearful of being resourceless. And this occuring 11-12 years along rather that 1-2 years into the relationship suggests that what was keeping me there wasn't exactly an advanced case of perfect-slave-psychosis, a symptom which tends to leave the body at the same time as the the underlying ailment, deep insecurity, departs. ;)
I can be a pretty intense and pushy person at times when I want something. I'm not only willing to apply pressure, but I know how to. I also know how to weave a very compelling rational argument. Had my owner been a slightly more vanilla man, he probably would have buckled under this mult-faceted attack. As much as I disagree with the Goreans on virtually everything, this quote you presented, "The slave of a Gorean man is only able to walk away if she isn't being adequately mastered. If she is, then it doesn't matter so much whether he is a total ass or an utter saint, a paragon of virtue or a cad. She's owned, she's his, and truly isn't capable of mustering the power to walk" is absolutely true, in my non-Gorean slave experience. Yes, abuse could be one cause of this statement being true. But I sincerely doubt that's what the quote is referring to. If anything, severe, undeserved abuse will make a slave more capable of walking away, not less, because it gives one an excuse, an out, a thread to grasp and follow out of the labyrinth of more compelling forms of control.
MRadme hit on one of these many forms of invisible control. There are many others, of course. But let's talk about just this one for a moment. A dominant, if he knows what he's doing and is working with soemone who genuinely wants to be enslaved knows how to fan and to fulfill an intense need in her for ownership. When that need is being fulfilled, it is very, very hard to walk away from it. You're like an addict getting her fix. And the more experienced and aware you are of this, the more impossible it becomes to walk, because you understand how very hard it will be to find someone capable of actually administering this "fix." Despite superficial evidence to the contrary, such individuals are rather rare.
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